by Robin Roseau
I'd had it. I really wound up with a leg and tried to kick her.
Even more surprising, I connected. I couldn't believe she let me. It had been meant in defiance. As good of a fighter as she was, I didn't think there was a chance I could kick her while I was bound like this.
She flailed back, but surprisingly didn't lose possession of my bottle of pills.
"Cecilia!" she yelled. "Stop it!"
Oh, that wasn't happening. I pursued her. I threw another kick at her, which she dodged hastily.
"Stop!" she said. "I'll drop your pills."
At that, I paused, and once she thought I was calm, she replaced the cap. I waited until I heard it click tight, and then I was after her again. I threw two kicks at her, one deflected, and one connecting into her side. She dropped the bottle of pills, and I kicked it away so it wouldn't get crunched when she finally decided to end this.
Then I pursued her around the fire that Geedano had been making, throwing kicks at her whenever I got close enough. She kept yelling at me to stop.
But not a single person interfered.
Oh, there was no way I could beat her, not with my arms bound like this. And my riding boots were lousy to fight in, although I imagined they hurt when I connected. And I connected several times.
She kept backing away in a circle, and not once did she return my attacks.
Then she held out a hand. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I stopped and stood there, panting at her. I wondered what part she was sorry about.
Then she began to smile. "I'm sorry I said you were beautiful."
Somehow, I managed to avoid making a single vocalization. Not one word, not one grunt, not one scream.
I kicked dirt at her. I didn't catch her eyes with it, but then I was after her again. I caught her with a kick to the thigh, and I knew it was going to leave a big bruise. A minute later, she took a big side kick to the chest, the same as I'd given the other woman, and she flew backwards, landing on her ass.
I stood there, my leg still in the air after kicking her. I wavered on one foot, then slowly stood and turned to face her. She sat on the ground, looking up at me.
I thought about going after her while she sat there. But as angry as I was, I realized something.
I didn't want to kill anyone.
I didn't even want to seriously hurt anyone.
I just wanted to go home and fix whatever diplomatic mess she had made.
And then I would turn my back on this planet and never return. The Talmonese could rot, for all I cared. I would go home, nurse my wounds, get a new rejuvenation, and put on a new face. This face would never be seen again. This body would never be seen again.
And then I could spend a year or a decade or two indulging in whatever hedonistic pleasures amused me. I was rich; I didn't need this. I didn't need to be here.
They didn't understand. I didn't need to be here. I didn't need this job. I could do anything I wanted. I was here because I wanted to help.
Rich?
I already said I had owned companies in the past. I founded them, built them up, and sold them. When you're ninety-seven, chances are very good, you've had multiple careers. I've switched, on average, every twenty years, sometimes more often.
This was my last diplomatic mission; that was for sure. I was never coming to another of these backwater planets with their screwed up customs.
I wanted to scream all that at her.
But I had promised.
And so we stared at each other, and then very deliberately I took three steps directly backwards, putting more distance between us.
Sartine climbed from her seat on the ground, brushed herself off, then approached me slowly, stopping just outside kicking distance. "Done?"
For now. I nodded, and when she approached, I let her. She walked right up next to me and caressed my cheek, staring into my eyes. "I wasn't trying to make you angry. It's just... You really are so beautiful, Cecilia. I'm sorry. I know you're upset. Do you forgive me?"
Being beautiful wasn't special. Everyone in The Empire was beautiful. Hadn't she noticed? Outer beauty wasn't what mattered. Yes, it was pleasant to look at, and I enjoyed looking at a woman I found exotically beautiful. But she wasn't going to soften my heart with words such as those.
But I nodded. I accepted her apology.
She smiled. "All that, and you kept your promise to me." I nodded again. "Cecilia, I promise, it's going to be all right. Everything is going to be perfect. I promise."
At that, I turned away, but I shook my head.
Around us, our fellow travelers slowly returned to what they were doing. A few wandered past to give Sartine a hard time for letting me kick the crap out of her. It was Halopid who returned my pill bottle to her. Sartine asked me if Geedano needed any pills, and I shook my head. He seemed fine, and if his head hurt, I didn't particularly care.
And so the pill bottle disappeared, and the gag reappeared. I took a breath and then let it out slowly before opening my mouth.
* * * *
Once the gag was tied off, Saltine patted my cheek. "Thank you." I grumbled into the gag. The promise to make no noise disappeared once the gag was replaced. But I let her draw me to the side, and she pulled me down to a wide pad on the ground. "We're going to rest for a while, then we'll have lunch before we continue." I nodded understanding. "We have tents, but they take time to assemble. Do you need one?" I shook my head.
But then I said, as clearly into the gag as I could, "Blankets." I said the same word over and over, and then her face cleared. "Of course," she said. She spoke rapidly and a moment later, her aunt came over -- her other aunt -- with several blankets and two pillows. I realized Saltine expected to rest next to me.
I also realized I was going to have to lie on my back, as I wouldn't be able to take any other position with my arms like this. I leaned over and banged one of my elbows on top of Sartain's head.
"Ow!" she complained, rubbing her head. "What was that for?"
I wriggled my elbows, and then tried to hit her again, but she fended me off.
"Stop it!" she protested. "I'm sorry! I would untie you, but it's illegal."
I stared and mumbled.
"Yes. Illegal. If you are not tied like this or if we take off the sashes before we are entirely away from Sudden, then this is not a galatzi raid, and we are nothing but thieves and kidnappers."
I had to run it through my head twice before I fully understood what she said. So I nodded, and then I let her help me lie down. She adjusted the pillow for me then apologized as she tied my legs. Then she lay down next to me, pulling the blankets over us both.
I felt her eyes on me as she lay on her side, watching me. I stared upwards, watching the trees swaying gently over our heads.
"Close your eyes and try to sleep," she said gently. "We'll watch over you."
I decided to take her advice. I closed my eyes. A moment later from beside me, Sartine spoke quietly to me, her voice soothing. She made promises to me, a great many promises, but I didn't know how she expected to keep a single one.
River Crossing
I slept. In spite of everything, I slept deeply, and no one disturbed me until lunch was ready. Then Sartine woke me gently, blowing into my ear and whispering my name.
I stretched, and my legs weren't tied. I wasn't even gagged. She had taken the gag out, and I hadn't even noticed. I rolled over to look at her.
"I expect your promise to be binding," she said. "Do you agree?"
I wanted to scream at her, and I hadn't promised this time. But I held my voice while I considered my choices.
I was absolutely sure she already knew how angry I was, and still, she didn't return me. I didn't think screaming at her was going to change her mind.
Sleep had helped. My diplomacy returned. Earlier, I had engaged in what is the opposite of diplomacy. I had attacked her physically. But while I hadn't had remotely enough sleep, and I was still stiff, my brain was working better.
; I smiled. It was a fake smile, the sort politicians practice, the sort that is hard not to return, and sure enough, she began to smile with me. Then I nodded agreement. I would hold myself to the promise I didn't feel I had made this time, but having nodded, I felt bound.
"Thank you," she said with a caress of my cheek. "We have stew and bread. Do you know both words?" I nodded.
She helped me sit. "Where would you like to eat?" she asked. "We can sit near the fire, if you are cold, or we can lean against a tree together."
I didn't want to be in the middle of things, and the day had grown warm, and so I gestured with my nose, but then when she began to lead me that way, I hesitated and toed one of the blankets. Sartine bent to pick it up, and I made a point to admire her backside while she did it, and also made sure she caught me.
She smiled but didn't say anything.
Let her believe I was growing accustomed to the idea. Yes, let her believe that. She would untie me, she said tonight or tomorrow, and then we would see how complacent they grew.
We sat, and a moment later, one of the women brought a single plate and mug. Sartine asked, "Will it bother you to share?"
I smiled and shook my head.
The stew was good, and she was very solicitous. The mug held cider, not water, although I couldn't imagine they had much. She fed me and let me drink as much as I liked, then cleaned my lips for me. When she was done, she stared at them, and I was sure she was thinking of kissing them.
I wasn't sure my diplomatic mood would last if she tried it, and so I turned away from her, hiding any temptation. But she moved closer to me, lacing her fingers to rest on my nearest shoulder, one from behind, one in front, and then lowered her chin to her wrist so her face was right beside me, facing me. If I turned my head at all, I would press my cheek against her lips, or perhaps it would be my ear.
She didn't say anything. I thought perhaps she had intended to. Or perhaps she was taunting me with her lips, waiting to see if I would, in effect, let her kiss me by turning against her.
I'd been treating this as personal, and I thought perhaps for Sartine, it was. But she didn't realize; this wasn't personal. The moment she took me, of all people, she had made it an issue of her planet against the entire empire.
And there was no way she could win that squabble. The Empire wouldn't just swat her; it would swat the entire planet. And while I might be ready to say I didn't care, well. I cared.
If she knew she couldn't trust me, then I was sure she would be wary of me.
But I needed her sloppy. I needed her to make mistakes. Well, she'd made mistakes by taking me, but she hadn't made any since. Well, I needed her to make mistakes, and those were more likely if she thought I was surrendering to her.
And then, just slightly, not overplaying it, I sighed, and then I tipped my head towards her, just enough until her breath was against my ear.
And then, I froze, but I didn't pull away. I let her make the next move.
She was young. I was four times her age. I could play her without a second thought. It wasn't my nature to treat people that way, but that didn't mean I wasn't capable of it.
Her breath caught, and then I felt the smile against my ear.
She thought I was young, as young as she was. I looked, at the most, thirty, and that was by imperial standards. By the standards of a difficult planet, I bet I looked even younger. For that matter, I wondered if she was younger than she looked, even less experienced.
I had grandchildren older than she was.
And so I sat, leaning against the tree, a little stiff, a little unsure.
Innocent.
Yes, let her believe that.
I was an innocent, and perhaps far too young for the mission I was on.
She let out a breath, directly into my ear, and I shivered.
"Are you cold?"
I shook my head, very, very slightly.
"I make you shiver?"
And I nodded.
"I-" she paused. "I want you so badly, Cecilia."
I've got you now, I thought. With nothing more than a shiver and a portrayal of innocence, and I've got you.
"There are-" her voice caught. "There are rules," she said. "I must follow them. That is why I turned you down before. Were you angry with me? Is that why you fought so hard?"
I didn't respond, letting her believe what she wished.
"I wanted to stay," she said. "You must know that." And I guess I did. She had deceived me about the galatzi, but I didn't believe she had deceived me about anything else.
I felt a twinge of guilt, but only a twinge. I had not asked for this. I couldn't have been clearer when I had said, "no". But she had done this, anyway, and absolutely everything that followed from her arrival on my doorstep was her fault.
I opened my mouth, intending to ask her to hold me, but she responded instantly, covering my lips.
"No, Cecilia. No. You mustn't. Not a single word."
I made a whimper, deep in the back of my throat the sort I could have made while gagged.
"Even that noise, Cecilia. Please, not another."
And so, I closed my mouth and nodded, but then I kissed her fingers, lingering against my lips.
Then I thought about my childhood dog. I thought about Spot. He had been such a good dog. I'd been so young when we got him. Savannah wasn't even born yet. He had watched over us, over both of us, and still, all these years later, I missed him.
And I began to quietly cry while I thought of my first dog.
"Oh no, darling, no," she said. "Please don't cry." She brushed my tears away, and when she pulled me into her arms, I went willingly. She rocked me. "I'll take such good care of you. I promise. Please believe me. We'll grow to love each other. We already like each other. We had such fun, and those kisses, oh those kisses. I wanted so much more, but I knew just from those kisses that I wanted you like I've never wanted someone else. And you wanted me, too, just as much as I wanted you. You wanted me. You still want me, don't you?"
I believed her, or at least I believed she would do the best she could for me, but this was so far beyond anything she could possibly understand.
So I nodded. Yes, I wanted her. Yes, I believed her. But still I cried quietly, and she rocked me and spoke soothingly to me.
Was I being a manipulative bitch? You better believe I was. And she deserved everything I gave her and then some.
She held me for a long time, long after my tears had dried. I didn't try to pull away. I let her hold me as long as she wanted.
The thing is, if she had invited me, I might actually have gone with her. I wasn't sure what her plan was for children. I sure as hell wasn't going to lie with a man for her, but maybe they weren't completely ignorant about how to impregnate a lesbian.
We could even have been happy for a while, especially if she had let me bring just a little more technology. Oh, she would have grown tired of me; they all did, eventually. But we could have been happy for a few years, maybe even a decade or two, if she had the patience of a saint.
But she hadn't asked. She had taken. And she was taking me from any remote semblance of civilization.
And if she thought I was having a baby away from an imperial hospital, she was entirely insane. That was not happening.
Nor did I have any intention of growing old in some remote, mountainous region. I wasn't growing old and feeble on this cold rock.
Hell no; that was not happening.
* * * *
I spent the remainder of the day pretending to be resigned to the situation. I wasn't going to pretend joy; that would be far too much. But I could pretend to be resigned. And if she gave me a chance to show it, I would feign complete ignorance over how to get along in the wilds.
I was an imperial city girl, after all, and I could show her just what an imperial city was like.
I could show her video of Centos Four. I wouldn't even have to lie.
I didn't have to tell her I'd spent four years of my life living off the l
and of Yagos Four. Not Yagos Three. No, that would have been easy. Yagos Four, on the other hand, that was a real challenge. A working implant would have made it easier, but all I needed was a knife and my boots, and otherwise stark naked, and I would arrive back in Sudden, fully dressed and five pounds heavier to boot.
Well, if I got started before winter arrived, anyway.
And so I engaged in none of my earlier behavior. I paid attention when she spoke, and I engaged as much as I was able. I listened carefully, although I earned a headache from thinking so hard.
I remembered as much as I was able.
I even turned a little needy. I was not a needy person, but I turned needy, as much as I could while bound this way and gagged besides. When she caressed my cheek, I laid my head against her hand, which caused her to smile. I leaned against her when we ate, and I leaned against her when we rode. I spent much of the time reflecting on how vulnerable I felt, and how warm her arms felt, and that helped me make natural choices based on the situation.
She ate it up.
But when she grew tired of talking to someone who could barely respond, I worked on my implant. I could wake it and I could shut it down, and if I did nothing else, that process worked cleanly.
Running system wide diagnostics consistently caused a painful crash. After the third of those over a thirty minute period, my head hurt so badly I whimpered, and it wasn't even intentional.
"Cecilia, is something wrong?"
I nodded. The headache was a killer, and tears escaped. This time, they weren't fake.
She called a halt, and I was on the ground moments later. She hopped down in front of me, then turned me to face her.
"Cecilia?" she said. She brushed the tears away. "What's wrong?"
I whimpered again. I would have clutched my head, but for all practical effects, I already was.
"Do you need your pills?"
I nodded, and even that hurt. I shut my eyes and swayed, and then her arm was around me. She called out, and while we waited, she talked quietly, urgently.
"Cecilia, look at me." I opened my eyes, but winced. "Does this happen often?"
I thought about it. I didn't know how I wanted to treat this. If I let her think I was sick, what would she do? If I let her believe I required imperial medication to survive, what would she do?