by J Rose
“Thank you,” I told him quietly to which he offered a smile and I forced one of my own.
The King like everyone else was in a formal suit. His hazel colored eyes reminded me of Parker’s and I found myself thinking of the phrase “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”
“I’d like to thank everyone for being here,” King Thomas spoke, his voice passive but at the same time, it held an air of authority.
“This will be a new Era for Archer. In honor of that, I’d like to make a toast to new beginnings for both my sons,” King Thomas spoke.
A New Era? ... Was that what this was?… It was certainly a big change for both Parker and I. It represented being trapped with someone we did not love nor cared for. Had our lives been different, then maybe the end result would be too. Turning to Crystal and Spencer who were smiling and gazing at each other lovingly I could help but feel jealousy deep inside my heart.
I’d always longed to have someone love me as much as Crystal was loved. But when I looked at Parker, I couldn’t see that in his eyes. I knew he’d never look at me the way Spencer was looking at Crystal. But just like Crystal was looking at Spencer I found it difficult to look at Parker or anyone for that matter in that same way, love. Love was much more to me than being mates. It was about looking at someone, knowing how they are and accepting them completely with what they were. All the flaws, the imperfections, every single thing that made the person who they were. But Parker? Parker had seen all that I’d been as I had seen him. In that moment, I knew we could never fully accept each other or if we ever could.
“Cheers!” King Thomas spoke, raising his champagne glass up and breaking my train of thought. Forcing a smile, I had no choice but to raise my own glass even if I did not take a sip. The feeling of dread continued to settle in my chest along with what I knew would be my demise.
“Cheers to that,” I thought to myself.
#
By the time night had come, and the guest were long gone leaving Parker, King Thomas, Crystal, Spencer and I to remain in the large living room. I could feel my heart racing faster and faster knowing what was to come next. How would I face him? What would I say to him?
“You two might want to catch up now. With everything that’s gone on today, there’s hardly been a chance for you two to talk.” Hearing those words from King Thomas only made my heart race. This had been what I had been dreading since arriving.
“Goodnight. We’ll see you tomorrow,” Crystal spoke up, hugging me and leaving with Spencer. I couldn’t understand it. The way Crystal behaved so relaxed almost as if she had forgotten what happened in the past. It was almost like the moment I left was the moment everything was forgotten and part of me felt hurt and betrayed.
We were finally alone and all I could do was look at the ground. It was almost like being in that hallway again afraid to look at anyone. How much smaller could I feel at that moment? The more I thought about it the more I wanted to run. I knew what would happen next. He would scream at me. He would tell me how worthless I was. How much he hated me. Would he hit me? Would he treat me the same way my own mother was treated?
“You can put it down.” Looking up at him I wasn’t sure as to what he was referring to his voice sounding soft and gentle. Something that felt strange to me coming from him. Reaching his hand out to me I could feel my heartbeat in my ears and I felt fear. It was only when his hand reached the glass of champagne I had forgotten I’d been holding so tightly that part of me felt relief. He took hold of the glass and I felt myself let go of it only for our hands to brush against one another. It was like feeling tingles all over my body a single shock running through my veins and directly to my heart.
My physical reaction triggered a gasp from my lips. How could this be? How could one single touch cause this? He’d never laid a hand on me, not since the day he carried me out of that burning place I called home. Had my reaction been the same?… I did not know. I’d been far too afraid of what would happen after to even acknowledge anything else that happened that day.
But I was looking at him now and he was looking back at me. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t looking at me with hate. Why his gaze seemed to flicker with so many emotions I could not describe. Finally, breaking our gazes he set the glass down and I found myself looking down at the ground.
“Lyric I.” Turning my gaze back up to him I tried not to show my fear.
“What do you want from me?” I wanted to ask him so desperately but I could not seem to find my voice either. I saw something flicker in his eyes before quickly disappearing just as he spoke.
“Our room,” He says.
Our room? It hadn’t dawned on me until that moment that we would be sharing a bed together. The fear of knowing this only caused my own insecurities to rise. I was not ready for anything. Was this how he would show how much he hated me?
“We should go upstairs,” He says before he begins to head down the hall and though I’m afraid I know I have to follow him. Once again I have no choice as to what my life should be or what direction it will take. My heart drums in my ears and I can feel panic settle in my chest as we head up the stairs and down several confusing halls. My heart stops only for a minute only to continuously pound against my chest in panic when we reach a single room at the end of the hall.
#
The room is exactly what I expected a royal bedroom to look like. A large bed that seemed to run for miles. A beautiful view of the garden from out the window. The curtains were of the softest earth brown I had ever seen. The air inside the room a soft peaceful crisp summer night glow that felt relaxing but at the same time made me feel out of place. I was a duck out of water here and all I could do was stand awkwardly next to the bed where my suitcase had already been laid out. With each moment of silence that passed the tension and panic inside my own heart increased.
“I won’t stay here if you don’t want me to. I understand,” He says, breaking the silence with his words. Turning to him his eyes showed sincerity and yet I could not understand it. Why was he saying this to me? Was this a trick? Or had Parker Archer changed like Crystal had said?
“Don’t fool yourself Lyric. People don’t change. Especially wolves,” I thought to myself, thinking back to all those years of torture my father had caused.
It was clear to me what the laws of the Nova were and what those laws stated. Even if I wanted nothing to do with this man and even if I refused to share a bed with him. It was something I could not decide.
“It’s alright,” I heard myself say before looking away from Parker unable to face him anymore, my eyes landed on the piano that was across the room. It was like magic. Glistening and calling my name. Being filled with pain and so much agony through the years my only release aside from writing had been the piano. It was the only way I was able to convey freely what I was feeling.
“Music connects your soul, your heart, and your thoughts. Pulling all emotions to your fingertips and flowing out in harmony,” I heard Andrew say, as I tinkered with the piano keys softly. The beautiful sound of each key sounding off in my ears and reaching my heart and my soul like a breath of fresh air I had been longing for.
“Crystal says you like to play,” Parker spoke, breaking me out of my trance.
“Crystal?” I thought to myself wondering why this man had talked to my friend about me. Looking at him the expression in his eyes was incomprehensible I couldn’t understand him.
Why had he brought a piano up to his room just for me? Though so many questions ran in my head I found myself smiling at him in gratitude for the smallest amount of kindness. At least some part of myself would be able to find joy here even with this piano.
“Thank you,” I whispered to him.
“I didn’t do anything it was all Crystal. She knows you better than anyone,” Parker says, and once again I feel small again.
Was this his way of letting me know he didn’t care? Was I so unimportant to him that he did not care nor would he ever care ab
out me?
“You must be tired. You can use the shower I’ll just use the one down the hall,” He says, once again breaking my train of thought. I don’t have time to say anything other than nod and just like that, he’s out the door leaving me alone in my golden cage. Sighing I walk back toward my suitcase that’s laid on the bed and take out my soft pink pajamas. Sitting down on the bed I clutch them tightly feeling my hands shaking but I refuse to cry. Not now, not when he could come back at any second and speak the vile words I knew were coming out of his mouth sooner or later. Hate. With that I felt myself shaking with sadness that I could not comprehend and a weakness I could not shake.
Wanting and needing strength I set my clothes down in my lap before rummaging through my belongings and finding that anonymous letter. Clutching it in my hands tightly I wished that it was him instead of Parker. That somehow the he that had written this letter was my soulmate. Only then would I feel loved instead of insecurity.
“You have what you have, deal with it,” I say to myself, hiding the letter in my journal once more and heading to the bathroom to shower. Letting the hot steam consume the bathroom as I undress I sigh when the warmth of the water hits my body. Warmth. Would this be the only time I feel warmth? Would I be returned to the cold left to die of sadness once more?
“You start with nothing you end with nothing.”
Before long I can feel the tears in my eyes as my body begins to shake and though I don’t want to cry I know I have to. All I can do is stand there feeling broken once more while tears run down my face. Covering my mouth with my hand to stop the sobs from being heard.
“Please don’t let him hurt me. Please,” My heart screams, though I know no one can hear me, part of me hopes that someone will. I hope Parker will hear me and let me go because I know the more time I spend in Archer the more I’ll break.
By the time I’ve calmed myself the water has gone cold. I am no longer shaking from the fear but the ice cold water that hits my body, that has once again gone numb. Getting out of the shower wrapped in nothing but a towel I gaze at my reflection in the mirror and cringe.
“You’ve worked so hard to hide your pain and in one day he destroys all that once again. Why is it that he can look past all of it?" With a single look, Parker Archer could easily destroy you,” I think to myself, looking at my right shoulder. Once again I’m reminded of my past in Archer.
That one single burn on my right shoulder reminded me every single day that my nightmare had come to life. How worthless, fragile and unworthy of anything I had been back then. How unworthy of anything I still was. I’d fooled myself into believing things would get better, that things would change. However, the cruelty of fate had once again put me back in this place and shifted me back to how things originally were. I knew thinking like this again would only cause me pain and suffering but Archer was a bad place for me.
“They're wrong about you. Don’t let them win,” I told myself. Wiping a few stray tears away from my face and trying to ignore the bad voices in my head as I got ready for bed.
#
Once I was out of the bathroom and back in the empty room, I felt at peace to know Parker was not there. I didn’t know if he would come back or not but I tried not to dwell on it too much. I wasn't sure how muh more my mind could take. The day had been physically and emotionally draining for me and I just wanted a moment of peace. Getting into bed I turned off the lamp light on the nightstand and tried to sleep, but the more I tried the less my mind seemed to let me. My insecurities seemed to be louder than my own voice. Closing my eyes, I tried to relax myself and to sleep only to hear the screeching of the room door opening.
“Parker.” I thought to myself, as footsteps approached the bed and my heart began to race.
This was it. The moment I was dreading. Was he going to kill me? So many thoughts were running through my head and yet my body seemed to lay frozen. Feeling a hand on my cheek I felt a small shock and my body seemed to relax. Why was this familiar? Why did this feel like Déjà Vu?
“I’m sorry,” Parker spoke his voice soft.
“I know I have a lot to make up for. And I’m a coward because I don’t have the courage to say it to you yet. But I promise I’ll make things better,” He whispers before he grows silent once more and I feel soft lips press against my forehead. Just like that he leaves, closing the door behind him.
I don’t move until I know he’s gone and all I can do is sit up in confusion. So many things seemed to resonate in my mind. Was he sorry? A coward? Would he make it up to me? There were so many things that confused me so many things I wondered about but only one question seemed to sum everything up.
Was this really Parker Archer?
CHAPTER 8:
INSEQURITIES
(Lyric)
The light of the morning hit my face like a soft warm blanket. The bed. The sheets. Everything about it even the soft scent of something I could only describe as home pulled me in further into comfort. There was a sense of peace if only for a second where I could breathe easy. Without any worries in the world. Without a care as to where I was. Who I was with. Just like a beautiful rainbow after a storm appears and vanishes. In that same way, everything comes back. The Previous day, Crystal, Spencer, Archer, and Parker.
Everything about yesterday floods back like a dam that has just been broken letting the water flood through for miles and miles. My day with him, Parker. The distance... the cold... my insecurities... his rejection. Everything is so clear in my head, and then, it all goes back to the previous moments before I fell into dark sleep.
“I’m sorry.” Those words. His words still lingered in my head. Echoing out through an empty hallway and sounding off, loud and clear. I couldn’t understand why he was sorry. Sorry for what? That I was his mate? That he was mine? Sorry for what?
The Parker that I knew. The Parker that I had feared not for what he said, but for what he didn’t, would never say sorry. Not to someone like me. Someone who he’d long deemed insignificant. A bug to be squashed. That’s what I had been in his eyes and in everyone else’s eyes. Why him? Why now? So many questions lingered in my head and yet as time passed instead of them being answered more questions seemed to pop into my head.
“Lyric? Are you awake?” Crystal called out before opening the room door. She offers a smile as she stands at the door with a tray of warm food.
“Breakfast?” She questioned and though I wasn’t hungry all I could do was offer her a smile before tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
“How did you sleep?” She asks, sitting down on the bed with the tray and setting it on my lap. In front of me, there are a few pieces of toast and cream cheese. Along with a side of juice and fresh strawberries.
“How was your night?” She asks again, and it dawns on me then that I didn’t have a nightmare. There were no nightmare about my father, no run in the woods, no gripping horrors of my last night in that hell house.
“It was fine,” I finally tell her, before looking back down at my plate. She offers me a smile and nods.
“That’s good. I’m glad you settled in comfortably,” She tells me, her eyes show content before speaking once more.
“Eat. We won’t be here for long Lyric,” Crystal says.
“What do you mean?” I asked my heartbeat increases and sends me into a mode of panic. Was he sending me away already? Had our small interaction the previous night been enough for him to realize how wrong this was.
Although I wanted nothing more than to go back home, I knew that wouldn’t be possible. Not by Nova laws. Still, Parker was royalty and there were other ways to get rid of someone. What would he do to me? Where would he send me? The irony of the entire situation would have been laughable had I not been so afraid. The man who did not want me, and that I too did not want, now had my fate in his hands.
“It’s nothing, don’t look so afraid,” Crystal says gently her blue eyes softening when she reaches for my hand to hold in hers.
�
�I just meant that we’re going to pick out bridesmaid dresses,” She says gently. Taking in her words I try to relax my racing heart and she seemed to understand because she throws me a look of pity before speaking.
“Lyric,” She says gently.
“I know that you’re afraid. And I know that you’re unsure of why you’re here with Parker,” She adds silently, his name lingers in the air for a few seconds and further twists the knot at the pit of my stomach.
“But trust me when I say he’s changed. He’s not the same guy you met five years ago. He’s different in a good way. That guy that you met a long time ago doesn’t exist anymore. I don’t want you to think I’m saying this just because I’m with Spencer. Or because I want to make you feel better. I’ve seen it. For the past few years. He doesn’t act the same way he used to. He’s not as cold as before or distant. He’s good different,” Crystal says. Looking back at her I don’t know what to say. What can I say to Crystal at this point? There's nothing I can tell Crystal now about Parker, not when my mind is a jumbled mess. Many questions linger in my mind that is trying to find words through my confusing muddled brain.
“Why? What changed?” I ask softly.
For a moment she’s silent and her eyes soften as she looks at me. Opening her mouth to answer she doesn’t get a chance to say anything because the door of the room opens once more and Spencer is then standing there.
“Sorry but the car is waiting to drive you to the boutique,” Spencer says to Crystal, who offers him a bright smile and nods.
“Give us a second will you,” She says to Spencer whose eyes soften. It's easy to see that Spencer is hung on Crystal’s every word. A feeling that is mutual and can be seen with the way they look at one another. There were no romantic words exchanged, just his voice and his eyes looked at her adoringly. Was that what a true connection was like? No words needed just looks of adoration and love. Was that what being in sync with one another truly was?