by T. Styles
“I really am sorry, Mad.” My face is in pain but it doesn’t hurt more than my heart. Although she’s angry, I feel awful that she knows I betrayed her. And if she gives me another chance, I plan on proving to her how much I was wrong. “Don’t hurt me anymore.”
Her eyes get dark and she jumps on top of me. “You know, Harmony told me not to trust you but I didn’t believe her. Matter of fact, I don’t believe shit that bitch says. But what do you know, for the first time in her life she was right.”
Placing her weight on top of me, she raises my dress and pulls down her jeans. What’s happening now? What is she…my statement is cut short when I feel her ram something into my pussy. I try to fight her by punching at her back but she’s stronger. Angrier. Madder. Whatever is inside of me tears at my flesh and places me in extreme pain. It’s hard and cold at first. My face burns. My vagina is on fire and my heart is broken. My sister is raping me. My flesh and blood is raping me.
“How does it feel, sis?” She pounds harder. Like she’s making love to me. Like she’s enjoying it. “How does it feel to be violated, huh?”
“Stop!” I beg as I move wildly under her trying to get free. “Please stop, Madjesty. It hurts.”
She moans. “Does it? Because that’s how it felt to me when your boyfriend took what he wanted. He didn’t give a fuck.” She pounds me repeatedly as she widens my legs to push into me deeper. “I bet you were saving this pussy for him wasn’t you? He wanted to be the first to hit this, huh?” She laughs never stopping her flow. I wonder how Mr. Nice Guy feels about this, as he looks down at us. “Well guess what; tell him an eye for an eye!”
I focus on the picture of us on my dresser. We were happier when we had nothing because we had each other. All that has changed. Maybe I do have a little energy left. Maybe if I fight harder I can stop her but I don’t because I’m heartbroken and crushed. I forget my pain, forget the blood dripping between my legs and forget she is my sister. I feel hate and I check out mentally. I also notice the world around me seems quieter but I can smell her sweat and feel her hot breath against my cheeks. She’s stealing everything from me and I will never be the same. It wasn’t enough for her to rape me, she gotta kiss me too. Like a woman would a man. My skin crawls and I try hard not to throw up. If she felt anything like this when Shaggy raped her, I understand but it doesn’t make me despise her any less.
When she’s done she lets out one last moan. It was stronger than the ones leading up to that moment. I know what happened without her telling me. She came. How did she do that? Why do I turn her on? When she’s done she stands up and I finally see the thing she used to assault me. It’s plastic, brown and has vein-like lines running alongside it. It’s also covered in my blood. It’s a dildo but the way she stuffs it back into her pants I know it’s her dick. She finally got one.
When she’s presentable she stares down at me with an evil expression. Zero love. “Sneaky, bitch!” She yells.
I pass out.
****
When I come too, she’s gone and dried blood is on the inside of my thighs. I have a headache and my vagina is throbbing. Madjesty is dead to me. If I see her on the street, I can’t say what I might do to her.
After crying uncontrollably, I’m finally able to lift myself to my knees. I lean on the bed and pull myself off the floor. Cramps run up and down my lower stomach and the gash on my face aches. While on my feet, I make it to the mirror to check the damage. I put our picture face down. When I look at my reflection, I’m relieved it isn’t as bad as it feels. That is until I see glass hanging out of my ear. Carefully I take out a piece and it falls to the dresser. Followed by another, and then another. I’m enraged. The pain can’t be described.
When I see my phone light up, I see Olive’s name flash on my caller ID. Although she had become a good friend to me, I don’t feel like talking to her. All that’s on my mind is leaving my room without having to see my mother. I don’t want her to see me like this. I don’t want anybody to see me like this. When my phone lights up again, I see my father’s name run across the screen. But why didn’t I hear it ring loudly? Why is the sound so low?
I answer and my heart beats in my chest. “Hello.” The handset shakes in my hand. “Daddy…are you there?” I can barely make out what he’s saying. Anger washes over me like a warm blanket. “Daddy, I think something is wrong with my phone.” I lie. “But if you can hear me, I need you to have somebody find Madjesty. She was here but she left. And when you do, daddy, I need you to…well, I need you to kill her.”
“Baby girl, don’t talk all wild on the phone.” He pauses. “Where do you think she’s going?”
“Could be anywhere. She’s supposed to be in the institution…maybe you should look for her there.”
HARMONY
JANKY ASS BITCHES
One minute I’m walking into my house and the next minute Madjesty’s crazy ass is running down the stairs like she just committed murder. I’m thinking we’re cool since I was the only person going to see her half titty ass and she tries to kill me. I didn’t even know she was in the house because she wasn’t supposed to be released from the institution. When my sisters Laura and Ramona went into their rooms, after saving me, I decided to go outside to get some air. Based on Madjesty’s conversation on the phone, she was going to AMTRAK and to be honest, I hope I’d never see that bitch again.
When my doorbell rings and I open the door, I see someone I hadn’t seen since my childhood, Ebony. And who does she have with her? Half dead ass Trip. She’s wearing a pair of dark glasses, I guess to cover her bug eyes and she’s walking with a cane. The way Trip moves it looks as if she’ll blow over at any minute. A certified mess. Is she here because she knows that her son is fucking my daughter? I knew the moment I saw the boy sniffing around Jayden’s pussy that it would bring up blasts from my past. Ebony, on the other hand, looks like she had work done on her nose and they’d taken too much off the tip.
“Hi, Harmony.” Ebony smirks looking back at her homie. “You remember Trip right? Shaggy’s mother?”
My heart rocks in my chest yet I pretend as if I’m not scared. Of course, I remember Trip, I remember that bitch too. When we were kids, I stole Ebony’s earrings by stuffing them into my panties after she invited me to her party. Me and Trip had history because I fucked her boyfriend Paco and gave him a fresh case of syphilis. Something tells me they aren’t here to thank me.
“I know who both of you are.” I place my hands on my hips and frown. “Now what are ya’ll doing here?”
“We came to see you.” Ebony responds.
I roll my eyes, tiring of the games already. “How did you know where I lived?”
“I ran into Mrs. Duncan.” she smiles weirdly. “She came to my wedding and I couldn’t believe my ears when she said you said hello. You gave her your address when she was taking you home and she gladly gave it to me.” I hate that teacher.
“So now we’re here.” Trip says. Although she is the cripple out of the crew, she looks the most dangerous.
“Well I’m busy.”
“Nonsense…we have a lot to talk about.” Ebony pushes past me as Trip follows. They stroll into the living room and sit on my sofa. “I see you have done well for yourself, Harmony Phillips.” She looks up at the vault ceilings. “Or did you steal this place too. After all, I heard you can stuff everything in that big black hole between your legs.”
I courtesy laugh and remain in the doorway. “This is all mine, baby doll. I don’t have to steal shit.”
She looks at Trip and breaks out in laughter. “Are you sure about that? Because if my memory serves correctly, you stole my earrings, the ones my father gave me.” I know that’s why I stole them dumb ass. “And when I approached you at the Burger King about it to fight you square up, you ran and told the security guard at the restaurant like a punk.”
“Ebony, I thought you were some big shot attorney now. We were fucking kids when that shit happened. I mean you can’t be seriou
s about coming up in here with all of this foolishness.”
“I’m very serious!” She stands up and prowls toward me. My door is open and I contemplate pushing her out but then what was I going to do with Trip? Shoot craps with her blind eyeballs? “My father gave me those earrings and he died a month after you took them from me.”
“And my father died way before that and guess what, I’m still alive!”
“You are so careless and inconsiderate.” She sits back on the couch, the only furniture in my house since my sisters sold most of everything else. “And then I’m hearing that you fucked Trip’s man. I also heard you were the reason Constance killed herself because you were fucking Kreshon too behind her back. Damn, Harmony, is no man belonging to your friends off limits?” She digs into her purse and pulls out a cigarette and lighter. “Come sit down.” She lit it. “The quicker we talk the faster this will all be over.”
I hang by the open door. “Maybe I didn’t make myself clear.” I roll into the living room. “You two bitches are not welcomed in my home. We’re not friends anymore. We’re grown ass women with new lives. So live yours and leave me the fuck out of it.”
When I say that, Trip stands up using her cane. “I’m dying, Harmony. I can barely see and my days are numbered. And you know what,” she pauses, “there’s not a day when I don’t think about you and all the things I wanted to do to you if I ever saw you again.” If she comes any closer, I’m gonna kick the hell out of the cane sending her crashing to the floor. The bottom line is, what do they want from me?
“Trip, you need to…”
She places her dry finger over my lips. It smells like raw potatoes. “There’s no need in you opening the mouth you suck dick with to say anything to me. I know you fucked Paco and I also know you gave him syphilis. The fucked up part is, I didn’t know I had it until it was too late. You have taken everything from me.” She removes her hand and I wipe my lips. YUCK! “Look at my body, Harmony. This is part your fault.”
I laugh. “It’s my fault you didn’t use a condom?”
“So the shit is funny?” Ebony asks standing in front of me.
“No, this shit is hilarious.” I say holding my stomach. “You come over my house and accuse me of being the reason you’re half dead and blind.” I point to Trip. “And you got half a nose.” I point at Ebony. “You bitches need new earrings, a dick and a life. Get over it already! It wasn’t my fault Paco couldn’t eat enough of this pussy. Use your head, Trip, he wanted me I didn’t hold him between my legs at gunpoint. I couldn’t keep him out if I set a trap for his ass. This juicy had him coming back for more. Literally. You didn’t stand a chance.”
Trip frowns. “You really are the worst fucking human being I’ve ever known.”
“Tell me something I don’t know already.” I go to pour me a glass of vodka in the kitchen, secretly hoping they’d be irritated and gone by the time I get back. When I return, both of them are still there. “Can you tell me what you two Mindy’s want now?”
I see Trip moving toward me quickly but I can’t react. Before I know it, she’s in my face hitting me all over my body with her cane. She’s moving so ridiculously that at first I can’t help but laugh, until I feel a searing pain in my stomach and another in my back. I fall to the floor to protect myself, but the blows won’t stop. She’s trying to kill me. She’s actually trying to kill me.
“Oh my, God! What are you doing, Trip! I’m going to lose my job! I can’t be involved in no shit like this!” Ebony yells. “We were supposed to talk to her. Let’s talk to her!”
Before long it feels like hot iron pokers are sticking me everywhere. And then I feel myself pulling for air and having a difficult time breathing. Oh shit, not again!
MADJESTY
EVIL OF THE UGLY KIND
I’m evil.
And I can’t believe what I’ve done. Krazy K stole his foster mother’s small blue Kia Sephia to help me get away from it all. It’s stuffy. Too many of us are inside. I feel like I can’t breathe. Krazy is behind the wheel, Kid is riding shotgun and Sugar and Dynamite are in the backseat with me. As he drives in fast motion, I lean up against the door and stare out the window. Wild thoughts roll around in my mind and I don’t recognize myself anymore.
From my house to the train station, all I did was cause havoc and it wasn’t my plan. When I went to the house to talk to Jayden, I had no idea she was fucking with the nigga who raped me. I went over there to find out why she abandoned me when I was in the mental institution. I wanted to know why she hadn’t called, or come to see me. I mean I knew Jace was after me because he knew me and my father had something to do with the disappearance of his fiancé, but I never thought she’d get involved. So when I picked up the phone in her room, only to hear her telling one of Jace’s niggas to come pick me up, I felt betrayed. I wanted her to feel an ounce of what I’d gone through. So knowing she was a virgin, like I was before I was violated, I raped her. I raped my…
I shake my head to get the thoughts out of my mind. I hope God can forgive me, because I’ll never forgive myself. I know at that moment I don’t deserve love. That’s probably why Denise and me didn’t work. I don’t even deserve happiness and I will avoid them both at all costs.
“Madjesty, you scaring the fuck out of me,” Krazy says as he maneuvers down the streets. “Can you tell me what the fuck is going on?” He looks at me through the rearview mirror and I turn my head. “The way you left out of that train station wasn’t normal, man.” The back of the white t-shirt he’s wearing is wet with sweat. He must be nervous.
“Yeah, you scaring me too,” Sugar responds as Dynamite just stares at me like I’m going to die any minute. Sugar places her hand over mine. Her fingers are trembling. “Is there something I can do for you?”
I take three quick breaths. “Ya’ll gotta let me get my head together. I can’t think right now. I can’t do anything. I’m fucked.”
“Why don’t everybody just leave my nigga alone,” Kid adds. He reaches into his jean pockets and pulls out a stuffed blunt. “I know what he needs.” He holds it up. “You trying to hit the wire?”
“Later for that shit, Kid.” Sugar smacks his hand. “You always wanna do some dumb shit when things are serious. You act like you don’t give a fuck about nobody but yourself sometimes!”
He looks back at her. “Bitch, I will slap the shit out of you if you ever tell me I don’t care about my nigga. You know how fucked up I was when I saw Mad’s face just now. I thought he was shot or something!”
In a serious voice Krazy says, “I wish you would put your hands on her.” He looks over at him. “Playing or not.” Kid shakes his head. What’s up with that shit? No one defends Sugar.
“Madjesty,” Sugar says softly, “I’m just saying this shit looks weird right now. Look at your clothes.” I observe my dirty jeans. “One minute you tell us to drop you off at Concord Manor and the next thing we know, we picking you up from the Amtrak station.” She pushes her red eyeglasses closer to her face. “I’m not trying to get into your business but you gotta tell me something! I’m worried about you.”
“You do look fucked up, man.” Krazy is spying on me from the rearview mirror again.
Yeah I’m fucked up. Plenty fucked up. I look at the small drops of water that suddenly dress the window. It’s raining. How did it know to rain on one of the worst days of my life? Was I really fucking crazy? Was I really far gone? Not only did I rape my sister, I also tried to throw myself in front of a moving train.
“Turn the air up, man.” I say. It’s too hot in here! I can’t breathe. He doesn’t do it quick enough so I roll the window down and feel my stomach juices swirling. I stick my head out of the window and rain sprays against my face in the wind. Releasing whatever I had in my belly, it splashes against Krazy’s car and smacks the shiny black Mercedes behind us.
“Pull over, man.” I say in a low voice. When Krazy doesn’t stop I get louder. “Pull over unless you want me to fuck this car up!”
He turns the wheel hard to the right and glides in front of two passing cars before parking on the medium. The moment the wheels stop, I push the door open, fall on my knees and throw up everything I have in my body. I didn’t eat anything that day so it was mostly liquid. It isn’t until Sugar touches me softly on my back that I realize I’m crying.
“Oh my God, Krazy! I never seen her like this before. Do something to help her! Please.” Her hand trembles as she keeps it firmly on me. “Can you tell me what’s going on, Madjesty? I’m dying right now because I can’t help you. Who hurt you? Talk to us!”
The sound of Krazy’s shoes pressing against the wet dirt is all around me. When I look at him I see he’s pacing. “I’m not gonna keep taking nothing’s wrong as an answer. You my nigga and you have to kick it to us straight.” He stops and stands at my other side.
When I look over, I see Dynamite in the car. She seems scared. I took her out of the mental institution when I escaped earlier today, only for her to see me like this. She probably thought that when we left shit would go smoothly. Me too. I guess she was wrong. We both were.
“Say something, Madjesty!” Sugar screams.
“I wish ya’ll stop pressuring him!” Kid yells. He kicks a few rocks and one of them accidently hits me in the forehead. “He’ll tell us what’s wrong when he’s ready.” I hear the flick of a lighter and see a cloud of smoke hover over my head. “Here, Madjesty hit this.”
I swat his hand. “I’m not feeling that right now and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I did some shit I can’t take back, ya’ll.” From all fours, I look at them seriously.
“Like what, homie?” Kid inquires. “What could you have done that could’ve been worst than some of the shit we seen? We got secrets we’re taking to the grave.” I remember the girl I killed in the motel. To me this is worse.
“Think of the foulest thing you can imagine.”