‘How long do you have left?’
‘One month, maybe two. Unlike our parents, I will go in peace. Like them, I cannot cheat death, but I can make mine beautiful, free of panic and throwing up. Living like an Owner is not nearly as good as it seems from the outside. Dying like an Owner, however, is the only way I want to go. Unobserved.’
The waiter’s arrival interrupts us. He is pushing a chrome food trolley, packed with sandwiches, cakes and tea, all on gold-plated bone china. He places everything on the table, slowly, one by one. His white gloves are just as spotless as those of the chauffeur. When finished, he leaves, without making a sound. Sofia doesn’t touch the food and I’m still too upset to have an appetite, though I haven’t eaten since breakfast.
‘As I said, you’re lucky I’m surrounded with useless people,’ Sofia continues. ‘I truly think you would make a good mother. You must have noticed she called me auntie.’
‘I was wondering why –’
‘I brought her up to believe I was her aunt. I told her one day her mother would come and take her home. If you agree to be that mother, I’ll tell her today that you and your Philip are her real parents.’
‘Why didn’t you tell her you’re her mother?’
‘I’m so un-motherly,’ she says with a deep sigh, ‘even she wouldn’t believe the truth. So I’m just Auntie Sofia.’
So many questions are whirling in my head; I don’t know which one to ask. I want to know whether she’s serious. If she is, it means, or it may mean, that Philip will live.
‘There’s no one else I can trust with Maya. If you stay, because you still look like you’re about to leave, I’ll call my lawyer and make the arrangements now.’
I don’t know what to say, I’m paralysed by the fear that this is just a dream and if I move, it will all dissolve into thin air.
‘I will forgive you if you do me this favour.’ Her voice has softened. ‘If you let me die in peace.’
‘Don’t be so melodramatic, Sofia. Of course you’ll go in peace. But what happened to Sebastian?’
‘His so-called friends got him into heavy drugs – out of fun. They often mocked him but he never noticed. He died during a private party in the London Primavera Club.’
‘Poor Sebastian. He didn’t deserve to die like that.’
‘How do you know what he deserved?’
‘He was always nice to me, never made me feel inferior. That’s enough for me to judge someone’s character.’
‘In a way, he wasn’t any different from other Owners’ children,’ she says, broodily. ‘Overfed but undernourished, over-pampered but under-loved. But he had a heart. As he got older, the typical Owner lifestyle took its toll on him. He even stopped being interested in the fossils. He gradually became a wreck, both morally and physically. I believe his passing was his salvation.’
I shiver. This is not how I imagined the lifestyle of the Owners, admired and envied by everyone.
‘I just can’t get my head around it. What is their problem?’
‘Just promise me, you’ll stay out of contact with any Owners and do everything to keep Maya safe from them too.’
‘Are all of them like this? Pathetic drug users? How can these losers manage ruling the world?’
‘Not all Owners are the same, Ali. Sebastian’s uncle used to be my favourite, a jokey, easy-going type, good company on those annual occasions when he came here to visit the family. He would often predict what would happen in the world. Political events, like who would be the next leader in any given country. I was eighteen when I first witnessed one of his predictions. He shared with us during dinner in the great dining room that the retirement in the Dignitoriums would soon be limited, that after maximum of five years all residents would be euthanised.’
‘I remember this being announced in the news.’
‘Uncle Andrew wasn’t a genius or a psychic. He was simply a member of The Society, a secret board of the most powerful Owners who were and are ruling the world. One word from them is enough to start a war and cause the death of millions. They have the power to shape history and humanity. They’re playing with lives as if it’s only a game of chess.’
‘How clever they are to manipulate unlimited retirement gradually to nine months, so people never realised!’
‘Of course, then five years seemed a perfect time to enjoy retirement to the full before your body starts to break down. Nobody thought there was anything wrong with it then. Now, people have got used to the nine months the same way.’
‘The bastards! Will they have the cheek to cut it even more?’
‘I’ll ask Uncle Andrew for you, right? Maybe if I ask nicely, he will discuss with his board and they will put a stop to euthanasia and let everybody live happily ever after.’ Her coarse, rusty laughter is cutting into the air.
My fear has turned to honest compassion for Sofia. It has just started to dawn on me that it was my behaviour that afternoon that gave her no other option but to return to this lifestyle. How would our lives have been without that one fight? Would things have been any different? If I had been the sister she needed me to be, maybe she would have stayed. Perhaps we would have become close after her trauma, closer than ever before. I could have turned her life around. She could have had a normal life, become a scientist, like she had always wanted. If so, she is right to hold a grudge against me, but I don’t think she is angry any longer.
‘Will you go to an Owners’ Dignitorium?’
‘They expect me to. But I’m dreading it.’
‘It’ll be a relief to leave this harsh world behind–’
‘I’m not afraid of the place where I’m going. Not the one after my death.’
I’m left speechless for a moment when I realise what she means by this.
‘I’ll go with you if it helps,’ I say softly.
She snorts.
‘You’re not going anywhere. You’re looking after Maya.’
I nod.
‘I’m not a coward,’ she says. ‘I’m ready to face whatever is waiting for me.’
The sun is coming out again. Finally I find the appetite to take a gulp of my tea.
‘I’m so glad I came in time, Sofia,’ I burst out. ‘That I’ve found you.’
‘You’ve found me?’
‘Well, it was the detective but –’
‘Owners can be found only if they want to be, Alice, you should know that by now.’
Suddenly something dawns on me.
‘Have you...have you been tracking me? Following my life?’
A gentle breeze rustles through the canopy of trees and Sofia turns to observe, pausing for a moment before answering.
‘Only after I found out that my illness was fatal. I had to know I could trust you. Who else should I leave Maya to after I’m gone?
‘So if I hadn’t found you, you’d have found me, is that it?’
There is a knowing glint in Sofia’s eyes.
‘Strange, isn’t it how fate saved your life and your husband’s too?’
She rings for the maid and asks her to bring Maya. Then she calls her lawyer. While she’s on the phone, I wait for Maya to arrive and meet her mother. This will be the whitest lie I’ve ever told.
Seven
It’s dark outside, past eleven. The house is silent as a crypt, all its inhabitants are sleeping. I was given my ID Phone back and I feel safe and complete with it gently pressing at my wrist.
Earlier I put Maya to bed. She listened intently as I read her a story. Then she wanted another, and another.
‘Why did it take you so long, Mummy?’ she asked.
‘What took so long, honey?’
‘To come back.’
‘I wanted to come earlier. Much earlier. But I couldn’t.’
‘Why?’
‘I’ll tell y
ou all when you’re a bit bigger. All right?’
She nodded and patted the pillow next to her to indicate that I should lie down. Once I was comfortable and holding her soft little hand between my palms, she asked me where I had been all her life.
‘In the city.’
‘Is my father still there?’
For a moment, my heart jumped. I could change into the role of her mother surprisingly easily, almost to the point where I believed it myself, but I hadn’t prepared what to say about her father.
‘He will be joining us soon. You have no idea how much he’s been wanting to see you. He’ll be over the moon.’
‘What is he like?’
I found some recent photos of Philip on my ID Phone and showed them to her. She didn’t take her eyes off him as if she was mesmerised.
‘You’ll like him.’
She looked at him a while longer, then put her head on my shoulder and cuddled up to me tightly. So this is how it feels, I thought. This is what it’s like when the heart is alive.
It has been a long day. Soon Philip will be collected by Sofia’s people. He doesn’t know it yet but the arrangements are made. He is saved, just like Antonio and Ruth and Felicity, who will all share our new home with us. I wish Nurse Vogel could join them, now that I have the means to help her. But I fear she can’t be helped any more.
In the afternoon, the lawyer came and I signed the legal documents. I’m an Owner now, technically. And Maya’s official mother. It feels as if a delicate soul has been handed to me, to nurture.
There’s a knock at the door.
‘Come in,’ I say.
The maid enters hesitantly. She waits at the door, timidly, as if I am her employer.
‘Madam would like to see you, miss.’
‘Right now?’
‘She requested you immediately, miss.’
‘Is there anything wrong? Is she unwell?’
‘No, miss.’
I follow her along the seemingly endless corridors, where lines of ancestral paintings hang on the walls. On the second floor, the maid opens up a mahogany door for me. I enter and hear the door close softly behind me.
The room I’m in is surprisingly small. The dimmed light of a bedside lamp illuminates a corner; otherwise it’s dark. The heavy burgundy curtain is drawn. Sofia is sitting up in bed, leaning back on a pile of cushions. She resembles Snow White as she’s lying there, her black hair cascading over the pillow, her face as white as marble.
‘Come and sit with me, I have something to say,’ she whispers.
‘Are you OK, Sofia?’
‘I’m tired and I don’t have much time left. I’ve called you here because I want to share something intimate.’
I sit down at the end of her bed, and place my hand on her blanket over her knee.
‘I’m listening.’
‘I said earlier that I’m happy to face whatever is waiting for me in the Owners’ Dignitorium. I lied. Maybe it’s easy to speak so confidently in the daylight, but when the dark cloak of the night covers the sky, I find myself filled with dread. I’m ready to go, Alice, but I’m afraid. I’ll need your help.’
‘Don’t make me do this, Sofia. I beg you.’
‘I’ve given you my daughter and my fortune; I expect obedience in return. I want this done as soon as possible.’
‘What do you want me to do? I’m not a doctor.’ I feel my heart skip a beat.
‘All I ask is for you to stay with me, till the end. Don’t let them near me.’
‘Let who near you?’
‘Those who want to watch me die.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Good.’
‘But maybe…we could have some more time together. Now that we finally–’
She’s not listening.
‘This is where I want to die. And I want you to be by my side and give me the piece of chocolate spenders are given in the T-wing to ease the bitterness of the poison.’
She smiles to herself. ‘Chocolate must be an incredibly important thing if that’s the last thing people want before they die,’ she mumbles to herself.
‘Before you go…we could spend a few days together. You, me, Philip and Maya.
‘No.’
‘It would be easier for Maya.’
‘You know I have always been a selfish person. I love Maya more than anything but I can’t do more for her.’
‘You haven’t even met Philip.’
‘The way you fight for him, makes me admire you. I’m glad to see you’ve grown up. Answering your question, I don’t want anyone to see me like this. You should know me better, Ali. And I want you to hold my hand throughout and to make sure no-one’s watching.’
‘Sofia–’
‘Can you promise me that?’
This is the most important decision of my life. Now that we have met after decades apart, we could finally be together. We could have some moments of joy before she leaves this world. I don’t want her to go yet. But I try to imagine how it would feel to be trapped and helpless in a T-Wing, with no one to hold my hand, only the sound of the door slamming, and hundreds, maybe thousands of invisible eyes upon me.
‘I promise. I’ll make sure you go in peace, Sofia.’
She reaches out for my hand and squeezes it. Her trembling hand is ice-cold. I see gratitude on her face, and it softens and melts her features.
‘Whatever you wish, I’ll do it,’ I tell her, clasping her hand. ‘And I won’t leave your side.’
She gently smiles and mumbles ‘thank you’. While her eyelids droop heavily and she drifts into the realm of dreams, the painful memories within me begin to melt away.
Eight
I haven’t left Sofia’s bedside all night. She’s sleeping, occasionally moaning in her dreams. It’s dawning outside, but I’m just sitting here, by the orange light of the night lamp. I let the memories come; memories that I thought were long buried. I see us as little girls: I’m five, she’s eight and we’re wearing matching dresses, red polka dot with an oversized ribbon at the waist. We’re holding hands, standing at the roadside, and Mum is screaming behind us, screaming at me, but it’s too late and my feet are on the busy road. I don’t look around, I assume the cars are far away, and I know I can get over to the other side where I see something shiny in a shop window. Sofia’s arm is suddenly pulling me back and Mum reaches us, flying, her bag dropping on the pavement, but she doesn’t mind; she just gives us a big hug, with me on her left, Sofia on her right.
As soon as Sofia wakes up and comes around, she asks me to go to the cupboard and get out a little bottle. It has a dark brown tint so I can’t see what’s in it but it’s so light I’d have thought it empty.
‘We’ll do it later today,’ she says. On her face I see the joy and excitement children feel before setting out on a long and exotic trip. ‘I need to sort out some paperwork.’
She must see that I haven’t slept all night because she sends me away to have a nap.
Back in my suite I’m lying on the bed with my eyes closed, but sleep doesn’t come. I think about how my life will change now that I have become an Owner. I will spend my time and energy on charitable work. I will use my newfound wealth and influence for the good of the less fortunate in our society. I will keep my promises to Sofia and protect Maya from the hedonistic lifestyle of other Owners. I’m not like them and will never be.
Sofia, Maya and I have lunch together on the terrace, pretending it isn’t the last one. When finished, Sofia holds Maya close to her and struggles to let her go. Maya doesn’t understand why Sofia is so emotional today, but gives her a long hug before she’s released to return to her teacher.
‘Mummy, can you take me up to Ms Fischer?’
Instinctively I glance at Sofia, waiting for her reaction before I realise that Maya is talking to me. M
y heart nearly exploding with tender joy, I take her hand and we walk, through endless corridors and staircases, to her classroom.
The evening has arrived too early. In Sofia’s room, the same little room we spoke in last night, Sofia asks me to help her lie down on the bed. She’s in her long white nightgown and tucks herself under the duvet, as if she is just going for a little sleep. The brown bottle on her side table, stands where I put it earlier, like a warning sign. I sit on the side of Sofia’s bed to hold her hand, but I can’t help shooting nervous glances at the brown bottle.
‘You’ll find a way to explain this to Maya, won’t you?’
‘I will.’
‘I’m ready, Ali,’ she says with ease. Her strength – coming from somewhere deep inside her – calms me. No mortal could possess this kind of strength without the help of a spiritual force.
‘How does this work?’ I ask, rolling the bottle between two fingers.
‘Its a formula, and far superior to what they use in Dignitoriums,’ she explains. ‘You can’t go wrong with this. It’s perfect.’
‘Still bitter?’
‘That’s not a problem.’
‘Do you want some chocolate?’
‘No. I just want you to open it.’
‘But maybe you want some biscuits,’ I say and jump up from my seat to get the tray of biscuits from the top of the drawer.
‘Ali, put the biscuits down.’
‘Okay, then I’ll bring you some…’
‘You still don’t understand, Ali. I don’t trust the Owners’ Dignitorium. They expect me to turn up in there, to feast their eyes on me while I’m dying. I must go before they arrive. They are here, very close by.’
‘I’m the only one here, there’s no one else.’
‘They’ll be here soon. So open it.’
I slowly and deliberately turn the cap like delaying time could give us precious extra moments. When it’s done, I hand the bottle over to Sofia. I’m about to stand up to get a glass, but Sofia gestures for me to sit back.
‘I don’t need a fancy glass to gulp this down,’ she says and without hesitation she drinks up the liquid. I forget to breathe.
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