Endgame (Book 1)
Page 31
“You intimidate me.” He said swiftly without second thought and she snapped her chin down, her eyes wide with shock. He continued to stare at her, his expression never faltering; his eyes telling her that he meant it. Yes, he had meant to say it and yes, he knew what he had said. She swallowed.
“You can’t be serious.” She stated in disbelief. Of course she wouldn’t ask if he was or not because she knew he was.
“I am.” He said softly before altering their course of conversation. “Is that really so surprising?” he asked of her and she remained silent for a moment, staring into the distance.
“Yes. It is.” She replied and he shifted, looking past her across the pond at the trees blowing in the wind. He felt her eyes bore into him and he turned to her. She gazed up at him, and he could feel her excitement. It drummed into him and his blood began whistling through his veins. “So, what are we going to be talking about today?” She breathlessly attempted to change the subject.
“It’s complicated…” he began and she smiled up at him, regardless of the tension weighing heavily on her.
“Simplify it for me.” She offered him, and after looking around at their surroundings reached down and picked up a few rocks from the edge. She tossed one into the water behind her, Plop! His heart was pounding in his chest because he knew she was going to be hurt when she found out everything about him. She would be angry. He was a liar; he had entreated himself upon her life, imprinting his presence on her, and she would be disgusted by it.
“Some of it is…painful.” He admitted to her, and he studied her as she grinned and threw another rock into the murky depths. A few bubbles floated to the surface. A small part of him felt better having admitted even something as little as that to her, while the bigger part of him was dreading having to explain the rest. She turned to him and tossed her last rock in sideways, without a care. He watched as three more bubbles came to the surface before turning to her.
“That’s alright.” She said gently. She then smirked at him. “Are we going to be completely honest during this conversation? Because if you are going to lie I reserve the right to decide appropriate punishment.” she asked playfully and he looked at her.
“I thought that was a given.” He replied and she laughed, locking him in place with her stare. Her eyes dug into him, as if she could see everything about him. It warmed him in ways he never thought possible. “I know you have questions you want to ask...”
“My questions can wait.” She interjected and then smiled at him. “You have something specific on your mind. Fire away.” She said gently and he stared at her. He wasn’t sure how to ask, or even where to begin and he began mentally kicking himself for not thinking the entire thing through before confronting her about it all. She narrowed her eyes at him in exasperation. “Are you going to continue to be so damn hard-headed?” she asked, trying her best to suppress the small grin toying with the corners of her mouth.
“Why did you give me the envelope?” he asked the first thing that came to his mind. He watched the smile fade from her face and he began stammering over his words. “I…I’m just not sure…why you even gave it to me.”
The silence became deafening and she swallowed, the conversation becoming serious. He felt as if he had put a burden on her and he suddenly felt shameful. What had he been thinking?
“Well, I gave it to you because it was yours.” She said simply, though a little embarrassed. He studied her and he knew that he had surprised her. She furrowed a brow at him. “Have you not read it yet?” she asked and he shifted on his feet slightly. He studied her, and he knew that he was going to have to take Cassie’s advice in order to salvage whatever was left of his dignity.
“What exactly did you mean by it?” he asked, reaching behind him so he could retrieve it from his back pocket. Cassie had also been right about that as well. He pulled the yellowed and worn envelope from his pocket and stared fondly at it. “I would feel…better…if you explained…I mean it obviously means a lot to you or you wouldn’t have taken it with you when the outbreak started.”
She sighed, turning to look away from him. This conversation was not going anywhere near how he thought it would. After a long moment she turned to him, shoving her hands into her pants pockets. He replaced the envelope in his back pocket. She rocked back on her heels and lowered her focus to the ground at her feet. “It’s short, the letter…if you could call it that.” she looked back up at him and he felt his face grow warm. She was taking pity on him then. “I wrote it shortly after I saw you on that balcony…after we shared that dance.” Her words were soft, nothing but feather-light whispers flowing over him. She stepped slightly closer to him, uncertain. “Do you remember that night?” she asked and his mouth went dry. Oh yes, he remembered every vivid detail of that night. He remembered how she felt pressed against him, how the looks that she cast in his direction caressed and eased the tension of the situation. She had been under his spell that night, and he under hers.
“Yes…how could I forget? You refused a date with me before I could even ask.” He said playfully, downplaying the intensity that roared between them. She couldn’t escape the grin that spread across her face and his heart hammered heavily against his chest. Breathing was becoming a chore in her presence.
“Like you would have asked.” She countered and when his jaw dropped she laughed but didn’t deny her statement. She turned from him, smiling at the sun for a brief moment. She hesitated before turning to look up at him curiously, as if pained. “Why did you do all of those things? I wasn’t that big of a part of your life. I mean…we talked here and there when we saw one another but you went out of your way for me…” she asked, genuinely curious and he suddenly felt as if he were mute. It angered him that she thought she was anything less that the great impact that she was. He looked around them, looking at the trees, the long grass, and the two Biters across the pond coming their way; he was looking at everywhere but at her. He knew he was going to have to answer her, but it didn’t reduce the roaring of blood in his ears, or the slight tremor in his hand. He wanted to touch her, to ease his battered mind, and yet he didn’t. Instead, he clasped his hands tightly behind his back.
“Are you sure you want the answer to what you’re asking?” he asked and she turned to him, her eyes alight and dancing with anticipation.
“Yes. I’m sure.” She replied softly, her voice carrying on the wind.
He sighed. “I distanced myself because you wouldn’t have accepted who I was. I used to torment you.” I didn’t deserve you or your friendship. His unspoken words held heavy in the air between them. “I…care…about you. Very much so.” He paused, witnessing the blush that crept up her cheeks as she avoided his heated gaze. “So much so that I kept up with you…I wanted to provide you with some form of comfort because that was what you always gave to me.” It was all he gave her by way of a response, refusing to look at her. He could feel her eyes on him as she slowly accepted this and was relieved whenever she turned to the water.
“I would have, you know...accepted you.” She paused and he got the feeling that there was more that she wanted to say, and yet she didn’t. Instead she inhaled sharply and changed course. “And…thank you….” She told him gently and he looked at her in surprise. She turned back to him and he felt himself rooted to the spot. “…for everything you have done. I never got to give you a proper thank you, but you did make a difference.” And suddenly he was back to those sleepless nights alone before the outbreak, her memory haunting him. And then those terrible nights after the disease had claimed his son, his best friend; her tender memory and the possibility she may have been alive stopping him from pulling the trigger every time he put that gun to his head.
He needed to get the spotlight off of him and onto her or else he was going to cave. He didn’t want to be this weak man…not in her eyes. “That’s right, you knew everything I did, didn’t you?” He accused teasingly, hoping to yet again take away from the intensity of it all.
“Un-complicate it for me. How long did you know?” he asked and from the look she cast his way he knew that she was going to be vague and nondescriptive. One corner of her mouth quirked up in a small smile.
“Remember why I wouldn’t date? What my reasoning was?” she asked and he watched the mischievousness wrap itself around her. Even after all of their time, this woman still surprised him; she was still a mystery.
Yes, he remembered, and as he remembered a new realization came to him…and he was more aware of the envelope in his pocket. “You said you were waiting.” He said huskily, his voice betraying him. He quickly cleared his throat and suddenly didn’t like where their conversation was going.
“I was waiting for you.” She told him and he suddenly felt the breath leave his lungs. “I was waiting for you to tell me. I’ve known at least that long.” She teased him until she realized the effect her words had on him. Things grew quiet and she turned from him. The power of her words fell over him. She had known then, so how long had she really known? Why had she never said anything? Why had he never said anything? He swallowed thickly, realizing she did deserve an explanation for his disappearance. She had known, had been there right beside him, playing the game he was so desperate to play. She had never left his side. The thought was a double-edged sword. He felt closer to her, and yet he was angered by her lack of ignorance. Had she merely danced the dance he had wanted to sway to or had she let him make a fool of himself?
He sighed, turning his entire focus to her. “I left you that night…you know which night…to go find someone.” He began, interrupting her thoughts. She deserved to know…and he needed to tell her; she had waited for him, patiently, and he had left her…so now he needed her to understand. She studied him, and he saw a sadness grip her eyes. He bit back the cascade of emotion that threatened to swallow him whole. “I went to their apartment…the door was open, blood was…” and he stopped, unable to continue. Why was this so hard? He couldn’t bring himself to tell her the morbidity that he had witnessed. He couldn’t tell her the gut-wrenching pain he had encountered; he couldn’t subject her to it.
“Oh Miles…” she began but he interrupted her. He was feeling angry and desperate. Her eyes were not angry; instead they were full of sympathy and pain for him and he couldn’t stand her looking at him that way.
“He was my son.” He told her and she brought one hand to her chest and the other to rest on her forehead. She closed her eyes tightly and he could see the pain run through her. He felt the sting of tears behind his own eyes and he turned away from her. Her tears were genuine. She didn’t want him to hurt, but now that the dam had burst, there was no stopping the damage that was sure to come from it. He felt the sudden urge to break down, either from relief or sorrow, or both. He wondered why, after telling her, did he want to cave in and let the sadness swallow him whole? He had told George…even Brian knew…but he had not let it affect him then. He hadn’t expected this; hadn’t expected the fresh pain, the sadness from her. He hadn’t expected the conversation to go the way it had.
“I am so, so sorry.” She told him, and her words echoed through his ears. He refused to look at her. He couldn’t take her pity. It would destroy him.
“Don’t…please don’t feel sorry for me.” He pleaded with her and she stepped back from him. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, attempting to stop the onslaught of emotions running him ragged. He wanted her to hold him, to comfort him but he couldn’t. It would be his undoing.
“Miles, I don’t…” she began but he couldn’t handle anymore. He waved a dismissive hand, stopping her midsentence and looked down at her one last time before turning and leaving her standing beside the lake, alone.
How could she offer her tears to him like they washed the slate clean? Because she cares about you, a small voice in the back of his mind informed him. Dammit…he couldn’t even make it halfway through the conversation he wanted to have. He wiped furiously at his eyes. His son was gone, dead, and now, he had broken the only other relationship that really mattered to him. He was a danger unto himself. But, even as the damage was done, he knew that he was still hers. He always had been. He wanted to hit something, kick something. He shook his head, it wouldn’t do any good. Once back at the house, he realized he didn’t have a key to the gate. He sighed, and began to turn around back towards the pond when George began sauntering out of the back door, a bottle of water in hand. He saw Miles and wondered over to the gate. He smiled at Miles, who leaned his forehead against the fence, feeling at a complete loss.
“Would you like me to let you in?” he teased Miles before calling for Brian to bring his key. Miles narrowed his eyes at the man, before sighing.
“I just want to get out of here.” At this, George lost his smile.
“I take it that the conversation didn’t go so well?” He asked, and Miles looked at him peculiarly. George took a drink of his water and shrugged, frowning. “It’s the talk of the house this morning. Everyone knows what’s going on, and I gotta say, everyone is rooting for you two.” He grinned and Miles groaned in protest.
“Everyone?” and then he shook his head. “It doesn’t even matter.” He groaned. George stared at him, his face twisted into a frown. It didn’t suit him, Miles thought. George was a generally happy guy and watching him frown bothered Miles.
“Of course it matters.” George replied, and then he grinned, showing his straight white teeth. “So, wanna talk about it?”
“Is everyone going to be as chipper as you are about this?” He asked George, avoiding the question as the backdoor shut, and Brian began towards them. George grinned and nodded like a child.
“You better believe it.” He replied, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Miles couldn’t help but grin back. He had found a good friend in George. “So…tell George what happened…” he dug in playfully, wiggling his eyebrows. “You two weren’t out there for too long…”
“No, I do not want to talk about it.” He told George, suppressing the smile that was threatening to form. He simply wanted to forget that it ever happened.
George shrugged and took another drink of his water, looking off to the side. “Well, be prepared to talk about it. We all want to know…”
“Oh good Lord. It is the end of the world and the group is worried about our conversation?” Miles asked sardonically. Brian couldn’t help but laugh as he neared the gate, hands shoved into his pockets.
“It may be the end of the world, but we are all still alive and need entertainment.” He chuckled. “And after two years, Shelly has learned to put up with my crap, so my love life isn’t all that entertaining anymore.” Then he quickly looked around before focusing on the two men. “Don’t you dare tell her I said that.” This made them all chuckle, and Miles turned around, still leaning the gate, but facing the woods. “So,… how did it go?”
Miles threw him a sidelong glance. “I blew it.”
“Yeah.” Brian said nonchalantly. “I figured you would.” Miles turned to look at him in disbelief. “What?”
“Some friend you are.” George stated, chuckling as he took another drink of water. Brian shrugged.
“Well, she intimidates him. It’s painfully obvious. Anything she says is going to hit him hard.” He said defensively, making George laugh. Miles looked at him as if he were crazy.
“You knew this and you let me go and make a fool of myself?” Miles asked him incredulously. Brian just shrugged and smiled.
“I wasn’t going to miss this show.” Miles rolled his eyes at him, before laughing. All emotion from the encounter with Amber was slowly going away. He still needed to think about things, and knew that he would eventually have to talk to her about it, but he did indeed feel as if a burden was gone. He felt a sense
of peace that he hadn’t felt in such a very long time and regardless of the outcome of their relationship, whatever kind of relationship it was, he was glad to have gotten it off of his chest. “And don’t worry. She will come around, no matter what happened. I know my sister.”
“Oh yeah? Tell that to her.” Miles grumbled. “She probably hates me right now after I made an ass out of myself.” Brian snickered.
“I don’t have to tell her. She will. Trust me on this.” Brian
“Thanks a lot bud. Now, are you going to let me in?” he asked, turning and linking his fingers along the fence. Brian chuckled, reaching into his pants pocket and retrieving his set of keys.
A loud, categorical boom filled the air, so loud it forced Miles, Brian and George to cover their ears against the noise. Miles suddenly felt his feet tremor, and he abruptly felt dizzy. He tried to steady himself as the tremors went from his feet up his legs, his torso, and his arms. He looked worriedly to Brian and George, who stared at him in shock, now gripping the fence frantically searching around them. Something wasn’t right. He stumbled back, looking past Brian to the far corner of the house where the log rack was. Another blast shook the ground and logs began falling off and onto the ground. Shrieks were heard from inside the house, and another through the woods. He watched as trees shook from the pressure. It lasted all of thirty seconds, and was slight, but worrisome. Once again he looked at George and Brian as Jackson ran out of the house. It had stopped, and everything settled.
“The kids?” George asked, running to meet Jackson. Jackson nodded, breathless, his eyes wide from surprise.
“Everyone is okay in the house, just some minor damage. Ya’ll ok?” He asked, and a scream ripped through the air. Amber. Brian immediately began trying desperately to unlock the gate as George ran to the fence, helpless. Miles was already gone. Branches whipped against him, the sting of their wood against his skin at the back of his mind.