by W. A. R.
Chapter Twenty-Five
A month and a half later…
George stood leaned against the counter, watching as Amber and Buddy both washed their hands in the sink, pouring warm water from jars onto their fingers, ridding themselves of the grime that coated their skin. They had come in recently from checking the perimeter and judging by the sweat rolling down their necks and coating their brows he figured that things had been tense and a bit overwhelming surrounding the fence. Amber spared him a glance and he noted the dark circles under her eyes and he frowned at her. No, he thought, she hadn’t been sleeping well. He wanted to ask her about it, to comfort his friend but he didn’t. Instead, she took to the perimeter check every chance she got; it was either that or sparring and George could tell that she was working and worrying herself down to the bone. Buddy glanced sideways at her before turning his eyes up to pierce George with his gaze over the top of her head. His own worry rested there and George was grateful for the man’s friendship. Over the course of the past weeks he had grown quite fond of the bristling man on Amber’s opposite side. There was obviously a lot of tenderness in him that he simply refused to let show. And now, as the two men locked eyes, they reached an understanding and George sighed. They were both worried about Amber, and they weren’t the only ones. Something, or many somethings, weighed heavily on her mind and she couldn’t seem to shake it.
Cassie, Kyle, Jacob, and Elliot ambled in from their morning sparring practice, shutting the backdoor easily in their wake. There were giggles and playful jabs as they entered. Their smiles were bright and welcoming to the dank cruelty and suffocating brutality of the world. George didn’t think he could ever take that innocence for granted again. After moment he turned and ran a hand over his sleepy eyes before crossing his arms. He had woken up not long before and had sat in the kitchen alone, running everything through his mind. Everything seemed to blur together and every time the strange creations of Biters came to his mind, he shuddered and felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. And so he had to force the thoughts away, not that it was too hard. It was relatively easy to forget what had happened with these monsters, and only because they hadn’t seen nor heard anything out of the ordinary in over a month since their last encounter with the new people and the monstrous creatures. He had furrowed his brow in realization…no, it was almost two months since then and the thought had thrown him off. Quickly, he shook off memories of his reflection of that morning and turned his focus back to the kids, seeing that Amber leaned against the counter beside him, hands gripping the edge of the counter and smiling at her children. Her eyes brightened as she looked at them, and Buddy slowly turned to see them as well.
“Who won?” Amber asked of them and Cassie immediately turned bright red. Kyle gave her a disgusted look, but Elliot and Jacob, however, were seemingly excited. Jacob shoved his hands into his pants pockets and grinned, sparing Cassie a glance. George couldn’t help but chuckle at the surprise on Amber’s face as she witnessed this, and she look at him incredulously.
“I did! First time I have ever won too.” Jacob said enthusiastically and Cassie gripped her elbow, turning from him and glancing down at Elliot.
“She let him win mom. It’s gross.” Kyle told her as he stepped past the other kids and towards the glass of warm water on the counter between her and Buddy. George heard the unmistakable sounds of footsteps and glanced up in time to see Derek, Miles, and Katie enter the kitchen. Derek studied those around him and Katie shifted nervously as Miles leaned against the frame to the entryway. She slowly stepped around him to stand beside him opposite Derek. George and Buddy nodded at the three of them in acknowledgement before Amber spoke.
“What’s gross?” she asked her eyes intently focused on the boy as he took a long drink of the warm water in the jar before settling it back on the counter. He tossed her yet another pleading, disgusting look and she grinned at him.
“They like each other.” He said bluntly and Amber’s jaw went slack.
“Kyle!” Cassie shrieked and he shrugged. Jacob’s neck began turning red.
“There was more flirting that fighting going on.” He told her and quickly Cassie groaned and rushed from the room, shoving past Miles in the process. Amber’s surprised eyes followed her daughter as she ran, and then stopped as she spotted Miles, Katie, and Derek. Her eyes widened briefly as if she hadn’t heard them come in, as if she hadn’t even known that they were there. George studied her as she clenched her jaw and swallowed, and realized she probably hadn’t. Kyle sighed and pulled his mother’s arm around his shoulders, leaning against her side between her and Buddy.
“Good morning.” She said solidly, the small smile that had once been on her face gone. Miles locked his eyes on her as if challenging her and crossed his arms as if creating a barrier. The action seemed to hurt her, and she pursed her lips in response.
“Morning.” He replied and there it was, the palpable tension that always entered the room whenever those two were near one another. To others it wouldn’t be noticeable, but George knew them, and he had caught onto it. He remembered the night that they had brought Rick in and how Miles had left the room in a hurry, clearly agitated. Ever since then, he noticed the tension. At times they seemed to be angry, and other times there was sadness and a longing, and yet neither of them would discuss what had happened. It evened seemed as if they, at times, would try to find some time alone to discuss whatever it was…though that was always interrupted. The same tension clung to Brian and Shelly as well, and George sensed the distance that they were giving to one another.
“How was watch?” Derek asked, initiating conversation without realizing that no one else was going to. George watched how Amber finally tore her eyes from Miles and settled on the man that leaned against the counter across the room, yawning. She tightened her hold on Kyle.
“It was alright. Their numbers are growing.” She said finally, turning to glance at Katie, who looked over her shoulder at Miles, whose eyes were intent on Amber. George saw her jaw clench and a red blush crawl up her neck. Her eyes glazed over and she suddenly looked so very tired. “It wouldn’t hurt to get rid of their bodies again soon.”
“And send off smoke signals?” Buddy asked in surprise and Amber turned to him, shrugging. It was Miles’s turn to feel heat crawl up his neck. George saw him visibly tense. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Last time, you got us.”
“Yeah…and I regret it every day.” Miles quipped, catching a glare from Buddy while everyone else, including George laughed. Amber shook her head, not smiling and Miles shifted on his feet, his own grin dropping at her reaction. He then tossed a glare at Buddy before sighing in defeat. “He’s right. We don’t want to draw attention to ourselves. We will figure it out before too long.”
“It’s been two months.” Amber replied shortly and Kyle nodded his head against her side, agreeing with her.
“Yeah. It smells awful.” He informed them all as if they didn’t already know. Amber squeezed his shoulder yet again. Katie shifted once more, edging closer to Miles…so close their shoulders were touching. Miles shot a look at her and the two shared an unspoken communication.
“It wouldn’t hurt to carry them off would it?” she asked of him and he sighed. Katie kept her eyes focused on him, her eyes pleading with him to perform some form of unspoken request and Amber suddenly tensed beside George, catching his attention. If he wasn’t mistaken he saw her already bloodshot eyes brim with tears. Derek agreed and Amber sighed, turning to Kyle and whispering something in his ear before he turned from her and ran up the stairs. She sighed and stepped around Buddy towards the backdoor.
“Ya’ll figure it out. I’ll be outside.” She said firmly, catching surprised glances from everyone in the room. Despite himself, George couldn’t help but feel slightly angry at the pair and he was unsure why. Everyone had grown close in the past two months and yet others had drifted apart. He sighed, glancing at Buddy, who was staring hard at the pair across the ro
om as well, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Miles had straightened, staring at the door uncertainly, and Katie did as well, saddened. George shook his head and finally he turned and followed her out the door, offering some off-handed excuse before going to search for his friend.
He found her within seconds, knife in her hand and her walk steady and determined. She had squared her shoulders and her chin was lifted in determination. He followed behind her, quickening his pace to keep up with her. He wanted to call out to her, to rush up to her and talk but instead he hung back, watching as she rushed towards the gate. Where was she going? He questioned, and before he even had a chance to ask her, she was removing her keys from her pocket. He ran towards her then, worried about her going outside the fence alone. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary in almost two months; what mattered was her safety, regardless of her attitude. She finally fished out her keys and searched for the right one that went to the lock. As she leaned down to insert the key into the lock, she spoke to him.
“I have no idea where I am going, I just need to go.” She told him and he silently nodded, slowing his pace as he neared her. He understood and quite frankly he didn’t care; he needed to leave as well. The master lock came undone with an audible click and she grabbed the chain, easing it around and opening the gate. George quickly stepped through and she followed, pulling the gate closed behind her. As she began locking the gate back, the backdoor was heard shutting and she hesitated only briefly to glance up at the people who had stepped outside. George watched as Buddy, Miles, and Katie all stepped away from each other, their eyes searching the yard for the two of them. The wind blew through the trees overhead and the smell of cooked and rotted flesh filled his nostrils. He grimaced and felt his stomach churn, angry with the fact that he was not used to the smell of death just yet. Slowly, he watched as she finally clicked the lock into place and she straightened, watching as the three people heard the lock and jerked their attention towards the gate. He couldn’t mistake the widening of Miles’s eyes as he found the two of them on the other side of the fence. Buddy smirked and held Katie back as Miles began advancing the gate. Amber took a step back, bumping into George’s chest.
“We’ll be back.” She called out firmly before gripping George’s shirt and leading him quickly away as if she didn’t see Miles moving. He immediately stopped and watched the two of them as they disappeared into the thick of the woods.
He was so confused, he thought, as he and Amber ambled through the woods. Every few minutes either he or her one took out a Biter that came upon them. She drove everything into her swing, and he knew she was angry. She wanted to escape, not cause destruction. She was not one to cause pain and chaos. No, instead, she was the kind that one hold it in for the better of the people around her and unintentionally inflict pain on herself in the process. He sighed in the silence, the only sound was leaves crunching under their feet as they moved. He had no idea where they were going, and he didn’t ask. He wouldn’t. He had a lot to think about as well; he had a lot of tension to relieve. After about fifteen minutes of fighting off Biters and racing through the trees, she finally stopped below a large oak tree, its low branches wide and accommodating and he knew exactly what was going through that weathered mind of hers. He couldn’t help but remember how they had leaned on one another as he came to grips with his losses when he first arrived. Yes, she was his friend, his best friend, and she needed a shoulder. Without a word he rounded her, brushing against her shoulder and reached up, gripping one of the large branches. He pulled himself up and over, using his feet against the base of the tree as leverage. He slowly reached up again for another branch, placing his feet on the one he was sitting on and he turned, balancing himself, and reached a hand down to Amber. For a brief moment he saw her smile before she slid her hand into his. He pulled on her and she gripped the branch with her other hand, lifting her feet and using them against the base for balance. Within seconds she was seated on the branch. She grinned up at him before rising and steadying her feet beneath her and quickly they both began moving through the branches, climbing higher and higher. It was a balancing act of sorts and they were both keen to it. Within a few minutes she was resting on a large, wide branch, her feet slung over the sides of it, and he sat one branch above and to the right of her, feet crossed in front of him and hand leaned against the tree.
And they sat.
They sat like this in the silence, and for the moment, when the wind blew and the occasional bird flew into view he found the silence to be peaceful and welcoming, not the usual deafening foreboding he usually felt when embraced by it. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and taking in the lack of hungry moans, the cracking of metal against bone; he appreciated the lack of rotted flesh, the tension of being surrounded on all sides by an animalistic enemy. He gathered by Amber’s silence that she was appreciating the feeling as well. It wouldn’t last long, however, and he knew that. He was simply waiting on her to talk and he understood that it wouldn’t take long for her to delve into what was bothering her, and afterwards, they would discuss what was bothering him. It was their attempt at therapy; therapy that they hadn’t had in such a very long time.
“Are you scared?” he heard her ask softly and he spared a gentle glance her way.
“What do you mean?” he replied just as gently and she turned her face away from him, her blue eyes scanning the limbs around them, the browns and the reds amongst that told them it was fall. She bit her bottom lip and he watched her, waiting for an answer. She licked her lips before speaking.
“I used to be a genuinely happy person. I used to be so open. And after everything I was angry and remorseful…and now…George, I have killed people…family…and it used to bother me…and now; now it doesn’t.” she told him, a small quiver in her words. He eased up slightly as she turned to stare at her hands as they trailed along the bark of the tree branch under her. “I have reached a point where hurting people is alright and I have forgotten who I am.”
He nodded, understanding what she was feeling all too well. “I know…it’s hard. But trust me when I say that it will get better. It always does, and you will always change…we all will. But, what does that have to do with being scared?”
She turned her gaze up to him and he felt the small edge of terror grip him. “We are going to have to kill people, George. I feel it…don’t you?” she asked and he turned form her penetrating eyes. He swallowed and shifted uneasily against the branch he was seated on.
“Yes.” He admitted, and she turned from him, studying again the bark on the tree. “I feel it.” And he did. He felt it all and he had since they had come up against the two behemoth creations and with every passing day the feeling pressed down harder on him. She must have been feeling the same foreboding nagging at her.
“It is coming and…I am okay with hurting these people.” She told him and before jerking her stare back to him. The intensity of it worried him. “I am completely at peace with knowing I will kill these people…that I want to kill them. That is what scares me.” Her words surprised George but for only a brief moment. He considered his next words before speaking them.
“You want to kill them because you have seen what their creations could have done. They damn near killed your family and you. Of course you want to kill them, but your reasoning is for the protection of those your care about, not ruthless murder. You shouldn’t be scared of yourself.” He told her and he grimaced, knowing that he should be following his own advice. He felt everything she was saying and yet, it was easier said than done. He hated himself for becoming something he no longer recognized and yet there he was, telling her it was alright.
“I have forgotten who I was, George; before all of…this.” She admitted to him and he sighed, feeling emotion rise like a steel ball in his chest. He had forgotten who he was as well, and how could he? After all that he had lost and been through, how could he have forgotten? “And I hate myself for that. I can’t lose myself i
n the little things anymore. I’ve tried and all I can…” she paused, bringing her fingers up to her hair. “…All I can do is focus on monster after monster, Biter after Biter…I remember the family I have had to kill, the friends…I remember Selene, and those that the other group lost that night…I think about Elliot, Kyle, Cassie….Miles, you, Brian, Shelly…I think about everyone living in that house and how much they mean to me…and these memories, these…thoughts….they won’t leave me and I have to fight….all the time….fighting and struggling….” She trailed off and he knew that she wasn’t going to speak anymore. George turned his face down to her, watching as she dug her fingertips into the tree branch. She wasn’t crying…and of course she wouldn’t. She was much too strong for that.
“You don’t have to fight alone, Amber…you know that…and neither do I.” he informed her and she never even bothered to look his way. “I have changed too, you know.”
She nodded. “Yes. You have. Do you like who you have become?” she asked and it was a loaded question, one he didn’t know how to answer. How was he supposed to answer that? A part of him did in fact like the person he had become since the loss of his wife and son…it had made him stronger and more open to the people that surrounded him now. The entire whole of events had hurt him, yes, but he had learned from it all and he appreciated that bit of hardness from him. What he didn’t like, however was the fact that he no longer mourned them. Instead, he thought of them fondly on occasion and like Amber beside him, he had become slightly bitter over time. He could tolerate the screams, no longer hiding in fear from them; he had realized his acceptance of it all after his own surprising bravery against the monsters that had been created. He realized then that his own personal monster was coming to surface.
“Somewhat.” He replied honestly, not delving into specifics.