Art of Forgiveness

by Monique Orgeron

  “Avery, it’s so good to see you decided to have breakfast with us. We have a few things going on today, not too much, though. I don’t want to push too hard, but please try to have an open mind, will you?”

  “I will, I decided I want to try, Catherine. That’s if you’re still willing. I can’t promise I won’t freak out sometimes, but you’re right, I need to try. I figure the sooner I can get back on my own two feet again, the faster I can get out of your hair. I mean, it’s your home; I don’t want to overextend my stay.”

  Catherine gives me a look I can’t decipher. “Yes, well you are welcome to stay here as long as you want. I like having some girls around here for a change.”

  Fallon laughs and says, “The house is filled with an uneven amount of testosterone.”

  Catherine smiles. “You’re right. I think it’s about time we start evening out the odds, don’t you, Fallon?”

  They both look at me. “Oh no, no, I told you two, I am done with Liam, you can look elsewhere for more estrogen. I already told you if that’s part of the help you’re offering, Catherine—”

  “Stop, Avery, we were just teasing. We’re going to help you get back on your feet, with or without you wanting Liam.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful.”

  They both nod in understanding.

  “I know I met your other sons before, but I was kind of out of it. I remember Liam talking about them, but can you tell me more about them from a woman’s point of view? Liam always talked about them like a brother would. I could tell he loved them, but he talked about all their antics. I figure if I stumble on them in the house, I should know more so I won’t freak out on them.”

  Fallon says, “That’s a good idea, I would love to tell you about them. First of all, they are all alpha males; you know, me man, you woman.”

  She laughs and makes the sound of an ape. Catherine can’t help laughing, too.

  “Seriously, though, first off is my husband. Gabriel is the most controlling in every way.” She giggles. “He’s the boss, period, top dog, or at least I allow him to think so. Second is Zander. He is massive. Wait until you see him. He is a six-foot-five wall coming straight at you. He is extremely sarcastic and loves to push everyone’s buttons, but he is very protective, like a giant teddy bear. Then Vin, he’s the quietest. He’s ex-military, and it shows; he’s all muscle. He’s also very loyal, especially to Catherine, so watch out for Vin, if you know what I mean.” She winks at me. “Then there’s Liam, but I guess I don’t have to tell you anything about him, do I?

  I shake my head. “No, you don’t. I know enough about Liam.”

  Catherine doesn’t seem to like my answer or tone, so she goes on to tell me, “The most important thing to know about all my sons is that they will never hurt a woman. They are all gentlemen, and now they feel very protective of you. That means they will never let anything happen to you again.”

  “Why? They don’t even know me.”

  “They know enough, Avery. They know their brother has feelings for you; that’s all it takes.”

  “I hope they know those feelings aren’t reciprocated. They might feel differently when they find out.”

  Catherine shakes her head. “No, they won’t.”

  “She’s right, Avery. Unless you do something to hurt one of them, they will always be there for you when you need them,” Fallon states.

  “You will be meeting Vin today. If you think you can. I have made an appointment for us to go to the shooting range.”

  “Catherine, I can’t shoot a gun.”

  “You can learn. Besides, it’s part of your therapy. First, you will meet with my stylist. They’re bringing some clothes based on the size you told me. But they’ll come in to take your true measurements, and then we’ll get ready to leave.”

  Fallon pouts, “I want to learn how to shoot.”

  Catherine touches her hand. “When you have the baby and heal, I’ll take you. I think it’s a good idea for all my daughters-in-law to learn how to shoot.”

  I try to say I’m not a daughter-in-law, but before I can get the words out, Catherine cuts me off. She says she’ll meet me after my stylist appointment.

  Fallon notices. “Avery, let it go. She doesn’t mean anything by it. I’m going to meet you in your room once the team gets here, okay?”

  I nod as she also leaves. I’m still trying to absorb everything that’s going on.

  24

  Avery

  I’m alone in my bedroom now, pacing the floor as I wait for the stylist. I’m so worried Catherine expects too much from me. I think she wants me to love Liam again; not that I really ever stopped, I just can’t do it. If she thinks I’ll run back into his arms like nothing ever happened, then she has another thing coming. I can’t let Liam back in my life. For one, he’ll break my heart again; and two, I’m not the same person anymore. I’ve been tarnished. I know he loved the idea of me being so innocent, but I’m far from it now. Besides, the idea of having a man touch me, any man in that way, sickens me right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to change that.

  Suddenly, my thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door, Fallon enters, and she’s followed by a man and a woman.

  “Avery, this is Tony and Lola, they are our stylists. They’re here to take your measurements and ask you some questions about your tastes.”

  Tony goes to shake my hand, and I jump back. Fallon runs to me and asks Tony and Lola to wait in the hall and give us a minute. Promptly, they leave the room as asked.

  “Avery, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about you maybe not wanting to be touched. I will ask Tony to let Lola take the lead on this one, okay?”

  “Thank you.”

  “By the way, Tony is as gay as they come. But I’ll tell him just the same.”

  “I’m sorry, Fallon. I don’t know why I did that. I just, I don’t like being touched so much. It’s nothing about Tony.”

  “Listen, Avery, I understand. I’ll be more cautious. Is it all right for him to ask you questions, or do you not want him back in at all?”

  “I’ll talk to him. Just ask if Lola can be the one to take my measurements?”

  She nods then walks out of the room. About ten minutes later, they all enter the room again. Tony’s polite and friendly, and as Fallon said, very gay. Lola is just as pleasant. Tony sits on the bed while Lola measures me. He starts asking about colors, brands, and lengths I prefer.

  “I’m not sure.” Now feeling a little embarrassed, I find myself trying to explain. “My mother usually bought all my clothes, even when I went to college. She would have everything sent to me.”

  Tony shakes his head, saying, “Girl, if I had a nickel for all the mommas that think they know best, I’d be rich on a beach with Rico Suave’. Some of these mothers need to learn to let their kids be. But don’t you worry about it, girl. I have some fabulous ideas for that body.”

  He must have seen the look of terror on my face because he stands in front of me now.

  “I don’t know why you flinched or look terrified of me, but I hope you know, I am not interested in women and would never violate your trust. When I first styled Fallon, she was nervous, too. That child wanted to hide herself from the world, and now look at her. If you trust Lola more than me, I’ll be okay with it. But honey, you’ll be missing out on what I can do.”

  I begin to laugh. I couldn’t help it. He’s funny, and he’s right, I think I can trust him. I raise my hand towards him and watch his stunned face as it turns right around into a happy one with his smile. We shake hands, and I feel no need to flinch.

  They leave me with some workout clothes, jeans, shirts, shoes and a couple of matching pairs of undergarments. Tony tells me he’ll be back next week with a couple of racks of clothes for me to try. Fallon escorts them out. Then I sit and wonder, why all the workout clothes?

  Catherine comes into my room, asking me to please get ready to leave. She says for me to wear something comfortable.
So, I dress in yoga pants and a T-shirt. I meet her in the foyer. She’s dressed casual, but stylish. She might be close to my mother’s age, but you couldn’t tell by looking at her. We walk outside, and my nerves return full force, so much so that I reach out for her hand; to my surprise, she holds it tight and doesn’t let go.

  “You can do this, Avery. I’ll be with you the whole time, right by your side.”

  She’s right, I have to do this. It’s just another step in my recovery. Each step I take to the car gets a tiny bit easier. Slow, but steady, I tell myself. Once in the car, I let out a long-awaited breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

  “I don’t normally drive myself around these days, but I asked Vin to meet us at the range. I figured it would be hard for you to leave the house or be in a closed vehicle with a man, at least for right now.”

  “Thank you, Catherine; I didn’t think of that, but I’m glad you were prepared.” We leave the grounds of the estate and are silent until I ask, “Can I ask you about Vin? Liam told me he wasn’t his brother, but that you raised him.”

  “My son must have told you a great deal? Vin is not my biological son, but yes, I raised him and I love him just like he would be one of my boys. There’s not much more to say about it. We all love him, so to us he is family.” Catherine continues to drive but then asks, “Avery, tell me something about Liam.”

  “What do you mean? I’m sure you know way more about him than I do.”

  She chuckles. “I thought I did, but then I found out about his long-lost love, and now I wonder what else I may not know about him. Tell me what he was like when you two were together.”

  I think about it and say, “He was cocky, and he was an asshole.”

  Catherine looks right at me and starts laughing out loud. “Well, there’s nothing new there. There must have been something about him you liked. Tell me what attracted you to him.”

  “Catherine, I don’t think I want to talk about Liam.”

  “Come on, Avery, appease me.”

  “Fine. Besides the fact that he was the hottest guy in school, I thought he was untouchable, until one day he wasn’t. You know your son is pushy and can be very persuasive.”

  “I do know that about him. He still is. I like that about him.”

  “I do, too. I thought for a long time he was the love of my life. When he would talk about where we would live when we were married, I wanted it, so bad.”

  Catherine pulls the car to the side of the road puts it in park. She turns to face me. “He talked of marriage? You two wanted to be married?”

  I start to get nervous. What is she after with all these questions? It’s no surprise his mother didn’t even know about our relationship.

  “Catherine, can we just let it go? It was a long time ago, okay? Liam and I are done.”

  “No, I have been more than patient, Avery. Now, I want to know what happened between the two of you.”

  She’s not going to give up. I guess I need to get it over with.

  “Basically, I was a nobody at school and bullied both there and at home. Liam pursued me. At first, I thought it was a prank. It wasn’t.” I let out a small chuckle and continue. “He would come to my house every single night for a year. We became closer, but he wanted to hide our relationship, saying it was for me; he didn’t want me to be bullied at school for it. And yes, we talked about marriage. Then something happened right before he graduated. He became distant, then he finally told me he had slept with his ex. He begged me to forgive him, but I couldn’t, he broke my heart. So, you see, it was never really anything. How could it be? If he really loved me, he wouldn’t have hidden us and he wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

  “Avery, you said you were a virgin when you were kidnapped. How could that be? I mean, I know my son. It doesn’t take him long to…you know.”

  “I didn’t lie. I was a virgin. Liam and I—” I blush, and Catherine asks me to go on. “We did other things, if you know what I mean; he was the first boy I ever kissed. I knew he wanted more, and I tried to give myself to him, but he said we were going to wait until we were married. He said I wasn’t like the other girls, and he didn’t want me to think he was using me. I never felt that way for anyone else; no one has made me want more. Only one other boy has ever even kissed me. But I can’t seem to let more happen, even though he pursues me just as strong as Liam did.”

  Catherine listened attentively, almost like she was studying me. “You said right before graduation is when he cheated?”

  “Yes.”

  Catherine puts the car back into drive, and we merge into traffic. She’s in deep thought; I can tell by her expression.

  “Avery, you have a boyfriend, you said?”

  “No, Phil’s not my boyfriend, although he wants to be. He even goes so far as to tell me he wants to marry me, too. My mother would love him, but I haven’t been able to give my heart to anyone again. Not since Liam.”

  “Your mother would love him? Why?”

  “His family’s a big deal in Alabama. They’re in banking. That’s why Phil’s still at Harvard; he’s getting his MBA. His father’s going to have him on the fast track with his company.”

  “What did you say his name was?”

  “It’s Phillip Braun, but I call him Phil. Why?”

  “No reason. I just thought we could talk more. So, do you like Phillip?”

  “I love him. I just don’t know if I could fall in love with him like I did with—”

  “Liam. You were going to say, Liam, weren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  That ended our conversation. A few more minutes of driving, and we were at the range. We exited the car, and I realized the parking lot was empty except for one other vehicle. Catherine rented the whole place for me. I know she did.

  “Did you rent the whole place, Catherine?”

  “Yes, I thought it would be better if we were alone until you become more comfortable. Vin’s here; remember, he will not hurt you.”

  I see a large man waiting for us. He must be Vin. Fallon was right; he looks like he is straight out of the military. He’s tall and has a close-shaved head, and his muscles are large. He kind of reminds me of a soldier mixed with an MMA fighter, looking very intimidating. He and Catherine kiss on the cheek, and then he looks at me. He doesn’t try to shake my hand; he just stands there and introduces himself.

  “I’m Vin. Catherine wants me to show you how to shoot.”

  Straight and to the point. I guess Fallon was right about him, too, when she said he was quiet. She also said he was very loyal.

  “I’ve never shot a gun before. I never even held one.”

  “It’s all right, you’ll love it.”

  Vin walks off further into the range, and Catherine says, “I’m going to shoot with you. I learned over time that shooting helps me with my aggression. When I need to blow off some steam, this is what I do.”

  We start to walk and Catherine continues talking. “Long ago, when I used to feel weak, someone showed me how to shoot. I found it gave me a sense of power. Holding a gun, aiming it and pulling the trigger will give you a huge release of pain. You’ll see.”

  She walks ahead, and I’m left clueless as to what I’ve gotten myself into. I follow, and Vin starts to show me the gun.

  “This is a 9mm semi-automatic Glock. A lot of women like this weapon; it’s light and doesn’t have much of a kickback. There is no safety on this weapon, so be careful. The clip holds seventeen bullets. One thing to remember is it won’t shoot until you rack it.”

  He allows me to examine the loaded clip for a moment. He then explains to me how to slide the clip into the gun and even shows me how to rack it.

  “When you slide the chamber back, it’s ready to shoot. This is a semi-automatic weapon, and every bullet that’s in the clip will fire for as long as you tap the trigger. Now I need to show you how to stand.”

  He removes the clip. He lays the gun and the clip on the counter.

  He s
tarts to show me physically how to stand as he describes the motions. “You want to stand flat-footed, widen your legs a little; don’t buckle your knees, you want to stand firm. Now, when you’re holding the weapon, stretch out your arms like this, aim and pull the trigger. Try not to flinch after pulling the trigger. It could cost you your shot. Now, here are your safety ear muffs and eyewear just in case. Also, be careful when the bullets are fired; the shells will fly out, and they’re hot to the touch. Don’t freak out with the weapon in your hand if one hits you by surprise. Now that we’ve covered standing, let’s talk bullets.”

  I cannot believe I am standing here with an ex-military man explaining a weapon and how to use it, like I’m in school or something. I never knew there was so much to learn.

  He reaches down into his bag and pulls out two boxes of bullets. “These over here are hollow point bullets. When they enter a body, they bounce around, causing more internal damage. This bullet is a regular bullet. See the difference in the tips? There is no indention in this one; it will go straight through unless it gets lodged in a bone. Are you ready to try?”

  I nod my head, thinking what the hell, I’ll give it a try. I put on the safety glasses and earmuffs as I walk to where Vin wants me. He hands me the gun, keeping it aimed at the ground. I’m shocked at how it feels in my hand. Vin points to my earmuffs for me to remove them.

  “Remember what I said about your stance. And make sure to hold the weapon steady, don’t wave it around. It’s loaded and ready to fire more than one bullet.”

  I turn and stand like Vin showed me. As I raise my arms, I see my paper target, I take aim, and shoot.

  “Oh my God! Shit!”

  I turn from excitement, and Vin grabs my wrist. As I’m about to drop the gun, Vin catches it as I jump back from his touch.

  “Shit, I’m sorry, Avery. I didn’t mean to. Look, you can’t turn like that with a loaded weapon, you understand?”

  I look over to see Catherine watching, then turn back to Vin. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t listen to what you said, it was dangerous. You just did what you had to. I’ll be better next time.”