And she immediately knew, without having to ask, what he was referring to. She swallowed. “How did you find out?”
“I hardly think that’s the issue here.”
Though her hands were shaking, she managed to slide her key into the lock. “I assume you want to come in and talk about this.”
“I’d say that a conversation is long overdue.”
She dropped her coat and her purse inside the door, conscious of Cam following close on her heels as she made her way into the living room, turning on lights as she went and desperately trying to find the words to explain her deception.
“Did Eli tell you?” she finally asked.
“You know he would never breach doctor-patient confidentiality.”
“Then how—”
“Your test results were misfiled. I might not have realized the error except that I’ve never known a seventy-nine-year-old man’s blood work to reveal HCG.”
“Oh.”
“Now tell me why you didn’t tell me,” he challenged.
“I was going to,” she hedged.
“When?”
“Even before I knew for certain that I was pregnant, I was so excited about the possibility that I wanted to share it with you.”
“When was that?” he demanded to know.
She swallowed. “The day that I first met your ex-wife.”
“That was almost three weeks ago.”
“I know. But the longer she stayed, the more time she spent with you and Maddie, the more I started to doubt our relationship. Which I know doesn’t make any sense,” she admitted, “because I’m the one who said I didn’t want a relationship and that Maddie should spend more time with her mother. But just when I started thinking that maybe we could be a family—you and Maddie and me and the baby—Danica showed up and reminded me that you already had a family.”
“My marriage was never a secret,” he pointed out.
“I know, but it was in the past and your ex-wife was on another continent. And then suddenly she was here and I decided I would rather raise my baby alone than let him know that he was your second choice.”
“Why would you ever think something like that?” he demanded.
“Because I know what it feels like to be the runner-up. The bridesmaid instead of the bride.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I fell in love with you when I was fifteen,” she reminded him. “And during the two years that we were together, you told me you loved me, too. But when you graduated, you claimed that you weren’t ready for a serious relationship, that you needed to concentrate on your studies. So I waited. You went away to college, then to med school, and I waited. Because I loved you. Then I found out that while I was waiting, you had married someone else.”
“Because I was young and stupid and I foolishly thought that marrying someone else—someone who was completely unlike you—would finally help me forget about you.
“But it didn’t work. I never forgot about you, Ashley. And I never stopped loving you. And when I agreed to go along with your plan to have a baby, it was only because I hoped that, by the time you got pregnant, you’d realize we should be together.
“Except that isn’t quite how it happened, is it? As soon as you realized you were pregnant, you cut me out of your life. You never wanted me, you just wanted a baby.”
His tone was so cold, so icily unforgiving, that she shivered. And because she knew that she was solely responsible for his anger, she didn’t dispute his accusation. She didn’t tell him that the truth was, she’d wanted everything.
Even if she hadn’t realized it at the time, she’d wanted him and Maddie and their baby. But to admit that now would give him the power to destroy her pride along with her heart. And her pride was all she had left now.
“Because you were never going to let me be part of your family,” she shot back.
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Every time I tried to include Maddie in our plans, you made other arrangements for her. Apparently I’m good enough to sleep with you, but you don’t want me getting too close to your daughter.”
“Maybe I just needed to know that you wanted to be with me for me, and not because of Maddie.”
“You know me better than that.”
“Apparently I don’t, because I would never have expected you to keep the news of your pregnancy from me.”
“Okay, I should have told you,” she admitted. “Is that what you wanted me to say? Is that why you’re here?”
“It’s a start,” he agreed.
“So where do we go from here? What are we going to do now?”
He didn’t miss a beat. “Now we’re going to get married.”
She stared at him, stunned. “You want to get married?”
“Under the circumstances, it seems like a reasonable solution.”
“Under the circumstances, it’s completely ridiculous.”
His jaw set. “Courts have pretty clear views on parental rights,” he warned. “And I’m not going to let you cut me out of my child’s life.”
She managed to hold back the tears but couldn’t hold back the words that were filled with anguish and torn from her heart. “You already took away my hopes and my dreams once, I’m not going to let you take my baby.”
“Our baby,” he said, but there was no warmth in his tone, only accusation.
She swiped a tear from her cheek. “Why are you doing this?”
“You can ask me that when you were the one who tried to trick me into getting you pregnant?” he asked scornfully.
She swallowed, but the guilt and the regrets stuck in her throat, practically choking her. “But I couldn’t follow through with it.”
“Except that you are pregnant,” he pointed out.
“And I got that way with your consent and cooperation,” she reminded him.
“Then you lied to me, telling me you weren’t pregnant when you were.”
“I didn’t know for sure that I was!”
She was yelling at him. She’d never screamed at anyone before, and she was appalled by her behavior, ashamed of the out-of-control emotions that were churning inside of her.
“Look at us, Cam.” She spoke softly, carefully, now. “We can’t even have a rational conversation about this and you think we should get married?”
He took a step closer and cupped her face in his palms, his thumbs brushing away the tears she didn’t even realize had spilled onto her cheeks. And then his mouth was on hers, and he was kissing her softly, slowly, deeply.
Her eyes drifted shut, her lips parted, her body yielded.
This was crazy. Complete insanity. She knew that, and yet, she couldn’t seem to stop kissing him back.
She’d felt his absence from her life keenly in the past few weeks. And it wasn’t just the physical aspect of their relationship that she missed, although there was no doubt she missed that as her pregnancy hormones seemed to have kicked into high gear, making her ache for him. But she’d missed so much more than that, too. The brief conversations they used to share when he picked Maddie up from school; their late night phone calls. Walks at Eagle Point Park; lazy Saturday mornings; Sunday afternoon matinees. In just a few short months, he’d become an integral part of her life again, and letting him go—even if it had been her decision—had ripped a hole in her heart.
But now he was here, holding on to her as if he never meant to let her go. And she was holding on to him, too.
When he finally eased his lips away from hers, he said, “Yes, I think we should get married.”
“Wow. This is even better than last week’s Desperate Housewives.”
Ashley and Cam both turned to find Paige leaning against the doorjamb.
“I let myself in,” she explained, “because it was apparent that nobody was going to respond to the bell.”
Ashley didn’t know if she was embarrassed to have been part of the scene her cousin walked in on or simply grateful that Paige had walked in. B
ecause without the interruption, Ashley couldn’t be certain she wouldn’t have ended up back in bed with Cam—which is what had started this whole mess in the first place.
“I didn’t think you were coming this weekend,” she said.
“Change of plans.”
“Well, your timing sucks,” Cam told her.
She lifted a brow. “I really didn’t mean to interrupt, but I thought you should know I was here before things moved beyond a PG-13 rating.”
“Always happy to entertain you,” Ashley said dryly.
Her cousin smiled, but Ashley noted the genuine concern and silent questions in her eyes.
“I should go,” Cam said to Ashley, the focused intensity of his gaze warning that they still had a lot of unfinished business. “My mom’s watching Maddie and I’m already later getting home than I told her I would be.”
She nodded and followed him to the door, but it was only after she’d locked up behind him that she realized how much her knees were shaking.
“What was that all about?” Paige asked when she returned to the living room.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” Ashley admitted.
“Okay, let’s start with Cam wanting to marry you.”
She sighed. “Only because I’m pregnant.”
Though Paige raised her eyebrows at that revelation, all she said was, “Knowing how much you’ve always wanted a baby, and how much you’ve always loved Cam, I’m not seeing a downside here.”
“All I wanted was a baby. I didn’t factor a husband anywhere into the equation, and Cam led me to believe that it would be up to me to decide what role—if any—he would play in our baby’s life. And now that I am pregnant, he’s changed his tune. Now it’s all about his rights as the father. I didn’t want a father—I wanted a sperm donor.”
Paige didn’t say anything.
Ashley swiped at more tears that had spilled onto her cheeks. “I can’t believe I’ve made such a mess of everything.”
“You only think it’s a mess because it’s not playing out the way you expected, because you didn’t see that your plan was inherently flawed from the beginning.”
Paige went to the freezer and pulled out a pint of Walton’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. She got two spoons out of the drawer, then put one back when she peeled off the lid and realized there wasn’t very much ice cream left.
Ashley frowned; Paige shrugged.
“I know pregnant women crave ice cream,” she explained. “But sexually deprived women need chocolate. The fact that you are pregnant proves that you are not sexually deprived, ergo the pitiful amount of ice cream left in this container is mine.”
“You can have the ice cream,” Ashley said. “So long as you explain why you didn’t warn me that this could happen.”
Her cousin dipped her spoon into the ice cream. “Because you would have used it as an excuse to end your relationship before it had even begun, before you accepted that you never stopped loving Cam.”
“Right now, I hate Cam.”
“Love—hate.” She licked the spoon. “Fine line.”
Ashley shook her head. “I really hate him.”
“You should have seen things from where I was standing. One minute you’re spitting mad at each other, the next you’re locked together in a steamy embrace.” She fanned her face with her hand. “It was like watching a really hot movie.”
“You’re warped.”
Her cousin grinned. “Seriously, Ash, that kind of passion is…inspiring. And all too rare.”
“I don’t want that kind of passion,” Ashley lied. “And I sure as heck don’t want Cam Turcotte barging into my life and telling me what to do.”
“I could put up with some barging if it came with that kind of kissing.”
“Then why don’t you marry Cam?”
“He didn’t ask me.”
“And he only asked me because I’m going to have his baby.”
“Congratulations, by the way.”
Ashley allowed herself a smile. “Thanks.”
“So when is due-day?”
“July twenty-ninth.”
“Your mother will be happy.”
“Why?” Ashley asked cautiously.
“Because she’ll have a lot more time to plan your wedding than she had for Megan’s.”
“There’s not going to be a wedding.”
“That’s not the impression I got from Cam.”
“Well, Cam’s already had one wedding, so that should be enough for him.”
“Is that what this is really about? Are you still determined to punish him for finding someone else?”
“Do you really think I’m that petty?”
“I don’t think you’re petty at all,” her cousin assured her. “But I also don’t think you’ve ever been able to think clearly where Cam Turcotte is concerned.”
“Well, forgive me for wanting to get married for reasons other than the fact that I’m pregnant.”
“How about the fact that you love him?”
“I loved him once before, too,” she admitted. “And he broke my heart when he left me.”
And what she’d felt for Cam then was barely a shadow of what she felt now. Getting to know the man he’d become had forced her to let go of her infatuation with the boy he’d been and, in the process, her feelings had begun to change. The attraction was sharper, the chemistry stronger, the affection deeper.
And it worried her, that if she could love him so much more, he would have the power to hurt her even more. So she refused to give him that power.
Because Cam had moved away from home when he was nineteen, he’d learned at an early age to make his own choices and to live with the consequences—both good and bad—of those choices. Since coming home, he’d begun to appreciate the wisdom and experience his parents had to offer, and he’d found himself turning to them when he had questions or concerns about parenting or sometimes just to get a second opinion about something.
And that was why he went to his father’s workshop Saturday morning.
Rob Turcotte was a finish carpenter by trade and by choice, and he’d taught his son that a job didn’t feel like work if you loved the career you chose. It was a philosophy that was reflected in everything he did.
Cam mentally tried to assemble the various pieces of wood scattered on the table into some recognizable shape, then finally gave up and asked, “What are you making?”
“A cradle.”
For half a second, Cam wondered if his father already knew what he’d come to talk to him about. Then he remembered his sister was expecting her first child—an exciting announcement but one that had been relegated to the back of his mind because he had more pressing concerns.
“For Sherry’s baby?”
His father nodded. “Just like I made one for Maddie.”
“She uses it for her dolls,” Cam said, then wondered if he should have admitted that he let his daughter play with such a painstakingly crafted heirloom.
But his father, ever practical, said, “No reason to tuck it away in an attic to gather dust.”
Cam watched him work for several minutes, checking edges, sanding rough spots. “It seems like a lot of work for a piece of furniture that’s used for such a short time.”
“It’s a labor of love. And who knows? Maybe you’ll have use for Maddie’s cradle again someday.”
“Maybe sooner than you think,” Cam told him. “Ashley’s pregnant.”
Rob carefully set a delicate spindle down on the workbench before he met his son’s gaze. “Is this what you wanted?”
Cam sighed. “It’s what we both wanted. But now we can’t seem to agree on where to go from here.”
His father picked up a small sanding block and carefully began smoothing the rough edge of the wood.
“I want to marry her,” Cam told him.
Rob nodded. “Seems reasonable.”
“Ashley doesn’t think so,” he grumbled.
“She doesn’
t strike me as an unreasonable woman.”
“About this, she’s being completely unreasonable.”
He paced the workshop while his dad sanded, and told him everything about their agreement.
“So you agreed, from the beginning, that you would make no claims with respect to the baby?” Rob asked.
Cam frowned. “I had to. It was the only way Ashley would include me in her plans.”
“And now you want to change those plans?”
“She’s carrying my child.”
“I got that,” his dad said. “But the fact remains that you set the terms and now you’re pushing her to change them.”
“Because I love her!”
His father lifted his brows. “Have you said those words to Ashley? And hopefully not shouted them at her.”
Cam dropped his head into his hands. “I’ve really messed this up, haven’t I?”
“It certainly seems that way.”
“You know, that wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I came in here for some fatherly advice.”
His dad’s only response was to ask, “When did you realize you were in love with Ashley?”
“When I saw her at the reunion,” Cam admitted, though it had taken a long time after before he’d admitted as much to himself.
“So when you found out that Ashley wanted to have a baby, why didn’t you just say, hey, that’s convenient, because I’m in love with you anyway so we should get married and have a family together?”
“Because she would have thought I was a lunatic.”
“Because she wasn’t ready to accept your feelings?”
He nodded.
“And you knew that if you pushed her for too much too soon….” his dad prompted.
“I would push her away.” Cam sighed as the point his father was trying to make finally became clear. “And that’s what I’m doing now.”
“Figured a man who graduated summa cum laude from medical school had to have at least half a brain,” his father said.
“So what am I supposed to do—just back off and let her have this baby on her own?”
The Pregnancy Plan Page 17