The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles

by Julie Andrews

  "Come on!" Lindy got up from her chair and raced towards the opening.

  Tom yelled, "We did it! We did it!" He leaped into the air with excitement and ran after his sister.

  Ben remained where he was for one uncertain moment. He was still dizzy, and blinked as he tried to see the tunnel. The professor moved to take his hand. "Come on, Ben," he said gently, "we mustn't keep the others waiting."

  Lindy turned and cried out, "Oh, Ben, come and look! Just come and see what I see."

  Ben took a hesitant step forward and then gradually began to walk, faster and faster until he broke into a run. He emerged from the tunnel a moment behind Tom and Lindy.

  It seemed that the world was full of flowers, brilliant flowers that were orange and blue and yellow and white. They were waving slowly on long stalks like tall grass in the wind. There were shady trees and a river close by, making a soft, singing sound as it flowed. But, astonishingly, the trees were purple and the river was golden and the sky above was a bright translucent red.

  There were pale pink mountains in the far distance, and high atop the tallest one was something that sparkled and shone like sunlight dancing on the water.

  Lindy was tugging at the professor's sleeve. "Look. Oh look. Look. What is that? That thing up there? That shining, lovely thing?"

  "That's where the Whangdoodle lives." The professor gazed at the mountain and for a moment he seemed overwhelmed.

  "You mean that's the Whangdoodle's palace?" Tom's voice rose with excitement.

  The professor nodded.

  "Can we go there right now?" Lindy asked. "Can we go and find him?"

  "Oh, it isn't as easy as that. We will have many, many things to learn and to overcome before we can reach the palace. Today is just a beginning."

  "But we made it!" yelled Tom. "We're really here!"

  Ben said, with some awe, "I did it. I never thought I could."

  "I'm very proud of you," the professor said. "Shall we explore a little? Just remember my warning. Stay close and do as I say."

  He set off along a small path that led to the melodious Golden River. Lindy walked beside him and took his hand. The boys followed.

  "The Whiffle Bird should be along fairly soon," declared the professor. "She's insatiably curious. She's bound to know we're here."

  Lindy said, "It's awfully quiet, isn't it? I mean, there aren't any birds singing or anything. All I can hear is the river."

  The professor looked anxiously around. "I'd noticed that too, Lindy. It is unusual."

  Lindy sniffed the air. "I smell fresh-baked bread."

  "It's the flowers," replied the professor.

  "You're kidding. Can I pick one and see?"

  "No, I wouldn't pick one, Lindy. It would only die and Whangdoodleland is a place for living things. But you can certainly smell the flowers."

  Lindy bent and put her face close to a bright yellow bloom that was growing beside the path. "It does smell of baked bread," she said. "Do all the flowers smell like that?"

  "You'll see."

  "Look at the signpost!" Tom said. He pointed to a post standing at a fork in the path. Its four arms were decorated with elaborate signs.

  "Ploy. Gambit. The Stump. The River," Ben read aloud. "What does it mean?"

  "They are some of the places we will have to pass in order to reach the Whangdoodle," replied the professor.

  As they walked, the sound of the water grew louder. Soon the children were standing by the edge of the river.

  "Where does it go?" asked Lindy.

  "I think it flows through the Forest of the Tree Squeaks. But after that I don't know."

  "Tree Squeaks?"

  "Rather nasty little creatures, Ben. I hope we can avoid them."

  "Are they dangerous?" Lindy quickly asked. "I've never met them, Lindy. But I've heard they're terrible tattletales."

  Tom said, "Why does the river make that sweet singing noise?"

  "If you think that's unusual, put your hand in the water and stir it around," said the professor.

  Tom knelt at the river's edge and splashed with his hand. The movement made the river change its gentle tune to a series of thrilling, 'rippling sounds.

  The professor bent and picked up a stone. "Here, Lindy, throw this. See what happens."

  She hurled the stone as far as she could. It landed in the water with a splash and chords of music rang in the air for several seconds.

  Ben said, "That's incredible. I don't understand why that should happen."

  "Why not?" replied the professor. "I told you not to expect anything ordinary in Whangdoodleland." He shielded his eyes. "Look, children," he cried excitedly. "The Whiffle Bird is coming."

  In the distant sky something was rolling and tumbling and soaring and dipping in a most peculiar manner.

  The professor chuckled. "She never could fly properly. I don't know how she manages at all. She has so many feathers, you see. She's totally uncoordinated."

  The children watched as the Whiffle Bird approached. Her long, fluffy feathers were being blown about in all directions. It was impossible to see a head or a tail or even feet in the feathery profusion.

  The Whiffle Bird made a stumbling and very undignified landing onto the branch of a nearby tree and proceeded to shake and shuffle herself into some kind of order. It was not until she settled down that the children were able to see how truly beautiful she was. Her plumage was a brilliant rainbow of colors—red, pink, yellow, orange and purple. She was a silky bird, rustling and smooth, and she gave out a delicate perfume that reminded the children of orange blossoms on a summer evening.

  "Greetings, my dear Whiffle Bird," said the professor. "It is a great pleasure to see you again. Won't you come down and join us? I would like to introduce you to my friends."

  The bird jumped a foot into the air as he spoke, and every feather flew up and got tangled and had to be rearranged all over again. She retreated along the branch making odd little humming sounds.

  The professor stepped forward. "You're looking very pretty," he said. "In fact, I don't think I've ever seen you look so lovely. Dear Whiffle Bird. Sweet Whiffle Bird. Won't you come down and say hello?"

  The Whiffle Bird gave a few startled squeaks and turned around and around on the branch. It was impossible for the children to tell which end of her was which.

  Quite suddenly she leaned forward, or perhaps it was backward, and somersaulted out of the tree and down to the ground, landing just in front of the professor.

  "That's very gracious of you," the professor said, kneeling beside her. "The children and I are so glad you came by." He held out his hand to Lindy. "May I introduce Miss Melinda Potter."

  Lindy knelt beside the professor. "Hello, Whiffle Bird. You are the prettiest thing I have ever seen."

  The Whiffle Bird began her humming sounds again.

  "These young gentlemen are Benjamin and Thomas Potter."

  "How do you do," Ben said courteously.

  Tom felt a trifle embarrassed and said in a gruff voice, "Hello, bird."

  All of a sudden the children noticed two tiny birdlike hands coming through the beautiful feathers. As if holding a curtain to one side the hands parted the waving plumage and they saw two jet-black beady eyes peering out at them.

  Lindy cried, "Oh, professor, how sweet she is. I wish there were something I could give her. What does she like to eat?"

  "Just feed her compliments and she'll be perfectly happy."

  Tom said dryly, "In that case she's probably full up already."

  The Whiffle Bird suddenly flew into the air and landed on Tom's shoulder. He was taken completely by surprise.

  "Here, get off!" he said in a startled voice.

  The professor grinned. "She likes you, Tom. That's a great compliment."

  Tom was embarrassed. "Listen, I like her too. But she's got to get down." He looked at the bird, now only inches away from his face. The tiny hands appeared again and the button eyes stared at him without blinking.
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  The professor and the children doubled up with laughter. "Once she takes a fancy to someone, Tom, she never changes her mind. You're stuck with her, I'm afraid."

  Before Tom could protest further, a dreadful, dry rattling sound came from somewhere across the fields of waving flowers. The Whiffle Bird stiffened and then flew into the air. "MAYDAY!" she shrieked in an incredibly shrill voice.

  "What does she mean?" gasped Lindy.

  " 'Mayday' is the recognized international call for help," said the professor grimly. "I fear we are in for a surprise."

  The horrible sound came again, but closer this time. "Tom, climb the tree and tell me if you can see anything," commanded the professor.

  The boy did as he was told. "There's a big cloud of dust out there and it's moving!" he yelled. "It's coming our way!"

  Lindy took hold of the professor's hand and held it tightly. "I think I'm going to be frightened," she said.

  "Lindy, you must try hard not to be, because that is exactly what the Prock would want. This is his work, I know it."

  "I can see something now," cried Tom. "Hundreds of strange-looking animals."

  "What do they look like?"

  "Weird. Like huge anteaters. No, more like cannons, but instead of wheels they have five legs in a circle on either side."

  "Sidewinders," declared the professor. "That devil has sent the Sidewinders to drive us away."

  "What are they?" asked Ben in consternation. "They're the Whangdoodle's private guard. I've never seen them, but they have a nasty reputation." Ben cried, "There they are, Professor! Look!"

  In the distance a company of extraordinary creatures was marching towards them. They did look like cannons. Their long, funnel-like noses were held rigidly in the air at a forty-five-degree angle. They moved with a rolling, thrashing gait, their five legs churning at either side of their mud-brown bodies. The noise they made was constant now and terrifying.

  Tom scurried down from the tree. The professor put his arms about the children.

  The Whiffle Bird shrieked at the top of her voice, "STAND AND DELIVER!" Then she flapped away in a panic-stricken fashion up the river.

  The Sidewinders were so close now that their staring eyes and slobbering mouths could be clearly seen. Above the roar, percussive music began. The moving sea of creatures shifted and bunched together. As their bodies touched, bright sparks flew in all directions and they began to glow, first green, then red, then green again, and blue.

  Lindy could stand it no longer. "Professor," she cried, "I can't look at them. I want to go home." She began to weep and her thumb went into her mouth.

  "We shall, Lindy. We shall. You don't have to look, but you must not move. It is imperative that we obey the Whiffle Bird and stand our ground."

  The Sidewinders were almost on top of them. They could see the warts on the creatures' sandpaper skin. Their long trunks towered above their heads and their hot breath singed the leaves off the purple tree. The earth shook from the marching of so many hundreds of feet.

  Lindy screamed.

  Just as it seemed that the professor and the children must be trampled to death, there was a mighty crash of cymbals and the entire army turned and headed towards the river. Ben cried out with relief, "They turned. How come they turned?"

  "They were only sent to frighten us," shouted the professor.

  Lindy opened her eyes.

  Tom suddenly grew very daring. He took a step forward and glared at a passing Sidewinder. "Boo!" he yelled.

  The creature looked extremely startled and backed into a Sidewinder behind it. This started a chain reaction and, all of a sudden, chaos reigned. Sidewinders went tumbling and falling all over each other in their efforts to get out of the way. The music ran down like an old record. The drums stopped and the creatures piled one on top of the other as they reached the river's edge. They fell with colossal splashes into the golden swirling water and there were terrible discordant sounds as they gurgled and gulped and gasped.

  The professor said firmly, "Now, children, is the time to move. Run home as fast as you can."

  The boys needed no second bidding. Grabbing Lindy by the hand, they raced with her along the path they had traveled earlier. The professor, showing surprising agility for one of his age, kept up with them all the way. In no time at all they burst through the hedge into his garden and safety.

  THREE

  Lindy was tearful. "I hated those things. I don't like it when I get scared. Don't let's go there again."

  Feeling decidedly shaky, the party limped across the lawn, and were completely unprepared for the surprise that was waiting for them in the summerhouse.

  The Prock was sitting comfortably in one of the chairs.

  The professor steadied himself against a post. "Prock, you are an annoying fellow. You turn up at the most inconvenient times." He sank into a chair, breathing heavily.

  It was the first time the boys had ever seen the Prock and they gazed at him apprehensively.

  Lindy stepped forward and said in an angry voice, "You know, you're a very nasty man. You made us horribly frightened and that's not fair. You just apologize."

  The Prock nonchalantly crossed one long leg over the other. "Don't blame me, little girl. The professor knew what to expect. It's his fault for getting you into a situation like that."

  "It's not his fault. And stop calling me 'little girl.' My name is Lindy."

  The Prock rose, eyes glittering with anger. "I came here to give you a warning. If you persist in this adventure, then the Sidewinders are just a beginning. Give up this foolish idea of seeing the Whangdoodle, or it will be the worse for you all."

  The professor said quickly, "Prock, you have said enough. Anything else should be said to me personally and not in front of the children."

  "No, I intend them to hear this. They are the only ones who can prevent you from continuing this mad scheme." The Prock pulled the golden Yo-Yo from his pocket. It bounced and danced violently in front of the boys.

  "Put that thing away!" The professor spoke in such a sharp voice that the children jumped. "You have delivered your warning. Now please go."

  The Prock moved to the doorway in a single sinuous movement.

  "Mark my words well. Think on them. Think hard, or you'll be sorry." Taking hold of a post, he slid around it three times and was gone.

  Lindy said in a small apologetic voice, "Professor, I'm not sure I want to do the adventure anymore. I know the Sidewinders didn't harm us, but they did frighten me so."

  The Professor looked at her fondly. "I know. You were very brave about it."

  "No I wasn't." She began to get tearful again. "I cried, and everything."

  "Well, it's all right to cry. It helps a great deal sometimes, and just think what you accomplished today. You made it to Whangdoodleland. Apart from me, you are the first humans to have been there in hundreds of years. It's a fantastic accomplishment."

  Lindy brightened a little. "We did do it, didn't we?"

  "You bet we did," the professor replied enthusiastically. "And we learned a valuable lesson from our experience with the Sidewinders."

  "What was that?" asked Ben.

  "If you remain calm in the midst of great chaos, it is the surest guarantee that it will eventually subside."

  "But those creatures were really gross," said Lindy, "and the Prock said they were just a beginning."

  "Yeah, what else could he come up with?" demanded Tom.

  "Well," the professor answered, "what weapons has he left? Powerful ones, you may be sure. When all else fails he will resort to using things that can do us most harm. Things like the weapon he used today, which was fear. The Prock banked on the fact that we would be afraid. Tomorrow he may use greed, envy, superstition, pride, lust or selfishness. Not only will he play on our vices, he will undoubtedly use our virtues as well."

  "How could he do that?" asked Ben.

  "Oh, by relying on your generosity, or sentimentality, or even your sense of humor."<
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  "I don't understand any of this," said Lindy. "Lindy, all you have to know is that your greatest weapons are reason and lack of fear."

  "You've been through a lot of this before, haven't you, Professor?" Ben asked.

  "Indeed I have. I have made many excursions into Whangdoodleland and I have faced many dangers, and you can see I'm none the worse for my adventures."

  "Well, there you are, Lindy," said Ben comfortingly. "If the professor can do it, so can we. How about giving it another try?"

  Lindy looked at the professor and the two boys. "Would we see the Whiffle Bird again?" she asked. "Undoubtedly."

  "When should we go to Whangdoodleland again?" Ben wanted to know.

  "As soon as possible. I am sure the Prock is banking on the fact that we've been thoroughly scared. He won't be expecting us to try anything right away. That gives us a great advantage."

  "Won't he know we're there?" said Lindy fearfully.

  "I doubt it. Don't forget, he has a lot to do just being prime minister. I'm certain he only knows where we are when he has time to check."

  "Like he did with me," said Lindy, remembering her walk home from school.

  "Precisely. Now, the best remedy for a bad scare is to turn right around and face whatever frightened you. So are you game for another attempt tomorrow?"

  "Yes," said Ben.

  "Yes," said Tom.

  "Okay," said Lindy.

  "Bravo." The professor beamed. "I have three of the bravest friends in the world. I am tremendously proud of you. Give me your scrappy caps. I don't want you wandering around with those 'on your heads. Go home now. Sleep well. Don't be afraid. I will see you early tomorrow."

  The children wondered how on earth they were going to face their parents. How would they stop themselves from talking about their fantastic adventure? To their surprise it turned out to be much easier than they anticipated.

  When they arrived home they found their mother packing suitcases for the visit to Grandma. Mr. Potter was busy making last-minute phone calls. Ethel was preparing dinner. Nobody paid any particular attention to the children.