by T. Styles
When the doctor leaves, my father removes the oxygen mask from his face. Everyone looks at him and I wait for his word. I focus on his lips and he says, “I want to be alone with my daughter.” The crowd doesn’t seem too happy about leaving. “I’ll call you back in when I’m done with her.”
Everyone is about to go until he grabs the lady’s wrist that was at my house earlier. “Jayden, this is Metha. I came over to introduce you to her earlier but some things happened.” Yeah, you caught me playing in my pussy. “Since you don’t have a license, she’s going to be your new driver. She’ll take you wherever you want to go and I’m giving you my truck.”
If he gives me his truck what will he drive? “But I don’t want your car, daddy. What are you going to have, when you get out of here?”
“I’ll buy another one.” He smiles and I don’t believe him.
He turns his head and says something else to her but he’s speaking low and I can’t read his lips. Whatever he said got her upset enough to run out of the room with tears rolling down her face. When she’s gone, he rubs the edge of the bed for me to sit down. I quickly do and he places the oxygen mask over his mouth for a few more seconds and it fogs up.
He takes it off. “First, button your shirt.” I do it quickly. I know he thinks I’m totally freaked out now. “Now, she has been working for me for over a year and I can honestly say, next to Kreshon, she’s the only one I trust.”
“But you said I shouldn’t trust no one.”
He grins a little. “You’re right, baby girl, but every rule has an exception. She and Kreshon are it.”
“Okay, daddy, if you say so.”
“And baby, I’m sorry for what I said to you in your room. It just…caught me off guard to see you like that. You’re not a whore and I don’t want you to think I think of you in that light because I don’t.”
I’m red. I’m frozen. I don’t want to talk about this. “Okay, daddy.”
“It’s time to get serious now so put on your big girl panties.” I frown. I’m not wearing any. “Jayden, I have AIDS and I’m having complications.”
“Complications?” My eyes widen. “I don’t understand. When you came to see me the other day, you were fine. You had a cold but that was it.”
“It wasn’t a cold, it was a symptom of a much bigger issue. If you learn nothing from my situation, learn that you have to always protect yourself.” He steals some more oxygen. “I have so much to be grateful for though.”
His positivity is making me angry. “Daddy, I’m confused and if you have AIDS I don’t understand what you have to be grateful for. You’re about to fucking die!”
He glares at me. “Honey, I’m blessed enough to know that I’m dying. And that I’ll be able to spend some quality time with the one person I love before I go.” He coughs a few more times. “Now I know you’re hurt, but for me that’s the brighter side to this shit. If I don’t have it I’ll go crazy.”
I exhale. “So how long? I mean…what are they saying?”
“I have pneumonia and the doctors doubt I’ll live out the week. Had I known I was HIV positive, I could’ve used medicines like AZT to help bring this shit under control. Now they’ll give me a few things to keep the infections down but it’s mostly too late.”
AZT? I saw that before when I went to visit my mother in the hospital. The room is spinning and my head is throbbing. I can’t believe this is happening to me. Some of my salty tears fall into my mouth and I wipe the rest away, “This is so fucked up. How did you get it?”
He stares at me. I know he will never tell me but I know my mother gave it to him. Suddenly blinding anger consumes me. I want to ask him when was the last time he slept with her but it doesn’t matter. He won’t stay with me on earth no matter what the answer.
“Don’t be angry, Jayden. I’m a grown man and I’ve made a lot of bad decisions. But guess what, I stand by every one of ‘em.” He breathes in more oxygen. “But I want to talk to you about something else, I know your hearing has gotten worse. Hasn’t it?”
How did he know that? I never told anybody but the doctor. My mother lived with me for years and the only thing she ever told me was to stop tugging my ear. This is why I love him. He cares enough to notice me. “Why you say that? My hearing is fine.”
“There have been so many times I’ve called your name for you not to respond. I even knocked on the door before I came into your room today.” He frowns and I can tell the area is still soft with him. “I never said much about it before because I thought it wasn’t serious.” He touches me weakly on the face. Like he didn’t have enough energy but needed to do it anyway. “I’m right ain’t I?”
I guess my tears answer his question.
He reaches over to the nightstand and grabs some keys. He places them in my hands. “I want you to go to my house.” He’s breathing harder, like he’s been running around all day. “When you get there, go downstairs into the basement, you know where you usually sleep when you come over.”
I nod and I think my mouth says, yes.
“Good, in the bathroom, inside the shower stall, is a safe. Go by yourself, Jayden. Don’t take anyone with you inside, not even Metha. I trust her, but even she may be tempted when faced with fruit.”
“Okay, daddy.” I feel like I want to die.
“To get inside the safe, pull the hot water lever down instead of turning it to the right. The safe will open. Inside you will find a half of million dollars. I was supposed to give it to Kali for Antoinette but he won’t be getting it now. Besides, one of my business associates in Atlanta said they spotted them together and she didn’t look like a hostage. I wasted so much time on that bitch. That I couldn’t spare. ” He frowns. “Anyway that money is for you now.”
“Daddy, I don’t want it.”
“Jayden, please just listen to me.” He breathes some more oxygen and removes the mask again. “I want you to take some of that money and do whatever you can to get your hearing repaired. Maybe if you do it now, you’ll be restored. The rest I want you to put up for college. I want you to get an education, the best that money can buy.”
“Daddy, please don’t leave me.”
“I need you to focus because although it’s too late for me and your mother, it’s not too late for you. Get an education and do what you have to, to make a better life for yourself.”
“The money doesn’t help me if you aren’t in my life.”
He looks frustrated. “Jayden, please, do this for me. I want you to promise me that you are going to stay out of trouble, take care of your health and go to college. It’s my dying wish for you and the only way I’ll be able to rest in peace. Now I want you to take out your cell phone.”
“For what?”
“Just do it.” I do as I’m told. “Good, you have a recording feature?”
“Yes.”
“I want you to activate it.” I do as I’m told. “Now I need you to record yourself right now, the promise you’re making to me.”
I nod. I want to stop reading his lips but am afraid I’ll miss something.
“Do it, Jayden. I want to hear you say what you’re promising me.”
I place the phone to my lips. “I promise to stay out of trouble, take care of my health and to go to college.”
“I love you, Jayden. Always.” He coughs. “You can end the recording.”
I’m crying so hard now, I can barely breathe. I press end and place my phone in my purse. “Stop that,” he wipes the water off my face, “now I want you to play the promise whenever you’re about to break it. Okay?”
“Yes, daddy.”
“There’s something else I want you to do.” He pauses to place the mask on before finishing. “I want you to stay away from the street life. It ain’t for you. It wasn’t for me either. I guess I knew it all along because I made some decisions that got my fiancé caught up. But I’m smarter now and if I had it to do all over again, I would not have chosen the drug life.” He pauses. “The best part abo
ut any of it is being able to take care of you financially. I lived the life on the streets so you don’t have to. That’s what the money is for. You understand?”
“Daddy, I’m not selling drugs.”
“Never said you were but I know about the business you were running with the girls, Jayden. Word got back to me and I denied it until somebody showed me this.”
He reaches into his dresser and shows me the first postcard we did for the fake babysitting service. The card shows Passion, Foxie, Na-Na, Gucci and Queen with three neighborhood kids. They were wearing tiny jean shorts with colorful t-shirts and each of them held an ice cream cone in their hand. The message on the bottom of the card reads, ‘Let us tame the bad boys and girls of your life. Thirteen Flavors Babysitting Service, Our girls are available anytime of the day or night.’
I’m beyond embarrassed because it’s clear from the card that the only thing we were selling was pussy. The kids in the picture look like they have attitudes. I know at that moment that I’m giving up the lifestyle for good. Seeing the disappointment on his face makes me feel cheap. “You’re right, daddy. I can do so much better and I promise to get an education and make you proud.” I feel like I’m about to cry again. “Even if you can’t see me.”
He smiles. “I’m going to always see you.” He promises. “And baby girl, we couldn’t catch Madjesty.” Now I’m disgusted. “I don’t know what you two need to do to make it right, but it must be done. She’s your flesh and blood and you need her because if I’m sick, chances are your mother is too.” He admitted that she gave it to him even though I know he didn’t mean to. “Can you make me the promise to at least try?”
I love my daddy but there are some things I simply won’t do.
****
I’m looking out the window of the black Escalade my father gave me. For some reason, I can feel Metha staring at me and she looks like she has an attitude. She’s such a boring bitch. I can tell. “What’s wrong with you?” I focus on her lips. “My father’s dying, not yours.” I roll my eyes.
She wipes the tears off of her face and I wish she stops crying. Her sadness makes me feel worse about mine. “I’m sorry, I had something on my mind. And I kept asking where you wanted to go,” she wipes more tears off, “but you didn’t answer me. I figured you were ignoring me or something.”
“So you’re crying?”
“I wasn’t crying about that. Like I said, I got a lot on my mind.”
“How do you even know my father?”
She exhales. “I was an alcoholic and your father gave me a chance when nobody else would.”
“Look, even if I was ignoring you, you don’t have to look like you got an attitude.” I say, overlooking her announcement. I knew alcoholics all my life, so her story was no big deal to me. I am going to have to remember to watch everybody around me though, if I’m going to keep my illness a secret. “Take me to my father’s house.” I look out of the window once more, before focusing on her again. “And for future reference, whenever you’re around me, don’t talk to me unless I’m looking at you.”
She grips the wheel tighter and says, “Okay.” She’s a bitch. I can already tell. “Good because my father may have vouched for you, but he’ll be dead soon. And depending on how you act will determine if you’re services will be needed. At some point, I do plan to get my license you know?” She quickly pulls over to the side of the road and throws the car in park. My neck snaps back and then forward before my head crashes into the seat in front of me. “What the fuck?”
She looks back at me and says, “Listen, I love your father and there isn’t a thing I won’t do for him, but you’re not going to disrespect me and think shit’s sweet. Now he may be your father but I’m losing a good friend in that hospital. I’m emotional right now because he told me he’s dying and I can’t take a lot of shit from nobody, especially not some spoiled little bitch.” She pauses, “Have some respect instead of talking to people like they don’t matter. It’ll go along way.”
I rub my head and she pulls back in traffic without my response. I can’t believe she spoke to me like that and suddenly I believe she’s more interesting than I thought.
****
When we get to my father’s house something feels wrong before I even step out the car. For starters when I open his front door, I’m met by a growling gray and white pitbull. I didn’t even know he had a dog and I start to back out. But something about his eyes tell me he’s more scared of me than I am of him. I don’t leave, plus I need that money. So I drop my hands by my sides, to show him I mean no harm. The dog walks around me and smells me. My heart sways in my chest and when I look down, I can see it moving. After he takes his nose and presses it against my ass, he walks away and leaves me alone. I think I’m good to go.
I walk downstairs, and it follows me. Before I make it completely inside of the basement, I see everything is broken and fucked up. I can’t believe daddy left his place like this and then it dawns on me, he didn’t. Walking further into the basement, I can barely move without stepping over things lying on the floor. That’s when the hairs on the back of my neck rise. Either somebody was there, or somebody had been there.
I pick up a bat that’s lying on the side of the wall, and move slowly to the bathroom. When I get there, my fear is realized. The safe is open and the money is gone. Damn!
JACE
DEAD LOVE
Jace holds the phone to his ear, barely having the strength to keep it in place. When he finally hears her voice he says, “Harmony, how are you?”
“Jace…uh…Jayden isn’t here with me.” She’s shocked to hear from him and is certain he’s preparing to tell her how much he hates her guts…once again. “If you leave a message I’ll tell her you called. She said she was coming back to check on me later.”
“I know she’s not there, Harmony. She just left me not too long ago. I can’t imagine what she’s going through with both of us being in the hospital. We’re lucky to have her.”
She’s nervous. What does he want? “Well how did you know I was in the hospital?”
“Jayden told me.”
His heavy breathing takes Harmony off guard. She never heard him sound so weak before. And her heart sings whenever she hears his voice. “What’s going on with you, Jace? I mean, where are you?”
“In the hospital too.”
“Why?”
He places the oxygen mask on his face, removes it and says, “Do you remember when we were kids and I was bouncing the ball with Brittany that day? I think you were getting the mail or some shit like that.”
Harmony didn’t know where he was going. “Yes. I think so.”
“Did you know that I use to stand outside in front of your house everyday, hoping you’d come hang with me?”
She pauses. “What do you mean? You were always playing with Brittany. I figured the last thing you were thinking about was me.”
He chuckles. “Naw, Brittany use to come out to keep me company but my motive was to always see your face, Harmony. Always. That’s why I was psyched that you moved back to the neighborhood when you left Concord Manor.”
Her jaw drops. “But you seemed so uninterested.”
He laughs lightly. “How you sound? I use to ask you where your uncle was all the time. I think I asked you where he was that day. That nigga didn’t fuck with me and I didn’t fuck with him. I heard stories about the shit he might be doing to you in that house.”
She remembers. “Stop playing, boy, you acted like you didn’t like me. And when I did talk to you, you never said much. It was always like I was bothering you or something.”
“I was a kid, woman, my game was off. But I loved you from the moment I saw your face.” He inhales some more oxygen. Despite his condition he admits, “I still love you now.”
Harmony cries although she’s determined not to let him know. Why was he calling her with all of this emotional shit anyway? Her heart or body couldn’t take it because despite everything, he was th
e love of her life. “Jace, I remember that day all too well. It was the same day my grandmother slapped me down the steps after I promised to come back out and play with you.” It was also the first day her grandmother forced her to perform oral sex on her but she would keep that part to herself. If she did anything in life, she would never forget that afternoon.
“I remember that. When she hit you, I sent Kali over there to handle that shit for me. Shirley was always a fucking bully. She use to throw the rocks in her garden at us or leave her gate open so her dog Dingo could bite us.”
Harmony was stunned. “Wait, you sent Kali to help me that day? I thought he came over on his own.”
“Fuck no, I sent the nigga.” He continues to set the record straight. “Your uncle threatened me and said I couldn’t be anywhere near the house. He was going to call the police and I was young so I believed him.” Since he was raping her, it all made sense to Harmony. “That’s why I use to ask you where he was all the time.” He pauses to catch his breath. “Naw, Harmony, I paid Kali five bucks to steal the shit out of your grandmother and he was going to do it, but she went back in the house before he handled business.” He inhales more oxygen. “I never wanted to tell you but I hated that old bitch. I know she was a female but anybody who lets a pedophile around her granddaughter was not worthy of my respect.”
“You couldn’t hate her more than me.” She remembers the years of sexual abuse she endured. “No one could.”
Harmony considered that day again. The recollection about Kali had her stoned. Him coming to her rescue when Shirley hit her that day sealed their bond. As a matter of fact, had he not stepped up, she would have never slept with him later on in life. And if that hadn’t happen, she and Jace would’ve probably been married with more kids right now. The thought fucks her head up. Instead they were both dying.