by V. F. Mason
“You know what I mean. How could you do this to us? I thought we were family.”
“Sam, it’s me. I’m not Melanie.” She leaned back, shocked that I brought up her sister, but I had to. By the way she glanced at me, with deep hatred and pain, I knew most of it was directed at her sister who took drugs, which led to her death. She was pissed with me, too. Honestly, who wouldn’t be in this situation? But it felt like she was having this conversation with the wrong person.
“Do not bring her up. Ever. Not anymore. You are just like her. People like you aren’t allowed to talk about it.” People like me? She was shouting, front and center, and I was aware we were the center of attention, but that became the least of my concerns. I’d waited to talk to someone for such a long time. I made progress, and I’d had one of the most beautiful nights in my life with Nate yesterday. Now here she was, trying to ruin it for me? I knew my mistakes. I knew where I went wrong and that I had to face them.
What I didn’t need was judgment and hatred from the girl who was the closest one to me after Nick.
“What kind of people, Sam? The kind of people who make mistakes? The kind of people who hurt and don’t know how to deal with it? Tell me.”
“Don’t manipulate the truth like that, like you are the victim. You had us all there, by your side, when you were hurting. We could have helped you.” I shook my head, because it seemed almost impossible to get her to understand me, or my point.
“You couldn’t have helped me. There was nothing that could have helped me, Sam.”
“Bullshit! I lost a sister, and I asked for help. I didn’t turn to drugs and make a dirty addict out of myself while jeopardizing everything in my life, and probably making Nick turn in his own grave!” I felt like everything froze inside and around me. Some of the people gasped in shock, but it all seemed far away, like I wasn’t even part of it. What she had just said made me stand up in fury.
“My brother died! Do you know how that fucking feels? You were ten. You didn’t even know your sister and whatever it was that led her to do was she did. She was probably hurt. I don’t know, but don’t you dare judge her!” I screamed, not giving a shit about the pain in my throat. That made Nate take a step to me, but I moved back. I didn’t need him for this. I wanted to finally fucking say it. “I lost a brother. My brother is dead, do you understand? He is dead, and he is never coming back!”
I screamed those words to her. I saw the shocked and worried expressions on people’s faces, but I didn’t care.
Nicky was dead. Gone forever. He wouldn’t come back. He wouldn’t protect me from anyone. He wouldn’t be there to cheer me up when I was down. He wouldn’t be there to tell me he was proud of me or that I could do better. He would simply never be there again.
The only thing I had of him were memories of us.
“I live in a world where he no longer exists. Do you know how that feels?” I finally whispered to her as she watched me with remorse and regret. Sam made a move toward me, but I took another step back. No, I didn’t need anyone, and definitely not her. “He won’t be here again. He won’t buy me my favorite juice and won’t tell me to eat more. I don’t have family anymore. He was my only family. The one person who loved me unconditionally, who would have done anything for me. He is gone.” Breathing hard and with tears rapidly falling down my cheeks, I tried to make my chest hurt less with the touch of my hand. God, how much did it hurt to admit the truth? “Do you know what it was like to take those drugs? I had abusive parents. I hated any kind of addiction. This shit though, it allowed me to see him, to listen to his voice. And for a moment, I could pretend everything was okay. Like I wasn’t alone. My brother is gone. Dead. He is dead. My God, Sam, Nicky is gone and he is never coming back, do you hear me?” I sank to my knees, bawling like a child with the acknowledgment that shook me to the core. There was no running away from the truth now, and oddly enough, I didn’t want any drugs. All I felt was deep pain, the pain I wasn’t allowing myself to feel when I lived in a delusional world, pretending he was still there. I didn’t allow myself to grieve, and those were the first, truest tears about the fact he was dead.
There were no hopes left of him coming back.
God, how did people live with this kind of pain?
“Seriously, dude, you are no fun at all, you know.” Nick rolled his eyes and just looked at me expectantly.
“Come on, Bella. Grab your coat and let’s go!” I did just that as we left my apartment, which I freaking loved and had I bought with the money I was making with the band. The cash was flowing, and we already had a six-digit bank account, and that felt good. To finally have money that you could spend, knowing you could spend it as you pleased and feel independent . . . there was nothing like it in the world.
Although I followed him, I wasn’t done nagging.
“I had plans with the girls, you know. I’m turning twenty-one at midnight, and now it’s 11:30 p.m. I wanted to have my first drink, you know, out of curiosity. After all, the girls are legal, and it’s me who is the safe driver after every party. It’s really sad, you know. Almost like not getting laid, but that’s not the case. Thank God. Otherwise, what a boring rocker would I be? No sex, drugs—well, in this case, booze—and well, I guess I still would have rock ‘n’ roll.” I looked up at him. It seemed like he was about to throw up, while his eyes narrowed in anger..
“Do me a favor; don’t talk about sex. Especially your sex life, okay?” I grinned. I knew he hated it, but I wanted to get back at him for taking me out to some boring-as-shit bar where he liked to unwind with Megan after a hard day of work, as he described it.
They lived in Brooklyn, renting some cheap apartment. I tried to buy them one many times, but he refused. He didn’t want anything from my money, and that made me respect him even more. I had more money than I could spend, so, of course, I wanted to share it with him. I would find a way at some point to help him eventually.
“Serves you right. Seriously, the bar? Don’t be so cheap. At least take me out someplace nice,” I teased him, as usual, but he didn’t take the bait, and I’d have to suck it up. My high heels were clicking on the marble floor of the building when we got out of the elevator and I smiled at the watchman.
“Miss Hastings, looking good as usual.” The watchman’s face lit up in a smile.
“Thank you, Mr. Gavin.” He was in his fifties, but was such a friendly, charismatic man and not judgmental, it was hard not to like him. He never blinked an eye when parties got too wild or music became too loud. He blamed it on my charm.
“Poor guy.” Nick sighed dramatically and it earned him a kick in the shin. He grunted but kept on grinning. “You could have worn something more casual, not heels and a tight dress that barely covers anything, for that matter.” Nicky could talk all he wanted, but I knew he would never tell me what to wear. As long as I was comfortable, he was fine with it. I still wanted to go out and enjoy a wild night with the girls, and maybe have some wild sex, too. As much as I loved teasing my big brother about it, I wouldn’t ever tell him that. There were limits, even for me.
The bar was a fifteen-minute walk from my house, and since the weather was slightly breezy and pleasant for a walk, we didn’t mind doing just that. He grabbed my hand and I smiled, because he knew I sometimes felt unsure in heels but wore them anyway. They were pretty and made my legs seem longer. That shit was important.
The beauty of New York was that everyone here minded their own business. No one cared whether you were a celebrity or not. Even if someone recognized you, they wouldn’t come screaming your name; but honestly, I doubted anyone would. Usually, on stage I wore a lot of dark makeup, leather pants, and boots. Yeah, the epitome of rock cliché, but oh well, it was comfortable on stage.
Cars, people, and the lights showcased the beauty of the city that never slept, and it reminded me of why I fell in love with it all those years ago. There simply wasn’t a city like this anywhere else in the world—the energy it had and the things to see. T
here was no hesitation in my mind that when I bought my private property, it would be on the Upper East Side. Back in High school, we went there on a field trip and I just fell in love with the beauty of it. And if that made me shallow, I didn’t care. I knew I wanted to live here one day, and thank God my dream came true. It would have been perfect if Nick agreed to move here too. But he loved Brooklyn fiercely, and that was our ongoing debate, because each of us tried to convince the other. But so far, both our attempts were unsuccessful.
Finally, we reached the bar and he let me inside. We sat at the nearest table, and I glanced at the clock. It was eleven fifty and that made me giddy. It may seem childish, but I loved my birthdays. There was usually excitement in me for no particular reason.
“So, here we are.”
“Yeah. Almost twenty-one, sis, huh?” He smiled warmly and there was love in his eyes, and I knew that no matter what I did in my life, it would always be there. He gestured to the waiter for something and the guy gave him a thumbs up.
“So this is your favorite place?”
“Sometimes. It’s nice and quiet. I like it.”
“Dude, you are still young. Nice and quiet aren’t supposed to be your thing. Where is Megan, by the way?” She was always joined at the hip with my brother, and it was adorable. I knew some sisters had problems with their brother’s girlfriends, but that wasn’t the case with us. They were happy and that was all that mattered, so I was happy.
His eyes softened at the mentioning of her name.
“It wasn’t about her today. It was about me and you, and she understands.” It was one of the reasons we never had problems with her; the chick was cool.
Our drinks arrived and I was surprised to see two shots of tequila on the table. Didn’t he order a soda for me or something? I opened my mouth to tell him how much he sucks when he spoke.
“Little sis, since you are coming of age, I wanted to share this moment with you and have that first drink with you too.” He gave me one shot and then raised his up. “Here is for the many years to come. I love you, baby girl. No matter what, no matter where I am, I will always love you and be proud. Happy birthday, munchkin!” It was indeed midnight on the dot, and tears came to my eyes from his beautiful gesture.
I downed the shot. It went through me, burning my throat, and I choked before grabbing the lemon nearby and sucking on it. Well, that, indeed, made it better. I rose up and went to him, hugging him with all my might. He just stroked my hair as I soaked in the security of his arms.
I may have become a star with millions, an apartment, and, as of now, I was no longer an underage, but that didn’t give me security.
The security came from Nick and the fact that I knew he would always be there.
“I love you, Nick. Thank you for making it possible.” His hold on me grew tighter because he knew I was referring to all the things he had done for me throughout the years—with our parents, with watching over me, believing in me, encouraging me, and, finally, moving me here.
“Always, Bella. Always.”
Ryan
I rushed to her side the minute she fell to the floor crying, and, fuck, if that didn’t twist my gut.
I wanted to grab that blonde bitch and shake the living daylights out of her for making my girl feel that way. The other part in me though, understood she needed it, and the step she took today was huge. It was the first time she ever admitted her brother was gone, and it almost broke her. I went down on my knees and hugged her as she cried on my shoulder. As much as I wanted her to stop, because I didn’t ever want to see her cry, I knew it wasn’t an option. I could, however, make it less messy, because I was aware of the friends and ranchers who were there looking at her with pity. That was probably the last thing she needed. I felt a presence behind me and looked up to see Dean looking at us with concern and softness. He probably didn’t like how this shit went down either; the man had a soft spot for her.
“Dean, can you take her to her room? I need to handle things here.” He nodded and, with my help, lifted her in his arms. She didn’t make a noise, just laid there numbly, her crying now quiet. My possessive instincts had to be pushed aside as I gave her over to someone else, when it should be me who was there with her while she was upset. I turned to my ranchmen and tried to control my temper, because they didn’t deserve me to shout at them.
“Everyone get the hell out.” Without another word, they left. Marie decided to follow Dean and make sure Bella was all right.
“Call Doctor Daniel. I don’t give a shit where he’s at, he needs to be here as soon as possible.” She nodded and quickly ran out.
Once they were out of the room, I turned my furious gaze to Sam, who fucking caused all this.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?”
“Listen—” she started, but I didn’t give a shit about what she had to say.
“You made her feel miserable, and you yelled at her in the middle of a room filled with people. If you still have a problem with her, then you shouldn’t have fucking come here.”
“Nate, calm down.” I spun around to face Jeremy, who had a grim expression on his face and his hands in the pockets of his pants. He shifted and was now standing in front of the blonde, blocking her from me.
What the fuck? Did he actually think I would physically harm her? I would never lay a finger on a woman in anger, let alone hit her. That just pissed me off even more.
“Calm down? I have no fucking idea what kind of behavior you allow in your band, but she will not humiliate Bella in my house—or anywhere else, for that matter.”
“She was hurt and lashed out—”
“Are you fucking serious right now, Jer? She was hurt, so she lashed out? I’m supposed to be, what, sorry for her now?” I pointed to Sam and didn’t miss that she winced a little. “I don’t give a fuck. If they want to do that shit to Bella, then no fucking tour for you guys.” Now I was the one who was shouting, but they fucking well deserved it.
I couldn’t believe my girl was now miserable, and the people in here were the catalyst for that.
“It’s not up to you to decide, Nate. If she wants a tour—” I started laughing, but it lacked any trace of humor or warmth.
“Jer, I’m her sober coach. You really think I have no say in what she does?” I raised my brow and his eyes narrowed. Fucking good. It wasn’t about control for me. I knew she was capable of making decisions for herself. However, I wouldn’t allow her to be in an environment where she would be subjected to hatred and judgment. It was the last thing she needed.
“I’m sorry, okay? I know it was a shitty thing to do. I couldn’t see straight and I lashed out. It’s not an excuse. I admit I was wrong,” Sam finally said, and I had to give it to the girl, she looked into my eyes and there was shame and regret there. But also, she raised her chin in stubbornness.
“Sorry, but your whole speech doesn’t really do it for me.” I rubbed my nose and tried to calm myself down. My raging emotions probably weren’t helping the situation much.
“We are sorry,” Ariel said, tucking one of her red locks behind her ear. “Sam was out of line, but we promise you nothing like this will happen again.” She gave the blonde a look that spoke volumes.
“We were all hurt,” Jane continued after the redhead. “Sam just wasn’t handling it well.”
I understood the unity they had in the group. They protected their own, although I could see they were less than thrilled with her behavior.
Where was their fucking protectiveness when Bella was listening to accusations from Sam?
Those bitter words were on the tip of my tongue, but then I thought better of it. Finally, I looked up at Jeremy and held his stare.
“This shit happens again, there will be no tour. I fucking guarantee it.” With those parting words, I walked off and rushed to the main house to check on Bella.
She was my priority right now, and I would do anything to make her feel better.
Clearly, there was no one else who
was willing to put her first.
When I entered the house, the doctor was coming down the stairs.
I was surprised he was here already.
“You were lucky I decided to take a nap in one of the ranch houses yesterday or I would have gotten here way later.”
“With all due respect, Doc, I don’t give a shit about you right now. How is she?” A small smile appeared on his face at my admission but was quickly replaced with a stern look.
“She’s okay. I just think she experienced a psychological shock, so she is exhausted. It happens sometimes when the stress is too great for the body to handle.” His eyes held sadness in them. “Poor child, really. Finally coming to terms with her loss.”
“So, she doesn’t need any medication?”
“No, just aspirin for her head and I took care of her hands. Nothing serious, just blisters, but I left the cream for her. You can apply it again later on. She’ll probably wake up with a huge headache. Make sure she eats something, and takes a hot shower. Then get her back to sleep. Now that’s the most important thing for her, sleep.” He patted me on my shoulder and I just nodded. “I put in an IV drip for her with sedatives so it would keep her calm. She can’t scream like that. She just got her voice back.”
“Thanks, Doc.” I ran toward the room and quietly opened the door. Marie was sitting on a chair nearby reading a book, but her face looked worried.
“I didn’t want to leave her alone, so I thought I’d wait for you.” She stood and went to the door. “I’ll make something light for her and leave it in the fridge. The aspirin is on the nightstand.” She stopped and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. “She needed it, so as much as you are angry with this situation and that girl, you need to accept it.” Then she left and closed the door after her.
My hand caressed her soft cheek. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, but I could still see the traces of her tears. I leaned down to kiss her and inhaled her scent to calm myself. Suddenly, the lack of sleep and all the tension from today took a toll on me. I felt exhausted and wanted nothing more than to lie down.