by Robin Roseau
"You care."
"Of course I care."
"I have nothing to pay them."
"I do."
"We would go together, and we would return together, if we have not grown weary."
"Yes."
"And Cecilia, do you honestly believe I would keep you so that you could die in my arms instead of remaining healthy, even if I risk you not returning with me?"
I looked away. I knew I had lost the argument, the entire argument. Part of me was upset, and I wasn't ready to give up.
I wasn't ready to be taken away to Indartha.
I wasn't ready to surrender.
"Please answer me. I need to know. Do you think I would let you die?"
"No," I said in a small voice.
"Have we discussed any issue that cannot be resolved?"
"No."
"Will you accept this galatzi trade, Cecilia Grace?"
"I-" I couldn't look at her.
"You do not say 'no'."
I didn't answer her. Again, I knew she would be smiling.
I was the ninety-seven-year-old, damn it. She had run rings around me, as if my body were that of a ninety-seven-year old. It was wrong.
"Please return me to Sudden and ask me there," I said finally.
"No," she said. "I will explain why." I nodded. "If I return you to Sudden, then the galatzi trade is broken. That is also the law. But Sudden would keep my sister, and Indartha would have lost her for nothing. I would have lost her for nothing."
"That answer is not fair to me."
"No, I agree. And so here is another reason. I do not believe you still wish me to."
I opened my mouth to protest, but again I grew silent when she covered my lips. She smiled, and I knew it pleased her to silence me, and that I let her.
"There is a reason you do not wish to say 'yes' to my question, but you are not telling me what it is. I will figure it out. Am I wrong?"
"No."
"We are going to Indartha. You will not escape, although you may attempt a few more times. We will watch you, and you will remain bound. And then I will ask permission to court you."
"And if I decline your request?"
"You will remain in Indartha until you have allowed me to properly court you. I have that legal right, and I choose to exercise it. Furthermore, because I believe you want me, and I want you, I believe I am morally obligated to convince you to at least give me an honest chance."
She spoke firmly, and it got my back up. "You do not have the moral right to keep me against my will! I am not your property. I am not your child. I am an imperial citizen, and I have rights! I will exercise them."
"You are on Talmon. You are a galatzi prisoner, taken legally. You yourself told me that on Talmon, you first follow Talmonese laws. And so, I have the right."
"Legally, maybe, although I am not convinced of that. But not morally."
"I am vendart. I balance multiple morals. You are going to Indartha with us, and you will allow me to court you."
She rose to her feet and began to walk away, leaving me on the ground with my arms and legs still bound.
"What does that mean?" I screamed after her. "Do not walk away from me! We weren't done arguing!"
She turned around. "You do not know what it means to be courted?"
"No."
She threw out other words I didn't know. Finally she asked what happens on Centos Four when two people like each other, but are not sure they wish an exclusive relationship."
"They go on dates." I used the English word.
"And what does that mean?"
"They do things together."
"What sort of things?"
"Dinner. Dances. Watch movies together."
"On their tablets?"
"Or in large buildings designed to show them on much bigger screens. They spend time together."
"Do they touch?"
"Yes."
"Kiss?"
"Yes, probably, if that is the nature of the relationship."
"Share a bed?"
"Maybe after a few dates, maybe not that fast, maybe never."
"All right. Well, that is what I mean by courting. We will spend time together. We will tell stories. I will seek to convince you that you like me. You will allow me to do so. If you like me enough, you will allow me to kiss you. You will allow me to touch you. And when you come to my bed, the courting is over and the exclusive relationship is declared. Do you understand now?"
"Yes," I said. "I understand now."
"And so, this conversation is over."
She turned away, but I yelled, "But I am angry with you!"
She turned around. "I know that, Cecilia. Do you believe if you yell at me, I will change my mind?"
I sighed. "No."
"Do you believe if you yell at me, you will feel better?"
"No."
"Do you believe anything good will come if you yell at me?"
"No."
"Then is there any good reason I should stay for you to yell at me?"
"I might get it out of my system."
"Do you believe you will?"
I sighed. "No."
"So is this conversation over?"
"No," I said. "You have had your say. I believe I should have mine."
She paused then nodded. She walked back and sat down. "If you begin to yell, I will leave. If you are abusive, I will summon help, and we will gag you."
I sighed and then nodded understanding. "Sartine," I said. "You're right. I did find you alluring. I wanted you. It is possible you could have convinced me to accept this, although I find it unlikely." I struggled briefly with my bonds. "This has never been how I have cared to be treated."
She opened her mouth, but I said, "Please, let me finish." And so she closed her mouth and nodded.
"I understand now why you thought you had permission to do this, but you didn't. I wanted you, but that ended. You have made me too angry to forgive you that much. I am willing to allow you to return me to Sudden, and I will not pursue legal action against anyone involved, but there is no way I want a relationship with you anymore. If you force yourself on me, it is rape."
She waited, then asked, "Was there more?"
"No."
"I am going to respond, and then this conversation is over. I do not believe your desire for me has ended. I understand you are angry. But you do not pull away when I touch you." She leaned forward and caressed my cheek, and even as angry as I was with her, it felt good. I lowered my eyes. "Sometimes, while we're riding, and I squeeze you extra tightly for a moment, you sigh."
"Maybe I sigh because of what could have been."
"I believe you sigh because you are being reminded how good I feel. Cecilia, right now, you're very angry. But I think deep down, you're also intrigued. I believe you will forgive me the mistakes I've made. Do you know why you will forgive me?"
"You're insane."
"Perhaps." She grinned. "There are two basic reasons. First, I am going to treat you like no one has ever treated you before. And I don't mean this." She tapped my wrists. "Although I think there's a part of you that likes it."
I didn't respond to that.
"And the other reason is even better. Perhaps everyone before me has grown weary of you, but I will not, as long as you grow to enjoy being with me. This is permanent, or will be once you realize you want this as much as I do." She smiled. "You are going to Indartha. You will allow me to court you. You will forgive my mistakes because I will make you very, very happy. Now, is this conversation over?"
I hung my head. "Yes." It was said with a very small voice.
She turned away and got another three steps. "Sartine!"
She stopped but didn't turn around.
"Please don't go."
She turned around.
"You haven't untied my legs," I added.
"I wasn't going to be here to watch you."
"You could assign someone else."
"It is my responsibility and o
nly mine."
"I promise not to run."
She cocked her head. "Do you really?"
I nodded. "Temporarily. Until bedtime."
She laughed. "I believe you, but while you are tied because I do not fully trust you, you are also tied because it is required."
"But you won. We crossed the river."
"You are not in Indartha. No one can take you from us now, but you remain bound until we arrive in Indartha, and then afterwards for as long as I believe you might run if we have a fight. Right now, I am quite convinced you would run if given sufficient opportunity to disappear. Am I wrong?"
"No."
"You are honest. I believe you would keep this promise, but I cannot accept. But thank you for making the offer. It means a great deal to me."
She turned to walk away yet again.
"Please!"
She turned around again. "Now what?"
"I-" I looked down. "I don't want you to go."
"I will make an offer."
"All right."
"I will return with dinner in perhaps a half hour. I am upset and need to calm down. You are upset and vulnerable, and making promises you wouldn't normally make. You need to calm down, too. We will eat together, and then if you promise to let me court you, we will spend the evening together doing almost anything you ask."
"No!"
"Court you only for the evening. You may rescind your agreement in the morning."
"No kissing me."
"Unless you ask."
"Unless I ask."
She smiled. "Anything else?"
I looked down.
"What is it?"
"I bathe daily," I said. "I have not bathed in two days. What are we going to do about that? Please tell me you aren't bringing me to Indartha with three weeks of stink. And please, please, please tell me I am not to arrive in my under clothes."
"I do not believe I can arrange a hot shower on this trip, but I have ideas for once we arrive. If you allow me to court you."
"That's bribery."
"It certainly is."
"That's bribery of an imperial envoy!"
She laughed. "It is bribery of a galatzi prisoner. I am not bribing you in your official duties."
"What are you offering on this trip?"
"The rivers are too cold for swimming," she said.
"So we arrive with three weeks of stink?"
"No. I am telling you we are crossing the wilds of Talmon, and I am unable to give you all the comforts you crave."
"I am not asking for comforts. I am asking for a wet towel and ten minutes of privacy. If the towel is also warm from water heated over a fire, even better. If there is soap, that is an extra bonus. You may make reasonable precautious to assure I don't run, but I do not wish to be ogled."
"If I offer these things, what do I get in return?"
"You don't have to smell me."
She cracked a smile. "Your scent hasn't offended me yet."
"You don't have to hear me bitch."
"I still am able to gag you."
"Would you?"
"Of course I would."
I sighed. "What do you want?"
"For a daily bathe of the type you ask?" I nodded. "Pleasant conversation. That is what I want. We may also have fights, if you absolutely insist, but you will strive for pleasant conversations with me, from now until we arrive in Indartha. No closing off."
"I need breaks. Thinking in Talmonese adds to my headaches."
She offered a concerned expression and nodded.
"And the clothes?"
"Do we have an agreement so far?"
"I consider the clothing a portion of the agreement."
"I will allow you access to the bag we packed, but if we did not bring what you need, then I have Indarthan clothing for you as well. When we reach Indartha, I will want you in the clothing we brought with us. We left with one woman of Indartha, and we will arrive with another."
"And what do you want for the clothing?"
"Pleasant conversation."
"The same conversations?" And she nodded. "I have little choice."
"Is the concept so horrid? Please answer honestly."
I sighed. "No, it is not horrid. I agree to your terms."
"You may bathe immediately after dinner, if you like, immediately before bed, or upon rising. It is your choice."
"If it is only a wet towel and a few minutes, could it be twice a day?"
She smiled. "What am I offered?"
I couldn't help it. I laughed.
Immediately she said, "For that laugh, you may bathe tonight, and for the conversations tonight and tomorrow, you may bathe again in the morning."
I stared at her, then lowered my eyes. "Thank you."
Communication
It felt good to be clean. Sartine's definition of privacy wasn't quite as expansive as mine, but it was better than nothing. I had asked her if I could change into other night clothes to sleep, if we were sleeping in a tent, and then proper clothing in the morning.
"But I can't change while tied," I said.
"You should have considered that earlier when we were negotiating. You did not negotiate being untied before bed." But there was a glint in her eye.
"What do you want to allow me to change clothes properly?"
"Would you promise not to run away?"
"While changing clothes? Yes. A more blanket promise? No."
"Then I want three things. I want your promise you won't abuse my good will when offering you more freedom than may be wise."
"By that you specifically mean while bathing or dressing. If you foolishly turn your back with my arms and legs unbound at other times, the promise doesn't apply."
"Agreed. Two. You will not grow sullen when I do not entirely trust you and enact a few assurances."
I raised an eyebrow to her.
"Or we can go back to smelling of three weeks atop a horse while arriving at Indartha in your bed clothes."
"Agreed," I said immediately.
"I thought you might. And last, you will allow me to touch you."
"You already touch me any way you want."
"That is not true," she said. "There are a great many ways I am not touching you. But I am not talking about those ways." She moved closer and caressed my face. "You will admit you enjoy it when I do this, and you will agree I may touch you this way and in similar ways, as much as I want."
"I do not care to have you pet me for hours while an audience is watching."
"Is that your only stipulation?"
I shook my head.
"What else?"
"I'm sorry," I said. "I was shaking my head for another reason. You are not as sneaky as you think."
"I am not attempting to be at all sneaky. I am being very open in what I am doing. You know what I am trying to do. I know what I am trying to do. Everyone here knows what I am trying to do. There is no sneaking."
"I agree to your terms," I said.
We had climbed into our tent sometime later. I was clean and in my night clothes. The cloak was gone, but my hands were tied again. Still it could have been worse.
We lay side by side for another hour, talking quietly. And while I wouldn't have admitted it to her, I enjoyed talking to her. She was very intelligent. And while her world had been very limited, in many ways, it hadn't been as limited as it seemed.
But eventually we had grown quiet, and then she slept.
I lay awake, rolled onto my side with my back to her. She was curled up against my back, and that was comfortable as well.
I closed my eyes, calmed myself, and booted my implant. I lay there quietly until it was ready.
Many people name their implants. I had certainly named mine. Her name was Minerva, from a computer in an ancient, ancient book. Use of an implant took training, with more advanced features being difficult to learn. It is not something that can be described in words; it must be felt. But I will use words as best I can and hope that is enough.
/> "Minerva," I thought.
"Attending," she replied.
"Diagnostic mode."
"Full system diagnostics ready."
"No. List subsystems."
The list was long, and I cut her off. "Do not run diagnostics. Access most recent diagnostics report."
"Most recent diagnostics, 28 hours, 34 minutes, 17 seconds old."
"Did diagnostics complete?"
"The report is incomplete."
"Is a failure reported?"
"There are 10 minor failures."
"Examine previous diagnostic reports. When did these failures first appear?"
"Processing." Minerva only said that when she thought something would take time, but her guesses weren't always accurate. She had a response in another four seconds. Three of the minor failures appeared to have been caused by my most recent rejuvenation therapy three years ago. That should not have happened, and I should have checked more carefully before allowing them to release me. I would be more thorough in the future. Two of the errors were chronic. Three more had been happening for over a year. Two were new, appearing only in the most recent week.
"Create new diagnostic report. Run each failed test, updating the report between each test."
"Running," she said, then a second later. "Done."
"Report."
There was no change. But the errors were minor, and testing them hadn't caused me even an ounce of discomfort.
"In the diagnostic that ended prematurely yesterday, what was the last reported test?"
"Last reported major subsystem tested was biometric monitoring system. The last performed test was blood oxygen saturation system."
"Did the biometric monitoring system checks run to completion?"
"Yes. All biometric monitoring system checks completed."
"In a full system diagnostic, what is the next test?"
"Next major system is audio recording. First test is left ear access."
"When was the last time either ear access test diagnostic completed successfully?"
The answer: three weeks ago, just when Minerva began glitching out on me.
"Skip auditory tests. What is the next diagnostic?"
"Vision testing," Minerva replied.
"Perform a full vision test, recording results of each test before beginning the next test."
"Running."
Less than a half second later, Minerva crashed, and I groaned from the resulting headache.