by Lexi Ostrow
He smiled at his mom and his eyes caught on the brandy. “Yup going to need a few of these tonight.” He went to the cart and poured himself a glass before his mom walked over and he kissed her on the cheek. “Do you think I’m doing something wrong?”
“I think it’s a little crazy. But my son has always been stubborn and does what he wants anyway.”
“Now it’s rude to talk about me when I’m not in the room.” Jake walked around the corner holding the red serving dish filled with whipped sweet potatoes. He kissed their mother on the cheek and set the dish down on the table. He shrugged and tugged on his tie. “Anyone want to tell me why we’re pretending like its Christmas again?”
Nick swallowed hard. He really didn’t want to tell Jake. He’d never been super close to Jake, but they’d always had each other’s backs. Part of him was breaking that bond tonight. He’d be lying if he pretended he still didn’t remember stopping Jake from asking her out at that ball. He’d wanted her for himself even if he hadn’t had the balls to get her.
“Leena had a crappy Christmas because I schemed and brought her here. She deserves this. Plus if I have to hear one more time that she didn’t get to wear the Valentino dress I bought for her, I’m going to rethink dating her.”
Nick and his mom laughed, but Jake’s mouth set in a tight line. More proof that he didn’t need his brother knowing his plans in advance. Leena walked into the dining room then and he felt his breath catch.
She was beautiful in boring work clothes and tight bun. She was breathtaking in the red gown. It clung to her every curve and pushed up her breasts, making them appear larger in size. Her hair was curled and shifted to the side, the tips brushed against the swell of her breasts and drawing his eye right back to them. When he finally remembered to look at her face she was flushing.
“You look beautiful, Leena.” He even sounded a little out of breath as he talked. He leaned down to kiss her and she turned her face and he kissed her cheek. He frowned for a second and realized she was never one for PDA with her other dates and his mom and Jake were in the room.
“You do look amazing, Leena,” his mother added in as they both sat down at the table.
Jake hadn’t said a word, but Nick also noticed he hadn’t taken his eyes off Leena. Possession flared in him and he wanted to grab Leena and kiss her, but he tipped the glass of brandy back instead and coughed. It was a little stronger than his bottle at the office.
“Jake, go ahead and sit. Peter will be out in a minute I’m sure and I’ve got drinks. Mom, you’re good to go, I need another brandy, what do you both want?”
“How about a rum and coke?” He was tempted to tell his brother he’d want something stronger, but made it anyway and put in down. Leena’s face was scrunched in an adorable way. She didn’t drink often and they were out of wine.
Damnit, why didn’t you remember to get more?
“I think I actually want a sprite, if no one minds.” She fiddled with her hands and he pictured the ring on her finger and smiled.
“Sure thing.” He was too busy looking at her and nearly crashed into Peter as they crossed paths.
“Whoa!” Peter raised the plate as high as he could and swerved. “Nobody worry. The ham is safe.”
Everyone laughed and Nick could hear them commenting on the food as he grabbed a can of sprite from the fridge and poured it into a champagne fluke and went to give it to her.
“Presentation is everything,” he said with a wink as he slid the glass in front of her.
She smiled and he was glad he was sitting because he almost lost his balance. “Gets the clients, that’s for sure.”
“Alright, Elaine has never let me cook before, but she had other things to do, like reset the table. So if the food is awful, blame Nick for wanting to recreate Christmas dinner.”
He choked laughing on a swig of brandy and coughed. “Actually, before we eat I’ve got something I need to do.” He took Leena’s right hand in his and turned his body so he was facing her. She gave him a strange look and he squeezed her hand, reassuring them both. His left hand clutched the ring in his pants pocket through the fabric.
“Leena, I’m sorry I lied to get you up here and I’m sorry Christmas didn’t exactly happen as planned. But what did happen was us. Something that I should have gone after years ago.” She flushed and grabbed for the sprite. “I was afraid and I could have lost you for taking so long. I’m not afraid anymore. I’m elated. This has been the best week of my life and I owe it all to you.” He stood, still holding her hand and grabbed the ring, but didn’t take it out of his pocket. “I don’t want to wait longer and make any more mistakes. Leena Kensy, I love you. For what must have been years, but being with you has only shown me how much I love you. It doesn’t have to be fast, I’m ok with long. But if I don’t ask, and you’re too tired of waiting I could lose everything.” He pulled the ring out and extended his hand to her with it laying on his open palm. “Leena Kensy, will you marry me?”
Her eyes went wide and the glass of sprite slid out her hands. The shatter should have made her twitch, but it didn’t. Neither did the cold splash of soda on her arm. For a split second she gasped as she thought about the beautiful dress.
She didn’t move though. Her mouth didn’t open and her eyes didn’t change from the deer-in-the-head-lights look she had on. Her heart felt like it stopped beating. This was what she’d wanted for so many years. It was real.
And she couldn’t bring herself to say yes.
A Christmas wish that was never supposed to come true, did. Right as her heart had meshed with someone else’s. She should have spent more time listening to her heart today. She hadn’t been any closer to the right answer than when she’d spent an amazing time in Jake’s bed.
She was silently screaming at herself to look at Jake. Just for a split second. But she didn’t know how to pull her eyes away from Nick. There was this amazingly sexy, smart, successful and wonderful man holding up a ring and asking to marry her. She could feel her mouth trying to twist to say the word yes, but nothing was coming out.
There was no way to deny that she had feelings for both men. But she wasn’t so certain that what she felt with Nick was stronger than what she felt for Jake. She’d always wanted Nick yes, but she and Jake had fit together in a way that she and Nick didn’t. She couldn’t not talk forever though, and her heart wasn’t chiming in with the right choice. No screaming urge to say yes and no burning desire to tell him she couldn’t because of Jake.
Leena had never had a panic attack before and one wasn’t being kind enough to happen now to push this event off for a later time. She cursed herself for not being ready. But this had blindsided her. Nick making a move, that hadn’t too much because she’d always hoped he would. Always hoped he felt that little thread that tugged them together.
But a proposal?
The idea was so romantic she should have thrown herself at him and shouted yes over and over. She couldn’t though. As much as she wanted to be his wife, she wanted to be Jake’s more. But what if he wasn’t this serious and she ruined things when she could be perfectly happy with Nick, because she’d always been perfectly happy with Nick.
Nick laughed and she jumped at the sound, it was unexpected. “Leena, did you hear me? Did I shock you too much?” He sounded concerned, but not as concerned as a man who could be possibly be shot down.
Her eyes looked away from his finally. His mother was smiling and Peter had a twinkle in his eye. Jake was completely unreadable. Nothing in his expression looked like a man about to lose the woman he claimed to love. Their eyes locked and his hold on his emotions failed. She watched as he swallowed so hard his neck got too small, and as his pupils dilated in anger.
“Leena?”
She turned to look back at Nick. If Nick was ready for this, then why couldn’t she be? She was opening her mouth to answer when a loud thump came from across the table and dished clattered around on the glass. Her eyes pulled immediately back to Jake’s
. They were so blue they looked black from his anger. Nick’s did the same thing after a bad client meeting.
“Well, what the fuck are you waiting for, Leena? Prince Charming is proposing. Can’t fucking get any better than this.” His teeth were clenched together so hard the tension was etched on his cheeks. He pushed backwards and stood up. “The word you’re looking for, Princess Leena, is yes.”
His nostrils flared and he threw the napkin onto the table. “Jake-”
“Please excuse me. I don’t really feel like watching this.” He walked past her and Nick and didn’t look at her.
She sucked in air, her heart screaming at her to go after him. But she wouldn’t. He’d told her to say yes. He’d pushed the trigger and killed whatever they may have had, even if she was only going to ask Nick for a day or two to process. Anger reared its ugly head. She wasn’t going to be pushed away for no reason. She had feelings for Nick. She always had and she barely knew Jake, her feelings for him would go away sooner or later. Because he’d forced her hand, he’d pushed her and Nick together. She wasn’t going to pull back just because he’d been as surprised by the proposal as she had. She’d looked to him for support, for a way to bring everything to the surface for her and he’d stared back and told her to do it.
Tears stung her eyes and she took a deep breath. “Yes Nick. I would love to marry you.” She felt him slip the tiny ring on her finger and his hands were tangling in her hair, tugging her across the small space and kissing her.
She heard his mother and Peter shouting and though she wasn’t one hundred percent certain this was the best way to enter into an engagement, she closed her eyes and lost herself in her fiancé’s kiss.
Chapter 12
He was breathing so deeply it was deafeningly loud. Jake grabbed his suitcase from the corner of the room and threw it with a crash onto the bed. He began snatching his clothes from the drawers and throwing them into the suitcase cursing to himself.
“Fucking asshole, Jake. You have no idea why the fuck she was pausing did you?” He turned and grabbed his snow boots, trading them for his loafers and throwing the loafers into the messy suitcase. “Oh no just go ahead and tell her to fucking say yes.”
He jerked the zipper so hard the little part a person held snapped off and he threw it at the wall like a child. He was torn between dropping to the bed and having a good old cry and bolting out of the house. He wasn’t going to leave like a child though. He’d do it with some dignitary and maturity.
Grabbing the suitcase off the bed it thunked into the ground and hit the back of his leg. “Son of a bitch!” He bit his lip to try and stop the trail of pain traveling up his leg as he opened the door.
He could hear them all in the dining room and he wanted to hit something. Not one of them had reacted to his childish behavior and if the sounds coming his way were any indication his little brother was now engaged. He’d pushed the woman he was in love with into another man’s arms. The look in her eyes hadn’t been an I’m sorry. It had been her pleading for him to say something.
He wasn’t going to help her. She had gotten herself into the mess between him and his brother and while he hadn’t helped, he wasn’t the one jerking around with two people. She was. So he hadn’t helped her.
Not wanting to be ruder to his parents than he already was, he left the luggage at the garage door and walked into the dinning room. As expected all the chatter stopped and he couldn’t stop himself from looking at Leena’s hand. Sure enough, his mother’s engagement ring from his birth father was on her hand. He felt bile raising in his stomach and threatening to come up. He’d lost her. All because he hadn’t wanted to help her let Nick down gently, if that’s really what the look had meant.
Well fuck that. And fuck her. If she’d been so ready to pick you then she still would have even after your prick move.
“Sorry. I had an emergency earlier and can’t sit here and pretend to be happy.” Nick raised an eyebrow at the outright lie but his mother and Peter didn’t. Leena wouldn’t even look at him. She was twisting the damn ring around her finger and watching it as it went. He growled low and he was embarrassed, but no one commented on his display of immaturity.
His mother stood up first. “Is everything alright, dear?” She hugged him and he kissed her cheek. Leena finally looked up and their eyes met. They weren’t filled with joy as they might have been, but they were hard and angry.
“Things just didn’t go as planned on a project, Mother, so I need to go now.”
“Project?” Leena’s voice was shrill and she jumped up. Her hand at her side was twitchy and he smirked at the idea of her slapping him.
“Yes, the one we talked about, Leena. It seems it fell through after all.” He nodded to her and walked to give Peter a hug. He didn’t touch Nick, just nodded as well. “I’ll see myself out. Sorry to ruin everyone’s big night.” He turned and started walking to the rental car.
“Jake.”
Her voice was level again and he froze. It took every ounce of muscle not to turn and look her.
“Don’t do anything stupid.”
He wanted to acknowledge the comment with so many different retorts. Instead, he forced his feet to walk and grabbed at his suitcase, cursing as it slammed into the front of his knee this time.
That wasn’t the last of the pain he was going to feel tonight. He had a very long plane ride once he got ahold of the pilot and a very large hole in his heart to fill with alcohol.
Chapter 13
The ring on her finger was beautiful. It was a little loose and the sterling silver ring twisted easily around her ring finger. She had no idea the story behind it, because every time Nick tried to tell her last night someone had started talking wedding dates.
Wedding dates when she hadn’t said “I love you” back to him. He was snoring behind her, his body a furnace. She’d slept with him last night. Not sex, not with his family here. But she’d lain with him in bed and slept with him.
It really had been nice. She’d felt safe, content and peaceful sleeping in his arms. But the problem had been that she really hadn’t slept. Her mind wouldn’t let go of Jake. Of how things had ended. Of how her feelings for him hadn’t just ended as easily as he’d walked out the door.
She exhaled, a long slow release of breath and felt the tears spring into her eyes. Every time she stopped thinking about being Mrs. Nick DeMarco her thoughts turned to Jake and the tears came. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy, she had everything she’d wished for. It was that she wasn’t happy with how she had left things between her and Jake.
Carefully, she snaked her hand out from the blanket and grabbed her cell phone. She’d had the most tranquil dream of her life; she was standing next to Jake looking at a raptor in the snow. It stared at them, and vanished into thin air. Whenever she dreamed they were normally rough and violent. Symptomatic of needing to take sleeping pills because she’d drank so much caffeine her body wouldn’t sleep. So the peacefulness of everything drew her attention.
Raptors in dreams. It seemed like the most logical place to start and when twelve serious looking URL’s popped up she wasn’t certain which one to go with. So she picked the first non sponsored ad – she wasn’t an idiot, a paid ad didn’t make it the best ad.
Her eyes scanned over the small screen and her breath caught in her throat when she came to what she was looking for; a raptor staring back at you. She read the words over and over in her head and tried to convince herself it was dumb luck. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in dream interpretation, she just wasn’t sure how to fully look at this.
A raptor, non violent and staring, meant an acceptance of letting go of the past. Too cookie cutter perfect for her right now because she was letting go of the past. She was saying goodbye to assistant Leena and boss Nick DeMarco and entering into a dream age of being Mrs. Nick DeMarco. She should have been happy, that she was so willing to accept the unemployment change that quick. But a small voice in the back of her head refused to s
top chiming in that it had been Jake standing next to her in the snow. Not Nick.
So what are the odds that it means Nick is the raptor, fading into my past and Jake is my future?
“Morning, Leena.” Nick’s voice was scratchy and warm on the back of her neck.
She was pulled inadvertently from her worries. A small smile did curve on her lips as she felt him pull her closer to him. He was everything she had hoped for and she needed to put the idea of a future with Jake out of her head.
She turned so she was facing him and he kissed her. As always it set of a hungry response in her and she went to wrap her arms around his neck but he growled a warning. “Not yet, Leena.”
As hot as she found his commands the last two times, she found them incredibly frustrating right now. Her body wasn’t his to command anymore than his was hers. You’re going to need to get past that Leena. You didn’t know that side of him until this week but you sure didn’t tell him you didn’t like it. Because she had liked it. Just not all the time apparently.
She pulled back, nipping at his lower lip because she really did love kissing him. “Not right now, Nick. Your mother is ready to talk my ear off with wedding plans.” She hadn’t meant for the words to be a bitter laced but they were and she knew Nick heard it.
“Leena-”
“It’s fine, Nick. I’m sorry. I’m just a little overwhelmed and when you said we could kind of take it slow, well I would like that. A lot. I feel like Cinderella only I’m not ready to rush. My parents know you, but yours don’t know me. I feel like there are just milestones I want us to reach before going so far as to pick a date and look at dresses online.”
She wasn’t lying to him. She was happy. She was a little torn over his brother, but she was happy to be marrying him. Had Jake not shown up, nothing in the world would have taken her away from Nick. So maybe he was just fate’s way of confusing her, testing. She’d been ready to turn Nick down last night. Not quite for Jake, but because of her feelings for someone other than him.