A Lady Under Siege

by B. G. Preston

Derek made an exaggerated gesture of zipping his mouth shut. Meghan gathered her thoughts.

  “Thomas,” she began. “I beg you to leave Sylvanne alone. Promise me you won’t force yourself on her, ever again. Can you do that, please?”

  Derek couldn’t help himself. “Maybe he liked it that she bit him. Maybe he thought, ‘What a hellcat! A tigress!’”

  “Stop it. A hellcat is a caged animal, frightened and cornered. That’s why she fought—because there was no escape, nowhere to hide.”

  “Ask him if I’m right. Thomas, am I right?”

  “It’s impossible to talk to you,” she sighed.

  “No, just the opposite. It’s easier than ever. Haven’t you noticed? I’ve gotten on board. I’m taking it seriously. I’m treating Thomas as real. You’re driving, I’m riding shotgun. There’s no map. So the best I can do is throw some ideas out there. For example let me say this: Way to go Thomas, thanks for fucking up and falling off your pedestal, from saint to sinner in fair Meghan’s eyes. I like you better this way, a bit rough around the edges.”

  “You’re making fun of me.”

  “No I’m not,” Derek insisted. “I’m teasing him, not you—the guy obviously has massive feelings for you, and was trying to show it, the only way he knew how.”

  “Massive feelings—your words.” Her mind was a jumble of high emotions, none of which she wanted to share with Derek. “May I say one last thing to Thomas?”

  “Of course.”

  Meghan composed herself, then began to speak, slowly and forcefully. “Thank you for trying to reach me. Remember, when I’m inside Sylvanne, I’m privy to her thoughts, and a prisoner of her feelings. She was alone with her thoughts all night after you left. She’s a very proud woman. There were moments when she hated herself for failing, for falling short in her duty. She could have finished you off with a single stroke of the blade, fast and deep. Why didn’t she? Without that duty fulfilled, what is she? Oftentimes I feel there’s so much guilt bottled up in her—guilt that she failed in her primary duty to her husband, to give him children, and failed even to truly love him as a wife should. Now that he’s dead it’s like she still wants to make it up to him, and wants to finally fulfill her duty to him—it’s come down to one mighty act of revenge, and yet she still can’t do it, she doesn’t want to do it, she wishes someone would talk her out of it. She’s lost. She wants to be rescued.”

  “Is that how she feels, or is that you?” Derek asked.

  “I’m speaking for her. I’m trying to make sense of feelings she can’t articulate.”

  Derek thought a moment before he spoke. “You know what’s funny about this?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Hear me out. Thomas is in my head, right? That means I can talk to him anytime I like, just by thinking. Whereas if you have anything to say to him you have to come over and visit me. So in a way I’m in the driver’s seat, not you. He talks to you, but he listens to me.”

  Meghan looked at him coldly. “I’m still not sure if you’re just fooling with me, or what you’re up to.”

  “Well you’re going to have to trust me to do the right thing,” Derek said. “While you’re here, I’m going to share my advice for our man Thomas. So Thomas, listen up, bud. There’s a clear path you need to follow here: you need to woo this Lady Sylvanne! You owe it to her. You killed her husband. Sorry, but you did. And now she’s all alone in the world, thanks to you. And yet she has some feelings for you. Give the woman a lifeline! Take care of her! You need to win her heart, like a chivalrous knight of old. And luckily for you, you just happen to be one, right?” To Meghan he said, “You’d like it if he did that, wouldn’t you?”

  “Of course I would.”

  “And if they get together, you’ll still get your wish, of getting with Thomas.”

  “Now you’re making it sound too devious,” Meghan objected. “I’m asking him to be kind to her, simply because she deserves it. I don’t want any ulterior motive attached to it. It’s for her, not me.”

  “Then how about this? Thomas! No more talking to Meghan, or even about Meghan, when you’re with Sylvanne. You hear me, pal? Looking into her eyes and telling her you see someone else in there—that’s a total non-starter. That’s pretty much guaranteed to turn her off, my man. If you want to win the poor girl’s heart, do not even say the word Meghan. You hear me?”

  “I think that would be good, actually,” Meghan said. “Yes. She’s just so weary of him constantly talking at her, rather than to her. So I agree—give her a break, Thomas. No talking to me. Talk to her.”

  “See? Once in a while I have a good idea,” Derek said.

  “Once, anyway.”

  “Here’s another one. Thinking only of you and Thomas, of course—there’s another way to get you two unrequited lovebirds together.”

  “Don’t.”

  “No really. Come on. If you and I were to hook up, even for a casual thing, it wouldn’t be casual for Thomas, or for you. The two of you tried to get together through Sylvanne, and it didn’t work out, because Sylvanne wasn’t part of the coalition of the willing. Well I am! Hell, I’m volunteering right now. Sign me up!”

  “It wouldn’t feel the same,” Meghan objected.

  “Don’t reject it outright. Why don’t we ask Thomas what he thinks about it? You sleep on it, then let me know what he has to say. Let him have the last word.”

  36

  Mabel never returned to Sylvanne’s room in the morning. The meal was brought by a young guardsman, who placed a plate and cup inside the door, and lingered there, leering at her, until she screamed at him to get out. Then she was alone again, lying in a fetal curl on the bed, obsessing over every pain and emanation from her body.

  She must have slept most of the day, for when she awoke again the sun was streaming into her bedroom as it did in mid-afternoon. She opened her eyes to see Daphne standing beside her bed, peering down at her.

  “You haven’t been to visit me today. Are you unwell?” the young girl asked her.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Sylvanne answered flatly.

  “It does to me. You’re my friend. Truly my only one.”

  “Then you have none. My friendship was a falsehood. It was an act, meant to gain me favour with your father.”

  “That’s a lie,” Daphne cried.

  “I’m not a monster. I do like you. You’re an innocent in this, and I feel sorry for you. But my sympathy doesn’t change the facts.”

  “I need your friendship,” the young girl pleaded, moving close and touching Sylvanne’s sleeve. Sylvanne pulled her arm away and sat up in the bed.

  “You can’t have it. Leave me alone just now. Go. Please. Get out.”

  Daphne seemed rooted to the spot. Sylvanne slid her feet over the side of the bed and stood up. Daphne came to her, wanting to embrace her, but Sylvanne shoved her away so roughly that the young girl stumbled and fell to the floor.

  “Now look what I’ve done,” Sylvanne murmured. “Please just go. Today it seems I am a monster.”

  “You break my heart!” Daphne cried. She pulled herself to her feet, her face streaming tears, just as her father appeared in the doorway.

  “What are you doing out of your bed? You’re not well enough to be wandering alone,” he scolded her.

  “I wanted to see Sylvanne,” she whimpered.

  “Perhaps she doesn’t wish to see you just now.”

  “She doesn’t want to see me ever!” she wailed. She pushed her way past her father out the door. As the sound of her sobs faded with her retreating footsteps, Thomas glared at Sylvanne, the anger in his eyes tempered by self-blame for the whole sad fiasco.

  She stood before him defiantly. He brought his temper under control, and reminded himself why he had come. “I don’t want us to be enemies anymore,” he said softly. “Last night I slept fitfully, and in my sleep, communication came from Meghan. I have something of great import to tell you, Sylvanne. Meghan has made me promise—she has made me swear
to you that what I attempted to do to you last night will not be repeated. You have nothing more to fear from me. I came to apologize, you see—it was your beauty that truly beguiled me, and I made you suffer for it. From today forward, after these few moments, I will do my best to leave Meghan aside, and speak only to you, and you alone. But for one last time I need to speak to her now. May I?”

  Sylvanne made no move. He came toward her until he could see her in profile, the afternoon light illuminating the soft curve of her neck. “My heart has changed, and it’s thanks to Meghan. For one last time, I ask that you listen, so that she might hear. Let me say it and be done.”

  His manner was humble and respectful, his face unguarded and honest. Despite herself, Sylvanne felt a softening of her heart. With the slightest nod of her head, she bade him continue.

  “Meghan, when we meet in dreams, I perceive you through the eyes and mind of Derek. I feel what he feels, and suffer his joys and longings, his pleasures and disappointments—just exactly as you must experience the life of this lovely young lady I so nearly wronged. But there’s a difference in our circumstances: this poor woman wrestles with demons, and hates me at least by half, while Derek feels only love. He feels love for you in many forms, most especially love at its most lusty. He desires you. He wants you in his bed. I know the effect you have upon him, for I share it fully, and surpass it, even. When he suggested that you make love to him as a way to reach me, it seemed as if you brushed the idea aside. But if you are willing to let me have the last word, then let me speak from the heart.

  “If you were to make love to him, I’m certain you would reach my own heart and soul. Dear Meghan, in Sylvanne’s eyes I’ve glimpsed your presence as a ray of pure light that peeks out from behind her torn loyalty. I ask you to likewise search for me in Derek’s eyes—he’ll be only too happy to let you. I wager that for you, his eyes will open wide as the hungry throat of a newly-hatched songbird.

  “I know your opinion of Derek is not highly favourable, Meghan, but truly, he is not a wicked man. He’s neither spiteful nor malevolent, merely a drunkard and a reveller in strange substances unknown to me, whose properties play tricks upon the mind. His vices are weaknesses that harm only himself. Leave aside his vices, and consider his virtues. Most importantly, consider this: if there’s an earthly garden of tender adoration where you and I might join together as one, it’s through Derek that we will reach it.”

  He fell silent. Sylvanne lifted her eyes to look at him. “Are you finished?” she said.

  “Yes.”

  “Truly finished? Henceforth you’ll no longer speak of this Meghan?”

  “I must put forward a single caveat. If Daphne’s health were to worsen, so that I again feared for her life, then I would need to consult her.”

  “But otherwise, you’ll only speak to me, from now forward?”

  “I will do my best. You must trust me. In time you’ll see the proof of my sincerity.”

  “It’s not your sincerity I doubt. It’s your sanity.”

  “I’m not surprised. Henceforth there’ll be no more chatter about a woman I’ve met only in dreams. Meghan says you’ll find that a relief.”

  “She’s the sole reason you’ve spoken to me at all. What motive will bring you to me now?”

  “A good question. I’m not sure. I suppose I’m used to you. Isn’t that strange? I’ve told you I admire you, in many ways. You’re a woman of fine character. I don’t like the thought of ceasing to talk with you. I like being in your presence. You’re something of a habit. A good one.”

  “Or maybe you wish to soften my heart, in order to win me, and thus win your Meghan too.”

  “You’re clever to think of that, for that was exactly Derek’s idea. But Meghan disallowed that plan. She forbade it. She’s on your side now. The women have banded together. And I suppose the men have too.”

  37

  Anne had opened her office window, hoping to catch a breeze on this muggy afternoon, and now noise from the street intruded. Grinding truck gears and the roar of transit buses combined with the stifling heat to give Meghan a nasty headache. Anne fetched her a glass of water and she drank the whole thing down in one go, finishing off with a gasp of satisfaction. “Whew, that’s better, I hope it helps—I’m not thinking straight,” she complained.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Anne replied. “Often the best sessions happen when people aren’t a hundred percent. Things pop up from the subconscious that surprise you. Now catch me up. What’s been happening to you?”

  Meghan dutifully described it to her—how Sylvanne had lured Thomas to her bed, and swiped at him with the knife, and how he had subdued her, and then so nearly taken her. “I’ve been feeling so guilty about it, because Derek encouraged him to go through with it, and I did nothing to dissuade him.”

  “Derek, your neighbour?”

  “That’s right.”

  “He’s now talking to Thomas?”

  “He says so. I’m still not a hundred percent sure he’s sincere. He claims he’s on board now, that he’s my sidekick, or I’m his, but I’m not sure he really believes me even yet. Not that it matters—he doesn’t have to talk to Thomas directly anyway, Thomas knows his thoughts.”

  “And what does Derek think?”

  “He thinks the best way for Thomas to woo Sylvanne would be to stop mentioning me. Every time Thomas speaks to me through her, she thinks he’s off his rocker, and you can’t fall in love with a man if you think he’s insane. So that means I’m the romance killer in the equation. He’s better off totally leaving me out of it.”

  “And why is it so important that they have a romance?”

  “I’d just like them to,” Meghan said. She could feel herself turning red, because the real answer, the vital truth, was more selfish.

  “You say Derek encouraged Thomas to have sex with her against her will?”

  “Not exactly against her will, but he encouraged him to go for it, thinking she might get caught up in it. Of course he couldn’t have known how it would play out.”

  “You say in hindsight you should have dissuaded him, but at the time you didn’t. Why?

  Meghan hesitated. “I did want Thomas to make love to me,” she admitted. “And the first part, the prelude—the undressing, the first touches—it definitely was everything I hoped it would be.” Becoming self-conscious, she cut herself short.

  Anne waited for her to continue. “This is a place you should feel safe,” she said gently. “I’m not here to judge you. The worst thing you can do is censor yourself. Try to tell me exactly what you’re thinking, as the thoughts come to you.”

  Meghan took a deep breath. “I guess I was going to say that I really wanted him. When she brought him to her bed I was totally ready for her to yield to him, I was hoping she would yield to him, but then the knife came out, and everything changed. He pressed ahead, but Sylvanne wasn’t yielding anymore. I was left feeling her fury, her disappointment, her hatred, of him and of herself. But underneath all that, what I felt most was my own longing, my own desire not getting fulfilled.”

  “It’s not a rare occurrence for two people to feel a desire that can never be fulfilled,” Anne said. “For example when one or both are already married to someone else. Literature is full of couples like that, and if the lovers do link up the results are usually disastrous.”

  “Thomas and I are both single, at least,” Meghan said, managing a faint smile.

  “Still, you’re experiencing a kind of fixation on someone you can’t have, not unlike, say, a woman who falls for a married man. In that case the best thing is to get over the fixation and move on.”

  “But there’s another option we haven’t tried yet,” Meghan said tentatively. “It was Derek’s idea, but Thomas gave it the seal of approval last night. He said if I were to make love to Derek, he’d feel it. He said we could reach each other that way.”

  “Derek. The same man you describe as an obnoxious boor.”

  “He’s not
always so bad. He’s helped me out reading medical books. He’s very good with Betsy. I know it sounds strange.”

  “And Derek is agreeable?”

  “He suggested it. I was ambivalent about it when he said it, but now that Thomas is eager, I’m leaning that way.”

  “And what are you planning on saying when you see Derek next?”

  “I don’t know,” Meghan lied, for she had already made up her mind. She lowered her head, afraid to meet Anne’s eyes.

  “Do you ever face up to the fact you will never be able to truly meet Thomas?” Anne asked. “If he existed at all, it was far away in time, in the distant past. For now, he exists, and always will, only when you dream.”

  “You make him sound like a figment,” Meghan objected. “He’s more than that. He’s proven that.”

  “Has he?”

  “He thanked me for my medical advice. He told me all about Derek’s visit to his mother, something I couldn’t have known.”

  “He told you about it in your dreams. People do occasionally dream things that turn out to be true.”

  “He’s more than a dream.”

  Meghan’s face was set in hard defiance. Anne looked at her and thought for a moment. “I’m going to suggest something,” she said finally. “I’m going to give you a prescription for a specific sleeping pill. One of its side effects is that you will not have dreams, or rather if you do, you won’t be troubled by them, because you won’t remember them.” She went to her desk and scribbled a prescription on a pad, then handed it to Meghan.

  “You’re telling me to get over him.”

  “Let me put it this way—for an attractive, newly single woman like yourself, there are plenty of potential partners around with advantages over Thomas, or Derek.”

  “I thought I was your special case, that you’d want to see this all the way through, not cut it short with medication,” Meghan protested.

  “As a doctor it’s my duty to act in your best interest. If I see that you’re starting to engage in behaviours that are self-destructive or inappropriate, then I need to intervene.”