A Family Man

by Mindy Neff

  “Then choose, sugar. You can either stay my brother’s widow and live with your secrets, or you can come to me, openly, honestly. I know you’re worried about the censure of the town, but we can face it together.”

  Josie had never felt so torn up in her life. If there was only herself to consider, the decision would be easy. But she couldn’t bear the possibility of J.T. having to pay for her sins. “I can’t,” she whispered.

  Silence seemed to stretch for an eon as he stared at her, as if he were memorizing everything about her. The muggy, August breeze rustled the leaves of the sycamore tree, carrying with it the distinct scent of the bayou.

  It felt as if they stood there for hours, when in reality it was only seconds. Then he nodded once and gently touched her face, his fingertips so light she wondered if she’d imagined the caress. “Goodbye, Josie.”

  In an effort to hold back a scream, Josie swallowed repeatedly. Her heart felt shattered, rent apart by a despair that went too deep for repair. Through a sheen of tears, she watched him walk to his pickup. Not even with Bobby’s death had she suffered such incredible sadness.

  The taillights of his truck were no longer visible when Josie finally went back in the house to collect J.T. Her son came barreling through the parlor with Mattie on his heels. Automatically, she stooped to pick him up.

  She buried her face in his silky dark hair and simply stood there, holding him as if the strength of her arms alone could protect him.

  She’d just made a major decision on his behalf, and for the life of her she honestly didn’t know if it had been the right one. To keep her silence would secure her son’s future in this town.

  But at the expense of what?

  Everything within her felt as if it had shut down. She told herself to turn, to walk to the door, to function, but the buzzing in her ears obliterated all else. She felt light-headed. She couldn’t face the caring look on Mattie’s face, nor answer the maid’s concerned inquiry. Without a glance for Mattie or anyone else who might have been looking, she gathered up her purse and walked out the door.

  Her world had finally, truly shattered.

  Chapter Fourteen

  It had been a hellish week since he’d left the Alexander’s house. And Josie. A week full of anticipation and disappointment and emotions that vacillated between hope, despair, anger and resignation.

  He couldn’t go on like this, living on the edge, being so close, yet so far from the one woman who’d made such an impact on his life.

  It was times like this that he needed the stability and comfort of home.

  Chase buzzed the farmhouse in Rayville twice, dipped his wings in acknowledgment of his father’s wave and aimed the Cessna for the airstrip behind the back pasture. By the time he’d landed and secured the single-engine plane, James Fowler’s pickup was pulling up on the runway amid a cloud of dust.

  In deference to the heat, James’s chest was bare under a pair of baggy overalls. He was a giant of a man, standing six foot six, with freckled skin and wavy red hair. There wasn’t a lick of resemblance between the two men, but Chase didn’t give a darn. He’d take on anyone who dared to make a comment. Looks were superficial. No matter what, James Fowler was his father in every sense of the word except one.

  “Hi, Dad.” Instead of the traditionally masculine handshake, the two men embraced.

  James stepped back, scrutinizing Chase much like a hen would her chicks. “Well, son, you look like you’ve been put through the ringer backwards. Work’s keeping you busy, huh?”

  Son. Coming from James Fowler, it felt right. Damned good. “Work’s fine.” Chase grinned even though his heart wasn’t in it. “Life’s the pits, though.”

  “Figured something was up when you called.”

  “You mean I can’t call my old man unless something’s up?”

  “You know better than that. Let’s go on up to the house where it’s cool. We’ll have a beer and solve the world’s problems.”

  “Sounds good.” They’d spent countless hours together, just like this, talking, teaching, listening. Whether they were tinkering with airplanes or plowing fields or kicking back after supper, the rock-steadiness James Fowler exuded always brought Chase a sense of balance.

  They entered the white clapboard house through the kitchen door and already Chase felt calmer. Just being home did that to him.

  At first, after his mother’s death, it had been hard sitting in this kitchen, which had been his mother’s domain. It was as if he’d expected his welcome to suddenly vanish. But James had soon set him straight. There were no secrets between the two men, no conflicts or uncertainties left unresolved.

  Just a steady, unconditional love.

  “You want to tell me about it?” James’s soft-spoken words broke into Chase’s musing.

  He took a swig of beer and set the can back on the wood table, idly rubbing his finger over the three sets of initials that were carved into the table’s surface.

  It had been the day after the adoption that he’d scraped his initials in the table, not out of a malicious attempt to deface or destroy, but as a childish affirmation that he finally belonged. James had walked in just as he’d finished and Chase had been horrified, terrified that the man would reprimand him for doing something stupid. The scared little boy in him had been sure that James would “unadopt” him.

  Instead, James had studied the initials—C.L.F.—and nodded in approval. Then to Chase’s astonishment, James had picked up the blunt tool and set about carving his own and Sara’s initials just under Chase’s, saying he reckoned they ought to start a family tradition right there at the breakfast table. It’d be a Fowler heirloom.

  By rights, J.T.’s initials should be on this table, too.

  “I have a son,” Chase blurted.

  Both of James’s red eyebrows rose. “Well, now, I always wanted to be a grandpa. Sort of thought I’d get a daughter-in-law first, though.”

  “I’m not real sure if I can swing that one.” He closed his eyes for just a minute, feeling something close to despair settle in the pit of his stomach. Love wasn’t supposed to hurt this way. “Are you disappointed in me?”

  “Son, you couldn’t disappoint me if you tried. It must be something mighty big eating at you for you to even suggest such a thing.” James reached over and clasped Chase on the shoulder. “Get it all out now, Chase.”

  Chase grinned. “You know, I’ve always figured there wasn’t anything you couldn’t fix.”

  “Now don’t go shoving me up on no pedestals,” James said gruffly.

  For some, ridiculously unaccountable reason, Chase felt his eyes sting. “I love you, Dad.”

  “I know, son. And I love you.”

  Chase chugged half the can of beer in an effort to swallow his emotions. “His name is James. J.T. for short.”

  “Hell of a good name. Hell of a coincidence, too.” James made the last statement sound like a question.

  “Yeah. It had to be coincidence or destiny or something. At the time, Josie didn’t even know my name.”

  “Yikes.”

  “Exactly. It’s all tied up with the Alexanders…” Chase told his father everything. They drank beer and talked, ate dinner and talked some more. Night fell and the temperature cooled pleasantly, so they moved onto the porch, content in each other’s company, lulled by the familiar sounds of farm animals and an old barn owl. A harvest moon hung low in the sky like a big yellow ball.

  “How did you handle the talk, Dad?” Rayville was a small town, just like Alexander. Marrying what some folks would call a fallen woman and taking on her bastard son couldn’t have been easy.

  “Gossip’s for mean-spirited people. I loved your mama and she loved me and we both loved you. Family was important to us, so we mostly did stuff together and didn’t worry about whether or not we’d fit in socially.”

  “And that was it?”

  “Pretty much. The happiness the three of us felt sort of rubbed off on folks. Besides, I think what yo
u’re remembering is the insults you viewed through a child’s eyes. Children are just little people trying to find their place in the world. Any meanness you ran into was probably from other little kids. As an adult, you learn forgiveness. The folks who really matter will stand by you.”

  “I believe that. But I just don’t know how to make Josie see it.”

  “Give her some time, son. She’s got a lot on her plate right now. She sounds real special and I’m sure she’ll come around. And if she don’t, well, hell, send her on over to me.” James winked. “I’ll tell her what a good catch you are.”

  Chase laughed, feeling at ease for the first time in almost a week. “I just might do that.”

  “Mind if I give you another little piece of advice?”

  “Hell, no. Advise away.”

  “Make peace with your past, son.”

  His easy feeling disappeared. Chase started to shake his head.

  “Hear me out, now.” He waited until Chase gave him his full attention. “You’ve got a lot of unanswered questions swimming around in your head. No sense in letting them fester. Ask your questions, Chase. Listen to the answers you get with an open mind, then let it go and find forgiveness. Everybody’s got their own reasons for making the choices they do. Might not go along with what you’d do under the same circumstances, but you’ve got to remember that it wasn’t your choice to begin with. You hear what I’m saying to you?”

  “I hear what you’re saying, but…” Chase leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees. “Why are you taking his side, Dad? Leroy didn’t seem to give a damn about you when he blithely demanded I drop your name and take on his.”

  “I’m not threatened by that, son. A name’s just a few letters that make a noise when you say them. It’s what’s in the heart that counts. It don’t matter what your last name is, or little J.T.’s for that matter. You’re my son and nothing or nobody can ever change that.”

  Chase looked at James, his admiration so great he could hardly contain it, much less put it into words. “You know what? I’m so glad Mom had the good sense to fall in love with you. You’re one hell of a man.”

  Josie sat at Leroy’s bedside, bringing him up to date on the progress Harold was making with the new irrigation system. It was several minutes before she realized she’d lost his attention.

  When she followed the direction of his gaze, she nearly toppled out of the chair. Her heart gave a sharp, deep thud, then began to race, sending a flash of heat over her tightened skin. She was suddenly swamped with a light-headed exhilaration that made her feel slightly faint.

  Chase stood in the open doorway, radiating strength and a provocative sexuality that had little to do with swagger and a lot to do with his innate confidence as a man. Just looking at him created a rush of excitement in the pit of her stomach.

  She told herself to look away, to stop this insane torture, but her mind refused to obey.

  Lord, how she missed his touch, his smile, the erotic rasp of his voice as he’d admire a particular part of her body, or state his intentions to have her his way. She missed the strength of his arms around her, not only in pleasure, but during the quiet times, times that bespoke of a deep and growing friendship.

  Seeing him now just magnified the misery she’d experienced over the past week. Even J.T., it seemed, had joined forces against her; he’d been uncharacteristically difficult to handle. Her son had taken up whining as a new hobby and every other word that came out of his mouth had something to do with Chase.

  She wished to God there was a way around this heartache. But too many people counted on her to be perfect. To reach out to Chase would create a hornet’s nest of stinging repercussions. If she had any doubts, all she had to do was look at the treatment Lindsey Wakefield and her children received from the good citizens of Alexander, Louisiana.

  Chase’s deep voice put a halt to her introspection.

  “Mattie told me to come up.” His words were directed to Leroy, but his penetrating gaze was still on Josie.

  “Well, then, don’t just stand there, boy. There’s plenty of chairs in this room. Might as well occupy one.”

  Josie stood and fumbled with the hem of her cotton skirt. She didn’t think she could remain in this room without doing something foolish. Like bursting into tears over what couldn’t be. “The two of you would probably like some privacy. I’d better go.”

  “Stay,” Chase said quietly. “Please.”

  An emotion very much like need flashed in his eyes for just an instant. That he exuded such strength and confidence made the vulnerability all the more difficult to resist. It just wasn’t in her to deny him. She nodded and sat back down.

  Chase moved slowly into the room. He saw the desire and pain and longing in Josie’s eyes. It gave him hope. But like his dad had told him, he needed to clear up the voids in his past before he could move on with his future.

  “You made a decision yet?” Leroy asked.

  Chase sat in the vacant chair by Leroy’s bed and propped his booted ankle on his knee. He spared a quick glance at Josie, then turned his attention to the man who could give him the answers he needed.

  “I think you already know my decision,” Chase said. Leroy Alexander hadn’t gotten where he was today without being a fairly astute judge of character.

  Leroy nodded. “I wasn’t tryin’ to railroad you.”

  “Weren’t you?” Chase asked softly.

  “All right. I suppose I figured it was worth a try.”

  “I don’t intimidate or bend under pressure.”

  “I suspected that about you. You’re a lot like me, you know.”

  Chase had to make a conscious effort to relax his jaw. Steadily, he held the other man’s gaze.

  Leroy was the first to look away. He sighed and gripped the edge of the blanket with a fist that no longer carried any strength. “I suppose you’ve got some questions.”

  “A few.”

  “Well, spit ’em out. I ain’t no mind reader.”

  Chase’s eyes narrowed. “Why don’t we start at the beginning. With my mother.”

  “Sara.” Leroy said the name with a reverence that made Chase want to deck him, regardless of the man’s state of health. Thankfully, he took himself in hand.

  “It was just after I’d married Inez that I met Sara.” A look of sadness filled Leroy’s pale eyes, but Chase was determined to remain hardened. “She was full of kindness and serenity, with a beauty that darn near took my breath away. She made me feel like a man.” Leroy shut his eyes for an instant.

  “That might sound foolish, but you’d have to know my wife to understand why I had to have Sara, what it meant to have a girl look at me like the sun came up in the mornin’ and went down at night just for my benefit.” He paused and drew in a breath. “I didn’t tell her I was married.”

  Chase swore. He glanced at Josie. She looked as if she couldn’t decide whether to hug Leroy to her breast or clobber him for his insensitivity.

  “When Inez got wind of the affair, all hell broke loose. She threatened to ruin me, and at the time she had the power to do it.”

  Money. By God, it always came down to money. “Did you know my mother was pregnant with me?”

  “Yes.”

  Chase felt like shouting, but he kept his calm. The thought of his mother—scared, alone and pregnant—did not endear him to the sick old man in the bed. “Where the hell was your duty, sir? Your duty to my mother?”

  “Nowhere in sight, it seems.” Leroy’s shoulders hunched in, making him appear small. Regret colored his features, but it was too late for regrets as far as Chase was concerned. There was too much water under the bridge.

  “By that time, Inez was pregnant, too.”

  Chase was starting to sorely regret this visit. He had a knot the size of a piston in his stomach. Good old daddy had been sleeping with both women at the same time.

  “I had to choose,” Leroy said, his voice weak.

  That statement hurt. It shouldn�
��t have, but it did. How could a parent actually choose between his kids? Then again, Leroy wasn’t anywhere near Chase’s definition of a parent. He glanced once more at Josie. She, too, seemed to be having trouble with the concept of Leroy’s callous explanation.

  “So you abandoned my mother because she wasn’t from the right background, is that it?”

  “I sent money.”

  Chase’s lip curled up in a sneer. “Obviously not enough to insure proper medical attention.”

  “She sent the money back. I don’t expect you to understand the way things have got to be around here, son, but upholding the Alexander name has always had to come first.”

  “You’d be surprised how well I understand that.” He said the words to Leroy, but his eyes were locked with Josie’s. The flash of shame in her green eyes made him regret the barb. Damn that good ol’ family name. “If Bobby hadn’t passed on, would we be having this conversation?”

  Leroy shrugged one shoulder. At the mention of his other son—the legitimate one—his eyes became misty. “I’d like to think we would, but I can’t honestly say.”

  He had to give Leroy points for frankness. The fact that Chase was secure in the love of his own family took a lot of the sting out of Leroy’s rejection.

  “Aren’t there such things as bone marrow transplants?” Chase asked.

  Josie gripped the arms of the Victorian, brocade chair. This conversation had to be costing Chase, but he kept his emotions well hidden. She hurt for the little boy in him who’d been dismissed because in the hierarchy of a small town, he hadn’t been good enough.

  It made her question her own loyalty to that protocol.

  Especially now that he’d asked a question she hadn’t even thought about before. My God. If Leroy had known about Chase, why hadn’t he been on the phone the second they’d found out about Bobby’s leukemia?

  “If you cared so much for my brother, why didn’t you come to me? I might have been his best hope for survival.”

  Josie, too, wanted to know the answer to that. She remembered practically the whole town being tested as possible donors. They’d even entered Bobby into the national computers in search of a compatible match.