Let's Swing

by Piquette Fontaine

  It had been a shock at first to get her bearings, but when she had visited the campus on the opening day she had felt immediately at home. Coming here was a long way away from the farm town she had lived in all her life, and, like many other young women, she came to college not just wanting to study and better herself but also to experience life. She remembered when she first entered the city. The skyscrapers were like glass and metal temples, constructed in worship of the green god that ruled the world – money. It had been such a far cry from the small, humble town she had left, and honestly, she felt a little daunted, but the thought of living there and escaping the place she had lived in for all her life had been too tempting. It's not that she didn't like home, but it was all the same and there didn't seem to be anything new happening. Everyone knew everyone, and unfortunately for Janie, she had a reputation for being somewhat of a nerd. In high school she had been short, chubby, and freckled. Wearing glasses and braces hadn't helped either, so while her friends had been going out on the weekends, driving to secluded spots and exploring their blossoming sexuality, Janie had been staying at home with a book or a movie. As such her head had been filled with dreams of romance and perfect love, and now that she was at college she could be whoever she wanted to be, an entirely new person.

  But what she didn't want to be was late on her first day.

  She picked up her books and looked at the signs, rushing off one way before she realized that she was heading in the wrong direction, and quickly spun around. In the last year or so she had changed a lot, physically wise. She was still short, but the braces had come off so she boasted a row of straight white teeth, although getting used to her new smile had taken some effort. But her figure had changed too, and now she had curves in all the right places, she had made the change from glasses to contacts too, although in her mind she was still the same awkward girl that had bumbled her way through high school, and now that pattern was threatening to repeat itself through college.

  She glanced at her watch again, and according to that she still had a few minutes before she was inexcusably late. She ran through the crowds and eventually found the room she was looking for. She burst through the door and felt incredibly self-conscious as everyone stared at her, for they were already seated. Janie smiled and nodded sheepishly, and walked up the steps of the lecture to shrink into the nearest seat possible. The room was a massive hall with a space for the professor at the front, and then rows of seats rising from there. Seeing it made her think of the Coliseum in Rome. The course was evidently popular as the seats were filled, and she wasn't sure whether it was just a thought in her own mind or whether they were all actually looking at her and ridiculing her. She could hear some of them whisper, and she was filled with dread because it seemed like everyone already knew each other.

  In the hopes of adapting to her new surroundings, Janie had decided to arrive at the campus a few days before her classes began, but that plan hadn't gone as she had hoped. It turned out that her roommate was a foreign national who didn't speak a word of English and only sat on her computer all day, and any time Janie tried to engage her in conversation she was met with a cold shoulder. Not having much experience of making friends, Janie found it difficult to talk to strangers and as yet she had spent most of the time alone, wondering if she had made the right decision. She just hoped that the material of the class would grab her, otherwise this whole endeavor would have been a huge waste of time, and she would have no idea what to do with her life.

  As the professor started talking Janie deftly pulled out the books, a notepad, and a pen. She looked to the girl sitting next to her, and noticed that she didn't have anything out on the table. This girl was sitting with her arms folded on the desk and slumped forward. Her short hair was jet black, aside from the tips, which were bright pink. She had spiked earrings and a spider-web tattoo running down one arm, and she looked like she didn't want to be there. Janie took a moment to glance around the room too. The group looked like one homogeneous mass. Boys and girls were lumped together,, some looked like they belonged, some looked as though they were in the wrong place, and Janie wondered if any of them shared her trepidation. In front of them all was the professor. He was younger than she imagined, although she wasn't sure if that was true or if he was just blessed with a youthful appearance. He had a strapping physique and looked far more athletic than she ever expected an English Lit teacher to be.

  His black hair was peppered with flecks of gray, but this only made him more attractive. He had tanned, leathery skin and sharp, piercing eyes that darted about the room. His voice was deep and he spoke slowly. Each word seemed to be deliberate and delivered exactly how he wanted. He exuded confidence, and Janie found herself unable to take her eyes off of him. He wore a plain white shirt that was unbuttoned at the top, allowing a teasing look at his thick chest hair. His sleeves were rolled halfway up his forearm and gave her a glimpse of his strong muscles. As he walked around the podium he seemed to be an animal marking his territory, and although he was thinking about things she needed to know her thoughts were elsewhere.

  Forbidden desire was often the sweetest and Janie found herself becoming attracted to Professor Jack Logan. She knew it was wrong, and she tried to tell herself that she was being foolish because she was just a silly little girl with a crush and there was no way he would ever be interested in her, but her heart beat a little more quickly than usual, and her stomach was fluttering as her imagination raced away and imagined all kinds of sensual scenarios. Having never had a boyfriend before, many of her thoughts lacked any basis in real experience, but often her fantasies involved older men because she assumed that they would know what they were doing, and she wanted to be shown. As she looked at him she placed a pencil in her mouth and chewed on it as she gazed at him with adoration. He spoke with such passion and authority, and he was clearly intelligent. These attributes only made him more attractive to her, and by the end of the lesson she was fully enraptured by him.

  Disappointed that the lesson had to end, she was at least glad that there was something at college she enjoyed, even if it was unrequited love. She packed her things away, but the girl next to her unceremoniously bumped into Janie and caused her chest to bang into the edge of the desk. The breath was driven from her lungs and she called out to the girl, but she was already halfway out of the room.

  So far her experiences with her peers had not lived up to her expectations. She had been under the impression that everyone at college was friendly and that the whole thing was a big community where you'd make friendships that lasted for the rest of your life, but so far she felt alone and she was afraid of living in continual solitude. As she walked out of the room she looked over at Professor Logan and smiled. He looked at her and in that moment an unsettling chill ran through her body. She felt exposed, and she couldn't understand why because he had only looked at her, but it felt as though he was staring straight through her, as if he could see all the secrets she was holding in her soul.

  Chapter Two

  The rest of the day carried on in much the same manner, although she managed to make the rest of her classes on time. However, none of her other professors captured her attention like professor Logan did, and she found herself thinking about him for the rest of the day. Even though she chastised herself for it, because she knew it was a hopeless cause, her mind kept wandering back to him. Janie told herself to stop it. If she wanted a boyfriend there must have been hundreds of available men on campus, but it was just a matter of meeting them...

  After grabbing some food from the general store she went back to her room and lay down on her bed, taking a moment to relax after the first day. As she reflected on it she wondered how the rest of college would go. It would be a long few years if it was going to be like this all the time, and she knew that she had to take action if she was going to prevent herself from falling into a lonely rhythm. When her roommate returned Janie groaned. She had brought with her a few friends and they spoke in their native la
nguage. The words babbled out in rapid succession and Janie couldn't keep track of the flow of conversation. Not once did any of them smile at her or acknowledge her presence in any way, and Janie was left shaking her head. She tried to pick up a book and read but they huddled around the computer and watched some video on the internet. Again, this was in a foreign language, and they had the volume turned up to an unbearable level. Janie yelled at them, trying to get their attention, but to no avail. Failing to tone out the sounds, she slammed her book on the bed and leaped up. Janie stormed out of the room and marched to the accommodation office, where she took a seat and waited to be called.

  The woman sitting behind the glass was an elderly woman, but she had a sharp nose and the demeanor that suggested she wasn't the kindly type.

  “What can I help you with?” she asked, peering at Janie behind a narrow pair of spectacles.

  “Yes, hello, I have just started here, obviously, and I think there's been some kind of mistake. My roommate doesn't speak the same language and it's very hard to communicate with her. I'm sure she probably feels the same way about me but I'd appreciate it if there was some way we could switch rooms and find more suitable people to share with,” she said, trying to remember to smile politely.

  “I'm not sure that's going to be possible you see the method for selecting roommates is a complicated process and it's taken a lot of time to manage the incoming students. It's not something that can be undone as easily as you may think. But leave your name and we will look into the matter, although you may have to wait a few weeks as this time of year is always stressful, what with everyone arriving and then some people drop out or transfer. I'm sorry to say but you won't be high on the list of priorities for a while,” she said.

  “Okay,” Janie said glumly, and then turned and lurched back through the campus. It felt awful feeling unwelcome in her own room, and she knew that she would have to find a way to communicate with her roommate sooner rather than later because it simply wasn't fair for her to have to relinquish the sanctuary of their room. But that would have to wait because there was no sense going back there at the moment, and Janie actually wanted to get out of her room as well for she knew that she was never going to make any new friends sitting in those four walls.

  After pulling out a map of the campus (she still wasn't entirely sure where she was supposed to be heading) she found the nearest bar and made her way there. Upon entry she was asked whether she was twenty one, and had to answer in the negative. She was given a stamp that ensured she wasn't allowed to buy alcohol, and although she didn't mind that so much because she didn't see the big deal about drinking anyway, she was annoyed at the efforts that had to be made to separate those who were old enough to drink and those who were not. It would have been much easier if the age limit on drinking was lowered, Janie thought, but then nobody was going to put her in charge of those affairs so there was no sense in thinking about it too much.

  The bar was dark and big. There was an area with pool tables and around these large groups of people were gathered. Music played in the background, mostly chart stuff, although some classic songs were mixed in as well. As Janie walked towards the bar she felt self-conscious as once again she had the feeling that everyone already knew each other and had formed their own social groups, while she had missed her chance to be involved. She hung around and wandered past different people, trying to find a way to enter a conversation but there never seemed a good opportunity. In the end she took a seat by herself and watched her glass of lemonade slowly get emptier. She was surrounded by the sounds of raucous laughter and for every second she spent there she felt more and more alone. Finally, she stood up and made a conscious effort to make some friends. Janie examined the bar and walked up to two girls who were in the middle of conversation. She introduced herself and explained that she was new and wanted to meet some new people, but she was met with a strange look, as though they couldn't believe that someone would just walk up to them and start talking.

  They went back to their conversation and ignored Janie. Feeling dismayed, she looked at the other groups but after that failure she didn't want to put herself through anymore torment. She wasn't particularly thirsty either, and it seemed a waste to stay at the bar and drink on her own when there was no chance of her getting drunk. The dim lights would probably have been comforting for a lot of people, and for most of them she was sure that the bar was a place where happy memories were made, yet in her eyes it was just another reminder that she would always be the outcast, she would always be the girl who was left behind when the rest of them were having fun.

  Feeling despondent, she went to leave, but as she took one final look around the bar she saw the girl who had been sitting next to her in the first class of the morning, in Professor Logan's class. Janie chewed on her bottom lip. The girl was by herself, and given how she had acted in class Janie assumed that she was the type that wouldn't take kindly to being approached by a stranger, but the girl was the only person that had made a proper impression on her, and she felt like it was almost natural to go up and say hello at least. She'd already been rejected once that evening, once more wouldn't make much of a difference.

  Taking a deep breath and swallowing her nerves away, Janie went up to the girl.

  “Mind if I take a seat?” she asked, her voice trembling. The girl slowly looked up at her and seemed to have glazed eyes. She was spinning a glass of liquid in between her fingers. It looked like honey, and it smelled like what Janie's dad used to drink. A few moments passed as the two of them looked at each other, and Janie's request hung in the air. Eventually the girl held out a hand and gestured to the empty seat. Although it was a little uncomfortable Janie was glad to sit down and have the chance to actually talk to someone.

  “I'm Janie,” she said, and held out her hand.

  “Chelle,” the girl replied, and took a sip of her drink.

  “That looks strong, I didn't realize you were twenty one, I figured that since we were in the same class you were eighteen like me.”

  “I am,” she said casually.

  “Oh, but then...how did you get alcohol?” Janie asked, leaning in and whispering, looking around to make sure that nobody saw her. Chelle smiled wryly.

  “Wow, you really eighteen aren't you. It's called lying my dear.”

  “But didn't they ask for ID?”

  “They don't ask if you're confident. I don't think you could get away with lying. You have that whole wide-eyed innocent thing going on, are you some kind of farm girl or something?” She said it as a joke, but when Janie bristled Chelle slammed her palms on the table and burst out laughing. “That is amazing!” she said.

  “I don't see what's so funny about it.”

  “I knew there was something about you. I saw you come in here and you looked like you didn't know where to go.”

  “Yeah, well, I just...I came here to try and make a friend. I found you...”

  “Let me tell you one thing, you do not want me as a friend,” Chelle said, looking at Janie directly in the eye. Janie saw that her eyes were blue but flecked with some sparkles of green.

  “And why's that?”

  “Because I mess things up. I don't know, there's just something about me that wants to destroy everything good in my life.”

  “But you're here at college, that means you want to work to better yourself, surely?”

  “I'm here at the insistence of my father who says that he'll cut me off if I don't go. Besides, it's not so bad, it means I can do what I want. It's better this than spending all my time at some crappy part time job. At least here I can get to party.”

  “By sitting on your own at a bar?” Janie challenged. At this Chelle leaned back and sat in a defensive posture.

  “Yeah, well, at least I'm not some farm girl who doesn't know how to act in the big city. I bet you thought college was going to be this magical place where you'd discover yourself and it would be like a whole new life. Well get that fairytale out of your head becau
se life doesn't work that way, it's just one endless stream of misery that keeps on falling on you and there's nothing you can do about it.”

  She finished off her drink and shook her head. Janie didn't know what to think, but she was so desperate to make a connection with anyone that she didn't want to leave.

  “We'll see, I just want to do something I enjoy and see what happens. It's just something different. Living in a small town, everything's always the same there and if I didn't get out I knew exactly how my life was going to play out. I wanted the unknown, I wanted something unexpected to happen, I wanted to be taken by surprise.”

  “Sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for.”

  “Right now I'd just wish for a friend. It seems that everyone already knows everyone else, and I don't know how to get myself into a group. On top of that my roommate is from another country and I don't think she even speaks a word of English so I'm pretty much screwed.”

  “And that's what led you to me.”

  “Right.”

  “Great.”

  “Anyway, you don't seem like you're setting the social world alight.”