Revolving Doors

by Perri Forrest

  He didn’t know it yet, but those days were over for me. My heart had found its way home – to Ken.

  On the ride home, I reminisced about the intimate details of the past week. They were phenomenal. I never thought I would see Ken again and I certainly never thought that we would be together as a couple after so many years.

  Of all the places in the world to meet…the place I went to for refuge ended up being the place that bridged the gap between the two of us. My heart hadn’t raced as it had when I saw him – since him. Everything had come full circle.

  When the car pulled up in front of my house, I was still deep in thought. The driver opened my car door to allow me out, then commenced to unloading and delivering my luggage inside.

  “Thank you,” I said, tipping him at my front door.

  “You’re welcome, Ms. Sandoval. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

  To say I was exhausted was an understatement. Abandoning the luggage, I made my way upstairs, undressed and went around the upper level opening windows to allow the spring air to move through freely. My strongest urge was to greet my pillow for a few hours.

  I went into my room, and my cell phone chirped with a text from Ken: “I love you. Call me when you’ve rested up. Can’t wait to hear your voice.” After blushing like a teenage girl receiving her first complement, I responded, “You should know that’s the FIRST thing I’m doing when I get up! Oh…and I love you too.”

  No sooner than I sat the phone on the nightstand, the doorbell rang.

  “Damn! Will rest ever come?”

  I threw a thin black robe over my naked body, ran down to look through the peephole and there stood Robert.

  What the hell was he thinking? Why would he just pop up at my house without calling first?

  I opened the door trying my hardest not to appear agitated.

  “Hey…Robert…what’s up?”

  I realized that I might have come off dismissive, but in the moment, I couldn’t muster anything outside that.

  “Aren’t you gonna invite me in?” he asked.

  I tried to keep the deep sigh at bay, but it managed to escape.

  “I was just about to lay down for a nap. I’m really tired. That jet lag is no joke and I’m already feeling the effects of it.”

  “I won’t stay long.”

  As annoyed as I was that he was there unannounced, I figured it was as good a time as any to have the dreaded conversation. I didn’t want it to happen that way, but since the opportunity presented itself, might as well take advantage of it.

  I held the door open. “Sure. Come in.”

  I pulled the robe around me tighter and fastened the belt to ensure my goodies were securely tucked.

  “Wanted to give you these…” he said offering the bouquet of flowers in his hand, “…and hope that we could talk for just a few minutes.”

  “Sure, that’s fine. Here…” I gestured, with my hand out, “I can take those and put them in water. I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay. I’ll be right here,” he responded.

  When I returned to the living room, I found him standing in the same spot.

  “Robert, you can have a seat. You said you wanted to talk, right? Surely you don’t want to stand the entire time.”

  We sat down simultaneously, with me sitting a few feet away from him on the same sofa.

  “I’m all ears.”

  The look on his face was serious as he searched for what I surmised was a place to begin.

  “I’d like to start with a question for you…I saw you pull up with a driver, but you told me your father was picking you up.”

  I shifted in my seat, instantly uncomfortable because of the lie I had been caught in.

  “Before you get the wrong idea, I wasn’t stalking or anything like that,” he insisted. “I still had your flight information so knew an approximate time you’d be arriving. I really just wanted to leave the flowers on your doorstep. But as I was driving up the street, I saw the car service. Needless to say, I was confused.”

  I choked up briefly caught off guard, lowered my eyes and nervously pulled at the robe for the hundredth time. I felt bad. Lying to him wasn’t something I was proud of.

  “Whew…” I said holding my head down briefly. When I looked back up, I confessed. “I lied, Robert. I am truly sorry for that.”

  “Sorry for the lie? Or that I found out about the lie?” he charged.

  He sat with a stare that demanded answers and it tugged at my heart. He tried to be the man I needed, but without knowing it, he never really stood a chance. My heart had unfinished business with someone else and there was no changing that.

  “I needed the time to myself,” I told him.

  “Really? The time to yourself for what exactly?” he pressed.

  I hadn’t had the chance to fully gather what I wanted to say yet, so I had to improvise.

  “I made a decision and needed to gather my thoughts before you and I sat down to discuss the details. Again…I really am sorry that I lied to you.”

  He neither blinked nor interrupted. He came for answers and wasn’t leaving, or showing the smallest bit of emotion, until he got them.

  “The truth of the matter is I’ve had time to think and I realize that we’re in two very different places with the relationship – you wanting to move forward and me not quite sure that I can. I’m not able to give you what you want…need, as a better half. I just can’t.”

  “Why are you just now telling me this? I doubt you used your vacation to think about things, it would have defeated the purpose of going. So is it something you knew before you left? Hell, how long have you known?” a mixture of hurt and anger welled up in his voice.

  “I’m sorry---”

  “Yeah…you’re sorry. I got that memo,” he snapped.

  “I wanted to tell you before now. Just didn’t know how.”

  “There really isn’t anything to know how to do, Gabriella. They’re words…it’s called honesty. It’s called choosing the real over the bullshit. You’re so vocal about everything else, yet with this you chose to string me along rather than get it out in the open. Why so selective with what you do and don’t tell?”

  “I think I was battling with the reasons, Robert. It was more about not hitting the delete button on something that might---”

  “Might?” he jumped in, angrily. “You’ve been hanging onto a might?” he charged.

  I didn’t blame him the least bit for being as upset as he was. He had every right to be angry.

  “You’ve been good to me. I didn’t want to hurt you. I guess I was afraid that I would be ending things for the wrong reasons. My disinterest in a long term relationship played a big role. You deserve to have that with someone who wants it.”

  “So, in essence, you’ve been forcing yourself to be with me?”

  “I wouldn’t say that.”

  “What would you say then?” he demanded.

  “Aside from the pressures to move things along, we had fun together, Robert. I don’t view any part of what we had as a bad thing. It just got to be a bit much when you would push the issue about meeting my parents…and beyond.”

  “Yet you introduced me to them anyway.”

  “I did. Because when I thought about it, I figured it wasn’t the worst thing in the world for you to know them. If you remember, my biggest concern was that they – particularly my mother – would get the wrong idea about the status of our relationship. Do you not remember me saying that?”

  I hoped that he comprehended my point, but somehow I didn’t think so. He was enduring feelings of betrayal that trumped anything I could use as defense.

  Then out of nowhere he asked, “Who hurt you, Gabriella?”

  “Huh?” I said, my eyes widening.

  It was like a punch to the chest. It was a question I hadn’t expected. One better suited for the beginning of a relationship, not one on its way to extinction.

  “Uh…what makes you think I’ve been hurt?” I a
sked defensively.

  “How else would you explain the actions of someone who fights so hard against love? It’s the only logical reasoning. I mean, think about it. I’m a catch. Let’s just keep it all the way genuine right now. I could have had my pick of women, yet I chose you.”

  Whoa! His arrogance was rearing its ugly head.

  “Is there a point?” I uttered, suddenly feeling attacked.

  “Yes...there is a point. I picked you, which means you were chosen, which means I consciously put energy and time into making us work. You received above par sex from me. You received attention from me. You got pretty much anything you wanted from me – when you wanted it. Yet, it was never quite enough. That problem lies with you, not me. That much I know.”

  I was convinced that he was determined to start an argument. Something that would make him feel better. If he was going out, he wanted it to be with a bang.

  I concluded that it would be best to allow him to walk away in victory having hurled the best insults. If that’s the finale he needed to hold his head high, who was I to take that from him?

  “So…” he continued. “It only makes sense that somebody fucked you over pretty good before I came along, and now me, and every other man, has to suffer for it.”

  He was right. I had been hurt and yes, it was probably crazy as hell that such long ago pain affected how I treated intimate relationships as an adult. But a while back in the conversation – somewhere around the onset of insults – I decided against giving him any type of explanation. Hell no!

  Relief had set in, so we were both winning, in my opinion. He let me off the hook without even knowing it. I no longer had to feel bad. I forfeited the last word so that he could sever ties, ego intact.

  “You know, Gabriella…you’re a beautiful woman, but somewhere inside you lives an insecure little girl. She allows you to hide behind your 16-hour work days, your vacations and your lavish lifestyle. She’s not doing you any favors, you know?”

  I sat listening to his mini rant. He made it a point to keep his demeanor semi-calm. And why shouldn’t he? He was letting me have it – or so he thought.

  If what he was spewing hadn’t already been said to his friends, it was clear he’d been thinking and feeling them for quite some time.

  Clearly, I wasn’t the only one that had strong emotions toward the union. He too had strong feelings about our relationship.

  “That’s a nice analysis, Robert,” I countered. “Damn. I never quite thought of it that way. But now with how well you presented it, I do see that it makes perfect sense.”

  We sat silent for a few seconds – engaging in a battle of the stares.

  For me, there was nothing to say. All the things I’d planned to say were out the door. I was just ready for him to leave so that I could take the nap I was headed to earlier.

  He stood slowly and hovered for a second before asking, “You have anything more you’d like to say?”

  Are you kidding me? The way he had just ripped me and he was asking if there was anything I had to say! Please! Anything like what, you asshole?

  “I don’t,” I responded casually. “I do wish you the best though.”

  He held his hand out to assist me from the sofa to escort him to the door. I accepted, one hand in his, the other gripping the front of my robe.

  When we got to the door, he leaned into me for what would be our last hug and while I may have been ready to let go, my nipples were reacting. Oh my god! I was hoping with everything in me he hadn’t noticed. Pull back, Gabriella!

  He reached down and with gentle hands, held my face. It was as though it slipped his mind that he had just finished reading me the riot act mere seconds before.

  “For old time’s sake?” he proposed. I instantly knew what he was referring to.

  R. Kelly went through my head…My mind’s telling me no! But my body…my body’s telling me yesss!

  “I can’t Robert,” I whispered.

  “Why not? It’s the last time for us. I would love a sendoff…something to remember you by.”

  “I can’t Robert,” I repeated, trying my hardest to overpower the temptation.

  “You said that, but you haven’t pulled back from me yet either.”

  He reached down and untied the silk belt that held my robe closed, and I gasped as he slid the robe away from my body. When he saw my nipples pointed forward, he bent down to greet them, sucking each in separate intervals.

  My eyes closed at the succulence of his tongue. I couldn’t deny how good it felt.

  “And besides…these are giving a completely different response than, you can’t. In fact, they’re saying, you want.”

  He suckled with intensity and I couldn’t fight him…or what I was feeling. My body was responding and I couldn’t stop it from doing so.

  “Robbbert…sssttoppp…” I begged.

  He rose from his position and stared into my eyes.

  “Is that what you really want, Gabriella?”

  When I couldn’t answer, he slid his finger into my wetness and when he withdrew he sucked away the juices.

  “I didn’t think so.”

  Next thing I knew, I was in his arms, being carried to my bedroom. Judging by his eagerness, he sensed that if he didn’t move quickly I’d plot an escape. I watched as he disrobed in record time. He flung my nightstand drawer opened, grabbed a ribbed magnum and came for me.

  When he penetrated, it was rough and with a force he hadn’t used before.

  “Ahhh…Uhmmm,” was all I could manage through labored breaths.

  My arms were above my head with a death grip on my headboard as he thrust his manhood inside my juices and my hips rushed towards him in a dance.

  For three years his dick was the perfect fit. No tailoring was needed.

  “Ahhhh…It hurts so good…Robert.”

  Shit! I should’ve stopped, but I couldn’t…

  Some part of me felt like I owed him. But why? And what about Kenny? I was his woman. I was giving away his pussy. Oh. My. God.

  “I’m gonna miss being inside you, Gabriella,” he gasped, pushing his rod further inside.

  What are you doing, Gabriella?! The voice inside my head challenged.

  Just as I was about to put a stop to everything, Robert stopped pumping, looked down at me and withdrew from inside, with a look of despair. I knew that he hadn’t come yet…

  “You went dry on me,” he whispered.

  He positioned himself onto his knees and began removing the condom, without as much as a glance at me.

  He walked into the bathroom and no sooner than I heard the toilet flush, he emerged. As quickly as he removed his clothing a short while before, he reapplied them and prepared his exit.

  There was nothing I could say. The moment had spoken for itself. I didn’t even have time to be uncomfortable about lying there fully nude.

  When he got to my bedroom door, he turned to look at me.

  “Fuck…” he sighed in defeat. “How wrong was I? I was miles off the whole time. You’re not closed off from love…you’re closed off from loving me.”

  “Robert---” I started.

  “Don’t Gabriella…you’d only be adding insult to injury. Let’s just leave it like this.”

  He stood looking away from me and fidgeting with the last button on his shirt. Before he exited my bedroom door, he said, “I hope he makes you happy.”

  And with that, Robert left my life.

  When I heard the door close downstairs, I went down, retrieved my robe from the floor, locked up and hopped in the shower crying as I did so.

  After my shower, as wide awake as I was lying across my bed, there was no way I would be calling Ken after having just cheated on him. No way. I needed time to let the guilt pass. After all, it was only minimal penetration. It didn’t lead to an orgasm or anything, so maybe I hadn’t actually cheated.

  Who was I kidding? I cheated. It felt too good not to be classified as cheating. To my credit, the minute I started
thinking about Kenny, I couldn’t go through with it. That said a lot.

  But damn, it felt good while it lasted!

  I smiled to myself…You’ve been a whore far too long, Gabriella.

  Whew! Kenny, you better be worth it this time around because I’m giving up a lot of award-winning sex for you, buddy.

  Those were the last thoughts I remembered before I fell into a deep sleep.

  CHAPTER 57

  ~*~*~

  When I awoke from my 4-hour nap, I felt recharged.

  Sleep was exactly what I needed. I was rested, guilt was gone – bliss in place. Things were falling into their rightful spots in my life, and I was ecstatic.

  I checked in with my mother to find out how things went in my absence, and as usual she kept businesses running smoothly, with Di’s help. They were a tag team duo.

  I decided against telling her over the phone about Kenny because I didn’t know how that information would be received.

  In due time.

  ~*~*~

  After talking to my mother, I dialed my baby and he answered the phone on the second ring, That voice…Boy, did I miss it. I had only left him two days earlier, but I wanted to see him.

  “Hey Baby,” I sang. “How ya doin’?”

  “Doing real good. What about you?”

  “I’m great!” I answered, gleefully.

  “You must’ve slept a long while. I thought I would hear from you before now. I wanted to call so bad, but thought I’d be waking you if I did.”

  I found myself blushing at his words.

  “You should’ve called! I did sleep for a while. Close to 4 hours! I can’t believe it. Whenever I come back from Brazil, I sleep like that.”

  “Tell the truth, girl…I wore you out!” he laughed.

  “That too!” I snickered. “You handled yo’ business, Papa! Seriously though, I guess it’s my body’s way of protecting me. It knows I will hit the ground running as soon as the jetlag wears off.”

  “Do not mention your body to me while you’re 3,000 miles away. Hear me good, you sexy ass woman you. I would love nothing more than to be touching and exploring you right now.”