Revolving Doors

by Perri Forrest

  When we spoke again two days later, we both had apologies for the other, but tension was still present. I was genuinely remorseful because it had never been my intention to hurt Robert.

  He was angry and upset that I hadn’t taken steps toward making things more permanent between us, and I was growing annoyed that he was pressing the issue so hard.

  In my opinion, I was making my best effort at being the girl friend. I often made sure he had dinner after work even when I’d worked a rigorous day myself. I was definitely doing things I hadn’t done with other men before him.

  Our views on how to just let things happen contrasted so greatly that most of our conversations ended up in arguments, followed by more days of no speaking.

  I constantly failed at getting Robert to see my side of things and my insistence that we take things slow. He felt that we’d taken things slow enough.

  It seemed the only time we saw eye to eye was during sex. Little did he know, that was more than enough for me.

  ~*~*~

  During that second year when I took my annual vacation to Paraiso Belo, he suggested several times before I left, that he accompany me on the trip.

  “You know I’ve always wanted to go to Brazil, so now would be as good a time as any for me to take a break and come with.”

  I had to explain, yet again, that those trips were for me and Natalia only, since I saw her once a year. I told him that I wanted to make that time count with just the two of us.

  Although he claimed understanding, his actions contrasted. He didn’t call or text the day before I left, but then sent sappy, apologetic emails while I was there.

  Upon my return, he showed up to my house with roses and again apologized for his actions, asking if I received the emails I hadn’t bothered responding to.

  He was so back and forth with the way he handled things and had made a habit of bringing flowers to smooth over situations we found ourselves in.

  I was no longer fazed by the gesture, but the make-up sex was always…always, a nice touch.

  CHAPTER 44

  ~*~*~

  We made it to a third year because the dick was phenomenal – it came with multiple orgasms and I didn’t know a girl around who could turn those away. In fact, I had heard way too many say they hadn’t experienced them at all!

  Even with the sex as good as it was, I was leaning on the side of calming things down a bit.

  We were having more disagreements than I cared to entertain, and it was starting to take a toll. It seemed more and more like we were headed to that place I wanted for so long to avoid – relationship hell.

  He found reasons to pick arguments. We hardly spent quality time as it was because our schedules conflicted, so when we did come together, we should have made the time count, but that proved difficult for him.

  When Robert picked me up for dinner one night, it was clear he had something on his mind. His mood wasn’t sour, just reserved and nothing beyond small talk was offered as we drove to the dinner location.

  After we were seated and had placed the order for our drinks and dinner salads, he began spilling details of what had him out of sorts.

  “Gabriella…” he started with slight hesitation. “At what point do you think it would be good for me to meet your parents – and you meet mine?”

  His hand was on mine as he spoke, the first contact he’d made since he picked me up.

  I knew the day would come. I just hoped that it wouldn’t. I hadn’t yet reached the point of him meeting my parents.

  I knew that whatever answer I provided, he wouldn’t be happy or satisfied with because none of them would involve me saying, “Let’s go for next week,” or “Which day is good for you?”

  I inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “My parents’ schedules are hectic. I don’t make a habit of imposing on their time like that. They work different hours and since my mom semi-retired…” I trailed off, “her schedule is tied up at least until the end of the year. My dad is on travel right now and won’t be back for a few weeks.”

  “There’s that avoidance you’re so good at, Gabriella.”

  I looked out the window of the restaurant to avoid his gaze. I wasn’t in the mood to have that discussion at that time, in that restaurant.

  He looked disappointed, but it didn’t stop him on his quest for an answer he could live with.

  “Tell me this…” he started.

  I turned away from the window to look at him.

  “Do they even know that you have somebody you’re fucking on a regular basis?” he spat, his agitation clear. “Who is giving it to you so good you’ve been laying down with him for three years now?”

  As much as I understood his position, I felt his reaction was uncalled for, and it only evoked anger and an attitude of my own.

  Perhaps if you stop pleading a case that you haven’t met with victory, you won’t be so damn hostile, was what I wanted to say.

  “That’s classy, Robert. I mean, super classy. You forgot to disinvite stupidity to this conversation. It’s slipping through at lightning speed.”

  “Well, I mean, damn!” he said angrily. “I think I’ve been pretty patient with this whole ‘being kept a secret’ thing. It’s like I’m good enough to fuck, but not meet your parents. What’s up with that?”

  “So, help me understand…meeting my parents does exactly what for you in the book of status?”

  “Book of status? What the hell does that even mean?”

  “I mean…” I started, giving him direct eye contact. “You’ve pushed this issue for so long. Not once have I asked to meet your parents…your family. Why do you push so diligently toward meeting mine? Is it because you think it has a level of importance attached to it? Like when you meet them, that upgrades our situation from where it is? I’m curious. I really want to know what your angle is.”

  Because our tones were noticeably strained, the couple next to us had begun sneaking periodic glances. I lowered my voice to avoid causing a scene. I was so involved with the argument slash conversation that I hadn’t taken notice of my rising voice.

  “All I’m trying to get you to tell me…” I continued, “is what the urgency is. That’s all. Personally, I don’t want to introduce them to anyone unless I know it’s serious.” There, I’d said it. “When I say serious, I mean in the long term kind of way.”

  “Okay. So now I see through a clearer lens what you’ve been trying to tell me. You don’t see me as a long term option in your life…Even after all this time?”

  “Robert. Listen to me. I’m not in a position to say anything about long term. I can’t. I would be lying if I said I see you as my forever – or if I see you…or rather us…past this point. I’ve just been kind of taking things one day at a time. I haven’t been looking at it from the standpoint of getting a ring out of the deal. I’m just having fun. I don’t mind you meeting my parents. I really don’t. But at the same time, I don’t want them getting the idea that we’re headed for matrimony.”

  “Would that be so bad?” he inquired, his tone more calm than before. “It certainly isn’t the worst thing that could happen.”

  I don’t think I ever knew before then how much it meant to him. I settled with the way things were and how well they worked for me, but I neglected to see how affected he was.

  Dammit!

  “If it were something I was ready for, it wouldn’t be so bad. But I’m not, Robert. I know that when people get married, engaged or whatever, they are in love.” I turned my gaze from his. “I’m not in love. I have feelings for you…deep feelings, but they aren’t the in love, kind of feelings.”

  He looked as though he was carefully searching for words.

  “Gabriella…Even though it hurts that you don’t feel that way, my interest in meeting your parents isn’t because I want to marry their daughter. I’m not even sure I’m there myself. Wanting to meet them is so that I would know that I at least matter in your world, on some level. But I�
�m willing to lay off and accept things as they are…as they come.”

  “It won’t be like this forever,” I told him. “Three years is a pretty long time to be with someone and not meet all the people close to them, but just bear with me while I sort through this and let’s see where we end up. Is that okay?”

  “It’ll have to be. In the meantime, let’s eat!”

  His mood appeared lighter than before, so the evening was headed toward a good ending.

  He turned his head in the direction of our waiter and as he did so, “Robert…” I said, to him across the table.

  “Don’t you want to take our food to go?”

  He looked at me, clueless.

  “Not so much. The salad is almost gone and I need the rest of my food to show up. I’m hungry.”

  “We could get out of here and head to your place or mine where you can feast on me,” I flirted. “That should soothe your hunger, I’m thinking. Then we can spend the rest of the night and even tomorrow, devouring each other.”

  “Yeah…see, I’m gonna have to pass. I was actually thinking that we finish dinner and I drop you off and I head to my own place for the night.”

  Whoa!

  That was a blow to the ego if ever I felt one! I was at a loss for words. When the waiter walked over and alerted us that our food was coming up, Robert didn’t miss a beat.

  “How is everything going with the club?” he asked.

  It became overwhelmingly clear that he had no intention on entertaining my proposition. I felt myself becoming angry at his dismissal, but I had to conceal it. I knew what it was…comeuppance.

  “Things are good at the club. Everything is good and moving right along.”

  Throughout the rest of dinner, conversation was casual and geared toward business. He made sure that our dialog didn’t deviate and kept it on track.

  He was trying to prove a point, but I knew that once he dropped me off, I could make the mood whatever I wanted.

  Normally when we exited the restaurant, he would grab my hand as we made the trip to the car. Not that night. Being the gentleman that he was, he helped me into my coat, but we walked separately.

  Upon arriving at my house, Robert pulled into the driveway, came around to the passenger side to allow me out, and walked with me to my front door. When I noticed that he hadn’t activated his car alarm I realized he was going to play things all the way out.

  Not one to forfeit easily, I pulled him to me for a kiss, that he reciprocated.

  When I unlocked my door and kissed him a second time, I kept my lips pressed against his, rubbing the center of his back as the kiss lingered. When I tried to pull him closer to me and into the house, he withdrew.

  “Come on baby,” I whispered. “Activate your alarm and come get naked with me upstairs.”

  He grabbed my face in his hands and slid his tongue in my mouth for a slow, wet kiss.

  “Good night, Gabriella.”

  With that he walked off leaving me there stunned. I still didn’t fully believe he was serious until I heard him back out of my driveway.

  ~*~*~

  Bright and early the next morning, I called Natalia to check in and see what she’d been up to, and the first thing she asked was…

  “How are things with Robert?”

  Nonchalantly, I responded, “Ehh…they’re so-so.”

  “Why is that, Gabriella?”

  “He’s pushing the issue of meeting the parents and I do not want to do that.”

  “And why not?”

  “Talia…you already know the answer to that. I’m not ready.”

  “But have you ever thought about what keeps you from it? Is it a fear of being hurt like you were with Kenny? I use him because I don’t recall you giving your heart to anyone since then, Gabriella. It’s been ten years…”

  “It has nothing to do with him. That’s old news. I like my space, sans the attachment. It’s nothing more than that,” I claimed defensively.

  “Come on, Gabriella. It’s me you’re talking to. Don’t close yourself off like that.”

  “I’m not doing that, Talia. Really.”

  “So you want me to believe that indulging in Paraiso Belo every year is satisfaction enough for you?

  “I’m satisfied with how things are, Talia. The resort is a highlight for me. So I mean it when I say that it is satisfaction enough.”

  “You know that’s not what I’m asking you, Gabriella. So, when you’re ready to answer honestly, I’m ready to listen. I know how it is to have someone coerce answers from you so I wouldn’t do that.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  Whether I wanted to admit it or not, she made valid points. It was ultimately the talk with her that made me take a look at the way things had progressed between Robert and me.

  He had been an active part of my life for three years and there had been many good times. There was no denying that his feelings were genuine, and I’d managed to step on them with ideologies I refused to let go of.

  I resolved to take into consideration a stance other than my own.

  I wasn’t completely sold on the idea of Robert meeting my parents, but I decided to stop over-thinking long enough to see where being a bit more lax in thought, could take me.

  CHAPTER 45

  ~*~*~

  I didn’t know how true it was when Robert said that he would “lay off and accept things as they are…as they come,” but that Sunday, making an attempt to acknowledge his feelings, I invited him to a family dinner at my parent’s house so that they could, “meet the guy I have been casually dating.”

  They didn’t need any other information than that. There was no number scale applied to the “casual” and I sure as hell was not about to provide the timeline because that would open up a whole other set of circumstances.

  For all they knew, he was someone I met recently.

  I made sure to emphasize casually so that my mother couldn’t run rampant with it, but not surprisingly, the play on words went unnoticed by her. She extended more invitations to dinner than I’d ever known her to do.

  “Mom, slow down!” I’d demanded. “Maybe before you invite him to all the dinners you host, you run it by me first.”

  “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll check with you first from now on,” she’d promised.

  Did she do it? Hell no.

  And when I confronted her yet again, at first she claimed that it had slipped her mind.

  “Mom…you know I don’t buy that. I really don’t want Robert reading more into what’s going on between us than there is. You either, for that matter.”

  “I don’t see the harm in it Gabriella,” she rebelled. “He seems to really be into you and I like that.”

  “You like it, Mama. That’s great. But I don’t want him forced into my space like that. I don’t need every time I come to eat with you and Dad, for Robert to be in tow.”

  “Okay…Okay,” she declared. “I get it.”

  But she really didn’t.

  Robert was soon introduced to Di and Joseph. My mother made it a point to have them over so they could meet who she had already made up in her mind was my soon-to-be husband.

  The very reason I was against introducing Robert to my parents, was happening. It was more my mother’s end than my father’s.

  My father was cool with things, but of course to him nobody would ever be good enough for his daughter. So he remained neutral and slow to attach to the idea.

  My preference would have been for it to remain with the immediate family only, so that Robert didn’t start to get the feeling that he was all in, but I kept mum because I knew, as with all the other times, whatever I had to say would fall on deaf ears.

  When I called to discuss my dilemma with Kelli, her response was, “Gabriella, it’s not such a bad thing to give in to that man. He’s a catch and I’m sure if you don’t want him, somebody else will be all too happy to take him off your hands. You’re just a hot ass who wants a selection to choose from! Men e
verywhere! And being somebody’s woman is gonna shut all that shit way down.”

  Not entirely, but I let her live with that belief.

  “Okay, Kelli. That’s the last time I call you in the Arizona desert! What happened to being on my side?”

  “I don’t think it was right that they double-teamed you. That wasn’t fair, but I’m sure they meant well. My mom already called and told me how much she was impressed by him. So was Joseph.”

  “Oh my god. No doubt they’re already making wedding plans.”

  “We’re all on your side. The side that says you need a good man and he appears to be it.”

  I knew that they all meant well. The fact of the matter was that I was feeling pressure to succumb and I didn’t like it. I had been living my life my own way and all of a sudden I had everyone coaching me on how I should proceed.

  My intentions were always to let the process flow organically, without anything being forced. However, with the family’s interference the whole idea of a relationship caused me doubts.

  My professional life was fine and thriving, but the personal life was under scrutiny and since I was unwilling to disrespect my parents or hurt Robert, I internalized a lot of it.

  Robert began pushing harder than he had in the past, and his attitudes became more frequent because once he met the family, he then began posing the question, “why introduce me to your family if you weren’t going to consider a commitment?” I felt like I’d entered the Twilight Zone, or like he was working from selective memory.

  I had never promised him that. I was merely putting the shoe on the other foot and recognizing how he felt. I thought I was doing a good thing, but it backfired.

  I never understood why if he was that unhappy with the way our union was progressing, he didn’t take the initiative and end things himself.

  On some level, I began to resent the totality of the situation. Not the people involved – of which there were many – but how it made me feel inside. It was as though I was losing control of my own existence and the way I had chosen to handle my life. I was proceeding forth based on what others expected. It became more about what they wanted, and less about what I wanted for myself.