by Robin Roseau
But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do that. I shook my head. "It's new?" I nodded. "Is it... the stress?"
That was close enough, and I nodded, then I shut my eyes again. Even if she let me talk, I couldn't have explained the implant, and I wasn't going to let her know I had it, anyway.
Someone approached. I didn't open my eyes. But I heard the distinctive rattle of the pill jar. "How many, Cecilia?" In response, I only whimpered, and she said, "Four."
I shook my head.
"Are you sure? Three?" And I nodded my head. A moment later she was removing the gag. I worked my jaw, and then she slipped the pills into my mouth and held the water for me.
I swallowed them down, making a face, and then leaned forward, resting my head against her shoulder.
My head really did hurt. The last reset had been extraordinarily bad, and I wondered if I was causing real damage.
But I had to get the implant working. I had to.
I didn't look as she capped the pill jar and passed it back to someone, but then she pulled me into her arms a little further.
"Do they help right away?"
I shook my head.
"Will it be long?"
I shook my head again.
And so she held me. And it actually felt good. I could really grow to like her, if it weren't for the entire unwilling galatzi thing.
Finally, perhaps ten minutes later, the pain had receded far enough it wasn't crippling. I lifted my head from her shoulder then leaned forward and kissed her cheek. She stilled for just a moment, then she smiled. "You're welcome. Better?"
I nodded but then shook my head.
"I understand. Will it be better?" And for that, I could nod. "Are you ready to keep going?"
I looked around and saw Hilopid. I walked over to him. I was halfway there before he saw me coming. He spoke quickly, but from behind me, Sartine said, "Speak slowly."
"Are you all right?" he asked. And so I shook my head and nodded.
"She will be," Sartine translated for me. "I think she wants more water." And I nodded. And so he produced a flask, but Sartine held it for me.
I drank as much as I wanted, then kissed her cheek again before opening my mouth, waiting for the gag.
When she tied it, she tried to tie it lightly, but I stomped my foot at her. She smiled and tied it properly.
And caressed my cheek.
Even with a pounding headache, I had her.
* * * *
We stopped for dinner and another break for the horses. I was exhausted. Sartine explained we would stay for about two hours, then keep going. She asked if I wanted to sleep. I walked to a tree and looked at it. She didn't know what I wanted, so I herded her to the tree until, laughing, she sat down. I sat down next to her, then curled up, trying to get comfortable with my head in her lap.
"Oh, Darling," she said.
Someone brought me a pillow, and that helped, and a blanket. I closed my eyes. I hadn't intended to sleep, but I did.
She never moved, and I woke some time later, my head still in her lap. It was full dark, and she was caressing my cheek. "Wake up, Cecilia. Dinner now."
She helped me sit, and I realized I needed the help. Someone had tied my legs while I slept. I looked at them, then over at her.
"I slept, too," she explained. "Sit up now. We'll eat, and then it's time to go."
She didn't untie my legs until we were done with dinner, but it didn't really matter.
With breaks, we rode until deep into the night. Finally, Sartine called a halt. We climbed from the horse, all three of us deeply weary. She turned me to her. "I'm so sorry. The horses are done. I'm so sorry. I thought we would reach the river."
I cocked my head.
"There's a river. It defines the northernmost segment of Sudden's influence. We're long past their physical influence, but if they were going to send anyone after us, they would stop at the river. Once we cross, we can relax a little, and I can make you more comfortable. Do you understand?"
I leaned forward and kissed her cheek.
When she asked if I wanted a tent, I nodded.
* * * *
I slept poorly and I woke twice, crying. I woke Sartine both times, and the second bout was so bad I was afraid I was going to choke to death on the gag while I sobbed. She finally understood my panic and pulled the gag from me, then pulled me into her arms.
"No words, Cecilia," she said. "No words."
I hadn't cried like this for a very long time, and it took her an hour to calm me down. She was going to let me go back to sleep without the gag, but I opened my mouth and waited for it.
* * * *
In the morning, everyone was strained. I could see it in the set of their mouths and the stiff way they walked around. Conversation was light or non-existent.
But then Sartine impressed me. She gathered everyone around, and she gave a pep talk. She spoke slowly so I could understand, and I realized something.
I was looking at a real leader.
She had a great deal of charisma, and I didn't have to fake it as I watched her, somewhat in awe.
She began with her own acknowledgement of what they had done. They had traded one of their own, and someone deeply loved by everyone there, and no one knew if they would ever see Mordain again. She talked about her little sister for some time.
But then she said how happy her sister would be, once she settled in. She acknowledged Mordain's own sorrow to leave her friends, but she talked about the wonders of Sudden, the town beside the ocean. And she talked about Mordain's future children, and the joy she would find in them, how big and strong they would grow to be.
"We don't know what life will bring my little sister," she said at one point, "but we know it will be filled with opportunities she wouldn't have at home. And so we miss her, and she misses us, but she will have a good life, and I am sure, we will see her again."
They were a thousand kilometers apart, and I realized that no one here really thought they would see Sartine's little sister again. It was only a thousand kilometers. To me, that was nothing; to them, it was a nearly insurmountable difference.
And then she talked about their raid to acquire me. It was hard to hide my reaction to that, but she spoke with pride at how well it went off.
"I was the only one of us who made a mistake. I miscalculated the ferocity of the woman I have chosen," she said. "But on the other hand, we have seen her fight, and can this woman fight!" She beamed at me. "Surprised, still half asleep, wearing nothing but her night clothes and a robe, she fought against overwhelming odds, and she was winning besides."
It was her brother who undermined what Sartine was doing, although she would recover.
"No one fights that hard," he said. "Isn't that the problem? You told us she wanted you, but she hurt Geedano and Natopid. No one fights like that unless she really, really doesn't want to go. We gave away Mordain, and we got a woman who hates us."
"Oh Hilopid," Sartine said. "Cecilia doesn't hate us." But everyone was looking at me, and I could tell they believed Hilopid, not Sartine. But Sartine wasn't done. "She doesn't hate us. She is scared. We arrived in the middle of the night, dressed in black, and something happened to her she never imagined would happen. She does not hate us. She is only scared."
And I was scared, not of what would happen to me, as I would win my freedom one way or the other, and I didn't think she would abuse me in the meantime. But I was deeply afraid of what would happen to the planet.
I wasn't sure why I cared. I didn't. The people of this planet were doing this to me. They had conspired to do this, even my friends. I didn't know if Baardorid knew Sartine would take me for her galatzi prisoner, but he suspected. He neither warned me nor stopped her, and he could have. Chaladine hadn't helped, either, and so, even if they returned me to Sudden, I would never be friends with any of them again.
They had done this to me, and there would be no forgiveness.
But still, in spite of my anger, I was afraid,
too. And so, awkwardly, I climbed to my feet, and I moved to stand beside Sartine, every single pair of eyes watching me. And then I laid my head on her shoulder.
No one said a word as she took me into her arms and held me.
"Thank you," she whispered into my ear. But then she paused. "We're not done fighting though, are we?"
I thought about it and shook my head.
"I need to finish," she said, "while I still have their attention." And so I stood, and she caressed my cheek again, then helped me back to my place where I sat.
"You see?" she said. "She does not understand our customs, and she does not agree with some of them, but she does not hate us." And all that was true. I didn't hate them. "If she hated us," Sartine added, "she would fuel your concerns, not seek to ease them."
She paced back and forth, and I watched as she came to a decision. "She is not done fighting, though, either." She turned to look at me. "She lets me believe she has grown complacent, but I am not sure I believe her, in spite of my hopes. But I do not want her complacent."
I had looked down, but when I looked up, she was smiling.
"I relish your fire, Cecilia. Please don't be angry, but yesterday, when you chased me around our fire, kicking the crap out of me, I have never been more pleased with anyone."
I sighed dramatically.
Then she turned around. "All of you. Think about what we have gained. We have given up one of our own, one we love deeply, but what have we gained? We have the most unique woman on the planet." She pointed at me. "No one has anyone like her. She is young, and lovely, but so strong, and she will give Indartha children like none other." As if. I was no brood mare. "But more importantly, she has wisdom beyond her years, and fire, and knowledge. She can teach us things no one else on the planet knows."
"She can teach us how to kick our vendart?" one of the men asked, resulting in snickers.
Sartine laughed. "Yes, although she is not the only one who could do that." She turned to me and smiled. "She can also teach us other things some of us know, but it can be good to learn from someone else. She has honor, and I believe she will share it. And she has joy, and I believe she will share that as well."
She turned around again. "And while she is teaching us the things she will teach us, we will help her, all of us will help her."
"We'll help her learn to live in our home?" Hilopid asked. "Skiing and stuff."
Sartine smiled over her shoulder at me. "Little brother, I believe my galatzi prisoner is going to teach you a thing or two about skiing. No, we are going to teach her our wonders, and she is going to help us learn what we shall trade with The Empire, and as one of us, her loyalty will be to us, and she will help us get a good price, for Indartha and all of Talmon."
She turned around again, looking at all of them. "And on top of all of that, we have a trade agreement with Sudden. They covet our quint fur. That agreement by itself is worth the journey and a few days of hard riding."
She turned one more circle. "Does anyone here wish us to turn around and return Cecilia to Sudden?"
I did, and if my hands hadn't been bound the way they were, I would have raised one. But it was her uncle who spoke my words.
"I bet Cecilia would take that offer."
"No doubt," Sartine agreed. "Does anyone believe Mordain wished to remain behind? If she had a choice, would it have been Hilopid who remained in Sudden?"
No one said a word.
"Change is hard," she said. "Losing friends is hard. But making new friends is good." She moved to stand in front of me. "Please give us a chance, Cecilia. Let us be your new friends."
She had been so impassioned; I was almost ready to jump in with her. Almost. I said nothing.
Sartine looked between them again. "Does anyone wish to cancel our quint fur agreement with Sudden?"
There were shakes of the head at that.
"Does anyone feel I am a poor vendart, and you wish to propose someone else?"
"No!" said several voices, including that of both uncles and one of the aunts. I studied the other one, the one who had pushed so hard in my house early yesterday morning. But she caught me watching her, and I looked away.
No one took up Sartine's offer, and so she walked back and forth once more.
"It has been a hard trip," she said. "It is not over. We ride hard again today, but when we break at lunch, it will be on the other side of the Remla River." She turned to me. "And Cecilia will be more pleased than any of the rest of us, as we can offer her arms some relief. I believe I will be least pleased, as I will then free her tongue, and I imagine I am going to hear about it."
I tried to offer an innocent expression. Sartine smiled at me.
Then she turned back. "What is for breakfast?"
* * * *
We reached the edge of the forest, coming to a stop just inside the trees. Sartine spoke quickly and quietly, and two of the riders moved out onto the open fields. They disappeared over a hill and were gone perhaps ten minutes.
No one climbed from their horses. Sartine offered no explanation to me.
But then the two riders returned, moving to Sartine.
"We saw no one," he said. "The crossing is clear, the water no higher than when we came south."
But still we didn't move. I looked over at Sartine, and she carried a grim expression.
"Do not worry," she said. She wrapped arms around me. "I seek only to ensure the freedom of your tongue." She looked around before speaking rapidly to one of the women. I heard a woman's name, and Hilopid's name, but I didn't understand the rest. But the woman nodded and climbed from her horse, handing the reins to one of the riders. Then she turned, and I watched her walk to the aunt, the one who seemed to be more in charge than Sartine was, and the aunt handed the woman a cloak, a cloak that looked just like mine.
The woman pulled the cloak on. She adjusted everything carefully, pulling the hood in place and tucking her hair into the back of the hood. Then she climbed onto Hilopid's horse. Once she was settled into place, she lifted her hands and clasped them to the back of her neck in a mirror of the way mine were tied.
I stared. She was a decoy.
"The boots are different," the aunt said. "I do not believe the underclothes will go noticed from a distance, but the boots could be."
Behind me, Sartine nodded. "Cecilia, I am sorry. I must ask you to give up your boots, but only for a short while."
I sighed, understanding. I wondered if my boots would fit the woman. It was the aunt who climbed from her own mount and moved to me. She looked up at me and said, "Please, may I have your foot?"
I was surprised she didn't just yank it from the stirrup, but I offered her my foot. She took the boot from me, then crossed to the other side, and I offered her the second foot.
My feet felt naked. My feet were naked, so I suppose they should feel that way.
The aunt crossed to the other woman. She removed her boots from her, then struggled to pull mine into place. My feet were smaller, but she managed to tug them into place. Then she returned to me, and I found my feet encased in boots at least two sizes too large.
"It is only for a while," Sartine said. "Thank you, Cecilia."
The aunt looked at me, then at the decoy. "Our prisoner's hair is exposed. And technically, until we cross the river, Haltarn must openly display a sash, or she is in violation."
No one moved until Sartine said, "We will not violate the law. Haltarn, your sash. Someone give me another one."
While that was happening, Sartine fussed at my hair, tucking it well back into the hood. I made no effort to fight her. Haltarn moved her sash to the outside of her cloak, and after a moment, I found myself similarly adorned.
The aunt looked back and forth. "Our galatzi prisoner is gagged."
There were some chuckles, which grew when Sartine said, "Give Hilopid a tie like this one."
Several moments later, Haltarn wore a gag similar to mine, although her mouth wasn't filled with more rags. The aunt looked ba
ck and forth and said, "It is not perfect, but it should be sufficient."
"Half of you, go," Sartine said.
Hilopid didn't wait. He clucked to his horse, and a moment later, surrounded by other riders, they moved out from the trees. A minute later, they disappeared.
"Is someone watching?" Sartine asked.
"Belain is," said an uncle. "She'll return once they reach the river."
It was perhaps fifteen minutes. If anyone spoke, it was too quietly for me to hear. Behind me, I could feel Sartine's heart beating against my back as she held me wrapped in her arms.
When I looked over my shoulder at her, she looked nervous. "Do not worry," she said. "You are safe. Our trade is at risk, but you are not."
I wasn't quite sure what that meant, although it was clear she worried we would be intercepted. She left me only with more questions.
But finally Belain slipped amongst us. "They are across," she said. "I saw no one else."
Sartine breathed a sigh, but then she said, "All that matters is we get Cecilia across the river. Once she crosses the river, she is ours."
"Protect the vendart!" an uncle said. "Protect the galatzi prisoner!"
"If we fall," Sartine said, "whoever is close, take her. Do not trust her to cooperate, and watch her feet. They are deadly."
She had said it carefully enough I could understand. I didn't understand why.
And then she clucked to the horse and switched the reins.
I thought she would try to gallop. I wasn't sure I could stay atop the horse if she did. But we rode at the same walk we had been using.
We came over a rise, and before us was a slow, wide river. I knew what the river meant, and I whimpered and began to struggle with Sartine.
"No, Cecilia," she said. "Do not be afraid."
I wasn't afraid. I was angry again. I increased my struggles and even pulled a foot from the stirrup, intending to throw a foot over the horse's neck and leap to the ground. I wasn't sure what that would do, but I intended to try. But Sartine clung to me tightly and used her own leg to trap mine, pressed against the horse.