Calmer Girls

by Jennifer Kelland Perry

  Not until Ben burst into her life and began hijacking her every conscious moment.

  It was Monday afternoon and the house was quiet. Veronica had dragged herself out of bed around noon with barely enough time to make it for her shift at the store. She shook her head when Darlene offered to make her breakfast, accepting only a cup of tea and a lemon cream biscuit. She ate in silence, barely acknowledging Samantha sitting at the table, muttering under her breath when their mother prompted her to make an appointment at the nearby Planned Parenthood clinic.

  “How about if I made one for you?” Darlene had suggested.

  “No. I’ll do it when I’m ready,” Veronica had said firmly. Then she was gone.

  Darlene left to meet friends from work for coffee, telling Samantha she also had grocery shopping to do. That left Samantha the house to herself, something she desperately wanted. She needed time alone to think.

  But her mind kept wandering, finding its way back to her and Ben’s last kiss. She could still taste him, smell his skin, feel his lean, hard body against hers, setting her aflame. She could see his dark eyes pleading with her in the car when she’d demanded he bring her home.

  Her resolve to forget about him was wavering. What if Veronica was only late, and wasn’t pregnant at all? What if this was her only chance to be in love and Ben was the one she was destined to find? Soaking in the bathtub earlier, she’d imagined how it would be to have him as her steady boyfriend; to talk with him every day, to be with him for every weekend date and all that it implied. If Veronica moved on with another guy, as she so often did in the past, their rivalry would dissolve and she and Ben could live out their romance in delicious freedom, and with everyone’s blessing. Even her mother would ease up if things worked out the way she hoped, wouldn’t she?

  Samantha reached under her mattress and pulled out the photo developer’s envelope. She took out the photos of Ben and shuffled through them, frowning at each one. Did she have the right to believe he wanted her for any purpose beyond a passing fancy? That he needed her, quiet little “Sammie,” as much as she needed him?

  She stared into his face when she came to her favourite, the one that had captivated her weeks ago—the look of faraway longing with a tinge of vulnerability, captured by her photographer’s eye. His puzzling expression made her heart turn over; made her yearn to solve the mystery of Ben Swift.

  The phone rang shrilly from the kitchen. Samantha tucked the pictures in their hiding place before she ran to answer it. Her heart bounced when she heard Ben’s voice and she held her breath.

  “Are you still mad at me?” he asked.

  “I was never mad at you.”

  A short pause. “But yesterday you couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”

  “I don’t know what to think sometimes, Ben.” She touched her cheek, remembering the sting of her sister’s slap. “Veronica is the one who is mad. At both of us. And if I’m going to be honest, I can’t blame her.”

  “I figured as much. She must think I’m a complete jerk. I didn’t mean for things to happen the way they did. You have to believe that.”

  “I know. But I’m not exactly doing anything to console her. Quite the contrary.” Samantha frowned into the receiver. If he only knew about Veronica’s revelation yesterday and what it might mean for all of us.

  “Listen, I’m at work and I don’t finish until suppertime. Can I see you tonight, perhaps? Go to a movie or something?”

  Samantha smiled, picturing him behind the counter at the bookstore. “I guess that would be okay.”

  Nothing to worry about in a theatre, right?

  Staring into the empty fridge, Samantha pulled a face. Her stomach rumbled. It was past their usual supper time and Darlene had yet to come back with the promised groceries. A vague uneasiness nibbled at her as she peered out the window for the tenth time.

  “What happened to her now?” Veronica said, joining her at the window. “If I had known, I could have brought sub sandwiches from work. I’m gut-founded here.” She scowled at Samantha. “She met friends first? Probably never even made it to the supermarket. I’d bet my pay cheque on it.”

  Samantha’s jaw tightened, her forehead creased. Visions of their mother enjoying a bender in a George Street pub would not go away. Oh, Momma, please come home now. And not half-cut either.

  As if in answer to her plea, a car pulled in and parked in front of their house. Samantha’s hand flew to her mouth to muffle a cry.

  It was a police car.

  “Blessed Redeemer,” murmured Veronica, face white and eyes wide. They both watched in breathless horror as the driver, a stocky, fortyish cop in an RNC uniform, got out, walked around the car, and helped his passenger out onto the sidewalk. Samantha cringed to see Darlene laugh and clutch at the constable as he assisted her to the door. She also saw someone peeking from behind drapes in a window across the street. Her face burned with humiliation.

  “Come on! Have a coffee wit’ me, then,” her mother coaxed as the cop led her into the kitchen.

  “Nah, I better not,” he said smiling, helping her to a chair. He patted his protruding belly. “Time for supper now, sure.”

  He turned, finally noticing the stares of the girls. “On second thought, maybe I will. Would one of you make a pot of coffee for her? She could sure use it.”

  He squinted and winked at Samantha as he sat down, giving off a pungent odour of cheap drugstore cologne. The cloying smell emanating from him assailed Samantha’s senses and instantly turned her stomach. Did the guy bathe in the damn stuff, for chrissakes?

  Intuitively, Samantha sensed danger. She wasn’t sure why, but this police officer filled her with a mistrust that was unmistakable. But she quickly complied with his request.

  “You make me sick,” Veronica said to her mother. “What happened to the groceries you were supposed to buy?”

  For a fleeting moment, Darlene looked confused. Then her mouth twisted into a smile as she shook her head.

  “Oh right, of course. Food! You need food, don’cha, Veronica?” Her voice dropped to an exaggerated whisper. “After all, you might be eating for two now.” She laughed at her little joke. “Order a pizza, then.” As if that solved everything, she turned back to the cop and smiled sweetly. “Stay and have some, my friend. Make it extra large, Ronnie.”

  “I’d sooner starve first,” Veronica grated out through clenched teeth. “Order your own goddamn pizza.” She fled to the living room. A second later, the television blared.

  For several long minutes, no one spoke.

  Now that the coffee was brewing, Samantha reached for the phone book. She called the pizzeria with the order, too hungry to do anything else.

  Damn you, Momma. This is where it ends, is it? We are no longer your responsibility, and it’s every girl for herself? Your mothering of us is officially done, over, kaput, and your only obligation now is to provide a roof over our heads? Which might not be for much longer either by the way you’re acting.

  She watched the pair in conversation while she waited, for what seemed like forever, for the coffee to finish dripping. At last, and while avoiding the gaze of the constable, she poured a mugful of steaming coffee and brought it to her mother, setting it down in front of her.

  “Mind yer manners, Sammie,” Darlene slurred. “Officer Randy wants a cup too.”

  Officer Randy. Where had she heard that name before?

  “Your mom is such a friendly lady, Sammie,” the cop said, leering up at her, his smile wide with rows of white teeth. His eyes twinkled like pinpoints under bushy, grey eyebrows. “Be a dear and do as she says, now. That’s a good girl.”

  A wave of revulsion swept through Samantha at his smarmy endearments, the overpowering cologne, and the way he openly appraised her bare legs in her denim cutoffs. Why doesn’t he just leave already? Grudgingly, she went to fetch the second cup.

  Then she remembered. That conversation with Kalen weeks ago. He told her about his mother Rita’s involvement wi
th an officer named Randy. The animal that liked to smack her around until she’d finally gotten free of him. Could this be the same creep? Nah, what were the chances? And yet, her intuition told her something different.

  Quivering with agitation, Samantha stood near the counter, the empty mug gripped tightly in her hand. “I think you should leave, Officer.”

  “Sam!” Darlene said. “Don’t mind her, Randy. I’ll get you a coffee.” Clutching the edge of the table for balance, she lurched from her chair, knocking over her own untouched coffee in the process. It pooled and spread, racing across the red-checked oilcloth and into the constable’s lap. Shrieking like a girl, he jumped up, clutching the legs of his pants.

  “Are you all right?” Darlene cried, gaping in horror.

  “Damn fool woman!” he cried, a string of profanities blurting from his mouth. “You scalded me!”

  He bolted to the sink, swiping the empty mug from Samantha’s hand and filling it with tap water. Straightaway, he poured the cold water over his thighs.

  Samantha suppressed a nervous giggle behind her hands. Way to go, Momma. I couldn’t have done it better myself.

  Veronica reappeared in the doorway. “What’s all the racket?”

  “Momma gave the officer a coffee,” Samantha said, her eyes meeting Ronnie’s. She watched with pleasure as a slow smile crept across her sister’s face.

  “I’m so sorry,” Darlene whined, clutching his arm. “And you were being so nice to me. Are you burned very badly?”

  “I’ll live,” Randy said, his face scarlet. “But I’m out of here. I’ll talk to you later.”

  The three of them watched as he promptly took his leave. Darlene sat down again, her eyes half-closed and her head in her hands. Without a word, Samantha got the mop from the back porch to clean up the puddle on the floor.

  The doorbell rang. “Guess the show’s over. And now for the pizza,” Veronica said sighing, heading for the door with her wallet.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Darlene had no choice that evening but to call in to work, feigning illness. She was in no condition to handle her shift. “They’re letting me go anyway, so what’s the diff?” she muttered when she hung up.

  While she chomped on her third slice of pizza, Samantha watched her mother leave her half-eaten piece and stumble to the cupboards. She opened and closed a couple of doors, but frowned when she came up empty-handed. Not soused enough for one day, Momma? She caught Veronica’s sombre expression before she turned away. After this display, will she finally admit to worrying about her too?

  Their mother needed help, she realized. But had she reached a point where she could admit it, and did she care enough about her daughters, and herself, to get that help? Samantha was beginning to doubt everything now.

  “Let me make you a cup of tea,” she suggested. She still had time to do that before going to the late movie she and Ben had planned to see. He had called to say he would send Kalen over to fetch her at 8:30 p.m., to avoid a run-in with Veronica. That suited Samantha fine. She didn’t want her mother to know she was going against her wishes either.

  “Very well,” Darlene said. “I’m going to lie down. Would you bring it up when it’s ready?”

  She gave a feeble smile before she disappeared into the hall. Samantha followed, making sure she got up the stairs okay.

  Later, when Kalen rang the doorbell, she was ready. She’d washed her hair and styled it with a handful of mousse, deciding it didn’t look half bad that way. A little lip gloss, a touch of mascara, her favourite blouse, and she was done.

  “Hey, you look pretty!” Kalen said when she opened the door.

  “Gee, thanks. A nice change, is it?” She punched his arm.

  Kalen blushed. “Sorry,” he said, laughing. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. You always look nice to me.”

  Veronica wandered out of the living room and eyed them with thinly veiled interest. “Where are you two going?”

  “Hi, Ronnie,” Kalen said. “Gee, you don’t look so good. Got the flu?”

  “She’s tired, that’s all,” Samantha said quickly. “We’re going to a movie. I’ve got my key.”

  On the way to Ben’s, she asked Kalen to describe Officer Randy, and why she needed the information. He acted genuinely concerned when she admitted his description matched the officer in her kitchen earlier. Samantha reassured him she would tell Darlene about Randy’s connection with Kalen’s mom and what he put her through.

  “That monster should not only lose his job, he should be behind bars,” Kalen said, his voice rising. “He’s worse than most of the people he arrests, if you ask me. Your mother needs to stay far away from that bell head.”

  “Just our luck she would get tangled up with the likes of him.”

  “You know, if your mom cooled her heels for a while, I’m sure someone decent would come along for her. She doesn’t have to settle for the likes of Randy. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but she’s actually kind of hot for her age.”

  Samantha grinned. “Oh, is that right?” Stopping to think about it, she knew Darlene could be seen that way.

  “Thanks, buddy,” Ben said as they met him coming out of his house. “Ready, Samantha?”

  She looked back at her friend. He looked as if he didn’t have anywhere to go. “What if Kalen came along with us?”

  Ben raised his eyebrows and frowned. “Didn’t you already see The Fugitive?”

  “Yeah, I did. That’s okay.” Kalen made a move to turn and walk away.

  “Drop you off somewhere?” Ben asked as he unlocked the car door.

  “Nope, I’m fine. See you around.” He gave a small wave and smiled at Samantha as he left.

  Hopping into the passenger seat, she was relieved the top was up on the convertible tonight so her new hairdo wouldn’t be ruined on the drive to the mall theatre. She thought Ben might have mentioned her spruced-up appearance but he acted as if he didn’t notice. Maybe he would later. As was often the case when she was with him, he looked as if he had other, more pressing things on his mind. Samantha sometimes sensed he was only sharing a part of himself with her and was hiding the rest away. She wondered if he’d ever made Veronica feel that way too.

  “Does Kalen ever date anyone?” Samantha asked.

  Ben turned to look at her as he put the car in drive. “Hmm. Good question. Actually, I can’t recall seeing him out yet with anyone specifically. He impresses me more of the chummy type with the opposite sex—lots of girls who are his friends, but not girlfriends. Why are you asking?” The frown was back on his face.

  “Just wondering. I saw him with a red-haired girl the other day. She had braces. I think her name was Allison?”

  Ben shrugged as he made a sharp turn. “I don’t know her. Then again, I can hardly say I know all the girls Kalen knows. He’s lived in this neighbourhood all his life.”

  Samantha was certain he was driving well above the speed limit again. A niggle of unease sprouted in the bottom of her stomach. She had never been a fan of fast cars. “What about Mandy, Gina’s best friend? He seems to hang around with them a lot. Has he dated her?”

  “Mandy? You mean, you don’t know?”

  Samantha looked sharply at the side of his face. “Know what?”

  “Well, uh, from what I’ve heard, everyone is pretty sure she’s gay.”

  Samantha blinked. “Really?”

  Ben chuckled. “Yeah, really. From what I understand, she and Gina used to be very close, if you catch my drift. But Gina must have been only experimenting, or bi-curious, as they say. She’s dated guys for a while now and has been going steady with Charlie for months.”

  Samantha absorbed this new tidbit of information. All at once, a lot of things made sense to her now. Like how Mandy seemed to dote so much on Gina. Was she secretly in love with her best friend? She recalled the day she, Kalen, Gina, and Mandy enjoyed the impromptu skinny dip in Paddy’s Pond. Hadn’t it been Mandy’s idea, her dare to swim naked? Was it
a ruse to see her and Gina naked too? She had a funny feeling just thinking about it.

  Following that, she remembered the afternoon at the Sears department store when she, Gina and Mandy had tried on bathing suits. In spite of her new modesty over what she just learned, she smiled at the memory and the laughter the three of them had shared.

  “Hey, you aren’t homophobic or anything like that, are you, Samantha?” Ben asked, one eyebrow arched.

  “No, of course not. I didn’t know, that’s all.” She had no problem with a friend’s homosexuality, she really didn’t. What she didn’t like was being kept in the dark about such stuff. Perhaps nobody thought it was their business to tell her. She suspected Veronica knew but hadn’t bothered to share with her.

  “I don’t suppose Kalen is…um…”

  “Gay? Hell no. He likes girls in every way, I can vouch for that. He’s just not dating yet.” The smile disappeared from his face. “Why are you so concerned with Kalen’s love life or lack thereof, anyhow?” Ben blew the horn at the car in front of them. “Damn it, man, why are you driving like an old lady?”

  He yanked on the steering wheel and pulled out of the lane, swerving sharply and stepping on the accelerator as he passed the offending vehicle. The Thunderbird’s exhaust roared as it sped up.

  “It isn’t a concern,” she answered, trying not to be offended by the irritation in Ben’s voice. “Just a little curious about a friend, I guess.” Samantha gripped the door handle. For some reason, he seemed to be hypercritical with her tonight, and she hated the way he was driving. “Hey, what’s the hurry?”

  So far, this date was not going at all the way she had envisioned.

  Samantha’s taut nerves relaxed when Ben parked the car in the mall parking lot. The next two hours passed more amiably as they watched the movie, shared popcorn, and held hands in the darkness of the cool theatre. At times when Ben was engrossed in the film, she found herself studying his profile, still pinching herself that she was actually on a date with this guy she had been pining over for most of the summer. She made excuses for his behaviour earlier. Perhaps he’d had a bad day. She could definitely relate to that. Another realization struck her too: maybe he was jealous because of all her questions about Kalen. She could see how Ben might have misconstrued her interest in their mutual friend. Smiling now, she squeezed his hand and returned her attention to the screen, reassured when he squeezed back.