by J Rose
“I’ll see you later,” Spencer tells Crystal, closing the door again with a soft click.
“You really love him,” I say to her, and she turns to look at me again her eyes almost sparkling as she nods.
“With all my heart,” She says, her words sounding natural as she speaks of it, Love.
“Come on. Eat. We need to be downstairs in a few minutes. So come on. I’ll start the bath while you eat," Crystal says smiling, before heading toward the bathroom.
“Right,” I think to myself with a sigh. Wondering what a day of confusion would bring to me.
#
By the time I’ve gotten ready, Parker is standing in the room. I find myself stuck in my spot, just outside the bathroom door. He doesn't seem to notice I've walked into the room. His back is to me but even so, I can't seem to move. I don’t know what to say. I don't know how to approach him. Instead, I simply stand where I am pathetically waiting for Parker to notice I’m in the room. It doesn’t take long for him to turn and when he does, he offers me a smile.
“Sorry. How long have you been standing there?” He questions.
“Not long,” I whisper, clutching the side of my soft blue cardigan.
“Crystal wanted me to check on you,” He says, the thick uncomfortable silence between us only increasing with each minute we stood alone in the room.
“I. I just came to get a few things out of my room. But I’ll be out of here quick,” He says, walking over to the large desk across from where the piano is. He opens the top drawer and pulls out a large sketchbook.
“It’s fine,” I manage to say, and all he does is offer me an uncomfortable smile that I return with just the same if not more uncomfortable unease. Parker tries to leave after heading toward the door but hesitates as his hand grabs the door knob and instead turns to look at me.
“I. We. I hope you don’t mind but Spencer wants to tag along with you and Crystal for the day and asked me to come along,” he says. His words make my body tense and my chest tightens.
My lungs feel without air and all I can do is stand there, silently waiting for air to come to me. For a second, there is silence and I can’t seem to maintain my composure and neither can he because. His gaze briefly shifts to the ground before looking back up at me again.
“It’s fine,” I manage to say, and mentally I hit myself for that being my only answer to him since arriving. More so when I knew that it was not fine. And I did not feel okay.
“Oh. Okay then,” He says quietly, exiting the room and leaving me alone.
“It’s fine,” I say to myself once more, feeling like an idiot for not speaking up and feeling like I never could express my opinion to this man. Heading towards the bed I sit there quietly, in silence. I know that what I need now more than courage it's willpower. I need the strength to lie and put on a charade. This thought in itself sickens me mainly because of my past.
“I can do this. I’ve done it before,” I say to myself, though back then faking was like eating and sleeping. Right now, faking seemed to be anything but that. It felt emotionally draining to pretend when I myself did not know what I was feeling at the moment. How could I hide the one emotion I could not figure out? How could I hide myself from him and his thoughts when I no longer knew who he was or what he was thinking?
“Courage,” I thought to myself, standing up and mustering up the little strength I did have in order to head downstairs.
From a distance, I could hear Crystal and Spencer speaking. Their laughter echoed out through the house. But there were so many stairs, so many hallways and all of them were so confusing. I hadn’t paid much attention the previous night as to how I had gotten to my room. My thoughts had been far too occupied with the occurring events of Parker to think of anything else. All I had done was mindlessly follow him without a glance as to what my surroundings were. It seemed like the further in I went in. The farther I got from voices. The more stairs I went down or up the further into the house I went. Each turn and each step I took seemed like a maze. Finally, I managed to get to the end of the empty hall which held only a single portrait.
She was in an elegant red dress. Her fiery red hair was made into an elegant bun. Her cat like emerald eyes gazed deeply back at you piercing through your soul. Spencer had inherited her eyes, but Parker’s penetrating intense gaze belonged to her. She wore a beautiful pearl necklace and pearl earrings. All it took was a single glance, and you knew how educated, how refined, and how beautiful this woman was. And yet, the expression on her face gave away only one thing. She was unhappy.
“She’s beautiful isn’t she?”
“But unhappy,” I heard myself say, only to turn around and see King Thomas.
“My late wife,” King Thomas says, and I feel my cheeks tint with embarrassment because of my slip up.
“Sorry,” I say awkwardly, though he simply smiles and shakes his head.
“It is alright. It is the truth. She was not happy here,” King Thomas says.
“Even with the children. She always was so unhappy. It is the fact we have to face when we lose our mate long before we meet them. We don’t get happiness,” He says, and I can detect the bitterness in his words as he gazes at the picture of his wife.
“My only regret is that she did not take the children with her. Maybe then,” He trails off but doesn’t continue. Instead, he stares into the eyes of the painting grief-stricken.
The Queen. Parker’s mother. Lady Annabelle. Everyone knew about her. The woman was a quiet queen. She did not interact with her people much. It was because of this that she earned the name The Silent Queen. Though it was said she loved her children very much. No one knows what it was exactly that happened to her. One day she simply just… vanished. Some say she was sick. Some swear the Kingdom of Cray took her. No one really knows the truth only that the queen vanished almost fourteen years ago and had not been seen since then. Though King Thomas was a fair King, some people believed he sent her away for being an unfit queen. Most people trust the king and believe in the king but without answers as to what happened to the queen, people are left only to wonder.
In my opinion, I believed The Kingdom of Cray taking her away made more sense. Mainly because a funeral for the Queen and a proper send off into the wall of sacred souls was never held.
“Come. Everyone is waiting for you. Let’s not keep them waiting,” King Thomas says gently, leading me out of the hall large maze-like stairways with ease.
“Father,” Parker says standing, as does Spencer and Crystal when they see King Thomas and I approach.
“Sorry to have kept all of you waiting for her. I spotted her in the hall on her way here and we had a small chat didn’t we?” He says offering me a kind smile.
“Yes,” I say to him quietly.
“Well then. Let’s go,” Crystal says, walking over to me and intertwining her arm with mine. Her eyes dance with a new found excitement I had never seen in her. Nodding I follow her out my eyes and Parker’s meet only briefly before Crystal pulls me out of the large mansion and into a large town car.
#
The boutique is beautiful. Elegant, classy, those were the only words to describe it. It was almost like watching a scene in a movie. An elegant place surrounded by dresses, mirrors, curtains, all in all, there seemed to be a certain fluttering pink glow that lingered in the shop. The crystal chandelier that hung in the middle of the room offered that extra special warm glow completing the bridal shop’s look. The woman at the front was a beautiful blonde woman in a short metallic green like dress that seemed to be stripped out of a fashion magazine. The woman smiled politely at Crystal who smiled back, her smile was genuine and ecstatic that it seemed to be contagious. Never had I seen my almost cold and harsh tell it like it is friend be so genuinely happy in her life.
“Bridesmaid dresses,” I catch Crystal say to the woman, before pulling me toward an isle of dresses at the far corner of the store neatly placed in racks. I try not to pull away from Crystal or to shy awa
y from the woman’s blue eyes accessing me but I can’t help but look down shyly. The woman’s eyes seemed to linger on me trying to figure out what would look best on me.
“There are a lot of options for her. A nice frilly pink dress maybe something short, open in the back. Elegant,” She trails on.
However, my mind seemed to retain only one word. “Open in the back.” Turning to look at Parker his eyes catch my own. Neither of us was willing to look away. Maybe it’s the panic of knowing what I have on my back that silences us both. Even if I want to speak Crystal is already hauling me off behind a large curtain before I have a chance to say anything. I can hear the woman who greeted us begin to go on and on about dresses. Before long I’m being handed a simple flowing pink dress that seems to go on for miles and miles. There is a side slit cut that ran high above the thigh but it is the back that causes me to panic. The v-shape back slit which seems to expose just what I don't want to be seen makes me cringe.
I don’t have to be an expert at dresses or even at myself to know I’m wrong for this dress. One glance and there’s far too many problems with it. My legs don’t run for miles. My back isn’t beautiful and to make matters worse everyone will see it. The nasty burned pink flesh on my back. Just behind my right shoulder. If I were more confident, maybe it would be perfect. I could walk in the dress without a care. But I was far too insecure for that. I’d always been this way. It wasn’t so much because I thought it was ugly or an imperfection. I hated what it represented. How weak it looked. How everyone would know how fragile and broken I had once been. It represented a dark park of me I wanted to forget. Just like that burn, that dark part of my past, it would never go away…
“So?” Crystal called out, snapping me out of my own thoughts.
“Oh. It didn’t fit,” I hear myself say. For a moment Crystal’s quiet and I hold my breath hoping she believes me and then she speaks.
“It’s fine. We’ll try another one.” Sighing in relief I try to remain calm and simply hope for the best.
#
Dress after dress after open back, one shoulder dress I keep making excuses. Seconds seem like minutes, minutes into hours and hours feel like days. Time goes by and I keep making excuses. It seems like every dress that’s been brought to me has been open back or showing exactly what I don’t want to show. I make excuses and haven’t let Crystal see me. I can hear the impatience in her voice towards me with each dress that she hands me and that I reject. Right now I’m standing in front of a mirror with a little black one-shoulder dress. Staring at my burn and looking at my unconfident eyes stare back at me.
“Come on Lyric. Let me see,” Crystal says.
“It didn’t fit,” I hear myself say.
“You said that the last five dresses,” Crystal says, her voice filled with exasperation.
“I’m sure it’s not that bad. Come on,” She says but when I don’t answer back, she speaks again.
“Come on,” Crystal calls out in frustration.
“I can’t,” I want to say.
“I’m coming in then,” she says impatiently, but just as the curtain begins to open and I can see her hand it’s gone.
“Hey!”
I can hear whispers and rustling before someone rushes out. My heart is pounding with worry and panic but I try my best to calm myself down before Crystal gets back. I don't want Crystal to look at me in this dress as I feel self-conscious. With those thoughts in my mind, I quickly change out of that elegant dress and into my pink summer dress. It’s comfortable and covers my back with the fabric just enough to hide my burn mark. Clutching my cardigan, I sit patiently. though I don’t notice I’m shaking nor do I notice Crystal coming back until she reaches for my hand to stop the shaking. Looking up at her she gives me a look of understanding, tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“I forgot about the fire. I just… Sorry,” She says softly, fighting back tears.
“I picked something else. It's soft pink. Your favorite color. And covers the burn,” Crystal says, extending the short dress out to me.
“It’s fine. I’m sorry about this. It’s stupid to still care,” I hear myself say.
“It’s not. You’re entitled to feel whatever way you like. I’m sorry for being insensitive about it,” Crystal says.
“You weren’t,” I say.
“Come on. Try it on,” Crystal says. But before anything else can happen or either of us can say anything, large blasts are heard outside along with screams. And then.
*Boom! *
Like a large gust of wind, a storm hits and Crystal and I are hurled across opposite ends. I close my eyes and cover my face with my hands awaiting the impact of being hurled into a large mirror. Only to land harshly on something soft.
“Where is she? Where is my mate?” Turning to see who I’ve landed on all I can see are the eyes of a familiar large brown wolf. Its eyes gaze back at me before he stands in front of me protectively.
“Are you okay?” I hear in my head.
“Where is she?” I hear someone else say and I have to turn and look. There in front of us and all the chaos surrounding us is a large gray and black spotted hyena. Its dark blood red eyes scan the room with hate until they land on me.
“Found you,” He says just before Parker growls ferociously.
#
(Parker)
I was here again. Back at her house. Only this time it was empty. The smell of smoke still lingered in the walls. The farther I walked in, the darker it was. Water began to build and rise while empty bottles of alcohol and gasoline began to float. Higher and higher the murky water rose until I was underwater. Trying to swim my way out I couldn’t see much. The water was murky and the little I could see was a simple pink light. Soon it began to grow and before I knew it, there was a body floating in the middle of that light. Her eyes were dead for just a second but I recognized her immediately. Angel. Reaching for her hand she seemed to awaken before I could reach her, offering me a smile; though her eyes were still pitch black.
“This way Parker,” She whispered, swimming forward and leading me deeper into the house and down to the basement door.
There’s a single lock on the door but I know she’s in there. I try to pull the lock to break it but nothing works. It is only when Angel pulls out the key that’s been tied around her neck and hands it to me that I can open it.
“Good luck,” She whispers before vanishing. Opening the door, the water begins to decrease and I’m left soaking wet and standing in front of her.
She’s sitting in a chair her hair covering her face while she looks down at the floor in tears.
“Lyric,” I call out to her but she doesn’t answer. Her shoulders begin to shake and I can hear her soft cries. When she finally looks up at me she’s no longer the Lyric I had met five years prior. She’s the Lyric that arrived in my life now. She’s older much like she is now except her eyes have gone void more so than before.
“Why?” She speaks for the first time. Her voice shaky
“Why does it have to be you?” She cries, her voice soft and broken.
“I have nothing to live for. You took that away from me,” She cried before a soft clinking sound is heard. That’s when I see the knife covered in blood. Her arm is laid out limply to her side while specks of blood fall to the ground.
“Lyric! What have you done?” I say running to her trying to stop the bleeding.
“Why? Why you?” She says weakly.
“He’s going to take me away. And he’s going to kill me,” She says before a loud roar is heard and I find myself falling.
#
“Parker.”
Opening my eyes, I look up to see Crystal looking down at me. She’s holding a tray of food in her hands and looks at me with curiosity.
“Did you sleep here all night?” She asks and though I don’t answer my back does feel the stiffness of falling asleep resting against my bedroom door.
“I just wanted to make s
ure she was going to be okay and somehow ended up falling asleep.”
“You should go get ready. We’re going to pick out Lyric’s bride’s maid dress,” Crystal said.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I tell her.
“She’s afraid. I know that but you’re not going to get anywhere with her if you guys keep avoiding each other. Baby steps Parker,” She says, opening the door of the room and closing it behind her.
“Baby steps,” I tell myself, heading to a guest bathroom to shower…
As much as I tried to think of a way to get Lyric to accept me somehow all the bad I had done outweighed the small good things. The more I thought about it the more the guilt weighed me down. The frustration of having her so close and not being able to touch her, hold her, or tell her how I felt was frustrating. I had ruined my first impression with her a very long time ago but how she would see me now would affect so many things for our future. I knew she wasn’t comfortable around me and I was to blame for it. Still, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Opening the door to the room it was empty and the shower could be heard from a few feet away.
Her things were laid out on the bed neatly and there was a book on the floor. Picking it up a single page flew out. I didn’t have to read it to know it was the letter I had written to her so many years ago. Somehow knowing that she’d kept it made hope rise inside me. Though she didn’t know I had written it just knowing she’d kept something I’d given her made me feel at ease. Still, I knew that I could never tell her that letter was written by me. There was no doubt in my mind she was still afraid of me. Whatever reassurance she felt from my words I was not going to take them away from her. Setting the book down and stuffing the letter inside I placed the book back on the nightstand hoping that she wouldn’t notice the difference. The shower was no longer running, and I knew she would be back here any minute. Still, I needed to talk to her or at least try to find a way to ease some of the tension between us. Walking toward the window I looked out to the courtyard.