Badass Alchemy

by M J Marstens

  I think about his offer.

  I would have gone anyway to help, but getting Tall, Dark, and Dying Soon’s address is a bonus.

  “Deal,” I agree, holding out my hand to shake.

  Beelzebub spits on it instead and my palm burns at the contact. I forgot that demons seal bargains with saliva. Unsanitary fuckers.

  “Considering how you wipe your ass with only a thin barrier of paper between your hand and shitty hole, I feel that your kind are the unsanitary ones,” the Lord of Flies parries, reminding me that he can pierce the veil of my mind.

  “I wash my hands afterward,” I reply primly, making him laugh once more.

  “It was a pleasure meeting you, M’lady Soul Stabber. Call on me any time.”

  With that, he disappears.

  “Hey!” I call. “You never gave me that address!”

  I get no response but, out of nowhere, the tarot card with Beelzebub’s name and picture floats down. And, dripping in what appears to be blood, is Ferro’s house and street number.

  I smile coldly.

  Time to deliver an ass-whoopin.’

  And I plan to go all night long.

  a dangerous situation

  ferro

  I shuffle my cards from hand to hand as I wait for Sass to appear. I have one job currently and that’s to recruit her at any cost. Knowing what I do about her role as a Realm Guardian and how seriously she takes her job, convincing her to join A.S.S. should be a piece of cake.

  Rowan has been observing Sass for three years. Three long years of watching her in the shadows, through the veils of time and space. Meeting her person for the first time yesterday sent a jolt through my body.

  Straight to my cock.

  Assassins are celibate, per Rowan’s orders.

  Lust clouds the mind, she believes.

  Like Sass, I’m generally engrossed in my work. The Assassins have become my life mission, but with every passing year, my fascination for the Realm Guardian has grown. Seeing her in the human realm was almost overwhelming. Need like I’ve never felt before slammed into my body like a punch to my gut.

  I rarely interact in the human realm anymore, and I forgot how potent being corporeal is. All your senses come alive and emotions that are stunted where I reside rush back to the forefront.

  Hunger.

  Desire.

  Want.

  I try my best to ignore these human longings. They weaken me, distract me, just as Rowan predicted. If the situation weren’t so dire, I would have requested another Assassin enlist Sass. As it is, the circumstances are becoming worse than dire.

  And, so, here I am, waiting for objection of my mental musing— and fantasies— to appear. Surprisingly, she rounds the corner a near fifteen minutes early. When she sees me, something forbidden flashes across her face that makes my blood heat, but Sass quickly composes herself.

  It only makes me want to get under her skin deeper.

  “You’re early,” I say lightly and, instantly, she’s pissed.

  I tip my head in fascination.

  Collected Sass is captivating.

  Riled-up Sass is fucking staggering.

  ““First, you bitch because I’m late and, now, because I’m too early? No wonder you have to go all night— there’s clearly no pleasing you!”

  My eyes trace up and down her leather-clad body. Her hour-glass figure is perfectly showcased and I briefly picture wrapping her long legs around my waist and fucking her against the railing that runs along the river. For her, I would go all night and it would please me greatly.

  For the next two minutes, we banter about her mèrè and the Assassins. She wants to know how I know the Voodoo Queen and more about A.S.S., but I give out little information because Ms. DeJais is a control freak who needs all the answers— now. By withholding them, I keep her interest and my dominance over her.

  Everything is going smoothly until I taunt her about not being the best, another one of her weaknesses, except Sass doesn’t bite as I expect. In fact, the brat calls me out and taunts me instead. I’m contemplating shaking some sense into her, or just kissing her even more senseless, when a flash of red over her shoulder catches my eye.

  Make that flashes of red.

  Eyes— demon eyes.

  Even from a distance, I know that something is wrong. Demons don’t band together. Their movements are coordinated, slow, and methodical— not the jittery dance of being of chaos. I briefly close my eyes and traject myself outside of my body to assess them. My eyes slam back open wide with the horrifying realization that the demons are possessed.

  By shadow souls.

  observing from the tem-ven

  ferro

  Carefully, I begin to maneuver Sass behind my back while I call for help mentally. Being in the human realm, I’m not sure how well my mental messages will carry. Energy is denser in this realm and telepathy is trickier to manage.

  Sass seems equals confused at the sight of multiple demons ambling our way, but more so about what I’m doing. In a hushed hiss, she demands an explanation in typical Sass-fashion. Without thinking, I tell her the truth:

  “I’m protecting you.”

  The foolishness of my words, however honest, doesn’t register until she roars, “Excuse me?!”

  “Shut up!” I snap menacingly.

  Demons are attracted to loud noises. The quieter we are, the better. Of course, my common-sense concerning this woman is addled because of the situation. I’ve seen Sass in action— she’s deadly and competent. I’ve no doubt that she could take on a legion of demons.

  But this isn’t a normal demon.

  It’s a shadow-soul possessed one.

  A big difference that clearly hasn’t registered with her. Unfortunately, her attention isn’t focused on the demonic threat anymore. It’s wholly centered on me in a murderous rage as she shoves the three prongs of her trident against my throat.

  ““You know, I was only half-joking about stabbing you with my trident, but do or say something that stupid again and I’ll fucking skewer you. Fucking protecting me and telling me to shut up. I am Xena: Warrior Princess, bitch!”

  I blink at her outburst and purse my lips in bemusement.

  Her mèrè thinks that Sass needs a partner— that he. r pride is going to get her killed. The Voodoo Queen is rarely wrong. I might have handled Sass with better finesse by giving an explanation or not treating her like a damsel in distress, but my mind was too preoccupied trying to send out a mental S.O.S.

  I need to shift to the Tem-Ven1 to properly call for help, but Sass’ anger sparks my own.

  ““Fine, Princess. Have it your way. Consider this your test. Good fucking luck. Oh, and because I’m not a complete asshole, here’s some playing cards,” I snarl inconsiderately, knowing that my words won’t make a lick of sense.

  I toss her my demon tarot and quickly wink out of sight while she curses me. It will only take but a second to send for aid, but Sass immobilizes me when she lets out a hair-raising screech and rushes at the five possessed demons. Fuck me, this woman is a loose-cannon, but her fighting skills leave me in awe.

  An impressed smile curves my lips when she uses the lamp pole to swing around and side kick two demons to the ground. She twirls around to stab another demon hard in the stomach, unknowingly exorcising the shadow soul from the creature. It howls in pain as it black blood seeps from the wound and the shadow soul is wrenched back into the In-Between.

  Instantly, I mentally relay what’s happening— clean-up in Aisle Purgatory, stat. Caro responds that he’s on it. I call out to Lio, but he doesn’t answer. I remember that he’s astrally projecting on another mission for Rowan and probably can’t hear me. Thankfully, Caro will finish the one shadow-soul.

  I turn my attention back to Sass.

  The freckle-faced beauty is wicked with her mother’s trident, but the demons are equally vicious with their claws, and one of them flays open her back. She ax kicks the fucker in the head and it drops unconscious t
o the ground. Four down and only one more to go.

  I was being cruel when I said that this was Sass’ test. Yes, Rowan would surely require her to prove her merit, even though we’ve been observing Sass for years, but nothing of this caliber. This type of shadow soul confrontation would warrant no less than three to five Assassins fighting together to eradicate the threat.

  But, Sass is single-handedly winning.

  Until the remaining demon kicks her trident into the Mississippi River.

  * * *

  1 Pronounced ‘tahm vahn’

  demonic competition

  ferro

  I roar for Caro and Lio but get no answer. I prepare to shift back into the human realm to help Sass when she pulls out my tarot deck. I’m taken aback that she actually plans to use them after how— to Sass— I left her high and dry. I’m even more floored with by her innate connection with the deck when she pulls out Beelzebub and calls his name three times.

  Instantly, the gluttonous prince appears.

  He tips his head in my direction, a mocking rictus gracing his lips.

  Bastard.

  He never comes when I call for him.

  “Good evening, M’lady Soul-Stabber. You called for me?”

  I feel my eyes narrow to slits.

  “She’s mine,” I snarl to him mentally, knowing that he’ll hear me.

  Demon princes are gifted with more powers than other demons. Telepathy easily being one of their extra gifts. Usually, one needs a connection to speak mentally, but Beelzebub is ancient and powerful. I know that he can hear me as easily as he can see me, his myriad eyes effortlessly piercing the Tem-Ven.

  “Not yet,” the demonic prince rejoins lightly.

  He turns his back to me to address Sass once more. I can tell that she recognizes who she summoned. She treats him with reserved deference as she explains what happened. Beelzebub listens with obvious fascination that makes me see red. He’s invested in my Realm Guardian in a way that no demon prince should be.

  I inch closer and closer, listening as Beelzebub beseeches Sass for her help. The bastard already retrieved her trident from its watery grave, something that I planned on doing.

  “I guess you’ll have to find another way to impress her,” Beel chaffs, and I gnash my teeth together in irritation.

  He goes on to tell Sass about the souls that possessed his demons. He knows that I know more, but can’t plumb the depths of my mind to find his answers. So, once more, he uses Sass by reminding her that the Assassins— a.k.a me— know more. Beel definitely isn’t omniscient, but the manipulative fucker is smart. If his demons are dying, he’ll stop at nothing to know why.

  But, Sass makes it clear that she’ll get no information from me.

  Because she’s going to stab me to death with her trident.

  Tonight.

  “His kind are hard to kill,” Beel tells her with ill-concealed glee.

  “His kind?” Sass asks.

  “Not my secrets to tell,” the demon prince responds like he didn’t just open Pandora’s box.

  Motherfucker.

  “I’ll make a deal with you,” Beel continues.

  Double motherfucker.

  I grimace when he bargains my address for her help—something that she is all too happy to trade.

  I need to explain to Sass what happened.

  Now.

  But, just as I am about to shift back into the human realm, I feel a tug on the fabric of time and space around me as Beel pops in. Very few creatures can enter the Tem-Ven. Another advantage of being a demon prince.

  Beelzebub reaches out a taloned hand to grip my collar as I try to switch realms. We grapple before he lets me go. When I turn around, Sass is gone.

  “What the hell, Beel?!” I snarl.

  “Exactly. What the hell is right. I’m just trying to maintain a decent level of hellish chaos in your life,” he jokes and I swing at the bastard’s face with my fist.

  He ducks out of the way.

  “You better hurry. I imagine she’s nearly to your place already.”

  Triple motherfucker.

  “This isn’t over!” I shout menacingly at him as I jump out of the Tem-Ven.

  His derisive laughter echoes behind me as I hit the pavement running.

  I need to get home before all the hell Beel instigated lets loose.

  the room that made me wet

  I skid to a stop before the wrought-iron gate that leads to the old brick home looming behind it.

  Ferro’s house.

  I hold the tarot card in my hand as I grip the bars and contemplate how to infiltrate his wards when, suddenly, the gate creaks open. Startled, I look down and see that Beel’s blood has dripped onto the lock.

  Interesting.

  I march up the well-manicured path to the front door and smear blood all over the handle. Like magic, it twists open, beckoning me—and my trident—inside. The house is classically beautiful, inside and out. It’s meticulously spotless with opposing styles and décor. Some seem so obviously Ferro, others, not so much.

  I meander around the main floor, but there’s no sign of Tall, Dark, and Hiding. I climb the stairs to the second floor and begin searching there. I open a set of double doors that leads to an impressive study-slash-library that Belle would ovulate over. Fuck, even I’m a little wet at the sight of that many books. The room is heavily warded, but I rubbed demon blood over my hands to rectify any issues.

  Regretfully, I shut the door with the promise to return, and keep looking. The next set of doors that I open leads to a bedroom done in opulent golds. It seems to match one of the clashing decors below, but not what I would have pegged for Ferro.

  But, sure enough, the deserting fuckface is here.

  Sleeping.

  He left me to fend for myself against a legion of demons to come home and fucking go to bed!

  I walk over the lavish four-poster bed, complete with golden canopy. I stare down at the sleeping dick, pissed that I pause in slicing his throat open to appreciate his very naked body. I decide that his death should be more personal. Climbing onto the bed, I swing a leg over and straddle his waist.

  Shifting my weight to get comfortable—and enjoying every zing of pleasure that jolts my clit—I lightly prick the skin in the center of his neck with one trident prong. I wait, but the fucker doesn’t even flinch in his sleep. This time, I stab a little deeper, and this gets an immediate reaction.

  His eyes snap open and I find myself falling into their honeyed depths.

  Except. . .

  Ferro doesn’t have golden eyes.

  maybe-ferro pleads his case

  I’m so startled that I forget what I’m here to do.

  Something Maybe-Ferro uses to his advantage.

  In a fluid motion that makes me wetter than his fucking library, he rolls me onto my back and pins my arms above my head.

  “Ms. DeJais. To what do I owe this pleasure?” he purrs in his deep, sultry voice.

  “Why the fuck are your eyes gold?”

  “As opposed to what color?”

  “Blue, you annoying dick.”

  “Maybe it’s a trick of the light. Or maybe they’re burning with suppressed passion.”

  The only light in the room is the faint glow from his fireplace, but I’m certain that his eyes aren’t reflecting the flames.

  “Suppressed passion?” I murmur huskily, unconsciously rolling my hips upwards into him.

  “Yes. The suppressed passion to flip you over my knee and spank your troublesome, mouthy ass.”

  Reality comes crashing back down on me and I struggle out of his implacable grasp.

  “Listen here, you cowardly cock-sucking shiteater, let me go now so I can stab your worthless ass!”

  “You want me to let you go so that you can stab me?” Tall, Dark, and Hard Between My Legs repeats with a faint smirk.

  “Did I fucking stutter?” I snark.

  “No, cher, you didn’t. Before you kill me, can I please plead my
case and clear my name?”

  “Oh, this should be good. Let’s hear it.”

  “Well, firstly, I’ve never sucked a cock in my life. So, I don’t feel your particular use of that adjective to describe me is accurate. Nor have I ever eaten shit. As for being cowardly— that’s a rather audacious insult coming from a woman who snuck into my room to stab me in my sleep,” he states calmly.

  “You motherfu-”

  “Tsk-tsk. What a foul mouth you have, little Guardian. I think we can both find better uses for it, don’t you?”

  “If you’re insinuating that I can suck your joke of a dick-”

  “Cher, does this feel like a joke to you?” he demands as he grinds his searing length into my very damp and very needy center. “And I think the little Guardian doth protest too much. Who are you trying to convince— me or you?”

  “Neither. I was stating a fact.”

  “I can’t tell if you’re lying or in denial, but I’m happy to prove you wrong. In fact, it will give me untold pleasure to do so. Hang on, cher,” he warns.

  Then, the sneaky bastard leans down and fucking kisses me senseless.

  the raging inferno

  It’s been a long time since someone has kissed me.

  Too long.

  It’s been even longer since someone has fucked me— in the good way. I think we’ve established that I get dicked every day, but not how I’ve fantasized about Tall, Dark, and Feral dicking me.

  The entirety of my being is rent in two. There’s my mind, which firmly protests this asshole kissing me and, then, there’s my body, which firmly embraces his lips against mine.

  Never let it be said that my mind is not strong.

  But, tonight, my body is stronger.

  And my need is strongest.

  I give-in to the dominance of Tall, Dark, and Orgasmic as he slants his mouth hungrily over mine. He pushes his tongue into the dark recesses of my mouth, tasting me more deeply. I suck on him lightly, savoring his almost smoky flavor.

  He loosens his grip on my wrists but still pins me to his mattress. A secret part of me enjoys his control, and my inner Thot is fucking going insane with the feel of him over us. Now, we just need him in us.