Honey Beaumont

by Sara Bushway

  *****

  Andy was the first to notice him sprinting toward them from the south end of town. She smiled and waved at him with her free hand. Her other hand was on the strap of her pack. Torq looked bored and slightly annoyed at Honey's presence as he drew near.

  "Did you turn in your gun and your badge?" Torq chortled, still rubbing the spot where Andy had elbowed him. "I guess, for you, it would be your thong and your whip! Gah-ha-ha-ha!" He bellowed with laughter only a few seconds longer before Andy's fist found his jaw.

  "Stoppit, Torq! That's not funny!"

  Torq turned away to rub the sting out of his jaw and mumbled to himself.

  "Sorry again," Andy continued. "We're still getting used to the idea of a new teammate. Orpheus, gods rest his soul, was only with us for a few months before he met his untimely demise at the hand of Kage."

  "Kage?" Honey muttered. His eyes grew wide. "Wow, she sounds tough."

  Andy sighed, "He--It--whatever. Suffice to say, they are a wanted criminal, so in capturing them dead or alive--"

  "Dead preferably," Torq interjected.

  Andy shot him a contemptuous look and continued, "We'll be avenging Orpheus and serving justice. It's a win for all parties involved."

  "Except Kage," Honey said, still seeing Kage's face in his mind the moment before he turned and went through the backstage door. He had seemed so normal, just someone catching a show after having a bad day. He had even smiled a little when Honey helped him escape.

  "That's true," Andy said. "There will be hell to pay when Kage is finally caught and brought to justice. Goodness knows how many laws it has broken, how many people it has killed in the fight for--" Andy stopped and looked at Honey's glazed-over stare. "You know what, we can get into that later. I swear I'm not trying to scare you off before we even get started. First thing's first, let's have a chat."

  They found a little bistro and went inside. Andy and Torq sat together on one side of the four-top table across from Honey.

  Andy folded her hands in front of her on the table. "So, tell me about you?"

  "Um...Well," Honey started, "I worked in the pleasure business for as long as I could remember. According to my papers, my mother gave me up immediately after I was born. Most of the paperwork was left blank, so there's no reason why or anything about who she was. Most likely, she was a House worker like me who forgot or couldn't afford to drink blue-root tea to prevent pregnancy. I'd like to think she was top-floor tail and doing well."

  Torq cocked an eyebrow at him. "As opposed to?"

  "Living alone on the streets and giving me up because she couldn't feed herself, let alone a baby," Honey replied. "I've seen a lot of people in need like that where I'm from."

  Andy nodded. "Go on."

  Honey continued, "After I was signed over, I was bought into the pleasure market."

  Andy nodded again, "Common practice since The Great Buyout."

  Torq chuckled, "What a time to live in. Blown up by almost half the world and then bought by the Canadians to save our skin."

  Honey nodded and continued again, "I started my training at a very young age. My buyers saw I had a knack for music and dancing, so they put me in classes to hone those skills, as well as start teach me about--"

  "The business," Andy interrupted. "Right."

  "Once I was trained and old enough for sale, I was bought by Byron Beaumont, a House Master in southern Injiana. I was talented, a bit famous actually because I am one of the few boys in the business. Most boys get sold to private buyers." Andy cringed and motioned for him to continue. "I didn't really specialize, so I served all kinds of clients. Male client, female clients, old, young, sadists, masochists, voyeurs, and all other manner of sexual deviants, but I was good, so I had a lot of repeat business and made good money. I also heard a lot of stories from travelers, including adventurers, about things from all over that world. That's where most of my knowledge comes from because I haven't had any formal schooling. I didn't teach myself how to read or write until quite recently when I was bought by a private buyer for her house--erm, home. But that didn't work out either, so I left and found a new place to live and work, which is where you found me. I was living with a friend from the library and dancing to make some money to pay for my citizenship."

  Andy smiled broadly for the first time during their interview. "Well, the good news is The Adventurer's Guild pays for your citizenship, but it is conditional. If you leave the Adventurer's Guild before you've made that money back in missions, or if you act out and get kicked out, you're illegal again and have to pay it all back."

  Honey grinned, "Well, good thing I'm not planning on any of that." They all shared a laugh.

  "So, let me get this straight," Torq said, "you were born into hookerdom, got bought into house-slavery, and then left to become a stripper?" Andy's eyes burned bright as she elbowed him hard in the ribs.

  Honey contemplated Torq's words carefully and nodded, "Uhh, yeah. That's pretty much what happened--before I met you guys, obviously. But being an adventurer means I can go out there and really help people, not just pleasure them but really make a difference somewhere. I know I'm not exactly qualified, but I can read and write a little. I don't know magic yet, but I can learn."

  Andy put up a hand to stop him. "Don't worry even a little bit about magic. You don't need to have the gift to use potions or certain tools we need on the road. What you will need is some combat training, assuming you haven't been studying dance-fighting or self-defense. We'll also have to keep you abreast of the laws we must abide by as adventurers. We get some leniency on some laws, but we have many others to keep in mind if we don't want to be seen as vigilantes or rebels of some kind."

  Honey nodded earnestly. "That sounds great. I haven't been in combat much, so any training you could provide me would be greatly appreciated.

  Andy nodded again, her smile fading. "I hope you don't think this is an easy job or just a way to get a bed and a meal. This is a very serious job. We help citizens with day-to-day tasks. We help local police apprehend criminals. We even help the Church and State with federal matters like taking out high-priority targets and hostage situations. We do a little bit of everything. Not every day will be a walk in the park. This job takes courage and wisdom to do well. And being an illegal with no background in anything to do with--well, anything that would give you the skills you need for this job, you're going to be watched very closely by our superiors, as will I and Torq for bringing you in. You're going to have to work very hard to earn your place here. This is not for the faint of heart."

  Honey stared past the two, contemplating the gravity of what Andy was saying.

  "Fair enough," he said. "I understand and accept."

  A smile split Andy's face once again, filling her cheeks with color. She thrust her hand forward, and Honey took hold of it.

  "Welcome to the team!"

  Chapter Eighteen

  "Alright then," Andy continued. "Let's go to the Church-and-State building and get you sorted out then. Perhaps it's just as well that you're starting a new life, and we're pretty much going to have to set you up with a new identity."

  Torq nodded in agreement. "Yeah. You can even change that girly name you've got if you want. I think you should."

  Honey shrugged.

  "My name has never bothered me, but I'll think about it on the way there," he said. "Thanks for the suggestion, Torq. Is Torq your real name?"

  "It is now," the big man said with a wink. Honey didn't know exactly how to take that, but he was glad Torq was in good spirits, even after Andy had given him quite a lump on his jaw and, most likely, a bruise on his bellybutton. Andy led the way to the white, stone block that was the Church-and-State Building, with Honey and Torq trailing behind. She pushed through the glass doors and stopped in the middle of the room, looking around at the signage on the walls. The walls were shiny slabs of sickly off-white polished granite. The floors were black slabs speckled with flecks of white, pale blue, and yellow. S
taring into it made Honey feel a little dizzy, as though he was falling through the vastness of space and those tiny flecks of color were distant stars. Torq put a hand on Honey's shoulder to steady him.

  "Easy there, newbie. There's nothing to faint about in here." Just then, a trio of men in black suits and ties walked by in formation and disappeared into a door on the opposite wall. "Ok. Maybe those guys, but we won't be messing with them. We just have to find the registration office for Guild Services."

  "Over there," Andy said, pointing out a door at the back of the room. She led the other two and held the door open for them, waving them inside. "This way. Chop-chop."

  "Chop-chop?" Honey asked as he passed her. "What does that mean?"

  Torq couldn't resist the urge to tease Honey. "No, kid. They have to bob your tail before you can be deemed fit to go adventuring."

  Honey gazed up at Torq wide-eyed. "Tail?"

  "You know," Torq shrugged. "Your front tail." He paused for effect, taking in the shock on Honey's face. "Girls don't have to worry about it, but us guys have to go get chop-chopped to make sure we're not making babies on the road." A sudden thwack on the back of Torq's head sent him stumbling away.

  "He's lying, Honey," Andy said, "and what a terrible lie that was. There are people out there who don't have genitals, and it's not nice to poke fun at them."

  "Ha!" Torq bellowed. "Poke! With wha--Ow!" Andy's hand met the back of his shoulder with a loud thunk.

  Andy sighed, "You have nothing to worry about, Honey. Aside from his crude humor killing the mood, you're at no risk of losing anything but respect for Torq. Come on.

  Andy guided Honey up to a desk, where a young dark-haired man sat, staring straight ahead. She cleared her throat and patted Honey on the arm. "This man needs an Adventuring License. Torq and I will sponsor his induction into the guild--"

  "Does he have his papers?" the man said flatly.

  Honey cleared his throat too, trying to mimic Andy's confidence, and said, "Um, no."

  The man sighed and rolled his eyes. "Very well. I'm obligated to inform you by declining to have your current identification documents shredded by Church-and-State staff, you are therefore at fault if that identity is stolen and used by another person. If it is found that your previous identity is stolen and used by another individual, you can and will be charged with the crime of Identity Graft which is punishable by--"

  "We get it," Torq said. "His papers are gone. He understands. Right, Honey?"

  "Right," Honey said, running his fingers through his messy blonde hair. He wasn't sure about why he was so nervous. The man seemed to imply there would be a problem if anyone stole his citizenship and identification papers, which never existed in the first place. The only papers that applied to him were his Title of Ownership and bill of sale, neither of which were things anyone would want to steal for their own. Still, the idea of being punished for such a crime was daunting. Honey had never been in trouble with the law before. In fact, he had been very careful not to draw legal attention to himself, thanks to Beaumont's paranoia. The man had been so terrified of being charged with selling flesh on the street that his sex-workers weren't allowed to leave the house at all. He had even hired people to put flyers out and about instead of letting the girls do their own advertising like some Houses did.

  "Very well then," the man behind the desk said. He went through several drawers, taking some forms out of this one and some forms out of that, until there was quite a stack of paperwork, placed a pen on top, and held it to Honey. "Here you are. This will get the process started. Be sure to sign and date the bottom of each page and initial where instructed to do so. Also, as far as the name line is concerned on your re-citizenship form, applications can and will be denied on the basis of choosing a lewd or profane name, and you will have to wait thirty days before you can apply again. Do you understand me?"

  "Yes, sir," Honey said with a nod and took the papers from him. "Thank you."

  They turned away and all found seats against the wall, where Honey asked them, "Why would someone take a name that is 'lewd or profane?' People have to call you that for the rest of your life, right?"

  "Right," Andy confirmed, "but some people only think about the short-term effect of it being shocking and funny. I would imagine after ten years of being called 'Fartface' it's not that funny anymore. Plus, it costs a lot of money to change it again once you've already become an adventurer unless you can convince a judge that your life is in danger and that changing your name could save you. Now they've streamlined the process by monitoring the names people are picking for themselves instead of getting hundreds of applications every year. I guess the work wasn't worth the money they were making off of silliness like that. What would you like your name to be?"

  "My name?" Honey asked. "I guess I haven't put much thought into it. As many times as people have poked fun at me for it or said I could pull off something a little more masculine, I've never minded it."

  "But 'the man' gave you that name," Torq argued. "You want to keep the name they slapped on your papers when they turned you into a living sex toy!?"

  "Shh!" Andy hissed, eyeing the man behind the desk, who looked disinterested.

  "Torq's right," she added. "He could have put it a little more gently, but this is your chance to really get out from under them."

  Honey thought about what his new friends had said. Torq had obviously taken the option to change his name, but he wasn't sure about Andy and didn't think it was appropriate to ask.

  That has to be at least as unkind as asking a woman her age or weight, he thought. I could change my name, but why does my name matter? All it would do is erase who I've been and what little I've done. I would be new, but is new somehow better? I would still be me. I would still have been through what I've been through. Wouldn't it be more miraculous, if my story was ever known, that I came from such a low place to become…whatever it is I become? Maybe someone would be inspired by that…by me.

  He sat a few moments longer in silent contemplation. Then the decision was made.

  "No, I'll be keeping my name," he said resolutely. "Sure, I didn't have parents to pick my name, but it is mine, and I intend to keep it."

  Torq stared at him.

  "Really? Even though it's girly?"

  "Even though it's girly," Honey confirmed with a smile.

  Andy sighed, "And, your last name, the one you got from your owner. Wouldn't you like to do away with that?"

  "No," Honey said cheerfully. "It reminds me of where I started and who I eventually need to go back and face. Besides, it’s kind of has a nice ring to it. I can't imagine what I would change it to."

  Andy and Torq shared a look and a shrug.

  "Very well then," Andy said. "I guess that'll make this form easy enough."

  An hour passed while Andy walked Honey through the different forms and what each one meant concerning his new position as an adventurer. There were forms for everything; his name, weapons and armor class, food allergies, and even what should happen to his money and belongings in the event of his untimely death. That last one was a tough one to answer. He didn't have a family of his own, and he didn't have much to inherit if something did happen to him.

  "I guess…Loretta," he said. This made Andy smile.

  "Ohhhh. So, there's a potential 'Mrs. Honey Beaumont?'"

  "Well, no," Honey said. "We've never even been on a date, but she was my best friend. Dane and the boys are already well-off with Anastasia, so it's not like they need any of my money or stuff anyway. I think I would like for her to have it."

  Torq patted him on the shoulder a little harder than Honey would have liked, but his intentions seemed pure.

  "Don't worry. You won't be needing that 'next of kin' stuff. We're not going to let anything happen to you."

  Honey smiled, despite the slight pain in his shoulder.

  "Thanks, Torq."

  "Besides," the man added, "we need someone for basic stuff like carrying bags and keepi
ng an eye out. Plus, it would look really bad if we lost two fellow adventurers in less than a year."

  "And," Andy added, "we're going to teach you everything you need to know about taking care of yourself and working with a team. After you've been adventuring for six months, you'll have the opportunity to put in a request to be put in another group or to start one of your own."

  "Sounds good," Honey said. "Let's power through this paperwork so we can start my training!"

  After the first few pages of the packet, the pages became more like informative pages that needed to be acknowledged than actual forms that needed filling out. Andy had to explain the acknowledgment about how litigation against adventurers was handled and their rights as Adventurers when among citizens, local police, government officials, and so forth. There was quite a hierarchy when it came to such matters, which Andy explained was rarely more complicated than adventurers among citizens. Among citizens, they were in charge. Among police, they were equals; as much as two different agencies working toward the same goal using different tactics could be equal. Government officials and mages rarely stepped into adventuring territory, thanks to the ongoing battles out West and along the border of New Texas. In fact, Torq explained he and Andy had been commissioned to do some tasks for government bodies, so proper rules and regulations didn't need to be followed. Adventurers weren't held to the same standard and could do the dirty work in whatever way was necessary, and that made them an asset to the Provinces.

  Time passed quickly for the group as they went through the packet page by page, but they were all very relieved when he signed and dated the last one.

  Finally, Honey thought as he returned to the desk with his papers in hand. The man behind the desk looked up with that same slightly annoyed stare and took the papers from Honey. Honey started to turn to return to his seat but was halted by the man behind the desk raising a hand. With great speed and dexterity, he had flipped to the page where Honey had declared his name.