Wanting More

by Jennifer Foor

  “Conner, you know my situation. Just tell me what you’re thinking about doing. Nothing can ruin our friendship.”

  “This ain’t about a friendship, Amy.” I stood up and walked around the room.

  “Fine! You’re not just my friend, Conner. You’re right, you’ve always been more to me, but it doesn’t change our situation.”

  “But sleeping with Heather would, right?”

  I turned around to look at her shocked face. “Why would you ask me that? You said you weren’t going to do it. Did you lie to me?”

  I grabbed her arms and got closer to her. “No! I didn’t lie to you, but everything has changed now. She’s sabotaged my sister’s happiness.”

  She threw her arms in the air. “Why does it have to be sex? Why Conner? It just seems like an excuse to sleep with her.”

  I approached her from behind and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her back into my chest. “Maybe it won’t come to that, but I was tryin’ to do the right thing and tell you the truth, because when this is all said and done, no matter how it turns out, I want to be with you.”

  “I can’t deal with this. Do what you have to do, Conner. I can’t stop you and I don’t even have the right to.”

  “You do though. Hell, I wish you would just fight me about it. Get mad, but fucking say how you feel.”

  Her hands formed into fists and she pushed me away from her. “I hate my life! I hate that I have to live in that house with that disgusting excuse for a man. I hate that I can’t find a way out no matter how bad I want to. I hate that you touch her and let her do things to you. Most of all I hate how I feel about you, Conner. Do you hear me? I hate feeling this way because of you. Please just go do what you have to do.”

  I took her into my arms and held her tightly against my body. “The only thing I have to do right now, is be with you. You can fight me all you want, but you and I are aren’t leavin’ this place until you calm down.”

  Tears poured out of her eyes and I felt like I couldn’t get away from over emotional people. I knew I was going to hurt her, but in the long run, even if she never forgave me, I wanted her to know I was honest to her. I owed her that much. “I’ll be fine. I always am.”

  “Yeah, I get that, but you also always find your way back to me. I just need you to promise me that I’m still goin’ to be your go-to guy.”

  She finally stopped fighting and let me hug her. “Well, it’s not like anyone else wants the job.”

  “Maybe because they know I will fuckin’ kill them.”

  She patted me on the shoulder. “You have to go. Rick comes home tonight and if you’re going to be indisposed, I have to put on a happy face and have his dinner ready.”

  “There’s just one more thing I came here to tell you, Amy.”

  “What? Put poison in his dinner?”

  I leaned down and kissed her, holding her lips to mine, knowing this could be the last time I got to do it. “I love you, Amy.”

  Chapter 20

  Amy

  Speechless! That's what I was.

  Conner stood right in front of me with the most serious face I had ever seen him have. This beautiful man had just said something to me that changed everything. He'd been waiting patiently for me to make a decision and this was his last Hail Mary.

  "Did you hear me, darlin'? I just told you that I loved you and you're just standin' there like you didn't hear me."

  I wanted to break into a crying fit. There was nothing that I wanted more than to be able to tell Conner how I really felt about him. I was so flabbergasted and overcome with pure happiness. "I heard you. I just wasn't expecting you to say something like that."

  Conner reached his arm around me and used his other to brush his fingers over my lips. "I can be a selfish man, Blaze. I’ve always taken what I wanted and didn't think about who I hurt to get it. I've done everything different with you though. I've been patient and I've sure as hell been understanding with your situation. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to sit at a damn table with that son of a bitch that put his hands on you. You don't know how hard it was for me to not knock his ass out."

  "I would have been happy if you had. He means nothing to me."

  He brushed our noses, letting his lips barely touch mine. "Are you sayin' that because maybe you're in love with someone else?"

  His kiss was slow and steady. As it intensified, I felt his hands reaching up the back of my shirt. My emotions were all over the place. I pulled away from Conner just enough to catch my breath. "I..."

  His phone started ringing and he grabbed it out of his pocket. "Hold that thought, darlin'."

  Conner played with my hair as he answered the phone, but in the short time it took him to say 'hello', his hand dropped and his face turned bone white.

  He put the phone down and looked at me with a terrifying look on his face. "I have to go."

  He didn't explain who was on the other line, or why he left in such a hurry. I knew something was wrong for him to bolt out the door the way he did. I grabbed my own phone and started dialing numbers, trying to make sure Miranda was alright, but it kept going to voicemail. I'd never seen Conner look like that before, so I ran out into the parking lot, but he was already pulling away. I went back inside and walked over to sit down until I could get someone to answer their phone. After calling Conner and Miranda's number with no answer, I heard the salon door opening. I got up and started running toward it. "Conner, my God, what is..."

  Rick stood there with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "How long you been fucking him, you little slut?"

  I backed a few steps away from him. "What are you talking about?" It wasn't like I could tell the truth about it.

  He pointed toward the door. "You want me to believe that when you've been here in the dark with him for the last forty minutes?"

  I shook my head. "No, he came to talk about Heather, I swear. I was closing up when he pulled in and I just sat and talked to him."

  He walked toward me, frightening me more with each step. I backed up until I hit a station and prepared myself for what was coming. "You expect me to believe such a bullshit story? Give me your damn phone."

  He held out his hand and to prevent things from getting physical, I reached in my pocket and handed him my phone. I watched him looking through my messages and flipping through it. He held it up so I could see it dialing and put it on speaker phone. It rang four times before I heard what I feared.

  "Hey, you got Conner. You know what to do next."

  Without hitting the end button, Rick took my phone and broke it in half. "How much you want to bet me that number shows up all over our phone bill?"

  I don't know why, but I was more upset with him breaking my phone than the fear of him putting his hands on me. "We're friends, that's all, I swear."

  The back of his hand hit my cheek and sent me falling to the hard floor. I caught myself with my hands and felt the sting through both of my wrists. "Stop lying, cunt! How long have you been fucking him?"

  So many things were running through my mind, but most of all Conner's words repeated. He loved me. I clenched my fists and sat up, rubbing my face. "Why do you even care? You've been cheating on me for years. Hell, you'd think you'd be happy if someone else wanted me so you could move one of your little road conquests right in."

  Another slap hit me, but this time I blocked it with my hands. The force sent me down, but there was no harm done to my face. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to stand up in front of him. The pain felt like each follicle was being ripped out of my scalp. "You think I am going to let you just walk away and be with someone else? I ain't being laughed at in my own damn town, you hear me?" He put his hand around my neck to prevent me from looking away from him. "Now, you're going to go home and make me dinner and when your little boyfriend tries to call you, he ain't going to get an answer. In fact, if I even catch you talking to him again, I'll fucking kill you...and that's a promise."

  I couldn't hold back th
e tears. "Just kill me now and get it over with. You've already taken everything that I loved and ruined it. I hate you so much!"

  "You think I give a damn about your feelings? I'm going to tell you right now, that bastard shows up at my house and I'm going to put a bullet in his head. That'll give your dumb ass something to cry about."

  "Rick, he has nothing to do with this."

  "Keep on talking. You're only proving that he has everything to do with it. Have you forgotten that this is my business and not yours? You have nothing you stupid bitch, you hear me? Nothing!"

  He let go of my neck and picked up my purse off the desk. "You're riding home with me. You try to run and so help me god, I will find you and you will be sorry."

  I wiped the tears from my face that were more for Conner than anything he was threatening. "I'll go with you Rick, just please leave him out of it. It was all me anyway. I came onto him and tonight he told me he wasn't interested. He's going back to Kentucky and not coming back."

  "Walk!"

  With him not giving me his word, I worried about him hunting down Conner. It wasn't that I thought he couldn't handle himself. In all honesty, Conner could take Rick down easily, but I didn't want him involved. The man had come to tell me that he loved me and instead of me saying it back, I wasn't going to ever talk to him again.

  On the ride home, Rick said more degrading things to me, but I was so numb that I heard none of it. Conner's words to me were all I could think of. I shouldn't have hesitated. I should have told him the very next second that he was everything I ever wanted and the thought of being without him was terrifying to me. He needed to know that I was so madly in love with him that I would let him go to protect him.

  Rick never touched me again that night. He barely said two words to me when I gave him his plate of food. Obviously, I had no appetite and chose to retire to my bedroom for the night. I just wanted to talk to him one last time and know that everyone was okay. I sat in the bathtub and cried my eyes out for the longest time. Something had happened to make Conner leave me like he did and now I had no way of knowing what it was. I was worried about him and his family. I kept hoping that it wasn't Miranda. She could have been in early labor.

  I was never going to be free from this man. I knew if I called the police he would eventually get out and come after me. This was never going to end. I was stuck in this awful situation, with no family or friends to help me.

  I didn't know what to do. I had two grand hidden at the salon, but running wasn't going to be the answer. He would find me and hurt me worse. I was petrified of how much worse it could get if I continued to fight him.

  When I finally climbed into bed, I cried myself to sleep.

  Chapter 21

  Conner

  Nothing could have stopped me from hearing Amy's reaction, well, nothing except hearing that my sister had been in an accident. Ty's father had made the call to me, so I could only assume that he had bolted down the road to get to where she and Bella were. I knew it was serious when he said we all needed to get there as soon as possible. I mean, nothing can prepare you for hearing that, especially when it's someone that you love.

  My sister was always the constant in my life; the one person that was always there for me no matter how bad I'd fucked up. By the time I got back to the farm, they were waiting in their vehicle. I climbed in the back, shaking worse than I had my whole life. Losing my dad as a kid was awful, but not knowing how severe things were made me think that there was a possibility that I could lose my sister.

  I heard my cell ringing a few times, but I couldn't answer it to explain what was happening. I just needed to get to Miranda.

  You know things are bad when you get to a hospital and the person you are looking for is still in surgery. Ty's parents weren't able to find Ty, because he was back in some area that they wouldn't let us get through. We had to sit there not knowing what was happening. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the rest of the family showed up. My aunt went and got two hotel rooms to sleep in once we got some news. My mother went all apeshit on the staff and finally located Bella. We were so relieved to hear about her not being injured. Unfortunately, Bella had some news of her own.

  She came out with a nurse and ran toward me first, and then my mother. She was my little buddy, especially after living with her for so long. As the family huddled around her she started to get upset. "Where did my daddy go?"

  "He's back with mommy, Bells."

  She shook her head. "No, they won't let us see her. He told me when we saw Jake and Jax. Daddy was crying real bad."

  I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight. "He's just worried. Daddy will be fine."

  "I just want to go home, Uncle Conner. Mommy had the babies so now we get to go home." She didn't understand and it broke my damn heart into pieces.

  "Mommy is getting fixed by the doctors." My mother tried to make her understand.

  "Does she have boo boos?" Her little lip was trembling.

  My mother started playing with Bella's blonde hair. "Yeah, baby, she's got boo boos."

  Things were better with the whole family together, but as the time went by, we were losing hope that my sister was going to make it. Finally, we learned that she had been taken to the ICU. Since she was out of surgery and there was nothing else we could do, half of us went back to the hotel to get a good night’s sleep. Savanna and Colt stayed with my mother, while all the rest of us tried to get some rest. With my sister not out of the woods, I laid there wide awake. There were two beds in the room and Ty's parents were already asleep in one of them. Bella and I laid together in the other one. She cuddled up in my arms and traced my tattoo. "Uncle Conner, how come you're not married?"

  "Cause when I was your age I got cooties." I tickled her when I said it and she squealed.

  "You don't have cooties. Mommy says only little boys get cooties."

  I kissed the top of her head. "How'd you get so smart kiddo?"

  She shrugged her little shoulders. "I have no idea. Is Noah coming here tomorrow?"

  "No, he is home with Auntie Lucy."

  "I don't like it here. I'm scared."

  She kept tracing the lines on my arm and I could tell she was sad. "Were you scared when you got into the accident?"

  "We hit a deer. Mommy said it happens all the time. I wish my daddy was with us. I heard mommy yelling his name."

  If I'd have tried harder none of us would even be here. I felt like I could have prevented it all if I'd only thrown myself into my Heather project. My sister was fighting for her life, while Ty was hanging onto the notion of losing them either way.

  "Your mommy and daddy love each other very much. He got here as fast as he could." Drunk or not, he'd made it there in one piece.

  "Did you know I got to see my brothers?"

  It was a good time to change the subject. "I bet they're cute."

  She shrugged. "Yeah."

  She got sad again and started to sniffle. "What's wrong Bells?"

  "What if daddy and mommy love them more than me? Will I have to live somewhere else?"

  I sat up and grabbed her little face. "You listen here. Your mommy and daddy love you all the same. You know you're their special girl. Don't even think stuff like that, kiddo."

  "I want my daddy."

  She must have woke up Ty's mom because she reached her arms out and called for her. Bella went running over and climbed into bed with her grandmother.

  I checked my messages and was disappointed that I had nothing from Amy. I hated that I could only call her certain times. Right now, I needed to hear her pretty voice. I'm sure by now she was worried sick.

  A little later my phone vibrated and woke me up. I hoped it was Amy but it ended up being that bitch Heather instead. Because of her, my sister was lying in a hospital bleeding to death. Because of her, two little children may not ever meet their mother. I filled with rage as I stared at the text message and thought about what I wanted to say. I never wanted someone to die until I
met Rick, but Heather was the worst kind of evil. She didn't care who she hurt. She needed to pay for what she'd done and I was the only person to make it happen.

  I sent a message that I went home for a couple days and put my phone back in my pocket. When I got back to town, this shit was going to end and I would be the one walking out with what I needed. I had to fix things for my sister. After all of this, she needed to be happy about something.

  For the next two days it was still touch and go for Miranda. Once we got through the first night, we all got hopeful that she was going to pull through. I can’t even explain the way I felt when we heard the doctor telling us the news. I thought my mother was going to pass out. I spent most of my time with the family and tried to keep my mind off of not hearing from Amy. I'd left her several messages and even tried to call her at the salon. I couldn't understand why I hadn't heard from her. It made me even more upset when I overheard Ty's mom telling my mom that she had called Miranda's boss and let her know what was going on.

  Amy knew what I was going through and she hadn't tried to call me. It made no sense.

  Then it came to me.

  She didn't love me and didn't want to tell me while I was dealing with my sister being in the hospital.

  I had been so sure of her feelings for me. I could have sworn that when I told her I loved her, she was going to say it too. She'd even said how she cared about me before. It made no sense at all.

  I'd never told a woman those three words. Hell, I'd never felt the things that I felt for Amy. She'd made my cocky ass want to be someone better. I just couldn't believe she'd just blow me off like that. I couldn't believe she would hurt me like that.

  Seeing my nephews for the first time was pretty cool and at least kept my mind off of my broken heart. They were so small and hooked up to all kinds of little wires. I hated seeing them so tiny and fragile, but they gave me hope, somehow.