by T. Styles
“Harmony, I need you to get your health checked out.”
She immediately grows offensive besides; she’d just gotten her results. She was HIV positive and refused to acknowledge it. And she refused to take medicine. “What are you talking about, outside of the stab wounds I’m fine.” She lies.
“I…I don’t know if that’s true or not, but you need to get yourself checked out anyway.”
“Why?”
“Because I have AIDS Harmony and I’m dying.” He coughs. “I’m not on the phone to point fingers at you because to be honest, I don’t even care anymore. I got to meet my daughter and I love her more than anything. After spending so much time with her, I think she loves me too. Now you led a fucked up life, but she has all of her fingers and toes and for that I thank you. I’m just asking you not to put so much pressure on her by getting drunk, hurting yourself and shit like that. She thinks she can save you but we both know she can’t.”
“Jace, I don’t want to hear this shit.”
“Harmony, I need you to be there for her. I need you to stop drinking and be the mother I know you can be. She’s going to really need you but only if you in the right mind. I see something in her eyes that doesn’t rest well with me. Something you’ll have to get under control before its too late. She’s dark and very dangerous.”
“Jace…”
“And the way you help her is by pushing back on the liquor,” he interrupted, “and taking care of your health. My daughter needs your strength right now.”
She grows ignorant. “Just because you’re dying doesn’t mean I have the shit too. And I’m tired of you trying to tell me how to raise Jayden! I been doing it on my own for years.”
“Are you that fucking selfish?!” He yells, causing his heart rate to kick up faster than it should. He was dispensing energy he couldn’t spare. “I mean really, Harmony! Are you actually lying to me even though I forgave you for ruining my life! I’m dying! I probably hurt some other people too by fucking you and still…I’m not pointing fingers.” Now he’s angry. “But you gotta think about someone other than yourself.” He pauses. “I forgive you, Harmony. Do you hear me, baby, I forgive you.” She weeps harder but covers the phone so he can’t hear her. “And all I’m asking is that you get focused. She’s going through some things right now that are heavy and she needs a mother. She needs you. Can you be there for her? Please.”
Harmony waits until she isn’t crying anymore and removes her hand from the receiver. “You should’ve treated me right when I begged for your love, Jace. Consider this as payback. Die a slow death!”
MADJESTY
SLICK AND WET
When I come upstairs from the basement, I’m happy to see my grandmother is nowhere to be found. I guess she’s in her room high, since it’s one o’clock in the morning. When I see the keys to her car on the table I think I’m seeing things because she never leaves them there. She must stuff them in her asshole when she doesn’t use them. She always talking about her car this and her car that and even threatened me a few times saying if I took it, my dyke ass and baby would be out on the streets. But I’m so bored right now it’s a chance I’m willing to take.
I scoop them up and head for the door when I hear, “Madjesty, is that you in the living room?” I don’t say anything. “I don’t know what you doing in there but you better not have anybody in my house. I’m serious.”
I try to sound sleepy. I yawn and say, “I’m just getting some juice.”
She’s silent and I figure she dosed back off. When I get outside and into her car, I’m amazed at how clean it is. Everything is in place. I don’t get how she can be so ratchet in every other area of her life but keep her house and car on point. When I drive down the street, I almost slam into somebody on the back of a motorcycle, when I see a cute girl in some tight pink sweatpants and a white t-shirt. She don’t look too classy but she phat to death. I’m trying to have some fun so I pull up on her and roll the window down.
“Can I holla at you for a minute?” I smile at her. She’s a cutie.
She almost trips over nothing when she sees me. “You talking to me?” She points to herself.
“Who else would I be talking to?” I wink at her. “Get in…I don’t want to be alone.”
She pulls the car open so hard my grandmother’s handle comes off. FUCK! Now she gonna know I was driving this bitch. “I’m sorry,” She says getting in. She hands it to me. “I didn’t pull it that hard.” I throw it in the back.
“It’s cool.” I lie. “So what you about to get into?”
“I was waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up.” She runs her fingers through the short cut she’s sporting. “Why…what you about to do?”
That pussy. Normally I wouldn’t be interested in somebody with a nigga but I don’t care anymore. It had been awhile since I fucked and with me being pregnant, I figured I’d better get some now before I started really showing. “Can I drop you off somewhere?”
“I can’t go home now because I’m late. So I’m trying to stay out until the morning that way I can sneak in. You got somewhere for us to hang?” She smiles real wide and I see her brown teeth. I shake it off. Her mouth is ghetto.
I know I’m pushing the limits but I say, “Yeah, I know a spot.”
****
She’s lying on my bed on the floor, naked all over. I take my jeans and my boxers off and stand in front of her. I’m wearing nothing from the waist down. “Oh shit, I thought you were a nigga.” She looks at my joint.
“Got a problem with that?” I don’t give a fuck if she does. She can always walk home. I’m tired of apologizing for who I am.
To my surprise she says, “I’m cool with it if you are. It’ll be my first time.”
Lies. I get on top of her so that my space is on her pussy. I move around slow at first so I can grind into her. She’s gripping my back and pulling me into her. It ain’t even five minutes and she’s so wet I can barely stay on because she’s so slippery. “Hmmm…you feel so good. I never fucked a girl before.” She tells me.
“It’s cool.” I say trying to concentrate. The less she says the better.
I lift her shirt and suck on her titties. She smells good. Like coconut or some shit like that. Her nipple in my mouth tastes like perfume and I ease my hand behind her ass cheeks and pull them toward me. Now I’m pressing so hard against her clit that if I keep this up I’ma cum. “Turn over.” I say. I want the feeling to last.
“What…why?” She whispers.
While she’s asking questions, I flip her over like a pancake and spread her ass cheeks apart. Then I stick my clit into her asshole and move up and down. This bitch feels so good I’m not going to be able to hold on. I lick her back and then bite her shoulder before easing my fingers into her cave. She’s wet. The kind of wet that gets me going.
“Fuck me just like that,” she wiggles her waist and I push my fingers deeper into her. “Please.” I’m about to cum.” I don’t give a fuck if she does or doesn’t.
Truthfully I wish this bitch shut the fuck up before my grandmother comes downstairs. Where is the mute button on this slut? I can feel the pressure on my stomach and I ask my kid to forgive me until I can push this nut out. When I finally cum I fall into her back and breathe heavily.
When I’m done I say, “Where you want me to take you, baby?” I stand up and get dressed.
She pulls her clothes up. “You don’t like me or something?”
I look down at her. “It ain’t that, but you got somebody right? I thought we were just kicking it.”
“I don’t really like him like that. Plus he was supposed to come get me tonight when I met you and he didn’t. So as far as I’m concerned he’s cut.”
“Look, you been real cool,” I say grabbing my grandmother’s keys, “but I really gotta take you to your spot so I can get back home. I’m kind of tired.” I yawn for special effects and wipe my eyes. This bitch can’t be here when my folks get up. That’s all I know.
>
“But I want to stay here with you.” She pouts and that’s when I see the crazy. “I’m not ready to go home.”
“Listen, you cool. Real cool. I like you but not in that way.”
She stands up and walks over to the television on the dresser and knocks it down. It crashes at my feet and I jump back. Did I miss something? The noise in the quiet house sounds like a gun going off in church. “What the fuck you doing?” I yell looking at the mess.
She doesn’t waste anytime going to the pictures on the walls and pulling them down too. The frames shatter and I’m about to shit on myself when I hear footsteps from upstairs. “Please…please don’t do anything else.” I say softly. “Let’s talk about this.”
“You don’t like me! You fucked me and now you don’t like me.” The fucked up part is back in the day I would’ve went for a bitch like this. “Why you bring me hear to treat me like this?”
The doorknob turns. “Madjesty, what the fuck is gong on in there?” I hear my grandmother say. “And why is this door locked? I don’t like locked doors in my house.” When my father was here he kept locked doors all the time so she’s lying.
“Grands, I’m not feeling good.” I lie. “I’m sorry about the noise. I got sick and fell.”
“Well open the door so I can make sure you okay.”
“I just want to get some rest.” I look at the girl and beg her with my eyes not to say or do shit else. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’m sorry for making so much noise.”
Silence.
“You don’t have nobody in my house do you? You know I don’t play that shit.”
“No. I’m just trying to get some sleep.” My heart is kicking up hell in my chest.
She walks back upstairs and I don’t move until I hear her bedroom door close. Focusing back on Nut Job I say, “I’m sorry ‘bout how I treated you. The only reason I carried shit like that was because you said you have a man. But if you trying to see about me, I’m trying to see about you too.” I was lying. After what I did to my sister and losing Denise, I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I didn’t want shit but sex. And even if I did, I didn’t want her. “You sure I can’t drop you off somewhere and take you to breakfast in the morning? So we can start all over?”
She smiles and walks over toward me. The glass from everything she broke crushes under her feet. She hugs me and says, “You can take me back to the group home I live in now. It’s late enough and the Resident Assistant should be sleep by now.”
“I’m with it.”
“But can you stay with me until the morning?” She looks at me. I swear I don’t feel like this shit.
“Anything you want.” I try to smile by my cheeks are wiggling. I feel like stealing the fuck out of this bitch. Now I was gonna have to find a way to replace everything down here.
I sneak out of the house and take her where she lives. And I spend the next hour spooning a bitch in the bed I wanted to get away from, while her roommates look at me and smile. The moment I hear her snoring, I jet. Now on the road, I’m sleepy, tired and noid. My mind is all over the place and then I feel queasy, like I got to throw up. When vomit flies out of my mouth, I bend down and let it all out. I end up crashing into a stop sign and the hood of my grandmother’s car flies up. It’s totaled. I know it.
I leave the scene taking nothing but her car keys. When I make it back home without her knowing, I place them exactly how I found them. I was so nervous I didn’t leave the basement until I heard my grandmother crying about somebody stole her car. And even though it was me, it would be a secret I’d take to my grave.
JAYDEN
DIED TO SOON
It took some months and now he’s gone. At least sunlight’s coming through my bedroom window. Today will be a pretty day to bury my father, a man I barely got to know but love anyway. I think about him all day. I know it’s mean but all I want to do is put him in the grave and go on with my life.
Since someone stole all of the money daddy left for me, I didn’t have enough for his funeral. Who did it? He didn’t know either before he died. I’d spent my own money on furniture for the house before I even knew he was dying, so I was broke too. Thank goodness for the funeral director, Mr. Grover. He was kind enough to allow me to pay after the service was over. Had it not been for him, I would’ve been lost. If I had Thirteen Flavors my problems would be over but I was done with that lifestyle. The square life is going to be hard to live by but I made a promise to my father to get an education and to do better, so it’s a promise I’m going to keep.
The clock says 7:00 am when I first look at myself in the mirror. But when I check again, although I hadn’t moved from the mirror, it is now 7:30. Daddy’s dead. I need to eat. I’m losing too much weight. My body doesn’t move the same. Daddy died on me. My hair is long and straight, all of my curls ironed out. I like it this way. I didn’t wear makeup, mainly because I wasn’t sure if I’d cry and ruin my face. My daddy died. Daddy died. Why did he have to die? The dress I chose is all black, strapless and long. Not sure if it’s appropriate, maybe I should change.
There’s a sinking feeling in my gut. And I feel alone. All alone. Where is my sister? Where is my twin? I need her here with me. Oh I forgot, she raped me and I never want to see the bitch again. My world is a mess. A fucking mess!
I need to get rid of this headache. I walk to my bathroom and pull up my dress. I’m not wearing any panties. I never do. I sit on the toilet and nestle my feet into the mint green bath rug. With my legs spread, I run my finger over my button. It tingles slightly, but not enough to give me a release. I rub it again. Tingle. And again. Tingle. Yeah, that’s good. When it’s warmed up, I make small circular motions on my clit. Light and consistent. Tingle. I can feel the pain leaving already.
Now I’m so slick, I can apply more pressure. I bite my lip and move rapidly over my clit again and slip my finger into my pussy. Tingle. Tingle Tinnnnnnnglllle. This is the best feeling in the world, which is probably why I do it all day. Everyday. If my father is watching me, will he think I’m a pervert? Oh wait, he saw me do it already.
I shake my head to get him out of my mind. I’m so wet now, there’s a slick trail from my clit to my cave. When I raise my finger, a long glistening string of my syrup dangles from it. I wonder how I taste. Probably sweet. I stick my finger into my vault, coat it with cream and place it into my mouth. Yummy. A few more quick-fast motions and I finally get what I’m going for. Tingle. Tingle. Tingle. Tingle……..Mmmmmmmmm. My headache is gone. Now let me get this shit over with.
****
I had Metha drive me in my truck, so I could be alone. I rest my head against the window, and watch all life pass me by. I wasn’t about to sit in a limousine with a bunch of people I didn’t know even though Kreshon begged me too. When we reach the funeral home, a smile spreads across my face. I’m overwhelmed with love, when I see all of the people out front who came to honor him. “Daddy, must’ve been a popular guy.” I say to no one in particular even though Metha is in the truck with me. “I wish I got to know him longer.”
My hearing hasn’t gotten better. So I look at her lips to see if she’s talking. She’s quiet but her eyes are locked on the funeral home. She seems confused. Not as appreciative of the turn out as I am. Her lips start moving. “I don’t know, Jayden, but I think something else is up.” She parks in a spot available for immediate family members only. “You want me to go check it out? While you stay in here?”
“No. Let me see what’s going on, too.”
I jump out and approach the home, she follows me. On the way, I move closer to a sea of people dressed in dark colors with long faces. Some I recognize, most I don’t. When I make it to the door, I see Kreshon grabbing his cell out of his dark blue suit jacket. I can’t get over how handsome he is. Why is he so attractive, even at this age? If he’s my father’s friend, doesn’t it make him one hundred or something?
“Jayden, come here.” I quickly follow his orders. He smells of mint. Maybe it’
s the white thing riding the wave on his tongue when he speaks. He reaches out his hands for me. I accept and feel safe with him. When I see the way Metha gives me a certain look, now it feels wrong. They have history I can tell, but what is it? I focus on his lips. “I was just calling you. They saying we can’t have his funeral.” He holds me like I’m going to break. Maybe I am. “What you want to do?”
I feel my forehead tighten. I’m embarrassed. Hurt. “Where is his body?” I look around as if it would be out here with me. “They said I could pay later. They said I had time.”
“He’s in there.” He releases my hands and shakes one fist in place. He seems angrier than me and it makes me feel better. “I swear I feel like blowing this mothafucka up. I ain’t never have no shit happen like this before.” He moves in closer, so that only I can hear his words. “They said give them the money now, or leave the premises.”
I observe the people observing me. They look at me with pity. I hate pity. If I could’ve made a living off of the people who have felt sorry for me in my lifetime, I would be a millionaire. “How much is he asking for?”
He looks at someone behind him. A man I never met with an equal disgruntled look. “They asking for ten grand.”
“Please tell me you have it, Kreshon.” I’m pleading with him with my eyes but if I could’ve gotten on my knees and kept my dignity, I would’ve done that too. I don’t have anywhere near that amount of money. The only change I have is enough to buy food and a few things around the house.
“Jayden, I ain’t got shit. You should’ve told me you needed it and I could’ve helped you raise it. You said you had it when we talked earlier.” His face distorts and I can tell he is embarrassed that he can’t come through. “When Jace took that hit, we took it too. There was some money in another portion of the house that belonged to me that he told me about. I lost out big too.” I think he’s telling the truth, but I can never be sure. I feel out of place. Out of my league.