Adam

by Joan Johnston

  Meanwhile, Adam had driven north toward Fredericksburg and was almost into the hill country before he calmed down enough to look around and see where he was. He made a U-turn in the middle of the highway and headed back the way he had come.

  Jealousy. Adam had never before had to cope with the feeling, and he had been doing a pretty rotten job of it so far. He could spend the little time he and Tate had together before she sought out a divorce condemning her for what was past. Or he could simply enjoy the company of the irrepressible, lively hoyden he had come to know and love. Between those two choices, the latter made a whole lot more sense.

  When Adam arrived back at the ranch house he sought Tate out first in the barn. He found Buck working there.

  The lanky cowboy leaned on the pitchfork and said, “You finally come to your senses?”

  Adam grinned ruefully. “Yeah. About that punch—”

  “Forget it.” Buck had been working out how he could use his swollen nose to get Velma’s sympathy, and then explain to her the lesson it had taught him. “Believe me, I can understand how you must have felt when you saw me with Tate.”

  “Because of Velma?” Adam remembered how devastated Buck had been when he had found out his wife was cheating on him.

  “Yeah.”

  “Uh, have you seen Tate?” Adam asked.

  “She went back to the house. Look, Adam, you don’t—”

  “You don’t have to explain, Buck. It doesn’t matter.” Adam turned and headed back to the house. He found Tate working in his office at the computer.

  “Busy?”

  Tate jumped at the sound of Adam’s voice. She looked over her shoulder and found him leaning negligently against the door frame, one hip cocked, his hat in his hands. The anxious way his fingers were working the brim betrayed his nerves.

  “Not too busy to talk,” she said. She turned the swivel chair in his direction, leaned back, put her ankles on the desk and crossed her arms behind her head. It was a pose intended to be equally carefree. In Tate’s case, her bare toes—which wiggled constantly—gave her away.

  In his younger days, Adam had ridden bucking broncs in the rodeo. His stomach felt now as it did when he was on the bronc and the chute was about to open. Like the championship rider he was, he gave himself eight good seconds to make his point and get out.

  “I’m sorry. I was out of line—with what I said last night and today with Buck. I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’d just like a chance to start over fresh from here.”

  Tate sat there stunned. Adam apologizing? She had never thought she would see the day. But like Velma, once burned, twice chary. “Does this mean you’re rescinding the bargain we made?”

  Adam swallowed hard. “No.”

  So, he still wanted her, even though he was convinced the baby was Buck’s. And he was willing to keep his mouth shut about her supposed indiscretion—and give his name to Buck’s child—in return for favors in bed.

  A woman had to be out of her mind to accept a bargain like that.

  “All right,” Tate said. “I accept your apology. And I agree to abide by the bargain we made yesterday.”

  Adam noticed she hadn’t forgiven him. But then he hadn’t asked for forgiveness. More to the point, she had agreed that their marriage continue to be consummated.

  Tate thought she must be an eternal optimist, because she took Adam’s appearance at her door as a good sign. She hadn’t given up hope that she could somehow convince him of the truth about the baby, and that they would live happily ever after. It might never happen, but at least now they would be living in amity while they tried to work things out.

  “It’s beautiful out today,” Adam said. “How would you like to take a break and come help me? I still have to move those cattle from one pasture to another.” Work that hadn’t been done yesterday because they had gotten married instead.

  A broad smile appeared on Tate’s face. “I’d like that. Just let me save this material on the computer.”

  She dropped her feet and swiveled back around to face the computer. She was interrupted when Adam loudly cleared his throat.

  “Uh. I didn’t think to ask. Did Dr. Kowalski say everything’s okay with the baby? There’s no medical reason why you can’t do strenuous exercise, is there?”

  Tate turned and gave him a beatific smile. “I’m fine. The baby will enjoy the ride.”

  Nevertheless, Adam kept a close eye on Tate. When he saw her eyelids begin to droop late in the afternoon he suggested they take a siesta. He led her to a giant live oak that stood near the banks of a creek on his property. There he spread a blanket he had tied behind the saddle and provided a picnic he had packed in his saddlebags.

  Tate pulled off her boots and wiggled her toes. Then she lay back on the blanket with her hands behind her head and stared up at the freckles of sun visible through the gnarled, moss-laden limbs of the live oak. “This is wonderful! A picnic! I had no idea you had this in mind when you asked me to come with you today.”

  Actually, Maria was responsible for the impromptu picnic. Adam had thought of the blanket himself. The delight on Tate’s face was its own reward. Adam sat down cross-legged across from her and passed out ham and cheese sandwiches, deviled eggs and pickles. There was a thermos of iced tea to drink.

  “I don’t usually care for pickles,” Tate said, crunching into the sweet gherkin in her hand. “But you know, this tastes pretty good.”

  Adam smiled to himself. In his experience, pregnant women had odd cravings. He had once had a patient who’d eaten liver with peanut butter.

  Soon after she had finished her lunch, Tate yawned. “I can’t believe how tired I feel lately.”

  “Your body is going through a lot of changes.”

  “Is that a medical opinion, Doctor?” Tate asked, eyeing him through half-closed lids. But she didn’t hear his answer. The moment she laid her head on her hand and closed her eyes, she fell sound asleep.

  Adam cleared away the picnic and lay down beside her to watch her sleep. He had never realized how very long her lashes were, or how very dark. She had a tiny mole beside her ear that he hadn’t detected before. And dark circles under her eyes, which he also hadn’t noticed.

  As a doctor he knew the strain pregnancy put on a woman’s body and her emotions. He made a vow to himself to take care of Tate, to make sure that the dark circles disappeared and that the smile stayed on her face.

  He knew how she would resent it if she thought he had taken on the role of caretaker. After all, she had fled her brothers because they had been overprotective. He knew he would have to be subtle if he were going to get her to rest. Like the picnic today. He was sure she had no idea she was being manipulated for her own good.

  When Tate awoke, she stretched languorously, unaware that she had an appreciative audience. When she blinked open her eyes she realized it was nearly dusk. She sat up abruptly and made herself dizzy.

  Adam was beside her instantly, his arm around her shoulder to support her. “Are you all right?”

  “Just a little woozy. I guess I sat up too quickly. Why did you let me sleep so long?”

  “You were tired.”

  Tate leaned her head on his shoulder. “I guess I was. Hadn’t we better head back now?”

  He nuzzled her neck, searching out the mole near her ear. “I don’t have anything planned for this evening. Do you?”

  Tate chuckled. “No, I can’t say that I have.”

  Adam slowly laid her back down and found her mouth with his. He brushed his cheek against her long lashes and slid his hands into her hair, smoothing it back where the breeze had ruffled it into her face.

  As the sun slipped from the sky, Adam made sweet love to his wife. They rode home by moonlight, and after they had taken care of the horses, Adam made sure Tate went right to bed. In his room. With his arms around her.

  “I’ll have Maria move your things to my room,” he murmured in her ear. “It’ll be more convenient since you’ll be sleeping in
here.”

  Tate opened her mouth to object and shut it again. After all, she wanted this marriage to work. It made sense that the more time she spent with Adam, the better chance she had of making that happen. She intended to become absolutely irreplaceable in his life.

  But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, the invisible wall of mistrust between them did not come down. Though she made love with Adam each evening, the words “I love you” stuck in Tate’s throat whenever she tried to say them. It was too painful to expose her need to him. Especially since she didn’t want to put him in the position of feeling he had to say the words back. Which she was afraid he wouldn’t.

  Adam was equally aware of how much he had gained when he had moved Tate into his bedroom, and how little things had really changed between them. He found himself enchanted by her constant delight in the baby. He tried to be happy with each stage of her pregnancy. Mostly he was successful.

  But he watched her and wondered if she ever thought of Buck. The cowboy hadn’t been spending much of his free time around the ranch lately. But Adam was watching. Which meant that he still didn’t trust her not to seek Buck out if she got the chance.

  Meanwhile, he had waited for Tate to tell him again that she loved him. She hadn’t said the words lately. Not once, in fact, since they had gotten married. And he found he wanted—needed—to hear those words.

  Tate was in bed with Adam when she felt the baby move for the first time. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her belly. “Can you feel that? Kind of a fluttery feeling.”

  “No.” He tried to remove his hand.

  “Wait. Maybe it’ll happen again.”

  “Feel here,” Adam said, putting her hand on his arousal. “I think I’ve got a little fluttery feeling of my own.”

  Tate couldn’t help giggling as Adam’s body pulsed beneath her hand. “You’ve got a one track mind, Dr. Philips.”

  “Oh, but what a lovely track it is,” he murmured, kissing his way down her body. His head lay against her belly when he felt a slight movement against his cheek. He came up off her like a scalded cat.

  “I felt it! I felt the baby move!”

  Tate smiled triumphantly. “I told you so!”

  Adam found himself suddenly uncomfortable. As a doctor he had described the stages of pregnancy to his patients hundreds of times. Yet he found himself overwhelmed by the reality of it. That feather-light touch against his cheek had been an actual human being. Growing inside Tate. A baby that would have his name. A baby that Tate planned to take away with her when she divorced him.

  Adam was reminded why he shouldn’t let himself care too much about either Tate or the baby. It was going to be bad enough when Tate left him. He wouldn’t be able to bear it if he got attached to the child, as well.

  Adam didn’t say anything about what he was thinking, but from that night onward Tate noticed a distinct difference in his behavior whenever she mentioned the baby. Adam seemed indifferent. Nothing she said got him excited or brought a smile to his face. It was as if the baby had become a burden too heavy for him to bear.

  Tate had conveniently forgotten that she had promised Adam a divorce as soon as the baby was born. So she was certain the only possible explanation why Adam wasn’t allowing himself to get involved with anything having to do with the baby was because he believed it wasn’t his child. She decided to try, once more, to convince him that he was the baby’s father.

  She chose her moment well. She and Adam had just made love and were lying with their bodies still tangled together. Their breathing had eased and Adam’s nose was nuzzled against her throat. The baby was active now, and she pressed her belly against his, knowing Adam couldn’t help but feel the movement.

  “Adam?”

  “Hmm.”

  “The baby’s kicking a lot tonight.”

  “Hmm.”

  She threaded her fingers through Adam’s hair. “You know, I think he’s going to be a lot like his father.”

  She felt Adam stiffen.

  “Like you, Adam. He’s going to be a lot like you.”

  Adam’s voice was weary as he said, “You don’t have to do this Tate. It’s not necessary to try and make me believe the baby’s mine. I—” I’ll love it anyway. Adam bit his lip on that admission. No sense revealing the pain she would be causing him when she took the child away.

  “But the baby is yours, Adam.”

  “Tate, we’ve been through this before. I took tests—”

  “What about your wife? Did she take tests, too? Maybe it was her fault and not yours.”

  “Anne was tested. There was nothing wrong with her.”

  “Maybe they got your test results mixed up with someone else’s,” Tate persisted. “I mean, you’re a doctor. You know those things happen. Did you see the results yourself?”

  “Anne called me from the doctor’s office,” Adam said.

  “You mean you weren’t there?”

  “I had a medical emergency. I—”

  “Then she could have lied!” Tate said.

  “Why? She wanted children as much as I did. What earthly reason would she have had to lie?”

  “I don’t know,” Tate said. “All I do know is that a child is growing in my body, and the only man who’s put his seed inside me is you!”

  For an instant Adam felt a wild surge of hope. Maybe there had been some mistake. Maybe Anne had not lied, but been mistaken. He couldn’t believe she would have lied about a thing like that. He had seen her tests himself. The problem did not lie with Anne. So something must have been wrong with him for them to remain childless for eight years.

  He felt the hope die as painfully as it had been born. “You’re making wishes that can’t come true, Tate,” he said. “This child isn’t mine. I’m sterile.”

  Tate could have screamed, she was so frustrated. “Is that why you refuse to get involved with anything having to do with the baby?” she demanded. “Because you think it isn’t yours?”

  “Have you forgotten that you promised me a divorce as soon as it’s born?” Adam reminded her.

  “What if I said I didn’t want a divorce? Would you feel differently about the baby then?” Tate persisted.

  “What do you want me to say, Tate? That I’ll be a father to your child? I will. What more do you want from me?” The words seemed torn from someplace deep inside him.

  Tate felt frozen inside. It was clear Adam wouldn’t ever be able to accept the baby she carried as his own. And she wouldn’t subject her child to a lifetime of rejection by its father, the one person who should love and protect it above all others. That knowledge, on top of her doubts about whether Adam loved her, made it plain that she would be better off away from here.

  She didn’t say another word, just allowed Adam to pull her into his embrace and hold her one last time. Once he was asleep, she carefully disentangled herself. She turned and looked at him once before she left the room—and his life—forever.

  CHAPTER 11

  GARTH AND FARON WERE SHOCKED—to put it mildly—when Tate showed up on the doorstep at Hawk’s Way.

  “What happened?” Garth demanded. “What did that bastard do to you?”

  “You look awful, Tate,” Faron said, putting an arm around her shoulder and leading her inside.

  “If that man hurt you I’ll—”

  “Don’t, Garth!” Tate pleaded. “Just leave it alone. Adam and I are both better off this way.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Faron asked.

  “I just want to go to bed and sleep for a week,” Tate said.

  Faron and Garth exchanged a sober look. There were deep shadows under Tate’s eyes. Her face looked gaunt and unhappy.

  “He’ll pay for the way he’s treated you,” Garth said.

  “No! Listen to me!” Tate said, her voice sharp with fatigue and anxiety. “You have to trust me to know what’s best.” There it was again. That word trust. “This marriage was a horrible mistake. I’m going to fi
le for a divorce.”

  “Don’t be hasty,” Faron urged.

  “You’re dead on your feet. You have no idea what you’re saying,” Garth countered.

  “Stop it! Both of you! I’m a grown woman.” She laughed hysterically. “Don’t you see? I’m going to be a mother myself! Surely it’s time for you to admit that I can manage my own life. You have to love me enough to let go.”

  Tate didn’t wait to hear whether they were willing to concede to her wishes. She was too distressed to deal with them anymore. She ran up the stairs to her bedroom, her rigid bearing defying either one of her brothers to come after her.

  “She’s changed,” Faron said.

  “And not for the better,” Garth noted.

  Faron frowned. “I’m not so sure about that. She’s grown up, Garth. She’s not a little girl anymore. Six months ago she wouldn’t have stood up to you like that. I think she had to be in a lot of pain to leave here in the first place, and a helluva lot more pain to come back. I think maybe we’re at least partly responsible.”

  “I blame the bastard who got her pregnant,” Garth said.

  “None of this would have happened if she hadn’t run away from home. And she wouldn’t have run away from home if we hadn’t kept such a tight rein on her.”

  “It was for her own good.”

  “It doesn’t seem that way now, does it?” Faron asked. “I think maybe our little sister grew up in spite of us. And I, for one, am not going to interfere anymore in her life.”

  * * *

  ADAM HAD BEEN SCOWLING ever since he had woken up to find Tate gone from his bed—and his life. The first thing he had done was to go hunting Buck. His fury had been boundless when the lanky cowboy was nowhere to be found. Finally, one of the other hands told him Buck had been spending nights with his ex-wife.

  That news had confounded Adam. He had doggedly made the trip to Velma’s house and knocked on the door in the early hours of the morning. Buck had answered the door wearing low-slung jeans and scratching a head of auburn hair that stood out in all directions.