Winter's Fire

by Christie Adams

  “Oh, I get it, but I don’t think it’s the same thing you get,” she said, her tone far calmer than his had been. “I get two people who turned to each other for comfort at a time when they were grieving for a person they both loved. I get one of them realising down the line that the relationship wasn’t working, so he ended it—which, believe it or not, happens to the best of us, and more often than you’d think. What I don’t get is why you feel guilty about it.”

  “Because I am guilty!” He tore himself away from her and stood, anything to put some space between him and Lucy. “Weak and guilty.”

  “Of what, precisely?” She stood and approached him, brushing traces of dead vegetation from her jeans. “Hurting? Needing comfort in tragic circumstances? Welcome to being human, Logan. If you want to talk about using her, it seems to me she used you in exactly the same way—for comfort. You were both alone, you’d lost someone precious in your lives—you turned to each other.”

  “Then forgive me. Can you do that?” Anger and pain fuelled the lash of the demand.

  “That’s not the question you need to ask. I have nothing to forgive. The right question is, can you forgive yourself? Or better yet, can you accept you’ve done nothing that needs forgiveness? And for the record—you’re not weak. You’re one of the strongest people I know. You went through hell to protect me and Diana.”

  Something shattered inside him, smashed not by the anger he deserved, but by the power of Lucy’s gentleness and love. The pain was unbearable, but it was a good pain… a cleansing pain.

  Could he see himself with the same clarity of vision with which she saw him?

  “When I told her it was over, she wasn’t happy.”

  “No woman wants to be told that, unless she wants out of the relationship too. Diana didn’t, and when she saw you in that cell, she thought you’d changed your mind, and you’d come riding in on a white charger to save her.”

  “Something like that. Diana being Diana… Her ego would never have accepted I was there under orders. Knowing her capacity for jealousy, the way her anger can turn to violence, I couldn’t risk letting her know what you meant to me—what you mean to me.”

  “You were protecting me, the only way you could with someone like her. When they took you away and left us alone together…”

  “What?” Logan hated the way her voice tapered off. “What happened? Tell me.”

  She tensed at the command in his voice. “You know what she was like. It’s water under the bridge now—”

  “Tell me.”

  “She made it clear that you… belonged to her. That you had a previous relationship and you’d broken up through a silly mistake. She said you’d never even look at someone as dull and dreary as me.”

  If there’d ever been any doubt in his mind about how poisonous Diana could be, the pain in his sweet and gentle woman’s voice would have annihilated it. “I wish you hadn’t gone through that. I should have—”

  Her fingers on his lips silenced him. “Shh. It’s done. You weren’t responsible for what she chose to do and say. It’s gone; it’s in the past. Don’t give it another thought. I won’t.”

  She would, though—there’d be times when she remembered, and he’d be there for her. He’d always be there for her. Logan removed her fingers from his mouth and looked at her hand in his. Her fingers seemed so small, delicate, and in need of a kiss.

  “For the record, Miss Winter, ‘dull’ and ‘dreary’ are words no one in their right mind would ever associate with you.”

  Her smile held a hint of doubt.

  “Don’t you believe me?”

  The smile became a little more confident. “I don’t know. I may take some convincing.”

  “Oh. And how do you propose I do that?” He could play along.

  “I’m not sure. We may need to work on a plan.” She kissed him. “Could take some time. One-to-one sessions. Maybe even some role-play.” She kissed him again. “And I might need to practise doing that. A lot.”

  She stood and offered him her hand, a downright wicked grin that made her glow. “Let’s go back home. Mum and Dad’ll be back by now. They’re going to want to meet you.”

  Chapter 25

  “I’m going to sell this place.” Logan unlocked the door to his apartment and ushered Lucy inside.

  “Whatever for? All it needs—”

  “I’m not interested in what it needs—it’s a question of what we need.”

  Lucy spun on her heel and stared at him. “We?”

  “Yes, we.” He looked squarely at her. “We’ll work out the details later, but just so you know—I want it all. A real home for us, and a family—two point four children, a dog, the works. If you want it, too.” He caressed her cheek, moving his thumb gently over her lips when she would have answered him. “Later. And when we do talk, all I want from you is honesty. Okay?”

  She nodded. Her gaze glittered with a joy that made his heart ache with wanting her… loving her.

  Logan closed the door behind him. When he’d headed out of town to go to his woman, it hadn’t even occurred to him that events might take the turn they had. Facing Lucy’s parents—his future parents-in-law, if he had his way—had been an interrogation for which he hadn’t been prepared. His future brothers-in-law had whisked his girl from under his nose, no doubt at their father’s suggestion, and Logan’s presence had very politely been requested for a meeting in the den.

  Rachel Winter had greeted him with a smile and a welcoming hug—her husband’s alpha male stance had made it clear he’d be a harder nut to crack. Thirty seconds into the conversation, Logan had figured out why. D/s didn’t just run in that family, it galloped. As soon as he’d worked that out, he’d adjusted his responses to the inquisition accordingly. Once he’d made it clear that their daughter was the centre of his world, that he adored her, would lay down his life for her—and without going into too much detail, that he had the necessary skills to give her everything she needed—the rest had slotted into place. Her parents had given him their blessing, and since he was now part of the family, he was expected back in a few days’ time, with Lucy, to join in the celebrations for Rachel’s birthday.

  All in all, a long day, but a good one. No—the best. And now he had a woman to take care of—which did not include sharing her parents’ secrets. Hell, no.

  He turned his attention back to his love, and was stunned when she dropped to her knees, placed her hands palm-up on her spread thighs, and lowered her gaze. She must have been buzzing with questions, yet now she waited patiently to take her cue from him. He stooped to take her hands and encouraged her to stand. “Not tonight, princess.”

  He lowered his head to steal a kiss. Her lips were sweeter than honey, and he couldn’t get enough. After a day that had been too crazy for words, all he wanted was to take his girl to bed, make love to her, and wake up with her beside him tomorrow morning.

  Her arms around him filled Logan with the peace he’d been missing since the night they were taken from Nenufar. No matter what happened, everything would work out all right now, including the whole in-laws thing. They spoke the same language.

  Loving the way Lucy was leaning into him, Logan nuzzled her hair, inhaling the springlike fragrance of the shampoo he associated only with her. The Dom in him demanded that he take proper care of her, get her something to eat and allow her to rest, but the primitive human male was impatient and wanted only one thing—to take his woman and in no uncertain terms, make sure she was his.

  “Sir, I know we still have a lot to talk about, but it’s been a long day for both of us. I don’t know about you, but I could do with going straight to bed.”

  Too damn right they still had a lot to talk about, not least of which was Sir Guy’s hare-brained scheme to train Lucy as a field officer. His little subbie had told him about the plan before they’d left to return to London. No way in hell was that happening—once was more than enough for her to play fast and loose with his sanity. He tried hard not t
o be swayed by thoughts of how good a team they’d made during their assignment and what it might be like if that team became permanent. That was so not happening.

  “Tired, princess?”

  “Not in the least. It wasn’t sleep I had in mind.” She pulled away from him. Her face was glowing, with a mischievous smile that told him he’d been had. “Or we could do it here, if you prefer?”

  He glanced at the sofa, doing a swift mental comparison with the very large, very comfortable bed a short distance away—no contest. “I prefer you where you belong.”

  “And where’s that?”

  Logan lifted her into his arms. He loved the way hers automatically went around his neck. “In our bed.”

  Or in a private room at Aegis. That would work, too. The things he could show her…

  He kicked the bedroom door closed behind him, and that was where he hesitated. He wanted this to be good for Lucy, the best, and though he wanted to take her fast and hard, he was going to give her the time and gentleness she deserved.

  “Logan?”

  He met her gaze.

  “If you put me down, I promise I won’t vanish into thin air.”

  He let her down slowly, all the time keeping close body contact with her. Her eyes widened, and he detected the hint of a giggle when she discovered exactly how much he wanted her.

  “I think we need to do something about that, Sir.”

  “We will. Undress for me.”

  Rage flared white-hot for a moment when he caught sight of the residual bruises, the evidence she still bore as a result of their captivity, bringing back the dreadful memories of the treatment she’d suffered at the hands of the bastards who’d wanted to sell her as a sex slave.

  Her smile disappeared. She glanced down at her body, and when she looked at him once again, all he saw was her compassion and understanding reaching out for him.

  “It’s the past, Logan.” She gestured towards her body. “This is temporary. The bruises are already fading, the cuts are healing, and everything’ll be gone in just a few more days, as if it never happened. Don’t think about it.”

  “Are you telling me it hasn’t given you nightmares?”

  “Every night.” Lucy came to him, beautiful, desirable, and so incredibly strong. “I can’t let the nightmares win, because that means they win. If I look at my body, and all I see are the bruises, and all I think of is how I got them, they win. I can’t allow that to happen. The bruises will go, and so will the nightmares, but I’ll still be here. I’m not the same person I used to be—I’m stronger and better than that now, and I’m yours. I’ll always be yours. I love you.”

  Logan palmed the back of her head, gripped her hair between his fingers, and pulled, angling her face for a kiss. His anger towards their captors turned to raw, savage passion as he ground his mouth against hers.

  “You’ve always been strong, and better than I’ll ever be or deserve. Into bed, so I can show you how much I love you.”

  He was aware of her gaze on him as he stripped off his clothing. He was also aware of the effect she had on his body. As if he could help it. The highly desirable woman with whom he intended to spend the rest of his life was looking at him as if she wanted to eat him. Alive. Lightly sautéed in butter, maybe with a touch of garlic, and seasoned to taste.

  The feeling was mutual.

  Logan slid beneath the cool, cotton sheet with one thing, and one thing only, on his mind—pleasuring his woman until she was so far gone, she’d agree without question to what he planned. Her lips opened willingly beneath his mouth—she was as hungry for him as he was for her. His hand moved impatiently from her cheek to her breast, cupping her lush flesh so he could pinch her already hardening nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

  Her swift gasp went straight to his groin. Without any prompting from him, she draped her leg over his thigh and used him for leverage to bring her mound into intimate contact with his balls and the root of his dick. Shit, she was driving him crazy with lust already—if she carried on like this, he’d never last.

  “Slow down, Luce—we have all night.”

  “Not long enough.”

  His woman was insatiable—as if he didn’t already know that. She’d come so far over the last few weeks. Then again, thanks to her, so had he. It might take a while to get used to the feeling, but the past was finally loosening its hold on him—they were free to enjoy each other, and free to enjoy the future spread like a feast before them.

  “Agreed. How does the rest of our lives sound?” Even then, it wouldn’t be enough. A thousand years wouldn’t be enough. Forever and beyond… maybe. He’d always love this woman—she’d brought him to life, and he’d spend forever worshipping at her feet. She was his love, his life… his wife.

  She went still. “Logan?”

  “You’re going to marry me.” It was a given.

  “I am?”

  “You are.”

  “Oh. Right. Does that mean we’re engaged?”

  “That’s what usually comes before a wedding.”

  “I suppose I’d better let the boys know, then.”

  Mention of her brothers reminded him of another tricky situation looming on his horizon. Before leaving the farm, Logan had passed on some information about Aegis—they’d all shown a keen interest and expressed an intention to apply for membership. That, in itself, wasn’t the problem.

  No, that would come later, when Logan had to break the news to their sister. Probably best done after they’d had that discussion about children—because confirming that his future wife wanted them could be the best way to protect his balls once he told her that during a future visit to the club, she might just bump into one of her siblings and have to call him Sir…

  Epilogue

  Seven months later

  Surrounded by the silence and darkness of the small hours, he might have believed the world was at peace, had his job not been one that reminded him every day that it was awash with cruelty and violence.

  However, for once, there was no crisis—national or international—that required him to have a team on immediate standby. He should have headed for his pied-à-terre in the city hours ago, but instead he’d remained here, watching night displace day and listening to the diminishing sounds of human activity as his people left for the weekend. He was alone in the darkness, with only the cone of light from his desk lamp and an empty whisky glass for company.

  Guy had a lot on his mind. Events during the last few months had driven him into taking stock of all aspects of his life, once separated into little compartments that kept everything conveniently isolated, but now no longer so neat and tidy. The walls between those compartments were crumbling. It was only a matter of time before his professional life and his private life collided and when that happened, there would be no shelter from the ensuing fallout.

  No, his best hope was a controlled explosion—make things happen instead of waiting for them to blow up in his face. The first of those affected his work. The job had evolved since he’d first taken it on, and while he and his unit had always been answerable to their government paymasters, interference from on high was becoming more prevalent, to the point where it was now impeding his ability to carry out his duty to the nation.

  Guy studied the document on his computer screen. He’d drafted the first version of his resignation a while back, wondering at the time how soon he’d need to fine-tune it prior to sending it to the relevant parties—the Prime Minister, the Home Secretary and the Director General of MI5.

  He glanced at the three large brown envelopes sitting on the corner of his desk, ready to be couriered to their destinations. All he had to do was hit send on this email, to which this scanned copy was attached, and he could be permanently “out of office” by the time Ros and Simon returned from Norway.

  As for what he’d do next—the “if” was already decided, only the “when” remained to be confirmed. Sick and tired of shovelling bovine excrement for his increasingly ungra
teful lords and masters, he was more than ready to join Alex Lombard, Cam Fraser and Ryan Quinn—and Ros—at Spectrum Security. He looked forward to seeing her face the day he rocked up as their government liaison director.

  In the light of recent rumours from an impeccable source, the decision had been an easy one to make. If his unit was to be merged with other forces, as he’d heard on the grapevine, then the powers-that-be might as well go all the way and disband it. Guy knew his people—they responded well to his somewhat less than formal leadership style, and they’d had more than enough success to vindicate his approach.

  Which was why he’d called them into an informal meeting earlier in the day. Those rumours had found their way to the squad room too. Seeing them all gathered there had given him an immense sense of pride, in both them and their achievements, especially Lucy, his former secretary, now in a highly effective partnership with Simmonds, her fiancé—in spite of Logan’s initial objections. She’d taken to the role of field officer like a duck to water, and was already an invaluable member of the unit.

  He couldn’t allow all of that to go to waste, not when his future colleagues had shared with him their plans to expand their business. Granted, he might have been treading on thin ice from an ethical perspective, but his people were more important to him than the opinion and standards of special snowflakes who were put out if their tea and biscuits weren’t just so. He owed it to them to let them know what options were out there.

  The more Guy thought about it, the more ready he was for that move to the private sector, not to mention the freedom to acknowledge who he really was. It was time for him to step out of the shadows and reveal his identity as the now not-so-new owner of Aegis. It’d be a nine-day wonder and Ros would blow a gasket, but in next to no time, things would settle down again, with the added bonus that he’d be out of this crappy job. Over the years, he’d done his duty for Queen and country many times over, and while it hadn’t cost him his life, it had cost him his love.