Girl Next Door

by Erik Schubach

  Brandye giggled, which made me smile even bigger and she said, “I'm sure there is a story to go with that... or is it one of the restricted June's Eight stories?”

  Abbey chuckled. “She knows about June's Eight? And she isn't in protective custody?”

  This got us all laughing except Bran who comically said, “Ok, now I'm going to HAVE to pry these stories out of you Goldilocks.”

  We went into the lodge and Sammie led us to the third floor where there were some living quarters. She explained it was her Aunt Bobbie and Aunt Blake's place and that she had a room there too whenever she was at the lodge. Then we sat and gossiped and caught up. We wound up sprawled out on the couches in a sunken seating area in the main room with me laying across Bran's lap with my head in her lap, our natural state.

  She just played with my hair and held my hand. After a bit Sammie said cutely, “Gawd you two are so cute together.” I felt Brandye tense up for a second but then relaxed without saying anything and start stroking the back of my hand with her thumb. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Then it felt like she did the same. I really needed to talk with her about how I have been feeling. It isn't healthy to keep it bottled up inside like this, but I am such a coward. What if she doesn't feel the same, or worse. What if it scares her off?

  Silent frigging Bob walked in as we talked into the evening. There was a tapping and creaking and clacking, from the braces on her legs and the crutch she used. She greeted us with a heavy Australian accent. Then a few minutes later her wife, Blake came in, her own brace creaking and clacking. They joined us. Oh my god! We're talking with a frigging legend and her wife. We wound up ordering Chinese food and visiting. This entire day seemed so surreal to me.

  Daisy seemed to be in heaven with so many people around to pet her and so many people like Bran dropping little pieces of meat. “Ooops.”

  I snorted. “You are all so bad! Poor Daisy is going to wind up weighing fifty pounds!” Then I dropped a little piece of chicken from my chicken fried rice. “Ooops.” Everyone laughing uproariously as Daisy hoovered it up. I scooped up the fuzzball and nuzzled her fur then put her back down in case anyone else had a food accident.

  After we ate we all kicked back while they watched the news on the television. I gathered my courage and turned my head up and whispered, “Bran, some day soon, we really need to talk.”

  I could feel her nodding as she wrapped her free arm across my chest and gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head. I smiled. There... I took the first step and she hasn't run yet.

  We said our goodbyes and Abbey and Sammie walked us to the car. Abbey gave us hugs and said, “Don't be strangers. We live in the same city Robin and we haven't seen you since college.”

  Sammie gave playful back and forth hugs and said in her sweet British accent, “What Abbey said. And you too Bran!”

  I'm pretty sure I didn't stop smiling the whole way home. After we parked in the garage and went into Brandye's kitchen, I heard Daisy scamper out the dog door. Bran silently took my hand and spun me like we were dancing then walked me out back and to my place.

  She stopped at the door instead of coming in for some reason and whispered, “Good night Goldie.” Then she kissed my cheek. It was a feather light kiss that she stretched out for a few seconds then she was gone like the wind. Leaving me standing there with my heart beating a thousand times a second.

  Chapter 12 – Unraveling

  I thought I'd have more time to myself now that school was out. Boy was I wrong. Kylee kept me busy at the studio and Robin kept me busy at home. I gave her every second that I wasn't flying off to various museums around the world. I found an unexpected ally in Mia Jacobs.

  There were some museums that were hesitant about allowing scans of various works. I was a nobody and though the project sounded intriguing, they just had to pass. That is until Mia Jacobs threatened to pull her exhibits from them if they had them or to offer one in exchange for their cooperation.

  I thought it was wonderful that all of her new work always included at least one sculpture that she encouraged everyone to touch. I wanted Robin to experience as much art as possible. This entire project was for her. I hated hiding it all from her, but it had to be perfect before I showed her.

  My golden haired angel forced me to take Brandye time with her whenever I could. I secretly called it my Robin time. We would alternate holidays between my folks house and flying down to see her folks. God Mister and Mrs. Hartford were some of the nicest people I have met. There was no doubt in my mind that they loved their daughter. Though Mrs. Hartford seemed waaaaay overprotective.

  Grandma and Grandpa Callahan tell Robin to call then Grams and Gramps.

  I slept more nights on Robin's couch with her than in my own bed. My guilty secret was that I preferred it. Since I was too scared to admit to her and myself how I really felt about her, because I know how all relationships end, I put off the conversation I knew she wanted to have, time and again. I loved her and I wouldn't let myself acknowledge it.

  Less would spend as much time speaking with Robin as with me on the midnight calls. I swear she treats her like a sister. They even sneak off from time to time to do sister-ish things together. It always makes me smile.

  The way my parents treat her as part of the family and just automatically include her in all things like I do warms my heart. Now why couldn't I ever be in a relationship as good as the one one I have with Robin, as good as the one I want so badly with her? It can almost make a person believe that all relationships don't have to end badly.

  The next three years were filled with the happiest times of my life. We had a scare a few months back when I was in France and the latch on my side gate had somehow popped open and Daisy went for a walkabout. Robin had called in tears. She was so scared and sobbing that she couldn't find her. Daisy is like our daughter and it scared the hell out of me too.

  I cut my meeting short at the Louvre in Paris to fly directly home. Robin and my family had been combing the neighborhood and the local pounds that day and the previous one with no luck. Then we finally got a call from a local vet. Some people had found Daisy and brought her in to have her chip scanned. It appeared that another dog had attacked her and she had puncture wounds on her back and some damage to one of her floppy ears. The vet assured us that she would be just fine.

  I couldn't thank the couple that had found her enough. I gave them a huge reward for finding our baby and when we got her home we spoiled her rotten. That night, Robin broke down as we sat on the couch. She cried into my shoulder and I tried so very hard to console her. I knew the relief she felt and the fears she had. God, I was never going to have children if this is what it felt like with a dog, I couldn't imagine my terror if it was a child.

  I had brought her to her bed after she had cried herself out but she just held her covers open for me as she hugged Daisy to her chest like she would never let her go. This was the scariest thing I had done in my entire life. I couldn't allow myself to fall any deeper in love with this wonderful woman, I have avoided things like this until I could tell her properly. I had been working on it for three years. But she needed me and I would always be there for her. She... she was my soulmate... that I could never have. I joined her and we both cuddled Daisy and each other until sleep finally claimed us after she had me tell her about the color brown.

  Lessa was telling me more and more frequently lately that Robin and my co-dependant relationship was unhealthy and that we had to make a decision one way or another. That I was hurting Robin every day I didn't say anything. I knew she loved Robin like another sister. So she started forcing the point and telling me I should start dating people in front of Robin. That my views on the volatility of relationships was flawed and needed to take a chance on someone. Robin always looked hurt when she said that.

  Last week I stopped by Phearson Robotics. Tim was beyond excited, the production units for our project had been delivered from the factory and he had one set up in our work
shop for me to see. I was so amazed, it was so far beyond my wildest expectations. I had to wipe a tear from my eye as the presentation played. Tim informed me that the shipping had been arranged for the first batch, the second batch would ship to the museums and galleries directly from the factory.

  This put me in such a good mood. My graduation was less than a month away now, and the unveiling of my project worldwide. My project for Robin.

  When I got home I rushed over to her place and ran in and grabbed her up in a huge hug, spinning her around, causing Daisy to jump around barking. Robin was giggling and asking, “What's gotten into you?”

  I was lost in the moment and did the stupidest thing of my life and kissed her on the lips. God, her warm moist lips seemed almost too sweet, too perfect, too... I pulled back when she started kissing back and let go of her. “I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Robin. I... I got carried away. I just had the best day.”

  She was frowning and she blurted out, “Please don't. Don't apologize.” Then she turned and walked off toward the kitchen, effectively ending our conversation. She came back in a minute later with my coffee. She just whispered. “Sit. Tell me about your day.” Then for the first time in forever, she sat on the couch beside me with her own coffee and didn't lay back into me. Shit! I just fucked everything up didn't I?

  I realized I couldn't tell her why I was so happy. Not yet, she needed to be at the unveiling. So I just shrugged and guided the conversation to her day instead. She seemed so distant that night. After a while she just said she had to be up early to meet with Annette, then a gallery, and excused herself to bed.

  I really liked Annette, she was always pushing Robin out of her comfort zone and she was sarcastic as hell. But I felt like I was just told to leave. I can't tell you how deep that cut into me. Why am I such a screw up?

  Daisy followed me home as I slowly started to hyperventilate. As soon as I got in the back door I slid down the wall with my back to it and I grabbed my knees and started rocking back and forth as I sobbed. What had I done? I was in full panic mode and dug my silver dollar out of my pocket in desperation. I was frantically rubbing it but it wasn't helping, god damn it! I just sat there trying to breathe, I couldn't get any air in my lungs. I don't know how long I st there like that before exhaustion claimed me and I slumped against the wall to sleep. My dreams were full of nightmares of being alone. Maybe everyone is right and I should seek professional help.

  Robin was already gone when Daisy and I went over that morning. This hurt as well, we always say good morning. This started another panic attack. Everything was unraveling because of my boneheaded maneuver. I couldn't move for hours, I was in the corner trying hard to get air into my lungs when my front door burst open and Lessa came through with a scared look on her face.

  She saw me in the corner and rushed over to me and engulfed me in a hug as I sobbed. “Shhhhh... It's ok Bran, I'm here. Shhhhh...” I clung to her feeling the anxiety and fear slowly subside.

  I finally looked up at her, my eyes filled with tears. “What... what are you doing here Less? Aren't you supposed to be in Spokane today for a concert tonight?”

  She shook her head and stoked my hair. “You didn't answer my midnight call last night, and Kylee called me this morning looking for you, you are late for work and weren't answering your phone. What is it sis? What happened?”

  I told her about everything, about the project I have been keeping from everyone, about my true feelings for Robin, about how I think I just fucked everything up last night. How it was eating me up inside.

  Lessa just listened until I was done. She shook her head and said, “Classic lovers quarrel, only you aren't lovers. Everyone swears you are an old married couple but you aren't married. Good god sis, that was your first real kiss with her. This... thing... between you two is going to tear you two apart unless you grow a pair and tell the woman you are in love with her!”

  I shook my head and my voice sounded frantic even to me, “But if I start a relationship with her, it can only end. I don't want to lose her.”

  My sister just shook her head with a sad look in her eyes, “You ARE in a relationship with her, and a long lasting one at that. The only thing that can destroy it is you two not admitting it. Just look at what happened last night, that is the tip of the iceberg. You either need to commit or move on. Ask Tay out, see where things go. I worry about you sis. It isn't fair to Robin and it isn't fair to you.”

  I just nodded. She helped me get cleaned up and ready for the day. I called Kylee and apologized, my voice was hoarse from all the crying. She was so sweet and said that things happen, not to stress about it. So I went in to work late.

  For the couple hours I was there, June kept passing my work space with a squint-y look. Finally she walked in. “What's wrong Clyde? You seem way off your game and I've never known you to be late for ANYTHING. You are always trying to keep everyone else happy.”

  I shrugged and she rolled her eyes and closed the door to the graphic arts office. She dragged another chair in front of mine and took a seat and grabbed my hands, her eyes were forged steel as she shared her boundless strength. “Spill.” She ordered.

  There are just some things in this world that are constants, some irrefutable facts. Time marches on, the speed of light is a constant, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, and it is impossible to win an argument with June Harris-West, Force of Nature, patent pending and trademarked. So I spilled.

  It was just as tear filled as when I told Less what had happened. June patiently listened, nodding at appropriate points then said with all the love in the world. “Wow Clyde, you're a dumbass.”

  Then she held me as I cried again. When I was in control of my emotions then she said, “Easy fix. Tell her you love her. Taa daa! I won't even charge you for the session.”

  I had to snort at her and the silly look on her face. Especially because I knew she was right, everyone was right. But I was so terrified of two things, relationships and... what if she didn't feel the same way? I just whispered, “I know, I have been working up to it for three years. Just four more weeks...”

  Then she nodded as her eyes got wide in sudden understanding, “Oh my god! SmartCanvas?” I just nodded through watery eyes. Besides Tim, myself, Mia Jacobs, and my senior panel, only Kylee and June knew the truth about my “art catalog” project. Kylee because she's my boss and she worked my schedule around all my trips to various museums and galleries around the world. And June because she was the one who introduced me to Tim. But even if I hadn't have told her... well, I dare anyone in the galaxy to keep something from her. I swear she has inside people for her inside people.

  Well Lessa knows too but she pretends she doesn't because I haven't officially told her. But I have zero doubt in my head that she knows, just like I know all her secrets. I always thought of Less as the other half of me, until I met Robin and I realized I had really found the other half of myself that makes me whole.

  June was now just shaking her head at me with a small, sad smile. “You're all heart Clyde. You just need to let your girl know before it is too late.” I nodded shakily.

  Robin was home when I got back. I walked up to her back door with Daisy, who just darted through the dog door. I didn't know what to do. This was like an extension of my home the past few years but after last night. I raised my hand to knock, but then decided against it. My emotions were everywhere. I started tensing up as my anxiety built. I squared up my shoulders and walked in.

  Robin was crouched over Daisy giving her some loves. She seemed to stop breathing and she stood. I just wanted everything to go back to normal. “Hey Goldilocks, I'm home.” I kissed her cheek like normal and she seemed to exhale then the smile I craved spread on her face. Oh thank god.

  We chatted and then ate dinner. If she wasn't going to mention last night, I sure as hell wasn't going to. Everything felt normal again. I told her for the four thousandth time, “Make sure you have June fourth free, there is something impor
tant I need to share with you.”

  She chuckled. “You know, that's like the four thousandth time you have told me that. What else would I be doing if not being with you?” Her voice was tinged with something at that, a small stress, possibly hopefulness? I'm just imagining things, it has been an emotional twenty four hours.

  After cleaning up we sat at the table, sewing braille tags into some of her new clothing. She made sure to remind me to take my meds. I grinned, things were back to normal. I said, “Yes ma'am.”

  When we had moved back to the living room she kicked back to listen to a book while I typed up descriptions for the final touches on my project. I would have to get some recording booth time at Cornfed to record the last of it tomorrow. I already have the video portions finished. Damn, I'll have to make sure to get the finished digital files forwarded to all the participating venues by next week so they have time to set everything up by June.

  I noticed Robin hesitated a second before laying back into me and taking my hand. I looked down at her in trepidation but then she cuddled in and I sighed. After a while she said, “Less called this morning looking for you. She said you weren't answering your phone and were late for work.”

  I shrugged. “Yeah I was just having a bad day.”

  She tilted her head back with a look that was one part concern and one part... guilt? “Is everything ok?”

  I nodded and said, “Yeah, she's just worried about my love life, or lack thereof. She keeps saying that my outlook on relationships is hurting me and those around me.”

  She nodded in agreement. Then I again did something stupid. “I wish you could get inoculated against dumbass-ness,” I said. “She keeps telling me to ask Tay out and give a relationship a try. She thinks I'm only hurting myself by not giving anyone a chance.” I didn't want to add that there was no way that would ever happen since I knew with all my heart that I was in love with Robin.