Wanting More

by Jennifer Foor

  One week turned into four and all of my hopes of ever being able to talk to Conner again were slowly fading away.

  I’d considered driving to the farm and begging him for another chance. I’d even considered telling Miranda the whole truth and pleading with her to help me. The problem was that I was still married and all of the help in the world couldn’t fix my current situation. Conner wasn’t ever going to forgive me until I could forgive myself and just walk away.

  While trying to figure out a way out of my awful life, I started looking into Rick’s mail when he wasn’t watching me. I had cloned his phone, but never caught him making any calls to anyone suspicious. With him being home, my spy time was limited. At night, I’d followed him to work a couple times, but he never met anyone before he went in. I was beginning to think that maybe Rick had been telling the truth all along. Maybe he really did want to work things out with me.

  That scared me even more. I’d promised to be with a man I was trying to take down and the only thing I could dig up on him was that for once he was being honest.

  My way out wasn’t looking bright anymore and my hope of ever being with Conner again was fading into a forgotten dream.

  Chapter 31

  Conner

  I was tired of waiting and there was only one way to end this game.

  Play it my way.

  Pushing Amy away that night at the bar was the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done in my life. She didn’t know it, but once I saw her pull away, I drove myself home. Ty and Miranda asked me what was wrong and I just told them I didn’t feel good. Besides, the damn bartender was getting on my last nerve, always trying to get me to take her somewhere.

  Seeing the pain in her eyes and hearing her beg me to reconsider played in my head for days. It didn’t help that she continued to reach out to me for some kind of hope that we still had a chance of being together.

  What Amy didn’t understand was that I was just waiting for her to take that leap of faith and show up at my door. I hadn’t given up on her, not just yet. She was where I wanted to be, I just needed her to let it happen.

  Seeing her with Rick was the last straw for me. I know she was claiming to be pretending, although seeing her in the grocery store and watching him touching her, well, it was just too much to handle. It was like she was nailing my coffin. I could see it in her eyes that she was sorry, but it wasn’t good enough anymore. I’d changed everything about myself to keep her safe and offer her a happy life, while she continued to live under the same roof with someone who’d done nothing but repeatedly hurt her.

  I was hardheaded and tired of being the second priority. Maybe it was selfish of me to not give her more time, but I just couldn’t handle it. When I left that grocery store, I glued myself to Ty and Miranda to keep from wanting to take a pill. I just wanted the pain to go away and it was the fast way to make it happen.

  When Thanksgiving came around and we were in Kentucky, I found myself missing Amy more than ever. I wasn’t there for an hour before I broke down and sent her a text message and honestly, I figured she would have kept the phone turned off by now, or maybe even thrown it away.

  I miss my Blaze.- C

  A couple hours went by before my phone buzzed. I was in the woods with my family scoping out hunting spots. My stomach was in knots anticipating what I was about to read. She could have been telling me to burn in hell, I just didn’t know.

  I miss you more. – A

  Can I call you? – C

  Yes. – A

  I had to walk around in the woods to find a spot with good enough service before I could call. I swear my heart was beating so fast as the phone began to ring. When I heard her voice, I just felt like driving back to North Carolina and getting her.

  Hello?

  Hey darlin’. God, it’s good to hear your voice.

  She immediately started crying and I don’t think she was trying to hide it from me.

  I thought you were never going to talk to me again. I miss you so much, Conner.

  Yeah, that’s why I sent you that message. I miss you too. How have you been?

  Aside from my heart being broken? Just peachy.

  Amy, you pushed me away. If anyone’s heart is broken it’s mine. I gave it all to you and you didn’t want it.

  That’s not true, Conner.

  Yeah, I think it is. I gave you so many reasons to be with me, but you stayed with him anyway. Is he still being Mr. Perfect?

  Did you call me to be mean?

  I ran my hands through my hair and realized I was being an ass. I half expected her to hang up on me for it.

  I’m sorry, darlin’. I guess I’m still torn up over it.

  Conner, time isn’t going to change how much I love you. You can push me away all you want, but I’ve never stopped wanting you.

  Well, I need more than you’re willin’ to give me.

  So did you go out and find something to make you happy?

  Are you really askin’ me if I’ve hooked up with someone else?

  Well, I saw the bartender that night you broke up with me and since you’re home in Kentucky, I just figured they’d all be lining up.

  It made me laugh that she thought that. Was I that much of a dick to her to make her think that I’d fuck other girls to forget about her? This wasn’t some stupid novel that her or my sister read. This was my real life.

  Yeah, hold that thought. I can see my family comin’ and I don’t feel like endin’ this conversation just yet.

  My cousin Colt came walking up to me. “Hey, you ready to head back?”

  I put my hand over the phone. “Just give me a minute.”

  “You want me to take John back?” Colt asked.

  “Yeah, if you don’t mind. Do me a favor and don’t mention that it was because I was on the phone. I don’t need anyone in my business.” My sister and her big mouth would just make me more pissed.

  “Sure thing. You should have invited her to dinner.”

  I shook my head, wishing that she really was with me. “Yeah, it’s not like that. Can we talk about it later?”

  Colt chuckled and walked away. “Yeah, see you then.”

  Amy? You still there?

  Yes.

  Sorry, Colt was askin’ me somethin’. Now, as far as me hookin’ up with other women. You really think it’s that easy for me?

  According to your sister, it’s how you’ve always been.

  My sister needs to stay the hell out of my business. When did you talk about me anyway?

  A long time ago.

  Well, people change.

  Yeah, I guess they do.

  Speaking of people changin’, where’s that husband of yours?

  Conner, please don’t ask me about him.

  No, how come you can talk to me this long? Where is he?

  He’s at a meeting. Then he is picking up the turkey and stopping by his daughter’s boyfriends to ask her to come to dinner.

  So he leaves you home alone now?

  Today he did. Look, I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong.

  Yeah, I don’t think I am. He wouldn’t trust you unless you gave him something he wanted. Guess I know where we stand.

  Did I act like this when you were messing around with Heather?

  That was a fake relationship, not someone I was married to.

  I am faking.

  With which one of us?

  Fuck you, Conner. I hate that you made me love you and then pushed me away.

  I pushed her away because I thought it would make her leave him.

  Woman, if you weren’t so damn hard headed we would be together right now, instead of arguin’ about it.

  You’re the stubborn one, Conner!

  Well it takes one to know one I guess.

  Are you going to just hang up and not talk to me for another couple of months?

  No, I plan on hangin’ up and textin’ your ass until you either write me back, or call me. When I get home you’re goin’ to come see
me, Amy. If you don’t I’ll drag you away from him myself.

  I hung up on her because I said what I wanted to say and I knew what I needed to know. She still wanted me and after being without her, it was enough to make me want to fight for her.

  While my crazy ass family celebrated our time together, I became obsessed with talkin’ to Amy. I texted her for the next couple of hours, up until my damn sister had to open her mouth.

  "Who do you keep talkin' to?" Colt asked.

  I put the phone back in my pocket. “It's just a friend." My sister was giving me a dirty look like when we were teenagers.

  "What's the big secret?" Now she had Colt up in my shit.

  Ty leaned forward. "Trust me when I say that you really don't want to know."

  "Is it somethin' I should be concerned over?” Apparently I was going to have to explain some things.

  I just shook my head. "It ain't nothin' like that. I just have this friend that I enjoy spending time with. We're just friends, nothin' more."

  "Because she's married." Miranda replied with her eyebrow cocked.

  I was ready to put my boot in her damn ass. "Just friends. Leave it alone, Randa!" I grabbed my drink and walked out of the house to get away from my nosey family.

  Colt came out to the porch and stood next to me. “Want to talk about it?"

  "Why, so you can get all pissed at me too? Look there ain't nothin' goin' on that anyone has to worry about. Even if I did want it to, she would never be okay with it. She's just in a real bad situation and doesn't have anyone else she can trust."

  "So, is this someone you met at meetings?" What the hell would she think I was going to meetings and hooking up with chicks for? Did everyone think I was that awful?

  "No, since I know you aren't going to get off my back, I will tell you. It's Miranda's boss Amy. I'm not goin' to divulge her personal drama, but let’s just say she is in a very bad way and I am the only one that knows the truth."

  "And how did you get to be that lucky guy?"

  I needed to tell someone the truth, even if I didn’t tell him everything, I just wanted to get it off my chest. "I guess it started when I first moved there. She came over after having a fight with her husband. I happened to be really sick and she sat up with me until I pissed her off. We weren't exactly friends, but a while later, after a night out, I found her in a parking lot all upset. I took her somewhere to be safe and she told me enough for me to be concerned. After that she started confidin’ in me. I don't think it was because I was ever her first choice, it was just that I already knew."

  "I never pegged you as the kind of guy that was just friends with a woman."

  I shook my head and laughed. "Neither did I, but even if I wanted somethin' else, it would never happen." Not right now at least.

  "So, this is the woman that helped with that Heather girl problem?"

  "Yeah, and that is a whole different story that we need a bottle of whiskey to talk about."

  After the conversation with my cousin and the way my family was all in my shit, I knew it was only a matter of time before I broke down and told them all that I was involved with Amy. She wasn’t ready for us to be a couple, but I was and I was going to find a way to make it happen.

  Chapter 32

  Amy

  My Thanksgiving wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. After being able to talk to Conner after so long, I was more than giddy. Even though he wasn't in the best of moods, it was still good to hear his voice and that he still loved me.

  When Rick came home, his daughter was with him. She had pierced her nose and her lip and had a tattoo on her neck. Her boyfriend who followed in behind them was in some band and had tattoos from his fingers and up his arms. He had those big things in his ears that stretched the lobe and wore his pants down below his ass.

  Rick had the same expression as I did when they finally walked into the living room. We both began to laugh and tried to not let them hear us.

  Rick reached his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "It's really nice to hear you happy. You think that after dinner we could maybe take our relationship to the next level?"

  Oh god...this was not happening to me. I eased my way over to the counter and started mixing up some stuffing. "How about we just see how today goes and if we're even awake enough. Plus you have to entertain the two rock stars in the other room and who knows when they're going to leave."

  He came up behind me again and reached his arms around me. Even now the memory of him being drunk and trying to touch me still made me cringe. I was trying to get along with this man, but nothing had changed as far as the way he made me feel. I hated him and just wanted to be free.

  Conner had assumed that I was sleeping with Rick. I'd done everything to prevent that, including making up a fake female infection to make him want to stay away. Still, it didn't keep him from trying.

  Our meal was quiet, just like every year. I could always tell that being a family was something that Rick just wasn’t good at.

  I knew that once Shelby moved in with a boy and still wasn’t eighteen, that her father was done being a parent. I mean, what kind of father lets their daughter do something like that?

  The guy, whose name was Devon, turned out to be a pretty smart kid. He was really into art and brought a portfolio from the car to show me some of his pieces. Shelby seemed completely obsessed with the kid, but he was also as equally into her. We hadn’t always seen eye to eye, but I was happy for her.

  As the night progressed and we had dessert, Rick fell asleep in the recliner. We didn’t keep alcohol in the house, so we went into the kitchen and played a board game to pass the time. Devon was still involved in the game on television and had been talking to his parents that lived in another state.

  I took a look beyond my step-daughter’s piercings and saw how beautiful she had become. “I’m glad to see you so happy.”

  She smiled. “Yeah, Devon’s great. He’s nothing like my father.”

  I raised my eyebrow, curious to what she was implying. “What do you mean?”

  She shrugged. “Well, first of all, he would never hit me, or my kid.”

  I was shocked. I reached over for her hand, but she pulled it away. “Don’t Amy. I know you didn’t know and it was never as bad as it was with you. I think the older I got the easier it became and that’s why I left.”

  I looked down at my own hands and closed my eyes. “I never thought he would be that way.”

  Finally, she reached across the table and grabbed my hands. She spoke in a whisper and kept looking into the other room to make sure we weren’t heard. “You need to leave, Amy. Take what you can and get away from him. There’s more that you don’t know about him.”

  “What do you mean? More what? What don’t I know?”

  The recliner squeaked and we knew he was awake. We both pulled away from each other and started laughing for no apparent reason to make it look like we were just catching up.

  Shelby gave me a look like I better keep my mouth shut and I intended to.

  Rick came in the room and gave me a wink that made me want to gag. He wasn’t going to touch me, if that’s what he was thinking.

  For the rest of the evening, until Shelby and Devon said they were tired, Rick wouldn’t let us out of his sight. I was frustrated because I needed something on the man and she may have the answer.

  I had been hiding my cell phone under the sink in the powder room. I used duct tape to attach it to the underneath of the sink, so even if someone went to look in the cabinet, they would never be able to see it. I sat down on the closed toilet seat and checked it one last time.

  Three messages waited for me.

  I miss kissing you. – C

  I miss touching you – C

  I miss fucking you. – C

  My heart skipped as I read them. I could even picture his face as he typed them.

  I miss you kissing me. – A

  I miss you touching me. – A

  I miss you
making love to me, because that’s what it is for me. I love you. – A

  I sat there chewing on my nails, waiting for him to respond. It was making me crazy.

  After a few minutes, Rick knocked on the door. “You okay in there?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be out in a second. I think I just ate too much.”

  I looked down at my little phone, trying to compel a message to come through. At the very last moment before covering it with tape, I saw one come through.

  I’m done sharing you. You belong in my arms, not his. If I have to come get you myself, I will. You’re mine! – C

  I got butterflies reading it. The past months had been horrible for me. I honestly believed that I would never be with him again. It killed me inside.

  From the first time you touched me, I think I’ve been yours. I used to say you were shallow, but maybe you were the one who was right. – A

  Yeah, I was just trying to get into your panties back

  then. – C

  I stopped wearing them. – A

  Get the fuck out of here, for real? – C

  I could feel myself getting hot just thinking about playing around with Conner. Rick was obviously waiting for me to come out of the bathroom, but all I could think about was how horny I was feeling.

  You make my body tingle. I keep thinking about your lips touching me. – A

  I’m picturing it too. Touch yourself, Amy. Tell me how it tastes. – C

  I thought about what I should do. Coming from Conner, this request wasn’t that crazy. I think with the combination of the fact that I missed him so much and the fact that this was all I could get, I reached my hand down my pants and touched myself.

  Can I call you? – C

  I’m in the bathroom. He will hear me talking. – A

  You don’t have to say anything. I want to talk you through what I know you’re doing. –C

  Yes. –A

  I bit down on my lip and accepted the call when it came in.

  Don’t say anything, Amy. Just let me do the talkin’. I can hear you breathin’, so I know you’re there listenin’ to me. I’m thinking about that first night I had you in the hotel room. I climbed up on that bed and told you that my back hurt, but I really just wanted to be close to you. When you finally rolled over and touched me, I knew that one day I’d be able to have you. It was hard not takin’ you that first night, Blaze. I thought about the way you were going to taste on my tongue. Mmm, I’m thinkin’ about it right now. I crave your pussy. You taste like honey and heaven.