by W. A. R.
She suddenly felt apprehensive. She couldn’t answer that question. “This morning is done and over with.” She said, trying to ease his mind. His eyes darkened at her words and she felt her hands tremble. Quietly she took another step back from him, bumping into the counter. Trying to appear nonchalant, she crossed her arms across her chest.
“This morning is far from being ‘done and over with’.” He growled at her. She shivered. “I have spent the better part of my life striving to reach this point with you and I am not going to simply let it go without some answers.” His voice was gruff and demanding and she looked away from him. His hand quickly caught her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “I almost lost you this morning thanks to my own idiocy and I am not going to let this go because of my cowardice where it concerns you. I may not mean much to you…” he paused, leaning toward her, his eyes intense. He had her locked, she couldn’t move if she wanted to. “but it is painfully obvious you damn sure mean a lot to me. You always have. And all I need, the only thing I need right now…” he paused, bringing his free hand to gently grasp her waist “I just need to know why you let me do those things; why you never made me stop and then…then we can close that chapter forever and leave it behind us.”
Amber swallowed thickly and closed her eyes tightly against the onslaught of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. She slid her hand up his chest before finally gripping his shirt, urging him closer. “Miles…” She said gently, deciding to just admit everything and hope for the best. She hesitated a moment, deciding on her next words as he released her chin. “Are you sure that is what you want?”
He grinned at her, his eyes blazing. “Yes.” He replied, his voice gruff and his tone pointed.
She cleared her throat once more, looking away from him and releasing her hold on his shirt. She felt uncomfortable, nervous. She wasn’t sure where to begin; then again, the very beginning seemed as good a place as any. “I remember everything about you. I remember how we were as kids. I knew you were a good person, and I always have, regardless of how you acted. I stood by that. I was drawn to you, even back then.” He raised a curious brow at her, but she ignored it, rubbing her arm gently. “And then you were expelled over me…that carried with me…I tried to find you…reach you, but you were just gone. It was as if you never wanted anyone to find you. You never told your friends where you had gone, you didn’t keep in touch…you simply disappeared.”
He licked his dry lips. “After what I did, I didn’t think there was a reason, well, to not disappear.”
She looked up at him sadly. “I did try, though…and over the years I finally met someone I thought was worth my time, and we dated for a while.” She paused for a moment, her heart heavy before continuing. “I didn’t date through school, even after you left. No one ever…connected…with me the way that you did. Even Cassie’s father, the first…and only… man I ever went out with…he didn’t even reach me on that level. I never understood it, and yet still, when he…died, it hurt. I did love him; I really did...at least for a while.” She admitted, seeing pain flash across Miles’s face, but he never moved. He simply waited for her to continue. “And the night you showed up with Brian, I was weak and afraid. I felt that pull to you when I opened my front door, but it had been so long that I didn’t recognize you immediately. But once I heard your name…I knew. And then…when I had Cassie…I didn’t catch on immediately…but later I saw you and Michael…and many times after that; I realized he was your son and what you had done…After that the pieces just fell into place, and I…I romanticized ideals about you, about why you would do such nice things for me, for my family…. The little things you did made such a difference and I just figured that at some point you would tell me what those things meant.” she shook her head before turning to look at him. His face was stoic, unreadable.
She needed to get through this; like ripping off a Band-Aid.
“And then, one day I was at my house alone. Cassie was at mom’s house for the night and there was a knock on the door. I thought it was Brian, but when I answered it, I was surprised. The man shoved his way in and long-story short, stole everything I had of value and he…had his way with me. ” she stopped for a moment, realizing that tears were beginning to fall and the emotions from years ago to the emotional roller-coaster of the day itself were beginning to eat away at her. She wiped at her eyes quickly, watching as concern made its way into his eyes; concern and anger. “Anyways…Brian arrived shortly after to see the front door wide open and I was on the floor unconscious. They never caught the man and though I was still afraid he would come after me, the little gestures you provided brought me comfort, especially after I found out I was pregnant…with Kyle.”
“I never knew that.” He admitted to her and she shrugged. He was angry, saddened, and confused.
“I never wanted anyone to know. I’d rather people thought I was abandoned than what really happened. I love Kyle more than anything, just as I do Cassie, and I never wanted the way he came about in this world to matter…to change the good kid that he is.” She told him before sighing, changing the subject back to its original course. “The point is, in moments where I was frightened or weak after that, you still cared…you still surprised me with hope and generosity…with silent friendship. It was because of your constant giving and encouragement that I took self-defense classes.” She sighed. “I never stopped you because you were a beacon of light for me. You and everything you had done had become so much a part of who I was, I wasn’t sure who I would be without it. I clung to it because I always knew it was there. I always knew you were a wonderful caring person, you just tried to fight it; and having that certainty, that connection to someone wasn’t something worth letting go of.”
Miles absentmindedly rubbed the back of his neck. “So the night of the party?...” He asked, picking up the pieces of what she was saying. This made Amber laugh.
“The night of the party, I wasn’t expecting to see you. I saw you walk in and I had to disappear. I was a nervous wreck, so I went quietly to the room and yet you still found me.”
“You were very beautiful that night.” He told her sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. Amber shifted on her feet, feeling her face grow warm.
“I would have kissed you that night.” She told him bravely, and his eyes widened once more in surprise. She laughed, feeling more at ease then. “So you see, you were the best friend I ever had because whether you knew it or not, you understood me, what I needed. That is why I waited and why I am still waiting.” She assured him before watching him step closer to her, his body pressing her against the counter. She looked up at him, feeling lighter than she had before. She smiled warmly up at him as he stared down at her, but the smile slowly faded from her face as the intensity in his eyes rammed into her, awakening every fiber of her being. Her heart began beating faster, but not out of fear as it did on a daily basis; instead it beat a steady thrumming of excitement and anticipation. Her mouth went dry as he sighed.
“I was never just your friend and you know it.” He told her firmly and she felt the very core of her being warm, and the skin of her pale chest flushed, climbing up her neck. His eyes were riveted to hers and for the first time in their history she was intimidated by him. He was suddenly so very sure of himself that it radiated off of him.
“I know.” She said softly, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Good.” He said, his voice rough and demanding. The look in his eyes made her physically tremble. “Amber…” her name rolled off of his tongue so easily and yet so suggestively…she was caught and she knew she would do anything that he asked of her in that moment. She swallowed, her bottom lip trembling.
“I...” She stuttered and he brought a hand to her cheek, his thumb tracing a path from the corner of her mouth to the rise of her cheekbone.
“Tell me…” he commanded and she could do nothing more than comply to him.
“I…” she began, her words shaky, and her
mind struggling desperately over her words, “I can’t.” She stopped and felt her heart racing. Her hands were trembling and she couldn’t stop herself from feeling the wave of desire crash over her.
He leaned ever closer to her, his bruises no longer visible with his closeness to her in the dim light. “Yes you can.” he rumbled and she shuddered.
“Oh God.” She whispered. Her mind was actually drawing a blank, and yet it was there on the tip of her heavy tongue. How had things become so damn intense? He studied her.
His fingers brushed against the artery in her neck as he caressed her and she closed her eyes, knowing he could feel her racing heart. “Your pulse is pounding.” He told her and she couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
She inhaled sharply. “You know what they say, ‘The heart is a wild creature; that is why our ribs are cages.’” She chuckled nervously, fully aware that all of her ailments were at the back of her mind.
“Look at me.” He ordered and slowly, she turned her eyes up to meet his in the dim candlelight. What she saw made her shudder with anticipation. His eyes were dark and blazing with desire. He leaned closer, his nose brushing hers lightly, their breath intermingling between them. He brought his hands to gently cup her tender neck, his fingers twisting in her hair. He felt so damn good…
“Miles…” she said on a breathless whisper, her eyes searching his bruised and beaten face for any kind of idea of what he was thinking right then.
“I am going to kiss you like I should have all of those years ago…and I don’t care who interrupts us this time …” he whispered to her, his breath but a feather light touch against her lips and she shuddered involuntarily. He bent closer; drawing her to him so agonizingly slow Amber feared her heart would burst right out of her chest. Finally, his bruised lips met hers in the gentlest of ways and everything inside her exploded, her mind going blank. He moved his mouth lightly against hers. It was simple; a very light and brief meeting of their lips, his swollen jaw preventing anything more, and yet she could feel absolutely everything. She brought her hands up to grip his wrists, the yearning for more overwhelming her. His lips were firm, masculine, and yet kind. The feeling of his hard body pressing against her softer one made her tremble and she felt tears prick the back of her eyes. All too soon, his lips pulled away from hers and she wanted to reach out for him and pull his mouth back to hers. She continued holding his wrists, sandwiched between his body and the counter behind her. She swallowed thickly, turning her blue eyes to meet his brown ones. He grinned and leaned forward, pressing his lips against her ear. The words were so slow and weighted she felt everything within her tighten as they left his lips. “Just know that we are not finished and…whenever we are healed…and when my beaten face is better…I will learn how that tempting mouth of yours tastes.” With that he slowly pulled his face back to meet hers, his eyes dancing with amusement and hunger. “But right now, you need your sleep and we all need to consider what happens from here with these people. George and I have watch tonight.”
“But…” she began hoarsely and he interrupted her, pressing a chaste kiss against her forehead and sighing.
“Get some sleep.” He said forcefully before pulling away from her, his fingertips sliding across her jaw, “Goodnight.” With that he left the room; leaving Amber to dwell on everything that had happened. Her heart began to ache for him, and she longed for him to come back. She brought a trembling hand to her mouth as realization cascaded over her mind. In a world where there was hardly hope for a future, she was falling in love with him.
No, she told herself as she stared at the entryway of the kitchen where he had left, she had fallen in love with him long before.
Chapter Eighteen
Derek stood on the porch, overlooking the property before him. The sun had risen high in the sky, afternoon fast approaching. Everyone aside from himself, Amber, and George was still asleep. He stole a glance at George, who leaned against the column next to the stairs across from himself. Amber had disappeared about thirty minutes previous, and he knew better than to ask where she had gone. George had seemed bitter and angry the night before, refusing to rest and instead opting to help Miles keep watch and check the perimeter. He couldn’t blame the man who had refused to speak to him in the past two hours that he had been awake, but he had expected some of the anger to ebb away. Their actions had not been intentional, and things were bound to change here, he had just wished they could be more open to the change. Hell, they had risked their own lives keeping the normal Biters from tearing them apart. Their whole lives had been uprooted and changed multiple times over the few months of hell following the outbreak while they apparently had lived high on the haul. Was he jealous? He didn’t think so, then again, he couldn’t have been sure. They had been smart and quick and he very well couldn’t blame them for that. Envious maybe; he wished he could have done the things they had and in the end, saved more people instead of losing so many. The thought still pained him, even though he had pretty much numbed himself to it. Then again, glancing towards the front gate where on the other side of the fence lay his fallen comrades, he knew he could never truly numb himself to the pain.
“What’s your story?” he heard George ask. Derek slowly turned his attention to the man who stared off into the sky above the tree line. He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. He had known that they would want to know more about them, their histories, but he was never fond of his own story. The world had become a bad place, and he had to do things he would otherwise have never done. He lived with those memories every day, and for the longest time he had simply shoved them away into the darkest recess of his mind. But now, he knew that in order to gain their trust, he needed to unearth them. They were all good, strong people and he knew that his people would have a better chance at living than they would with just themselves. He had noticed the kindness and compassion that they offered to one another and to some of his own people on occasion. His people were tired and quite frankly, they needed a break, no matter how long it lasted.
As he opened his mouth to speak, a brown and white bulldog ran around the corner of the house, sniffing wildly at the air. Derek started in surprise, taking a step back and caught the dog’s attention. The dog flew at him before stopping about two yards away on the ground in front of the stairs, baring his teeth and growling at him. His heart jumped into his throat and beat out a heightened and heavy rhythm.
“Oh shit.” Derek muttered, raising his hands into the air in surrender. He tossed a worried glance at George, who stood watching the interaction, thoroughly amused. “A little help here please?” he asked of George, who only grinned in return. He tilted his head at George in confusion and a little in irritation. “Seriously?” he asked a bit too loudly, causing the dog to bark and jump toward him a bit. It surprised him and he gulped.
“Zeus! Easy!” he heard Amber call as she rounded the corner of the house, two teenage children and a small child at her side. The dog growled once more at Derek before running to greet them, jumping on the children. He studied them, noting how much like Bobby-Jean the young girl favored, and the older boy looked almost exactly like Amber. The third boy however had dark brown hair and brown eyes, not resembling the other three in the least. Amber had kids and he had to admit that the sight surprised him. He hadn’t even thought of her as a mother, especially after how she had acted the night before. She had run into battle with the others, with no regard to her own life. Had the children’s father been beyond the wall as well? It was possible…he looked at George, attempting to determine if he was their father. It was true, a part of him wondered about these people and their individual relationships, but only because he wanted to know them better. He shrugged the random thoughts away and noted how she looked…cleaner…than she had before she disappeared.
George cleared his throat, pulling Derek from his reverie. Derek turned his attention to him, eyes wide in confusion. “You never did answer my question.” He said plainly, and Derek immediately
shifted on his feet. The question bothered him to answer more then, with an audience of not only George but Amber as well.
“And what question would that be?” Amber asked roughly, peering up at them from the bottom of the stairs. He glanced up as the three children jogged to the fence line where three Biters stood, struggling to reach through the chain link. He turned his focus back to Amber, his eyes widening at the marks on her neck. They were brutal and screaming at them; allowing them to know how close of a call had been made with her life.
“Are you okay?” George asked softly, stepping towards her, obviously having seen the bruises as well. She looked at him curiously before he reached forward, tilting her chin up. The blue and purple welts looked painful in the light of day against her pale skin.
She sighed. “I’m fine. Wait until you see Miles in the light; he’s worse off than I am.” She told him, her voice squeaking as he released her chin and stared down at her for a long moment. She stared back at him as if challenging him until a small smile brightened his face. Quickly she turned from him and to Derek and he could see she desperately wanted to take the spotlight off of her. “So, what was the question?” she asked, effectively changing the subject and once again, Derek was put on the spot. He glanced between the two of them as they waited for his answer. He knew he was going to have to answer, so why was it so hard? He knew why. It was painfully obvious to him that it was because he didn’t want to dig up those old memories.
Reluctantly, he conceded, not seeing any other choice. “He asked me about my story.” He told her and immediately the wheels in her head began turning. He watched as her eyes went from bright openness to something like the intensity of a hawk, watching his every movement. He went from feeling welcome to scrutinized and he shifted awkwardly. He remained quiet for a few unsteady heartbeats; heartbeats that thrummed against his chest wall, reminding him that he was still alive.