by W. A. R.
“You should.” She informed him. He jerked his eyes to her in surprise and she shrugged. “You are braver than before, faster on your feet. You understand more. You have us to help you. You’re…you are our brother in this, and in heart. Not to get all sappy and all but we love you, man.” He swallowed, feeling the emotion rise yet again at her words. Yes, he did have them. He wasn’t sure what he would do without the small family that had saved him from himself. He nodded, gulping and accepting the plain and simple fact that they were a part of him. They had become his brothers and sisters in the cruel world they survived him. They were each a small functioning part of a well-oiled machine and they would not work if they lost sight of one another. The sad part of the situation was that they were slowly doing just that and before it become too late, they needed to fix it.
“Are you as proud of yourself as you are of me?” he asked thoughtfully, wanting to draw her from the despair that she so obviously felt and open her mind to the possibility that the change in her was good.
“I fear that one day, I am going to become something my own children will hate.” She told him before gulping. “And even right now I wonder what kind of role model I am being to them…but I think I am doing alright for now. The future, however, is a different story.” He shook his head, searching for a viable response before she interrupted his train of thought and sent him on a completely different tangent. “They were human, George.” She told him, avoiding the subject. Still, he nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He knew exactly what she was talking about.
“Not completely…” he began to counter, unsure of what his argument was because he didn’t even believe the words himself. He was lying through his teeth.
“They were human enough for me to regret killing them.” She informed him and he sighed. She was right and he knew that she was. Gently, he swung his legs on either side of his tree branch and leaned forward, gripping it with both hands.
“See, you aren’t so different after all. You regret killing just…part human creatures. You couldn’t take joy in killing an actual human.” He told her by way of lightening the mood. She turned her eyes up to him and he was struck by the sudden ferocity of her expression.
“I wish I was as sure about that as you are.” She told him and then she sighed. “Buddy wanted to make me snap when we fought. He wanted me angry and out of control. George, I have never been angry enough to lose my control…”
“Okay…” he trailed off, unsure of where she was going with that statement.
“Whatever makes me lose that control…whatever it takes to make me snap…is going to be awful…and…and I feel that it is going to reach that point and that terrifies me.” She told him and he sighed again, unsure of what to say. He agreed with her; he could feel it. It was the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach, the sheen of sweat creeping down his neck, every single time he stepped outside the fence. Hell, he thought, he was feeling it right then at that moment, but he couldn’t tell her that. He needed to ease her mind and discussing his agreement would not help matters any.
“There is absolutely nothing we can do about any of that now. All we can do is wait and see how things play out. There is no telling where those people are…if they are even around here. Amber, they probably have no idea that we exist. Until we have definitive proof, we should let it go.” He told her and he couldn’t help but feel as if she had been told that before. “Besides, you should be happy. Everyone is doing fine, Rick is a lot better and getting along with everyone else better too, and the kids are doing great. All thanks to you, I might add.” He told her and he didn’t miss the small smile that graced her lips. He grinned in return.
“I just want to get lost for five minutes and forget the world…to completely let it go. Maybe then I can find peace.” She admitted and he couldn’t help but smile at her thoughtfulness. That was the first and only thing he had heard her say she wanted; the first selfish thing he had ever heard come from her mouth.
“Have you spoken to Brian about this? Shelly?” he asked and Amber focused again on the tree bark, running her finger along the contours of its design.
“Brian and Shelly have too much going on already…I wouldn’t want to bother them with any of this.” She paused, and his mind drifted to the couple that seemed so different than the people they were even just a few simply months ago. “I haven’t spoken to them about anything serious since Rick…woke up.” She said and he could sense the pain in her words.
“Yes. They certainly have been different since he came around.” George replied and watched as she instinctively glanced towards the house. It was still very early in the morning, and he knew that she was wondering whether someone had helped him get around, get him water. He shook his head. This woman, his friend, was so selfless sometimes.
“Mmm-hmm.” She replied off-handedly and his mind drifted to Rick and how he had been since he woke up. The man had woken with a start, his head aching and even George himself was suddenly desperate for answers. He wanted to hear the man’s story; he wanted to know how he had ended up on the brink of death. Rick grew heated, his eyes holding regret and a bitterness that they had never before witnessed. It wasn’t until his vision focused on Brian did he speak. After that, everything was hurried. He was hungry, thirsty…he was in excruciating pain. He had not loss a tremendous amount of blood and he hadn’t been too dehydrated, judging by his actions. He was a little dizzy and unfocused. Everyone began scurrying about with the exception of Amber and Shelly, Brian having disappeared hurriedly. He didn’t share his story; he wouldn’t, and George couldn’t say that he didn’t blame the man. He would come around and talk to someone before things got too bad, and that was what brought George a sense of peace. After everything, the man was still in his right mind. As a matter of fact, he had quite the positive attitude and sense of humor about him. He was healing fine, both mentally and physically, with the exception of the bitterness he seemed to carry with him every day. And yet still, despite his improving stability, the man had certainly changed Brian. Shelly had already changed long before Rick and if he were honest, he worried for the two of them.
“Well, what about Miles? Have you talked to him about all of this?” he asked, hoping to change the subject. He heard her sigh audibly, catching his attention. He turned to her and watched as she picked a piece of bark from the tree branch and tossed it to the side, watching it fall the twenty feet to the leaf covered forest floor.
“I haven’t spoken to him since then either.” She replied casually. She exhaled heavily and groaned. “It has been over a month, and I have barely spoken to my cousin, my brother, and two of my closest friends.” And it was true. She had barely spoken of Rick or to him for that matter. He knew there were so many questions that she wanted to ask him, questions that George knew he wouldn’t answer. It hurt her, and George wished he knew why. She knew something concerning Rick; he had gathered that Amber, Brian, and Shelly all carried some secret with them…a secret that they never discussed and until Rick’s appearance, they pretended never happened. He wanted to ask her what her secret was as well, but he wouldn’t. He could see by the heartache and determination in her eyes that she wasn’t going to tell him, even if he did ask.
“Why haven’t you spoken to Miles, though?” he asked off-handedly, attempting to change the course of his mind before the question slipped from his mouth and to her ears. The last thing he wanted was for her to be upset with him. She straightened and turned her gaze to him. He laughed a little and shook his head. “I mean that…I know why you haven’t talked much to the others, but…there seems to be some kind of heat going on between the two of you and it has been that way for a while.”
He didn’t miss her hesitation before the words came from her mouth, barely audible against the cool wind. He shivered. “You have no idea.”
He studied her briefly before leaning forward, his elbows bracing himself on the branch he sat on. He looked off into the distance at nothing in particular. �
��I have some sort of idea if this morning was any indication.” He slowly turned to face her and she inclined her head towards him. “If I’m not mistaken, you seemed almost…jealous this morning.” He watched as her eyes weakened and became vulnerable. Quickly, she attempted to turn away before he saw it but it was too late. He sighed. “I don’t blame you for feeling that way, of course. I’ve seen the connection that the two of you have. Hell, when I saw them this morning even I became upset.” Still, she remained silent, staring down at her hands, her fingers toying with a fallen leaf. Her silence was tearing at his heart. She was vocal, able to express what bothered her so, and yet she was unable to explain this one thing. He didn’t understand it, but then again, how could he? He had never experienced the connection that he had witnessed between Brian and Shelly, Miles and Amber.
“I wasn’t jealous.” She finally said, still refusing to look up at him. She had begun tearing the leaf into minute pieces of red and brown, the dryness of it causing it to crack and crumble between her fingertips. He offered her a gentle smile and shifted on his elbows. “I was upset.”
He couldn’t help but laugh a little at this. “Those words can still describe the same feeling.”
She shook her head. “No; I was upset at so many things but not at Katie, or even at him…not really.” She had once again piqued his curiosity and he straightened, feeling the needles of pain prick along his arms as his elbows left the bark of the tree.
“What happened?” he asked her gently and she shifted on her seat, rising to her feet. He watched her warily. She reached above her and held herself steady with her hands gripping another branch. She placed turned and reached her foot out to another limb within reach, pulling herself higher.
“He told me he was in love with me.” She told him and his eyes widened in surprise as he watched her climb. She twisted herself around another branch before rising again to her feet. Slowly he began rising to his own feet. If Miles had told her that…then why were they fighting? Did she not return his feelings? For a moment she stopped, glancing down at George. “He told me he was in love with me and he ran.” Oh. Oh damn. So that was what had happened. She began climbing again, higher. He gulped, realizing that she was climbing much too high for his comfort. “He left me standing there like a damn fool.” And he wasn’t sure if she were still talking to him or to herself. He tilted his chin up, head back, watching as she climbed higher and higher.
“Amber, I think you need to stop.” He called up to her and she hesitated momentarily, turning and leaning over to gaze at him through the tree limbs.
“What is life without risks? Come on.” She said before climbing up two or three more branches and stopping. He gulped, feeling sick and bit his fear back before taking the initiative to follow her. She stood staring out into the distance, one hand on a branch beside her and the other on one above her. His heart pounded in his ears and he refused to look down as he climbed. “I told him the same thing…about risks…” Amber continued, glancing down at him briefly. The wind blew through the trees making him nervous. “And he took one before running like a coward. He didn’t even wait for a response…no thanks to you…” he paused for a moment, looking up to her in shock. She chuckled lightly.
“What is that…” he paused, bringing himself up another branch. “…supposed to mean?” She didn’t answer him. Instead she continued speaking.
“And I am not sure how I am supposed to handle that…his running. So, yes, I was upset this morning. I was upset because…because I can’t be so comfortable and easy-going around him since he told me and I wish I could.” She hesitated for a moment, and George sighed with relief, realizing how close he was getting to her. She shifted on her feet. “So maybe I was a little…envious…this morning…but that is just because he continues to antagonize me, with or without words.” She said calmly and George sighed, feeling a bead of sweat roll down his back.
“How do you feel about him?” he asked and Amber inhaled deeply, not surprised by his question. Slowly he eased up, balancing on a branch slightly below her. He stared at her, unable to tear his gaze away and risk seeing the ground far, far below.
“Where would we be without risks?” she asked of him, clearly avoiding his question, relating her question to their previous conversation. And he stood there, clinging tightly to the tree bas beside him, completely dumbfounded. He swallowed, watching as she stood there confidently, staring into the distance at something he wasn’t even sure he wanted to see. He shrugged, and it was as if she knew he had done so when she began talking. “We would remain where we are...who we are. The changes in ourselves that we see are consequences of those risks…of every decision we have made.”
George nodded slowly, understanding her words. “So if we don’t like ourselves, the only ones to blame are, in turn ourselves.”
She turned to him and grinned sadly. “Which simply makes me wonder what kinds of decisions these people…if they even know we exist as you and Miles like to put it…will have us make and how those decisions will affect us in the end.” She motioned with a toss of her head for him to move forward. “Come on.” She told him and reluctantly he released his hold on the tree, bracing himself on two branches before balancing on another and easily making his way to her. When he did, however, she had turned form him and was looking in the distance once again. He gulped before following her lead and turning his gaze to what lay before him.
“Whoa.” He breathed gently. The orange of the sun was casting a bright glow among all of the other trees around them. He could make out the pond through the limbs, the blue sky and the white clouds. In the back, towards the fading point of the horizon the sun cast a pink and purple glow before the colors faded into the thicket of trees on the other side of the pond.
“Without taking that risk, George, you never would have seen this. Did it change a small part of who you are? Do you appreciate things any more or any less?” she asked and slowly he nodded. He appreciated the world and his existence just a little more in that moment and he comprehended everything she was saying. He admired the view before him before he heard her sigh. “And yet even up here, when we should be able to lose ourselves in beauty…we are fighting. This view is what we are fighting for, this world and those in it.” And she was right, he thought to himself. She was completely and totally right. He stood there, taking in the view while his mind raced with the possibilities of the day’s events…of his watch later that day, of the food and the Biters. She then turned to him and smiled a little smile. “Take my word for it; they are out there, I just know it, and they are going to test us. Let’s just hope we don’t lose that battle.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Two days later…
Amber stood upright with her shoulders back, letting the brisk, cool air of the morning sweep past her and the rising sun beating down on her bare arms. She donned a dirty white tank top and jeans, boots on and her hair pulled back. She clipped her release onto her bowstring, the arrow already in place. She firmly held the bow itself in her left hand, pulling back with effort on the string, pulling it taut. She closed her eyes briefly, inhaling deeply before opening them again. Her focus was on the Biters outside of the fence, the Biters with diseased faces, maggots falling from holes in their flesh; Biters missing appendages with absolutely no pain. With one quick movement of her thumb on the release, the string released and the arrow flew the forty yards to the fences, slightly clinging with the metal before implanting in the Biter’s skull. She smiled a little with satisfaction before reaching down to the quiver she had strapped around her leg and retrieving another arrow. Once she steadied her arrow and clipped it, she heard the backdoor shut easily. Turning to see who invaded her practice, she frowned. Miles, Cassie, and Kyle made their way to her, the two latter holding their own bows with lighter pullback better suited for their strength.
“What are you out here doing so early?” Miles asked her, his brown eyes searching her own blue ones for an answer, with only a little worry r
esting in their depths. He walked with one hand in his pocket and the other arm slung around Kyle’s shoulders. Kyle smiled up at her before looking up at him expectantly. Amber couldn’t help but chuckle at the amount of adoration her son had taken to Miles. Regardless of what occurred between that man and her, her children adored him and she couldn’t help but appreciate that. In recent weeks, since Rick woke up, Kyle had been following Miles and George around excitedly. Amber figured that their deal to work with him and treat him like the young man he was, snagged his attention and kept it.
“I’m mobilizing, you know, just in case we run into any unsavory characters.” She said on an exhalation and as they neared her Miles removed his arm from Kyle’s shoulders, letting it dangle as his side. He kept his eyes on her as if wanting to speak, to ease her from the flames of desire and utter uncertainty that licked their way up her body. His brown stare made her blush and she turned back to her bow, fidgeting with the release she had strapped around her wrist. “Besides, practice makes perfect.” She told him, watching as Cassie stood beside her and smiled, readying her own bow. Fantastic, she thought sincerely; Cassie was offering her a distraction. Amber turned and regained her stance, winking at her smiling daughter before they both pulled back and aimed. She released her arrow, as did Cassie, and she watched from the corner of her eye as Cassie’s arrow hit where it had intended through the hole of the chain link fence. She kept her back turned to Miles, unstrapping her release with ease.
“Miles, watch me!” Kyle said excitedly as he ran up to the fence and counted his steps back. His bow wasn’t as strong as theirs, and his aim not as steady, so he had to move closer to his target. Amber stepped back as Cassie readied her bow again, watching while Kyle also readied his. Before pulling back though, he turned back to Miles, who stood intently watching the boy, and Amber could only imagine how it felt for him to be in this position when his own son was gone from this world. Her own heart ached for him. “Are you watching?” he asked and Miles chuckled, a smile lighting up his face.