Cold, Cold Heart

by Christine Poulson

  “I imagine the pain in your hand was overwhelming and that distracted you from the leg. It must all have happened pretty fast. Now let’s get this cast seen to.”

  A nurse came with a wheelchair. Outside in the waiting room he found Rachel. He hadn’t had his mobile with him, but he had managed to ring her from the hospital.

  Her face registered shock when she saw him in the wheelchair, dressed in a hospital gown.

  “Daniel!” She leaned down and put her arms around him. He inhaled a mixture of workshop smells – wood shavings – and the soap she used. His head swam and he clung to her. She returned his embrace.

  He pulled back. “Where’s Chloe?” he asked.

  “I left her at Stella’s. She’s playing with Phoebe. She’s fine. But Dan, what happened?”

  He gave a shaky laugh. “Looks like I ran over myself in my own car.”

  And that was the least of it. He’d been lucky, so lucky. Even now, they could have been hauling his drowned body out of the dyke. He saw a policeman arriving at his house, the door opening, and the expression on Rachel’s face as she realized, and behind her Chloe’s eager, innocent face, looking to see who it was, in the moments before her life changed forever.

  How could he have been so stupid?

  To his surprise and shame he began to cry.

  CHAPTER 28

  ANTARCTICA

  Adam was sound asleep. Katie stood for a while looking down at him. He was a healthy colour, his heart rate was normal, and there was no fever. She was keeping him in the surgery overnight, but she wasn’t worried. He would have to be careful for the time it would take the wound to heal – no heavy lifting for six weeks – but he was making a normal recovery, thank goodness. The operation had been a success.

  She stopped off in the kitchen to collect a mug and the flask of coffee that Ernesto had left for her, then made her way to the quiet room, her footsteps sounding loud in the silent corridor. She’d volunteered for the night watch – might as well since she was up keeping an eye on Adam anyway. Usually she liked it. There were so few chances to be alone that it was good to have the base to herself. But tonight it was hard to settle. She picked up her Dante, and remembered she had been reading it when Adam had told her that Sara was missing. This was her first stint on night duty since that had happened. She wasn’t always in the mood for Dante and that was the case tonight. It was a demanding read. She left Dante and Virgil in the icy wastes of the ninth circle of hell and went to the library to find an Agatha Christie. She took a dog-eared copy of And Then There Were None off the shelf and then had second thoughts. Ah, The Man in the Brown Suit. That was more like it.

  She got a few pages in, but she couldn’t focus. She found herself fidgeting and listening out for something – but what? She was restless and uneasy. It was the strangest feeling, a sense almost of foreboding. It was almost as though she was waiting for something to happen – and it wasn’t something good.

  She got up and looked out of the window, though why, she didn’t know. There was nothing to see except the reflection of her own face staring back at her. She went back to her book, but soon she started to yawn. She poured herself a cup of coffee and read on. She stopped in the middle of a sentence, suddenly on the alert. What had she heard? Footsteps – some way off. The hairs went up on the back of her neck. They were coming this way. She held her breath. She had left the quiet room door open and suddenly she was afraid of what she might see. Any moment now – and when the figure did appear in the doorway, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

  “Justin!”

  “I’m sorry. Did I startle you? I couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d come and keep you company for a bit?”

  “It’s silly, it’s just that –” she stopped, unwilling to go on.

  “Just what?”

  “I keep thinking there’s someone there and then there isn’t.”

  He pulled out a chair and sat down next to her. She put her book down.

  “Can you say a bit more about that?” he said.

  “It’s just exactly what I said. I’ll be in the kitchen making tea – or in the surgery – concentrating on the job in hand, not really thinking about anything in particular, and I’ll be aware that someone’s come in. I’ll even be conscious of someone on the edge of my vision. But when I look round, there’s no one there.”

  “It’s not scary, though, is it?”

  “No – not at all, it’s more, well, friendly, that’s what’s so strange –” She broke off. “But – do you mean –”

  “Yes, it’s happened to me a couple of times. In here once, actually. Someone came in and sat down – behind me and off to the side, so I didn’t see them clearly and anyway I was engrossed in what I was reading. I was so sure that I wasn’t alone that after a while I actually turned to speak to them and that was when I realized that there was no one there.”

  They were silent for a few moments.

  Katie said, “Justin?”

  “Mmm?”

  “It wouldn’t be possible for someone to hide on base, would it?”

  He considered this. “Possible, yes, maybe. But very difficult and not for days on end. We’ve looked everywhere over and over again. Sara’s not here, Katie.”

  “No. I know that, really.”

  “Just our minds playing tricks on us.”

  “That must be it. Quite interesting really, from a medical point of view.” She remembered something. “I’ll need to go and check on Adam again soon.”

  “You did a great job. How does it feel, being famous? You’re going to go down in Antarctic history!”

  She groaned. “Don’t tell me. Craig takes a sadistic pleasure in searching the internet for cringe-making headlines.”

  “Unqualified doc pulls off emergency op! Med student saves life at South Pole!”

  “Oh stop it. I’m not a student. Just haven’t done the final stage of my training.”

  “Why let the truth get in the way of a good story? But seriously, it was pretty amazing.”

  And then it happened. She felt a vibration coming up through her feet as if a train or a big lorry were passing by. The door to the corridor swung silently open as if pushed by an invisible hand. A wave of dizziness swept over her. Her head swam and she wondered if she was going to faint.

  “What the hell –” Justin exclaimed.

  She looked at him and saw from the expression on his face that he was experiencing it too.

  The whole room was swaying with a gentle side-to-side movement. It was exactly as though they were on a boat at sea. Her book slid off the table beside her and landed with a thud on the floor. A glass of water – the liquid sloshing from one side to the other – was about to follow it. She grabbed it with one hand and with the other – absurdly – she grabbed Justin’s arm as if she could steady herself that way even though he was moving too.

  As suddenly as it had begun, it was over. For a few moments neither of them spoke, then:

  “Was that an earthquake?” she said incredulously.

  “An icequake, more likely.”

  Katie had heard of those. The ripple effect of distant earthquakes could sometimes be felt in Antarctica, creating seismic shocks that could cause icebergs to calve and crevasses to open and close. She hadn’t expected ever to experience one.

  Gingerly she got to her feet, and was relieved to feel the floor solid beneath her.

  She and Justin made their way out into the corridor. Pit-room doors were opening and tousled heads were emerging. Graeme appeared dressed in a T-shirt and boxer shorts.

  “Everyone OK?” he asked.

  “I’d better go and check on Adam,” Katie said, “and I’ll check the rest of the base for anything untoward.” That was part of her job anyway while she was on night duty: to check that the generator was working, that the fridges and freezers were on, and, above all, to be alert for the risk of fire.

  “I’ll come with you,” Justin said.

  Craig came out of his pit-room, dre
ssed only in a towel knotted around his waist. Presumably he slept naked and had grabbed what was closest to hand. Katie averted her eyes from his well-developed pecs and curly, dark chest hair.

  Graeme said, “Craig, see if there are any reports of unusual seismic activity from any of the other stations, would you?”

  “Will do. In any case I was wanting to check that everything is still working OK. I’ll get dressed.”

  The surgery was at the other end of the building. As Katie and Justin made their way there they saw evidence of what had happened. Photographs crooked on the walls, one actually on the floor with the glass in the frame cracked. In the dining room there was a broken salt cellar and salt all over the floor.

  Katie opened the door to the ward expecting to see an agitated Adam who would need to be soothed and reassured. All she heard was a gentle snoring. The clipboard on the end of the bed had fallen off. The carafe of water on the bedside table had slid off onto the bed and drenched the sheets. But nothing had disturbed Adam. He was sleeping like a baby.

  * * *

  It took Katie and Justin an hour or so to go through the base and check that all was well, to pick stuff up off the floor, and return objects to their shelves.

  They reported to Graeme and were in the kitchen making hot chocolate when the timer on Katie’s watch went off. It was time for one of the regular night-time duties. “I’ve got to check the weather for the meteorological log,” she said.

  “I’ll come with you,” Justin said.

  Katie wasn’t sorry to have his company as they walked through the sleeping base to the kit room and put on their outdoor clothes. The earthquake – or icequake – whatever it was – had unnerved her.

  As Justin stepped out ahead of her she heard him take a sharp intake of breath. She soon saw why. A crescent moon was rising in the sky. Its light shone softly on the sea of frozen waves, sculpted by strong winds, that stretched off to the horizon. And above, filling the sky, vast scarfs of lime green light folded and unfolded: the aurora australis, the Southern lights. There was a rhythm to their movement as if they were flowing to some music inaudible to human ears.

  The music of the spheres, Katie thought as she stood mesmerized, lost in the spectacle, Justin beside her. Justin put his arm around her and she leaned into him.

  She saw something out of the corner of her eye and turned to see that light was spilling out of windows farther along the platform.

  “What’s going on?” she said.

  “We’d better find out.”

  They went inside. Nick was coming down the corridor to the kit room, blinking and rubbing his eyes. Something must have gone wrong at the telescope. Graeme was close behind him.

  “The alarm’s gone off at the telescope,” Nick said. “The computer’s turned itself off.”

  “Probably the effect of the tremor. We haven’t got off so lightly after all,” Graeme said.

  “It might just be a fan again,” Nick grumbled, “but I have to get out there.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Graeme said, stifling a yawn. They headed for the kit room to dress for the journey.

  * * *

  In this temperature the Skidoos didn’t work. Graeme and Nick set off to walk the kilometre and a half to the Dark Sector. The moon was high now and it was bright enough to read a newspaper. The flag-line was clearly visible, winding away to the telescope, a dark shape that blocked out the stars. Graeme put his head down and concentrated on trudging on, the snow crunching under his feet. Nick does this twice a day, he reminded himself. But I’m not as young as I was, that’s for sure.

  They reached the telescope. Nick was right about the fan. The atmosphere was so dry that lubrication evaporated out here. That was a relief. If it had been something outside, well, trying to do some delicate task when your hands in thin mittens begin to freeze in seconds was no joke. When a part failed on the telescope at forty degrees below it could take two people over an hour to fix what one person could do in a few minutes back home.

  He made tea, reflecting as he did that he never drank as much tea in normal life as he did here in the Antarctic. There was nothing for him to do for the time being except wait for Nick, a rare moment to reflect and let his mind wander. The success of Adam’s op had boosted the morale of everyone on base and he was feeling more optimistic than he had for a while. Of course it was a logistical nightmare trying to cover all the work on base when they were three men down. But it looked as if Adam was going to make a full recovery and Justin’s hand would soon be better, too. Ah yes, Justin. He hoped it wasn’t going to complicate things too much, Justin falling for Katie. Graeme had seen the way he gazed at her when he thought no one was looking. She liked him, too, Graeme could tell, but he felt that he could trust her to behave professionally. It was different on the bigger bases, but here with eight men and her the only woman now and the only doctor… He hoped they’d save it until they got home. They’d make a good-looking couple. Ah, what a sentimental old so-and-so he was becoming…

  Nick broke into his thoughts. “I’ve done it now and we’d better be getting back. I think the weather’s on the turn.”

  Somehow it never felt as far, going back, especially when you could see the comforting lights of the platform in the distance. But when they went outside the lights were not as clear as they had been before; Nick was right about the weather. The moon and stars and the Southern lights had vanished and the sky was overcast. A wind was getting up. Already they could hear it thrumming in the guy lines of the anemometer, as they placed their right hands on the flag-line and set off.

  It was as if the frozen land were coming to life. There was something eerie about the little scrapings and rustlings all around them, as if little animals had begun to stir. Graeme turned to shout to Nick. “Get hold of the flag-line.” But the instruction wasn’t necessary. Nick was already gripping it. He too knew what was coming.

  The glassy surface began to stream with ice crystals. It was like walking into the sea. The ice crystals foamed over Graeme’s ankles, surged to waist-level and then were over his head. Graeme could see nothing. The ice stung the exposed parts of his face and the wind buffeted him. When Graeme turned to check that Nick was still with him, he could scarcely make out his outline through the whirling and dancing ice crystals. All that stood between them and total disorientation was the flag-line. Graeme leaned into the blizzard and forged on. Progress was one hard-earned footstep at a time. It was not quite as cold – that was one welcome effect.

  The wind began to drop a little and Graeme glimpsed the outline of the summer station. They would soon be back on base. Everything looked different. The blizzard had resculpted the landscape, piling up banks of ice in new places, in others eroding the humps and hillocks that they had grown accustomed to.

  And now the base loomed up ahead. Visibility was rapidly improving. Graeme stopped so abruptly that Nick cannoned into him.

  “Hey, what’s up?” he said.

  Graeme wasn’t sure what he had seen. Over by the vehicle depot – that snowdrift. A mass of white had backed there. There was something – but what? He pointed…

  “Oh my – oh,” Nick said, and then they were both stumbling forward on the ice.

  A hand, hardly visible against the surrounding white, was sticking out of the mound. Graeme dropped to his knees. Nick joined him and together they set about digging out the ice crystals, plunging their hands in and scooping it out, and then working more carefully as they gradually uncovered what lay below.

  Sara’s frozen face stared up at them.

  CHAPTER 29

  Katie was in Sara’s pit-room. Restless and disorientated, she had found herself wandering around the base. She somehow felt that she wanted to be close to Sara and sat down on her bed.

  There had been some debate about whether they should bring Sara’s body inside.

  “We’ve got to bring her in! Of course we have,” Katie had said. They had gathered in the dining room as they waited while Graeme
phoned headquarters.

  Alex had demurred. “But, Katie, we won’t be able to fly the body out for months. Let’s face facts. We’ll have to keep it frozen anyway.”

  “We can’t just leave her out there in a snowdrift. Think of her family.”

  “Have we got a coffin?” Rhys said.

  Alex snorted. “Of course we haven’t got a coffin.”

  “But we have got body bags,” Katie said.

  “When Admiral Byrd led his 1928 Antarctic expedition his supplies are said to have included two coffins and a dozen straitjackets,” Rhys said.

  “We might yet need the straitjackets,” Justin muttered, through gritted teeth.

  “It’s all academic anyway,” Nick pointed out. “It’s not up to us. HQ will tell us what to do.”

  Craig was looking thoughtful. “We could always make a coffin.”

  Katie had been close to tears. Graeme had come in at that moment. “We’re to bring her in,” he said.

  They had reorganized the frozen food stores, and had cleared the smaller walk-in freezer near the surgery. Graeme and Alex had brought the body in and that was where it was now, laid on a shelf.

  Everyone on the base had been there, standing awkwardly in the corridor, but no one had hung around. Graeme and Alex had needed to get warm and the others had drifted off to the dining room where Ernesto had coffee and tea waiting.

  It seemed to Katie now that they should have had some kind of ritual or ceremony. Sitting on Sara’s bed, her eye was caught by a small book bound in red leather on a ledge by the bed. She reached for it: a New Testament. When she opened it there was an inscription on the flyleaf: “For our darling Sara on her Confirmation with love from Mum and Dad.” She thought of the cross on a chain that Sara always wore around her neck. Perhaps she would have liked to have her New Testament with her.

  She took the book and went down to the walk-in freezer.

  She opened the door and shivered in the blast of icy air. The body, still fully dressed, was in a body bag. She unzipped the bag and folded it back. Her heart skipped a beat. Katie had seen plenty of dead bodies during her medical training, but it’s very different when it is someone you know, especially when it’s someone around your own age. And she had never seen a body that was frozen solid. Sara didn’t look real, more like a wax model. She wondered how long it would take for the body to thaw out when it was finally thawed out: days, no doubt.