“I’d probably find you keeping your dick in your pants a little romantic.” Did I just say that?
He scoffed. “What is this all about? You’re not being yourself at all. First, you run out of the house like a child, and now, this aggressiveness.”
“Would you keep cheating on me into our marriage? Would it stay the same?”
“Of course not. For God’s sake, Alyson, I’ve apologized. You need to let it go now.”
I didn’t believe him for one second and not just because I had the history to prove that cheaters never changed. “I don’t want to marry you. It’s actually the last thing I want to do.”
“What?!”
“I don’t want to marry you. I don’t want to be married to a man who doesn’t love me enough to be faithful to me. I was stupid to stay with you after the first time.”
Eric remained silent, a tactic I knew he used to get me to cave in to what he wanted. I wasn’t giving in, though. I refused to live the life my mother led. I wasn’t going to waste my time on this Earth. Granted, Thorn probably wasn’t my soulmate, and in fact, his story was probably just old folklore, but I liked the idea of having a soulmate who was made just for me.
“Is there someone else?”
I laughed, bitterly. “You can cheat, but I can’t, huh? I’m sorry, Eric, but we’re through. I should’ve ended this relationship the first time you cheated on me, but I didn’t, so here it is. I deserve more than you. I deserve a… a… soulmate.”
“What the hell, Allie? Soulmate? What are you on? You’re just going to end a three-year relationship just like that? And over the phone? Don’t be insane.”
“If I forgot anything at your house, just get rid of it.”
“Where are you? I’ll come get you. Clearly you’re not in your right mind right now.”
I hung up and turned the phone off before he could call me back. Breaking up with him was unexpected, but it felt incredibly freeing. A weight had just been lifted from my shoulders. I stretched out on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. I didn’t have to settle for a man who would cheat on me constantly. That was a choice, and from now on, I would be choosing differently. And maybe, just maybe, I would find someone who would treat me better than that.
CHAPTER 18: Hawthorne
“What the fuck went down yesterday, man? The whole bar was a complete disaster last night.” Hutch asked from his seat at Wyatt’s mom’s kitchen table. Sandra was outside, tending to her small greenhouse, and that was the only reason Hutch dared to mutter the F-word in her house.
I looked back towards the door to make sure she was still outside and shook my head. “I don’t even know.”
Wyatt leaned in. “The whole bar was so damn full of the scent of sex that Abram had to shut the place down. Nearly everyone in there was drunk as hell and trying to dry hump each other to kingdom come.”
Sterling groaned and squirmed in his chair. “I think I broke my dick.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What?”
“I took Kyle’s little sister home last night. She waited until I got my pants off and then she punched me as hard as she could in the dick.”
I shuddered. “You know that whole family hates you. Why did you even bother?”
“I had to try.”
Hutch shook his head. “Dumb fuck.”
“So, how was it? The way you disappeared last night, I figured you were going back for seconds right away.”
I growled at Sam before I could stop myself. The silence that hung over the table was heavy and I swore. They had to know. No way would I ever get defensive over a casual hookup. “She’s my fucking mate.”
Sandra swept through the kitchen with a smack to the back of my head. “I don’t care what she is. You curse like that again in my kitchen, Hawthorne Canton, and I won’t hesitate to take a switch to you.”
The woman had practically raised me and I winced under her glare. Sandra wasn’t just Wyatt’s mother, she was a mother to us all. “Yes, ma’am. Hutch said it first, though.”
Wyatt snorted a laugh and it wasn’t long before all hell broke loose. Sandra chased us out of her kitchen with her broom and we shifted and headed into the woods together, like we normally did after breakfast. We ran and shoved into each other, playing the same way we had since we were children. We’d been together for as long as any of us could remember and our bears reacted to each other like brothers.
When we’d worn ourselves out, we shifted back and dove into the lake at the back of Sandra’s property. The water was ice cold and just what I needed to cool off.
“Your mate, huh?” Wyatt said it with a smirk that made me want to strangle him.
“Don’t say anything. I know it isn’t what any of us have ever dreamed of, settling down with one woman, but…fuck. My bear itches to be near her. And, she’s not bad.”
Wyatt rolled his eyes. “Not bad? Man, you’ve got to up your game with the compliments if you expect to keep her.”
“She’s already engaged. Plus, I’m not trying to keep her around. I’m not the settling down type. You know my history. I’ll just fuck it up.”
Hutch splashed me. “Brother, you don’t get to pick when you’re ready. It just happens. You can’t fight it. Lucky bastard.”
I looked around at them and frowned. “How would y’all feel if you were in my boots? Tell me you wouldn’t be upset if you met your mate tomorrow and had to go directly to playing house?”
Wyatt shook his head. “Hell no I wouldn’t be upset. A mate is a good thing, Thorn. Obviously, you had a different experience than us, but you can’t think that what happened between your mom and stepdad is normal. It was fucked up. Super fucked up, and rare. It doesn’t usually happen like that. You have as much chance as any other shifter to have a perfect mating.”
I swam a few feet away, feeling uncomfortable with the topic. I couldn’t help the doubts, though. “I thought you didn’t want to find your mates, either. Aren’t we all good like this? Bachelors playing the field, nothing to tie us down.”
Sterling chuckled and shrugged. “I’d feel like I’d died and gone to heaven, bro. I’m not exactly holding my breath cause sometimes it doesn’t happen and I don’t want to jinx myself, but if my mate came along, I sure as hell wouldn’t be here with you shitheads. I’d be with her, not letting her go.”
Hutch nodded. “The idiot is right for a change. Any of us would give our right nut to find our mate. I would give up all other women for a mate in a heartbeat. Have you still had a wandering eye?”
I thought about it and sighed. “Naw. It’s only been a little over a day, though.”
“It won’t change. You let her go and you’ll spend forever yearning for her, never wanting another woman again.”
I dunked myself and stayed under for as long as I could, trying to clear my head. I guess my parents’ mating left a worse taste in my mouth than I realized. I’d just assumed the rest of the guys would be as disappointed as I was. Mating felt like a trap for me. The guys all acted like they’d be thrilled, but I wasn’t sure yet. If I was being brutally honest with myself, I’d admit that I was scared as hell of what it meant for me. Watching Mom go fucking crazy had left scars that ran deep. I couldn’t help imagining that happening to me. Or to Allie.
When I came back up to the surface, the guys were all swimming back to shore. Hutch looked over at me and sighed. “Don’t fuck it up, man. You got what we’d all feel lucky as hell to get.”
I stayed in the frigid water, my mind searching desperately for some sort of ease with the situation. I wanted to have the kind of confidence the guys had about having a mate. Instead, when I got out, I was pruned and no closer to finding peace.
CHAPTER 19: Allie
Thorn wasn’t in the bar that night. His friends were all there, at their table, but when I brought a tray of drinks, no one mention him. They were acting pretty weird, too. Not even Sterling, who was the biggest flirt of the bunch, tried anything with me.
I focused on work
and tried my best to ignore the strange gut-wrenching ache in my middle that had no business being there. Especially since I knew it had nothing to do with ending my relationship with Eric.
Abram gave me a look at the beginning of my shift, but didn’t say anything about what I’d done with Thorn. I didn’t know for sure that he knew, but I had this sixth sense that he did. It made me feel slightly awkward and weird the whole night. I couldn’t tell if he was pissed at me or not and I hated it.
By the time we closed, I was exhausted. I’d run around the bar like a chicken with its head cut off all night long, covering for another server who’d called off. There was still no sign of Thorn and I was starting to get the message loud and clear. I thought of the expression on his face the night before. He’d gotten really freaked out when we had that discussion about soulmates.
Abram sat down at the bar and poured himself a glass of whiskey. “You want one?”
I shook my head and tossed my soiled towel into the bin with the others. “I’m good. Thank you, though. You okay. Abe?”
He met my eyes and a frowned etched his features into something that just didn’t sit right on his usually jovial face. “You leaving?”
Taken aback, I made a face. “What? Are you getting rid of me?”
“No, of course not. I just figured, after what happened with Thorn, that you’d be running off.”
I pressed my lips together and walked over to the jukebox to gather myself a moment. I suddenly felt like I’d disappointed my dad. “I’m sorry, Abram. I know you said to stay away and I tried... until I didn’t.”
“So, you are leaving?”
I moved back towards the bar and reached over it to pour myself a glass of the amber liquid. “No. I still don’t have enough money to go anywhere. I’m also having some sort of early mid-life crisis. I broke up with my fiancé. Boyfriend, really. I never did accept the proposal.”
Abram rested his hand on top of mine and smiled. “You fit in here. Wouldn’t feel right if you left. Especially over Thorn, the big dumb jackass.”
“Where is he, anyway? Does he normally avoid the bar, or is it me?”
“I don’t know.” When he saw my pointed look, he looked away and then groaned. “Probably you. He’s an idiot.”
He could say that again. I pushed off from the stool and grinned at him. “That’s fine with me. It saves me the trouble, doesn’t it?”
“I’m serious, Allie. I like him and he’s a good guy, but he just doesn’t know how to keep it in his pants for a girl. I don’t think I’ve ever known him to actually date a girl.”
I hated the ache in my chest but I forced a smile onto my face. “I didn’t expect anything, Abram. You don’t have to protect me. Now, unless there’s anything else for me to do, I want to get back to the trailer and warm my toes in front of the space heater.”
“Go ahead.” He waited until I was almost out of the front door before talking again. “And Allie? I’m sorry about your almost fiancé. It’s never easy to end something like that. Let me know if you need a day off or anything.”
That time, my smile was real. “Thanks, Abram. I’m good, though. He was a jerk. I deserve better.”
“You sure do.”
I walked back to the trailer and locked myself in for the night, determined to just push through the feeling of rejection that was threatening to overpower me. Thorn was avoiding me. He was actually avoiding me like I was some clinger who would beg him for affection, or something. He didn’t know me. I might’ve taken less than I deserved from exes, but I never begged anyone to stay and I sure as hell wasn’t going to start with Thorn.
The next night I got to the bar and once again Thorn was conspicuously absent. He was seriously avoiding me. His friends’ looks progressed to pity and I felt like karate kicking a hole in Thorn.
I walked up to their table and leaned down. “You can tell your yellow-bellied BFF that he doesn’t have to hide from me. I don’t want him anymore than I want herpes. Now, what do ya’ll want to drink?”
Hutch’s eyes widened and he bit down on his hand to keep from laughing. When he was composed again, he just nodded. “The usual.”
I looked at the rest of them, in turn, with raised eyebrows, daring them to say something. My mood had gone from bad to worse in the wake of Thorn’s continued cowardice. “I’ll get that right out to you, boys.”
The night progressed in pretty much the same way. I was miserably angry and kept picturing Thorn’s face with a bullseye transposed over top. I may have crossed the line into obsession, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. If I wasn’t thinking about knocking him out, I was thinking about how he’d taken me on the bar. Or, I was thinking about the fact that he was probably with some other woman right now. Knowing his type, I seriously doubted he’d slow down his prowess just because he and I had an intense hook up followed by a conversation about soulmates.
Abram, sensing my mood, told me to take tomorrow night off work and instead just come in for some fun. I figured I’d take him up on that offer because fun was exactly what I needed. I was single and ready to get out of the funk that Thorn Canton had put me in.
Maybe I needed a little support, too. Girl talk might help clear my head and I was seriously missing all my girlfriends from back home. When I got back to the trailer, I turned my phone back on and dialed Georgia.
Georgia Child and I had been friends since we were young schoolgirls and she was never far from her phone. She answered on the second ring, her voice distance as she spoke to someone in the background. “Well, what the hell was I supposed to do with it? Should I have folded it and put it next to the damn towels?!”
“Georgia?”
“Allie?!” She lowered her voice and I heard a door slam shut. “Holy shit, girl. Where have you been?”
“It’s a long story. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. You missed Helen’s birthday party. We hired a stripper and he turned up wearing a three piece, powder blue suit. He was also sixty.”
I laughed. “I haven’t been gone that long. Why didn’t I know there was going to be a party for her?”
“It was last minute, hence the geriatric stripper.” Rustling noises filled the phone and then she yelled more. “I’m on the phone, dickweed! Why don’t you just get out of here?”
“Who is that? I thought you broke up with Steve?”
“I did. That’s a new guy.” She raised her voice. “He’s leaving my life now, though, so there’s nothing to tell!”
“I have some things to tell you, though. And I need some advice.”
“You’re pregnant, aren’t you? Is that why you left? I wouldn’t want to raise a child with that imbecile, Eric, either.”
“No! It’s not that, but…”
CHAPTER 20: Hawthorne
“It’s about fucking time you showed up around here. This isn’t my bar, you overgrown cub. It’s yours. You can’t skip out on things for two days in a row because you’re hiding from Allie. You’re a grown man, Thorn. You sleep with someone, you man up and deal with it. I would’ve thought you’d be used to it by now, in a town this size.”
My heart sped up and my palms grew sweaty. Sure as hell didn’t feel like a grown man. “Is she here?”
He slammed a beer down, not paying any attention to the man who’d ordered it as it sloshed over the side and soaked the bar napkin. “I gave her the night off.”
I looked around at the bar. It was still early and there weren’t many patrons yet. It would pick up soon and then I’d be surrounded by smells and sounds. Maybe then, I’d be able to get her scent out of my head. It was everywhere. I didn’t just smell her behind the bar, either, I could still smell her arousal if I breathed in deep, and my bear was going nuts.
I’d locked myself away for the past two days, in hopes of getting control of myself, and over my bear. I’d somehow managed to go from zero to I-can’t-live-without-you over a woman I barely even knew. It just didn’t seem smart or safe.
Saf
e. What a fucking four letter word. I was the guy who never worried about anything. I went out on a limb all the time. I took chances. Yet, when it came to Allie, I was a shitless coward. Would I ever be safe again? I hadn’t even shifted the whole time I was hiding afraid that my bear would take over and run right to her.
Jesus, I’d lost my balls since she walked into town. No one else got it, either. To them, I was just being a fool. They talked about how they wouldn’t miss a single second with their mate, but they didn’t get it. They hadn’t gone through the things I had, or seen what I’d seen. I had every right to want to protect myself from Momma’s fate.
None of that made Abram talking to me like I was a fucking kid feel any better, though. I snarled at him and grabbed the beer he’d just opened before stomping off to my table. I was in a rare mood. I wanted to fight. I wanted to find someone who was willing to challenge me and I wanted to make them bleed. Hell, I wanted to rip their fucking head off. That was, if Allie stayed away. It’d be a shame to be in the middle of the fight and then go into scared kitty cat mode because she was headed my way.
If it was even possible, I swore I could feel her anger like a tangible thing and it brought me to my knees. The bond between us had already grown that strong.
I groaned and sank into my favorite chair. My back and legs were stiff from working out nearly all day long for two days. I’d thought that maybe a good workout would burn some of the excess energy off, but instead, I was just stiff and still eager to run to Allie.
A few minutes later, Hutch and Sterling showed up. Half an hour after that, Sam and Wyatt joined us. We tossed back a few beers and then moved on to whiskey as the place filled up.
“At least you’re out of hiding, Thorn. We’ve missed seeing you in here.”
Hutch slapped the back of Sam’s head. “Really? We’ve missed him? For a bear, you sure are a-”
“Trouble. Kyle just walked in with his cute as hell little sister.” Sterling said it with an easy grin on his face, but I could feel the tension rolling off him in waves.
Bears of Burden: THORN Page 8