Goodbye, Good Girl

by Renee Blossom

  “But I thought this was an audition. Isn’t it supposed to be, you know… erotic?”

  “Trust me, just stick to what you already know for now.”

  Kandace climbed onto the dimly lit stage and turned to face April. From the stage, seating was mostly in darkness, with lights shining near her face as she tried to look for Teddy. He came into view with a younger man, outfitted in a matching silver suit.

  Ashanti’s ‘Only U’ played.

  Life is a performance, one after the other. Her dance instructor had said that more than once.

  Kandace unzipped her jacket and dropped it, then lowered her tights for comfort and began with an energetic climb and spin. Acrobatic as it was fluid. Graceful. She held a cupid, then a leg hook, followed by a ballerina pose, as she had routinely practiced and performed. She completed spins and pikes, her hands held true as her body and strength were on display. Perfect form. April whistled.

  As the song ended, Kandace finished with a pinup girl, lying flat on her back. She came to her feet and leaned against the pole, arms crossed, examining her audience.

  April was slack-jawed. Teddy grinned.

  “Take off your bra,” Teddy said.

  Kandace felt her face contort on its own. “You’re joking, right?”

  Teddy laughed and nudged April on the shoulder. “She’s perfect,” he said, walking away.

  Anxiety bubbled. Should she call him back? Too late, he was out of sight. Kandace stayed on stage, but thought about jumping down to chase after Teddy. “So… what do I do? Did he like me?”

  “Are you kidding?” April grinned. “Incredible. You blew him away. Most dancers here can’t do all that. I’ve got an instructor teaching us those techniques.”

  Kandace paused a beat. “I consider myself a pro dancer.”

  April snickered. “Keep that attitude, and you’ll go far. C’mon, it’s prep time. Then stripping 101.”

  “Wait… I’m in?”

  “Hell yes, you’re in. You’re gorgeous. You can dance, and you can gab. Teddy’s creaming his pants right now thinking what you’re gonna do for his profits.”

  Kandace twisted her lips, studying April. She stood her ground while April walked slowly, leading the way.

  April turned around. “Think of it as one night of seriously wild shit for pay and you’ll be fine.”

  Kandace managed a short laugh and thought of Mckenzie at home—she’d hit the pole here in a heartbeat, just for the hell of it. “I’ll try it for a night. Now, how do I get paid and how far do you go with customers?”

  “The skinny is, girls pay the club for stage time, which comes out of your earnings. When you give a service—lap dance or table dance, private room—you get half, and you tip out twenty percent. Say you give a lap dance, at fifty bucks, twenty-five is yours, plus eighty percent of the tip. Pretty simple.” April turned and gestured for Kandace to follow. “And we’re a non-contact club, strictly enforced. The club charges a high cover, so we get decent dudes.”

  “So… just topless?” Kandace said.

  Could she do this? She’d only been naked for Kyle. And her doctor.

  “We’re a full-nude club. You can get away with topless if you give lap dances later and go nude then. Customers complain if dancers hold out. Most of us walk around naked all night anyway. Servers work in a bowtie and stilettos, so you’re never alone.”

  “It’s a restaurant?”

  “Oh yeah. Liquor and food is where the money is,” April said, leading Kandace into an intimate backstage area with different lights, elegant decor, and a ceiling of mirrors.

  Kandace forced a smile and swallowed hard, choking down bile. How did she end up at a strip club in St. Louis? She wanted to scream at herself.

  She entered a new room with bright overhead lights, glass doored cabinets and white counters, the distinct smell of disinfectant. There was a leather chaise with doctor’s-office-style white paper lining it that held Kandace’s attention. A small metal reflective table on wheels sat beside it, with folded white towels on top.

  A young woman with tautly tied hair worked at a clear plastic corner desk. She stood and, using few words, directed Kandace against a plain white wall.

  “What’s this for?” Kandace asked April.

  “Your ID, babe. Worth more than money.”

  “Okay,” Kandace said and felt relieved.

  “Now comes the fun part,” April said and gestured at the examination table. Kandace eyed it and then looked at the young woman who wore an indifferent expression.

  “This the part when you knock me out and take my kidneys?”

  “Hair removal,” April said. “Can’t have you parading around in the buff with a giant muff. Know what I’m saying?”

  Kandace managed a smile. She considered shaving a necessary evil. Except this setup appeared ready for a minor surgery—the small table next to the paper covered chaise had several metal and sharp-looking tools, a tall white bottle, what looked like a popsicle stick, cotton balls and two devices Kandace didn’t recognize. The hot pink electric razor was the sole familiar device. “I can shave on my own.”

  April grimaced. “It’s waxing.”

  “No way.”

  “House rules. Don’t worry, Trina here is a real pro. And I have Valium.”

  “I can’t. I’m freaking out,” Kandace said.

  “It looks seriously hot. Your boyfriend will love it.”

  “Really?”

  “For real. Shower first. Relax. The giant clear bottle with a pump is the stuff. Foam on all your hair and rinse. Slip on the robe and come back out. And Trina will dim the lights for ya,” April said.

  What the hell am I doing? Kandace asked herself as she undressed in the shower stall.

  She used the clear bottle product as instructed, and wrapped in the robe, felt as if she was getting a pap smear. The table elevated slowly and lowered Kandace at her midsection so that she was staring at the ceiling at a backward angle.

  She tried to slow her breathing.

  April hovered over, looking down. “Want a Valium?”

  Kandace shook her head.

  “Hold as still as possible,” April said and held a rolled white towel. “Bite this. It helps.”

  Towel clenched, Trina started at Kandace’s ankles with wax, meticulous with compression—and brutal ripping it off.

  Kandace grunted and bit hard on the towel. Still reeling, she appreciated the stay of execution when Trina hunted stray hairs with tweezers.

  Once hairless below her neck, Kandace stood in the shower, letting water rinse off the remaining goo. Then she used gloves to exfoliate her skin. On examination, she couldn’t believe the smoothness.

  “Don’t worry. First one is on the house,” April said and held out her hand, two small blue pills resting on April’s palm. “These will dull your pain. And stop the jitters.”

  Kandace studied them. No markings. Generic shape, small size, baby blue.

  “You need these, trust me.”

  “What are they?”

  “Ecstasy.”

  Kandace stepped back from April. “Oh, shit! You’re serious?”

  “Yeah, I’m serious.”

  “Do you take them?” she asked. April blinked, then downed them both with water. She shook out two more into her palm for Kandace from a dark brown bottle.

  “What do they do?” Kandace asked. She knew girls from high school who used E and spoke about it lovingly. She also knew how dangerous the drug could be.

  “Ease the waxing burn, cut out your jitters, give you crazy stamina and my favorite feature of all: they unearth some serious sexual energy you never knew you had.”

  “I’m not having sex with a stranger.”

  “Relax, Small Town Girl, it’s not gonna make you do that. It’s hard enough to dance for three, four hours. Try a ten-hour shift while pretending you’re horny, grinding on some dude’s hard-on at two am. It’s impossible. These help.”

  “Teddy knows about this?”r />
  “It’s Teddy’s supplier. We pay for them. But he sources them, so we’re not getting duped with crap drugs or sky-high prices. With E bought on the street, you don’t know how much actual MDMA you’re getting—or if it’s laced with additives that change it totally. This way, we get pure stuff.”

  “Sounds too good to be true,” Kandace said.

  “Are your lips on fire?”

  “Hell yes.”

  “I feel you. The Brazilian is a bitch, but it’s liberating. Your vagina hasn’t known such freedom before,” April said, holding the pills up. “Welcome to The Palace.”

  Kandace downed the pills with water. She froze a moment, waiting, as though anticipating an earthquake. “How long does it take?”

  April snickered. “That’s cute. You’ve never been high before. Relax. You’ll know when it’s hitting.”

  “Phase two,” Trina said. She held out clear goggles and ushered Kandace to a circular tile surround, then explained the spray tan process while tugging off Kandace’s robe and toweling her off without a word of approval.

  Doused in dark brown liquid, Kandace twisted as instructed until the ordeal ended. She stood, arms out, holding her breath while waiting for the stink to dissipate.

  April beamed. “You’re done, sexy woman! Totally! Now how do you feel!”

  “I’m afraid to move,” Kandace said, admiring the new version of herself in the mirror and watching the clock, her arms extended out.

  “I bet. It’s gotta dry.” April walked around Kandace as though studying a sculpture—a gorgeous work of art she’d made—for the slightest blemish. It was a surreal exam and felt more like a strange dream. Then April nodded her approval. “You’re ready to slay some hearts for cash.”

  “Okay, quit looking at me. I can’t take it. Where’s a bigger mirror?”

  April laughed and pointed at the bathroom’s far wall. “Before long, you’ll forget that you’re naked. It’s the other twats prancing around; now that’s an acquired taste!”

  Kandace tiptoed and twirled like a ballerina. “Ooh! I seriously love this tan. Crazy good. I’ve never been this dark! And I love how my butt looks!”

  “You should. I’d kill for that ass,” April said. “You got sand where it counts.”

  “And Trina seriously ripped out my carpet. Bye, bye, bush,” Kandace said, hunching over to examine herself. “I had no idea I’d like this so much! What’s next?”

  “Wardrobe,” April said. “Then rehearsal. Get your robe back on if you want, sexy ass.”

  Kandace reached for the robe on the floor, then decided she’d rather not—she figured her tan might rub off, even a little.

  10

  April and a woman introduced as Molly helped Kandace pick out a pink plaid skirt and a white button-down, tied as a crop top.

  “That combination is tight. Now, we gotta pick a name for you. The best names not currently taken are… Dakota. Aubrey. Autumn. And if you don’t like any of those, I’ll dig deeper.”

  “What about Crystal? Natasha?”

  “So very taken. I’m telling you, I’ve narrowed it down to the best three names we don’t have on the dance floor yet.”

  “Autumn is it. Does that work for me, do you think?”

  “Autumn fits you, and your outfit is hot. How are you feeling?”

  “Awesome. So how much longer until the pills work?”

  “If you feel awesome after a Brazilian, then they’ve started. You’ll get the full high in an hour or so,” April said.

  She led Kandace to another room down a long hallway. One way in, one way out. Long, narrow white drawers lined each wall like a celebrity closet and every drawer had labels above the pull handles—it was a Victoria’s Secret on steroids.

  April, like a motivated sales associate, opened a drawer labeled 32C and removed several dazzling bras for Kandace. “All of them are sexy,” she said. “You need an easy release clasp, so you’re not fighting with your bra on stage. No pushup, good support for dancing until its warranty expires.”

  Kandace laughed, her eyes were glowing, examining the bra’s color pattern and details. Matching thong. She slipped on her new attire, then followed April to the main area.

  A manager darted over, fitted silver suit like the others, armed with a formidable camera. He instructed Kandace how to pose against the wall and got shutter happy. Kandace felt sexy, like getting her first fashion mag cover shoot.

  April took a sidelong look at her. “Girl, you’re gonna parlay this into a modeling gig. I’ll quit dancing so I can become your manager.”

  Kandace smiled back. “Yeah. That was fun. What are the photos for?”

  “Promo material. Your lips burning still?”

  “No way. I’m feeling good. Warm. Energized.”

  April rubbed Kandace’s shoulders. “How’s that feel?”

  Kandace stepped back, toward April. “Oh, keep going. That’s awesome.” Her nerves tingled, as though her insides had been secretly yearning for a caress. Every pressure along her back brought on new sensations.

  “You’re having fun, aren’t you?”

  “Totally. It’s like the last day of school. I can’t believe how cool this is. What’s next?”

  “Yeah. Easy E, baby. You’re climbing, girlfriend. Avoid alcohol tonight. Bartenders should ask you how you like your drink, so when a customer orders for you, give him a thumb up. That’s club code for making it virgin. When dancers get drinks all night long, you’ll get hammered quick.” April stopped rubbing. “Practice time. Let’s move.”

  April introduced a silver suit from her demo, Trey. They sat up close and watched Kandace practice. While Kandace had moves, Trey had April demonstrate how to dance to stimulate future cash flow. She performed for a minute, mostly floor work with simple spins on the pole. Kandace paid close attention as April naturally brought attention to her body, seducing an invisible crowd.

  Kandace had never thought of herself as a sex object while on stage—in the studio or in competition. Parents and grandparents were around with younger kids in those places. The outfits she danced in were small, tight, sparkly and cost a fortune—but the similarities stopped there.

  But something changed watching April dance—shocking nerves, feelings ignited, as though a new vein flowing through Kandace had come alive and made her heart beat in a totally new way.

  This place is hot.

  I can do this for one night. Make money and go.

  Kandace could see how men wanted April. Would guys want Kandace in the same, electrifying way? Kyle had left, though he’d tasted her goodness, had seen her dance and shared her bed. So maybe men only wanted what they couldn’t have?

  And maybe being denied by her made them desire her more and more.

  For a night, Kandace felt ready to give total strangers a peek.

  Kandace danced a practice set, to April’s excitement.

  “Girl’s found her style; I’m telling,” April said as she came off the stage.

  “That was… amazing. It’s so different and so much the same. I can’t explain it.”

  “You’re a shooting star in the making. We got beauty time coming,” April said and led the way through backstage dressing rooms to a small room walled in mirrors with turning leather chairs.

  “How do you find your way around this club?” Kandace asked, looking around.

  “Give it time. You’ll see. Here’s a robe for you,” April said, handing over a sheer cream slip. Kandace tied it at the waist as April put on a similar one.

  Kandace sat in an elegant leather chair. “This is a salon?”

  “We call it the beauty room.”

  “So hairdressers work here?”

  “Not exactly. Dancers can bring in their own person but it’s not required, same with makeup. The club subsidizes our costs when business is boomin’.”

  “I’ve never actually used a makeup pro before.”

  “Sweet for you, girl. The club gives visitors a break. Teddy is all about un
discovered talent. Social media tarts, girls at other clubs, he’ll invite them for VIP treatment. If he can get a porn star, which he’s done before, he’ll fly her out. It’s like a circus around here. All kinds of dick hanging out.”

  “That’s hilarious.”

  “Just wait until you peak. You’re on your first high, man, I’m so jealous. Tonight is like your first kiss that never ends.”

  “I know! I can’t believe it! I’ve never had this much fun.” Kandace felt like a model, watching herself get hair and nails done. After an hour and a half getting glamorous, she roamed the club, introducing herself as Autumn to managers on her mini tour. Just saying her new name made it feel more hers. More real.

  Autumn. New name. New identity.

  Backstage, covered tables were setup with a buffet. Dancers hovered over the spread, making small plates while chatting about their kids or boyfriends or politics.

  April, making short work of a salad with chicken, introduced her new recruit to the regulars. Kandace hoped she didn’t have to remember all their names. Kiki. Mimi. Leandra. Some were leggy. Some were curvaceous. Maybe two were old enough to drink.

  “We’ve got about ninety minutes until we’re busy, so eat while you can,” April said. She finished a bite. “And it’s a long ass shift. You’ll be starving. It’s how the church girls get in.”

  “Wait. Church girls? At a strip club?”

  April laughed. “Your face is priceless. Yeah, a ladies’ group prays with us and talks about life and faith. Some dancers like it. They throw birthday parties for dancers after closing, which is the best thing they do, if you ask me. They bring us food and gifts, but they started with free hair and makeup. Until Teddy nixed it.”

  Kandace made a face. “Why stop free hair and makeup?”

  “Because not everyone could schedule it in, so it was considered unfair for some dancers to get free services. Bullshit, really. Teddy kicked out the volunteers and told dancers they could bring their own people in, but no freebies.”

  Kandace chewed. “So how’s this all work with so many dancers?”

  “Not everyone back here dances. Some serve at the restaurant. Some are salaried and work members-only rooms.” April leaned closer. “Some girls work one or two sets and go home with three hundred bucks.”