“Terri needs a place and—”
“No, I mean why are you trying to shut me out?” His hand remained on her arm and Mia felt suffocated by the appeal on his face. Her mouth felt dry and she didn’t know what to say.
“I know you care about me, Mia. I can see it on your face—in your eyes. What’s going on in that head of yours? Friends don’t dump each other when things get tough.”
“You want more than friendship. I have nothing to offer you.” Mia’s voice was a mere whisper.
“What have I done to make you feel pressured?” His steady gaze leveled on her face, unwavering and kind.
Her chin came up. “You want me to go out to dinner with you. Meet your family.” Mia’s cheeks burned and her hand rose to rest on her neck.
David grinned and gently touched her cheek. “I do want you to meet Patrick, but if Terri had a brother and wanted you to meet him, would you?”
“Yes of course, but it’s different—”
“How is it different? Friends are friends—it doesn’t matter what sex they are.”
Feeling foolish and cornered Mia nodded. “All right, I see what you’re saying. I may have slightly over reacted.”
“Good. So friend, will you let me take you and Terri out for lunch so we can get to know her better?”
Sighing, Mia nodded.
The conversation over lunch seemed to go around in circles. David would ask Terri a question and she would answer it with a question of her own. Terri explained how she’d hopped in her jeep one day and kept driving.
“How long do you plan to stay in Blue Bay?” David asked bluntly.
Terri’s face closed up slightly and she arched an eyebrow at David. “I don’t know, but I feel this is where the Lord wants me for now.”
Mia smiled her encouragement and sent a speaking glance at David, silently telling him to stop with his barrage of questions.
David shrugged his shoulders.
“Terri, I’m cautious about you moving in with Mia. Obviously it’s not up to me, it’s Mia’s decision, but we know nothing about you. Can you help put my mind at ease?” His eyes settled on Terri and waited.
Terri looked from David to Mia and pushed her half-eaten lunch away. She wiped her mouth on her napkin and rose from her seat.
“I’m not forcing myself on Mia—she offered. I’m a Christian, I love Jesus. I’m from Sydney and my family life is nothing much to talk about. My mother and I don’t get on, my father is dead and that’s about it. I can show you my bank statement if it will help. Actually, forget it, I’m not interested.” Terri reached over and touched Mia’s hand briefly and mouthed sorry.
Mia spun her wrist around and grabbed Terri’s hand before she could pull away.
“David’s too cautious, Terri.” She dismissed his protest with a wave of her hand. “I like you and want you to stay. David, apologize!”
Mia turned accusing eyes on David.
David clenched his jaw but didn’t argue. “Terri, it’s not personal. I’m sorry if I seemed to be interrogating you.” David paused and almost smiled. He shoved his hand through his hair, messing it up. He lifted his tall frame out of the chair and moved around the table to pull out Terri’s chair.
“Please?”
Terri sat back down and said nothing.
Mia was surprised she’d enjoyed the interaction between Terri and David. Throwing back her head she laughed. “You two are hilarious. David, you on your high horse playing gallant knight protector, and you, Terri, rising up to meet his challenge with one of your own. Fantastic.”
~~~
The ocean breeze swayed her hair and Mia smiled broadly. Leaning against the doorframe she listened to music floating through the house. She could hear Terri banging in the kitchen and shifted away from the post to go and see what she was doing.
“Mia, I’m hungry, and we haven’t got any food in the house.” Terri closed another cupboard and sent Mia a questioning glance. “Don’t you eat?”
Laughing, Mia patted her flat stomach. “Of course, but its amazing how many people want to feed me. I haven’t bothered getting too many groceries. We could go shopping now. I can pay this time since you haven’t got a job yet.”
“No way. I have money. Its fifty-fifty or not at all.”
“Not arguing there. Let’s go.”
An hour later the two girls walked out of the supermarket pushing a packed trolley. Mia slammed the car boot and laughed as Terri rubbed her stomach and made rumbling noises with her mouth.
Mia dangled her keys and moved around to open the door. “Oh no! Look at this.” The distress in her voice had Terri scurrying around the car to her. The deep rough scratch ran the length of the car and both girls were stunned by the vicious act.
“Who would do such a thing? Every panel will need fixing!” Mia spun around and surveyed the area looking for anything that would help her understand.
At seven o’clock Mia said goodnight to Terri. She explained she had boxes to unpack and she hoped focusing on something else would take her mind off what happened with her car.
Terri offered to help but Mia declined. She wanted to go through her mother’s things in private.
Once in her bedroom Mia lugged a box out of the cupboard and opened the lid. A quick glance showed the box was filled with books. Mia scribbled on the outside of the box and then pushed it aside. Smiling to herself she said, one down!
The next box was full of clothing, and nestled on top was the small wooden box. Reaching into the box she lifted it out and flopped down on the bed to delve into the contents. The first thing she saw was the envelope with the letter in it.
Mia closed her eyes. Jesus, Mum obviously wanted me to have this letter after she died. You know what’s in it. Please help me understand what she wanted to say. Thank you, Jesus.
She looked down at her mother’s handwriting and longed for her presence. She tried to ignore the emotion building in her throat, then released a breath and began reading.
To Mia—my darling daughter,
As I write this letter I know when you read it I will no longer be with you.
This box is full of things I hope you’ll treasure as much as I have. There are photos of my parents, grandparents and also a photo of the scan of your brother, Caleb, when he was in my womb.
One of my most treasured possessions is in this box. Can you guess what it is?
When you were four years old you painted a stone at preschool and brought it home and hid it until Mother’s Day. The look on your face when you gave it to me brought tears to my eyes. I was thrilled you had been able to keep it a secret and surprise me with it.
I have always been so proud of you. I love the woman you’ve become. You’ve been a gracious, loving daughter. I know both your father and I could have done a lot better for you.
Forgive me, sweetheart.
But know; please know in your heart that I love you so very much.
Honey, I wanted to tell you that death for me isn’t a sad thing but a celebration. To be with my Lord at last! If it hadn’t been for Jesus Christ reaching out and taking hold of my hand, I believe I would not have made it.
There are many things I regret but I know the Lord makes beauty out of ashes and that’s how I’ve felt these last few years. I’ve been given a second chance! This has brought a new purpose and direction into my life.
My greatest desire is for you to know Jesus and realize you too are his precious daughter.
So, honey, if you don’t know Him by the time you read this letter, I pray you will seek Him out because He truly is the Son of God and in Him you will find perfect rest for your soul.
It has been my greatest honor and privilege being your mother.
I love you as far as the moon and back! (Do you remember the story we used to read together about this?) Don’t be sad for me, but rejoice!
Forever and always – Mum xxx ooo
Mia held the letter to her heart and her chest squeezed.
�
��Mum, I wish you were here. I long to talk to you,” she whispered.
A small smile formed on her lips.
She carefully folded the letter and placed it lovingly between the pages of her Bible.
Chapter 26
The teaspoon clanked the side of the cup as Mia stirred the tea. Klara sat in the lounge waiting for her and Mia felt a flutter in her stomach as she tried to work out why Klara seemed annoyed with her. Klara had said something about the house being far too big for her and Terri.
Shrugging, Mia picked up the tea tray and left the kitchen.
“Here you go, Klara. I’ve put a little cold water in it for you.” Mia smiled.
Klara gave a brief nod of thanks. “I’m sorry about before. I’ve been anxious to hear from you.” Her mood changed abruptly and her mouth curved slightly.
“I’m sorry it took me a while to get back to you. The last time we talked I had a hard time coping—what I mean is that my mind was all over the place and I couldn’t think clearly.” Mia reached for her cup. “Terri and I are going around to David’s this evening to meet his brother. That way I won’t be alone and can talk with David if I need to clear my head.”
“Why David? Isn’t Terri your friend too?” Klara frowned her puzzlement.
“I trust him. Terri and I are just getting to know each other.” Mia smiled and continued. “I want to thank you for helping me, Klara. I have lots of questions.”
“Your mother shared a lot with me, as you know.”
Mia nodded and remained silent.
“Margaret told me the first three years of her marriage were the best. Jonathan was attentive and loved coming home to be with the both of you. Her parents, your grandparents, called around often to check on you both. I think they wanted to make sure Jonathan was treating her well.” Klara giggled. “Those were the years Margaret told me she fell in love with your father.”
“I remember asking Margaret when she first noticed things starting to change. She said it was when you were four.”
Mia nibbled her lower lip as she listened.
“Margaret told me there were times when Jonathan was quite rough with her. She told him she didn’t like it and he must have improved.” Klara stopped talking and her gaze searched Mia’s flushed face. “Mia, I’m aware I’m talking about your father. Do you want me to continue?”
“Yes I do. I haven’t told you, but there are things my father did that I’ve only recently remembered, and I want to know what it was like for my mother.”
Klara licked her lips and placed her coffee cup firmly on the table. “I’m not feeling as sure about this as I was before. Maybe I don’t need to tell you the details of what happened—” Klara sat back in her chair, her eyes watching Mia the whole time.
She moved her chair slightly and the leg scraped the floor breaking the silence.
“People change, Mia. I don’t want you going away from here hating your father because of what I say.”
Mia squared her shoulders and sat forward. “I acknowledge what you’re saying, but please—I need to hear what it was like for Mum.”
Klara remained silent. She shrugged her shoulders and her gaze moved to her hands.
“You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you?” Mia could see it in her face.
“I think I have.” Klara nodded.
“Do you think I could ask you some questions and if you feel okay with the questions, then you can answer them? If you can’t, I understand.” Mia released a breath when Klara nodded and gave a half smile.
“You said my father used to be rough with Mum. What do you mean by this?”
“Mia, please. Can you ask me another question?”
Mia thought for a moment. “My father used to be quite rough with me. I can remember from the age of four being terrified of him. If he came home and went straight to the kitchen to talk to Mum I’d feel a sense of relief. This usually meant he wasn’t so angry.”
Klara eyes squinted momentarily and she whispered, “How was he rough with you?”
The gentle question surprised Mia and she found herself responding to it.
“He would grab me by the arm and yank me towards him. He used to hold me in front of him and ask me if I’d been a good girl. Sometimes he’d throw me against a wall if he’d been drinking and there were times when—” Mia stopped and took a minute to remind herself that these were memories and that it wasn’t happening now.
“Times when he would hit me on the face or anywhere his hands could reach. Mum would sometimes see him do this and she never did anything to stop him. Did she ever say anything about this, Klara?”
Mia felt like she was in the middle of a brewing storm and steeled herself against the turbulence growing in her heart.
“Yes she did. It was her greatest regret that she didn’t stop him from hitting you. She told me there were two times when it got really bad and she packed up and tried to leave. Jonathan always convinced her to stay.”
A soft moan escaped Mia.
“Margaret said he got less violent as you got older and that things settled down some. Is this true?”
Taking a steadying breath Mia allowed her hands to rub against the fabric on the chair. “If you mean did he stop hitting or hurting me in front of Mum, then yes he did.” Mia’s eyes welled up. Was her mother ever happy? “I remember them having arguments when I was about ten. She would stand up to him and it seemed like he would listen to her. I can’t understand why she stayed with him.”
“I often encouraged her to leave him. I used to get so angry if she turned up with a bruised face or told me about something that had happened.” Shaking her head, Klara stood up and moved restlessly around the room.
“Do you know if they—were they—um, can you tell me if they were sexually intimate?” Mia whispered.
“As far as I know they weren’t. Not for a long time.” Klara gave a nervous smile, sat down and faced Mia with speculation in her eyes.
Mia run a nervous hand through her hair and lifted her chin. “Klara, did my mother know my father was—um, having sex with me?”
Klara’s face paled and screwed up. “No!” she shouted.
Mia said in a soft whisper, “You obviously didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“No I didn’t know. Your mother would have told me if she knew. She shared everything with me.” Klara’s eyes filled with tears and she swiped her hand across her face as if angry by the show of emotion.
“I tried to tell her once but she didn’t listen. I also remember her coming into the room when dad was on the bed with me. How could she not have known?”
“Mia, your mother had great difficulty forgiving herself for letting your father hurt you emotionally and physically. We talked about this all the time. Even when she said it had stopped completely, she still beat herself up over it. She would say over and over again that it had been her job to protect you.”
“I loved Mum. I wish I could talk to her about this. I want to get to a place where it doesn’t matter if she knew or not—”
“Mia, she didn’t know! Margaret loved you and would not have stood by and let that happen. Please believe this.”
Mia ignored the pain in her chest and gave a watery smile. “I’ve talked about this in counseling and now understand more about how the mind works. Denial is a coping mechanism and it can totally blank out what is really happening. This happened for me. I just forgot about it.”
“What do you mean you just forgot about it?” Klara’s voice was strained and her hands fidgeted with her cup.
“At night dad would come into my bedroom. The worst part was the waiting, lying in bed wondering if the door would open and the anticipation and terror. I couldn’t go to sleep until I knew he’d gone to bed or he’d come into my room.” Mia felt like she was looking back on herself as a child and fought to push the images away. “Once he’d done what he wanted and left, I could then relax and go to sleep because it was over. In the morning I’d go down and have breakfast with Mum and D
ad like it’d never happened. I just pushed it away and forgot it.”
“You forgot? That seems unbelievable.” Klara shook her head in disbelief.
“I know, but I did. I wonder if Mum did this too? Maybe she did see things but wouldn’t allow herself to contemplate what they could mean.”
Klara eyes misted over and her fists clenched. “This isn’t okay.”
Mia felt a raw need pulling at her. She blinked when she realized she’d been staring at Klara, wishing she was her mother.
With great effort Mia stood and took Klara’s hand. “Klara, I’m going to be okay. I can’t change the past, it happened. As I think about it now, I believe I am who I am because of it. It’s up to me now to become the woman I want to be. There’s no more pretense. The truth will set me free.”
Klara sprung to her feet and dropped Mia’s hand. “I feel so angry right now that I think its best if I leave. I’m sorry, Mia.”
Spinning on her heel she hurried out of the room.
~~~
Mia pulled on the gardening gloves and sank to her knees. She could feel the tightness between her shoulders and sighed.
Yanking aggressively at the weeds, her mind moved in many directions. She recalled telling Klara that she trusted David and she did.
Her eyes misted and she sniffed.
The sun was warm on her back and the heat massaged her shoulders, easing the pain. She bit her lip as she thought of the distress she’d caused Klara.
Swiping at an annoying fly that buzzed around her face, she sat back on her knees and stared at the area she’d been working.
Weeds took over everything if they weren’t removed and controlled. It was a bit like that for her with her thoughts sprawling in many directions, strangling the life out of her—removing her hope.
She moved on to the next section and with steady, repetitious movement she worked the soil until it returned to order. Mia found the exercise therapeutic.
Shaking her head, she flexed her shoulders. Better. She’d tried to push David away, tried to armor herself against his friendship—but he wouldn’t listen.
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