Dirty Addiction

by Ella Miles

  “Bathroom. Now.”

  He smirks, and we make our slow trek to the bathroom taking far longer than I would like.

  When my feet hit the cold tile, I gaze up at the tall shower standing beyond the entrance. The shower is impressive with five different shower heads and glass surrounding all of the walls. I don’t have a hope of using it again anytime soon.

  “Help me into the bath. I can remove my clothes and turn the water on after you leave.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “No, you either strip now, or you don’t bathe at all. I should receive a reward for helping you get this far. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve glimpsed your naked body.”

  I blush when I remember he’s already seen me naked plenty of times before.

  I pull my shirt off and push my underwear down.

  Matteo’s eyes don’t go to my body like I was expecting. Instead, his eyes stay on mine.

  I raise an eyebrow.

  “I thought you wanted to ogle at my body.”

  “I do.”

  I swallow hard as my breath catches in my throat and my body shivers from the cold.

  He runs my arms up and down instinctively, warming me.

  He’s different. Kinder somehow.

  His eyes drift down my body, and I bite my lip squirming a little in his arms as he studies my curves.

  “You do not need to be embarrassed. You have an amazing body, even if it’s a little beat up at the moment.”

  “I’m not embarrassed.”

  “Then why are you squirming and your cheeks are blushed?”

  I frown. “Because I’m naked standing in front of a man who kidnapped me. I think I’m allowed to blush.”

  He holds my hand, keeping me upright while he leans over the tub and turns the water on to hot. The steam from it begins to fill the room.

  We are both silent for a moment while we wait for the bath to fill. I don’t like the silence. In the quiet, that’s when Armas creeps in making me unsafe. So I don’t let the silence stretch like I usually would.

  “Why do you always keep the blinds closed? I’ve been living in a cave for weeks. I asked the men to open them for me, but it was one of the things they wouldn’t do for me no matter how much I asked them to.”

  He chuckles. “A misunderstanding. They think I like the darkness. I often sit in my office with all the blinds closed. Every time I’ve allowed anyone into my personal space, it is always jet-black.”

  “Why?”

  “Because that’s what I want them to see. I want them to think I’m nothing but a monster that lives in the night. I do like the dark when I need to focus and think, which happens to be often. I’ll make sure the blinds are open from now on.”

  My mouth is dry as he speaks. I nod instead of saying thanks.

  He reaches over and turns off the faucet. I glance over at the tub filled almost to the brim with water. I take a step toward the tub, forgetting I can’t walk on my own, and my leg gives out.

  Matteo holds me up though. He’s always holding me up. Saving me.

  He holds my arms as I carefully take the two steps over to the tub and step in. He doesn’t let me go until I’ve sunk into the warm water. I close my eyes as the liquid warms my body and starts melting the dirt caked on me. Along with anything remaining of Armas.

  I keep my eyes closed for a long time trying to push Armas out.

  I can’t.

  The warm water can’t do it.

  I should wash and get clean. Maybe, being clean will do the trick. I open my eyes and Matteo is still standing there.

  “You just going to stand there and creepily watch me?”

  He removes his shorts, and my heart stops. He’s going to join me.

  My eyes try to stay on his chest, but I can’t help but sneak a peek at his cock again. His cock is hard and thick, wanting me.

  My cheeks flush as I breathe and tear my eyes from his erection.

  I can’t.

  I don’t know what’s wrong with me; it’s like I’ve never seen a cock before.

  “Are you just going to stare at me creepily? Because I’d be more than okay if you were.”

  I attempt to smile like I’m not bothered, but he knows me well enough to realize the smile is a lie. By now my cheeks are bright red as I finally meet his gaze.

  His face is smiling brightly at me. For once, he doesn’t seem as serious or dangerous. He seems human.

  He starts walking toward me though, and I’m not sure I want him in the tub with me. My nipples may have hardened, and my sex may be aching for his cock, but it’s not what I want. I don’t want to have sex with a man as cruel as him.

  At the last second, he turns and steps into the all-glass shower, flipping the water on.

  I exhale.

  He’s not going to touch me.

  I try to ignore him as I take the bar of soap and begin scrubbing my body thoroughly. My eyes fluttering up to his naked ass any chance I get to take a glance without him noticing.

  He doesn’t glimpse my way though. He showers like I’m not two feet away and naked.

  I’ve washed every piece of skin I can find on my body, and I still don’t feel relaxed, though it helps the ache in my leg. I’m clean again. I should be calm, but I’m not.

  I dunk my head under the water washing off the last pieces of dirt. I don’t have any shampoo to wash my hair, but dunking it in the soapy water does enough.

  When I resurface, Matteo is standing over me. Naked. His body dripping with water.

  My bottom lip quivers, both terrified and excited. What do I want from him? I don’t know. What does he want from me? He doesn’t know either.

  He extends his hand to me. I take it, and he pulls me up. He hands me a towel, and I take it wrapping it around my body. I lift my leg to step out, but he scoops me into his arms, a motion I’ve started to get used to and enjoy.

  “I don’t want you overworking your leg. I’ll teach you some exercises you can start doing to increase your leg strength slowly, so you don’t injure it again.”

  I nod, still unable to speak. Nothing but a towel separate my body from his.

  He takes me back to his bed.

  “Why do you always put me in your bed instead of one of the other bedrooms? Why give up your bed to me?”

  He gently lays me down as he stands over me, not at all embarrassed he’s naked. Not that he should be.

  “Because I want you in my bed.”

  He says it so simply like it’s obvious. He grabs a pillow and places it under my leg, lifting my leg up. Then he reaches for the towel clutched to my body. He snatches it out of my grip and pulls it off my body, exposing me again.

  My breathing speeds when the cold air hits, touching my warm skin. I close my eyes making an effort to calm my breathing to keep Matteo from thinking I’m into him.

  Armas.

  Armas’ face smirks down at me. His cock resting at my entrance.

  “No.”

  He pushes in any way. His cock burns inside me, ripping my insides apart as he rapes me. My body isn’t mine anymore. It’s his. He bites down on my nipple, and I cry. It hurts too much.

  I can’t escape him. It all hurts, but having his cock inside me is too much. His thrusts never end, and my body can’t take the intrusion much longer.

  “No. Please, stop.”

  He doesn’t. Not until his cum is spilling into me. It feels like lava. I want it out.

  “Eden,” Matteo’s voice calls out, saving me from my nightmare, as he saved me from that day.

  I open my eyes, and his arms are on my arms, concern in his eyes.

  “Eden, what’s happening? What’s wrong?”

  I pant, not wanting to talk about it. Maybe if I do, I’ll feel better. Armas will finally be gone.

  “Armas. I can’t escape him. Every time I close my eyes he’s there. Taunting me. I can’t stop reliving that day. I can’t stop reliving him raping me. His dick tearing me open. His teeth ripping my skin. His cum—”


  “Wait, he came inside you?” His eyes widen.

  I swallow needing to face my fears. “Yes, he came. He was close to coming again when you stopped him.”

  His eyes drop to my body like he’s seeing me for the first time. He notices the tiny scars still on my breasts where he bit me. And he sees my sex that is no longer mine. It’s Armas’.

  I don’t think I can ever have sex again. It hurts to think about it.

  I touch his face because he looks like he needs comforting. His somber eyes come back to mine.

  “What do you need?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know.”

  “Come on. There has to be something I can do to help. Bring you ice cream, take you to a movie, give you a massage. Something to help.”

  The word leaves my mouth without understanding what I want myself. “You.”

  His face juts back like he doesn’t believe what I said.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it…”

  I grab the covers to cover myself up along with the embarrassment. His hand pushes them down before he grabs my chin and turns it toward him.

  “You meant what you said.”

  I nod.

  “You want me to make the memories go away?”

  “Yes, it’s stupid. It probably won’t even work. You can’t make the memories go away. You can’t replace them. I don’t even think if I was in love with you could you make the memories go away.”

  “I can make the nightmares go away.” He says it like he believes what he is saying, and it almost makes me believe him.

  I glance down at his rippling chest, preventing my eyes from going lower. I can feel him grinning at me.

  “And you can’t deny you want a taste of my body. What hurt would it do to try?”

  I swallow. A lot. If it feels like he’s raping me, instead of pleasuring me, I’m not sure how I will survive. I’ll die of insanity if I have to deal with both Armas and Matteo haunting me. Matteo has done some bad things, but nothing like Armas. This could make it worse.

  He sighs and starts to get up sensing my hesitation. He’s going to leave me alone with my nightmares. I can’t handle that.

  I grab his neck and pull him to me, kissing him firmly on the lips. His mouth tastes delicious, and he smells heavenly like a musky soap he used in the shower. I pull away, gently trying to give my brain time to think, because there is no way I’m going to be getting any thinking done with my lips locked with his.

  I keep my eyes closed as I rest my forehead against his. “I want you. Fuck me, make me forget. I trust you, don’t lose that trust. It might be the only way you have a chance to get Nina back.”

  He exhales like he’s judging my words.

  “Promise me you won’t hurt me. You won’t rape me. If I say stop, you’ll stop.”

  I open my eyes to wait for his response, needing to see his eyes as he says it.

  He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he grabs my neck and kisses me again profoundly. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and I forget about waiting for him to promise not to hurt me. I just feel. His tongue dancing with mine as our lips and moans collide.

  He pushes me back as he climbs on top of me, our lips still locked together. I close my eyes and immediately realize it’s a mistake.

  “Stay with me, pretty girl,” he moans against my lips. “I don’t want you crediting someone else with my sexy moves.”

  He grins against my lips as he says it and I open my eyes, smiling a little back.

  We both keep our eyes open as we continue kissing; our eyes moving deeper into each other’s souls as we kiss. His eyes tell me to trust him, though he hasn’t promised he wouldn’t hurt me yet. I don’t have a choice but to trust him.

  Even if I did have an option, I would still be here, trusting him. I would choose anything over my nightmares.

  His eyes change. That’s what I notice first, and then a mischievous grin as he pulls away.

  “What?” I ask, laughing, because it’s clear he has thought of something funny.

  “Nothing.”

  I raise an eyebrow, but he never answers me.

  “Take a deep breath,” he says.

  I’m suspicious, but I slowly inhale, trying my best to trust him. He grabs my hands and shoves them over my head in one fluid motion while he kisses my neck.

  “Matteo,” I cry out, not liking my hands not having control. Even though being able to move my arms wouldn’t be enough to stop Matteo if he wanted to rape me.

  He kisses my neck, and I come unglued from the way he is sweetly kissing, lapping over my neck, making all the nerves in my body tingle.

  “Tell me you don’t like it. Tell me you want me to stop.”

  I moan loudly as his kissing turns to nibbling and then biting.

  “Stop,” I moan, but my cry isn’t compelling.

  He grins against my neck.

  “I don’t believe you.”

  I swallow.

  His mouth drops to my hardened nipple, and I freeze thinking of the last time a man’s teeth were there. How rough and terrifying it felt and how it was the final step before he plunged inside me.

  He doesn’t hesitate at my anxiety. He takes my nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around before biting, hard.

  I yelp at the sudden pain, but it’s not pain. Not like when Armas bit me, although I’m sure they both bit me equally hard. There’s a difference; one I can’t figure out.

  “Tell me to stop,” he says again, with his teeth still tightened against my nipple.

  “Stop,” I say, but it’s softer than the first.

  He moves to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment, my back arches against his lips, wanting him to take my nipple into his mouth deeper, to bite harder.

  I feel his cock against my stomach as I arch my back, diving into my belly, pressing harder, as his erection grows. It should scare me, the feeling of how large his cock is growing. He wants me, badly. And if I genuinely begged him to stop, he wouldn’t. He would hurt me worse than Armas. Both physically and emotionally.

  “Grab the bars on the bed,” he commands as he pushes my arms up.

  I do.

  “Don’t let go,” he orders, his eyes threatening before he releases my hands. I keep my hands on the bars like they are tied up, and I can’t move them, though I can.

  His dark eyes dip down as his lips travel down my neck, breasts, and stomach. His tongue tasting my skin, sending chills through my body and an ache I’m not familiar with deep in my belly.

  I close my eyes, trying to gulp down my fears that are sneaking in. I know what happens next. Next, his cock drives in me. He’s not a nice man. He’s not going to wait for my body to adjust. He’s not going to wait for me to come or even attempt to make me feel good. He’s going to get what he wants and hopefully not hurt me too badly in the process.

  I hold my breath, and Armas starts creeping back in while I wait for his erection to be pushing at my entrance.

  Instead, I feel something much lighter and wetter. It traces slowly over my lips between my legs as hands gently push my thighs wider. His tongue laps over me and my eyes fly open to watch him.

  I’ve never had a man lick me so intimately like he is. Most men I’ve been with use their fingers to get me off. It’s ecstasy. Any man I’m with after this will be required to lick me if he wants me to have sex with him.

  His tongue continues over my folds until he finds my clit. He flicks it fast as my juices fill my sex. He licks them up, spreading them over my clit as I moan and arch my back.

  I pull at my hands wishing I could touch him. Wanting my hands free to play with his thick hair.

  His eyes tease me as he looks up at me and then he plunges his fingers inside me while he keeps licking my exterior.

  I expect pain. But it’s nothing but pleasure. An experience I haven’t felt with a man before.

  His fingers slip in and out quickly while my legs begin to tighten around his head and my eyes roll back in my head. My toes c
url as he continues licking me and I scream.

  “Jesus,” I cry as I come on his fingers, his tongue not slowing down until he’s pulled all of my orgasms out of me.

  My body needs to rest, but he doesn’t let me rest. Not until he gets what he wants. His fingers pull out of me, and I feel my legs being pushed wider as he kneels between them, pushing his cock nearer my entrance.

  He doesn’t wait for permission. He pushes his cock inside me, making me cry out from the intrusion.

  But I don’t feel pain. Not one drop of it. My eyes widen as he smirks, holding my legs but not moving while he waits for me to realize how much my body is aching for him.

  He raises an eyebrow, asking if I’m ready and I bite my lip in response.

  “I got you, beautiful.”

  He rocks in and out of me, and my body comes alive like it had been dormant all these years, waiting until his cock reached inside and brought me back to life. I can feel everything. Every magnificent craving inside my body. Need. Excitement. Lust. It all takes over, pushing out the negative emotions I’ve been living with for months. Far too long to understand what’s happening.

  I forget about everything except being here with him. I’m willingly having sex with my kidnapper and enjoying it. What’s wrong with me? And why didn’t I make him fuck me sooner?

  He thrusts, and my body responds.

  “Oh my god!” I cry when he rocks deeper, hitting a sweet spot I didn’t realize existed within my body.

  “Tell me to stop.”

  I chuckle as he brings my body higher. There is no way I want this to stop.

  “Tell me to stop!” he demands, his voice harsh.

  “Stop,” I whisper.

  “Louder. Scream it.”

  “Stop!” I scream, and my body comes at the same time he does. Pouring his seed into my body.

  I close my eyes and then open them with a goofy grin on my face while Matteo’s cock still rests inside me. When I finally catch my breath again, I ask, “Why did you want me to yell stop?”

  He pulls out, and the emptiness is instant. I want him again. Now.

  He stares at my hands, and I realize I can let go. I’d forgotten I could let go, that they weren’t tied above my head.

  “Because I wanted you to realize you have more power than you think. You have control over your body. You have control of your memories. Only you have the power to get rid of the nightmares.”