Goodbye, Good Girl

by Renee Blossom

  “Stop. Seriously. You’ll always regret it if you don’t, but if tomorrow is just as good as today, and it’s a hell of a lot cheaper,” April said. “But if you must go now, then I’d say go. Except twenty-one is the minimum age to rent a car and a fake doesn’t fool them.”

  Kandace paused a moment. “I could take a bus.”

  “But then how do you get around in LA?”

  Biting her cheek, Kandace said, “So, what’s the plan to get us a car? Would Teddy help?”

  “I think Teddy’s the only option. For real. He’s part owner, so if he’s signing for us to use a club car, then it’s on him. I can’t say I know what the terms will be, but it’s worth a shot.” April’s eyebrows twitched, her mouth creased as though she were keeping something inside. “I’ll make a call.” She put her phone to her ear.

  “Teddy, it’s me. Hey, I need a favor. We need a car, just temporary. Thanks,” April said and set her phone on the table next to her plate. “Had to leave a message.”

  “Okay, so what do we do?”

  April grinned. “Sun’s out, buns out. And I’ll introduce you to the wonderful world of massage. It’s wicked.”

  “I don’t know if I can do anything.”

  “What are you talking about? You can’t quit living your life. C’mon. You’ve been dancing hard. Your body needs a break. I know my ass does.”

  “What about a flight? Can you get us tickets to LA? I’ll pay.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t have a credit card.”

  “What about a bank card?”

  “Nada,” April said.

  Silence settled. Kandace made a face. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  April smirked. “Okay, here’s a bitch of a life lesson no one told me, so I’ll tell you and I’ll try to keep this short, but, you’ve got to be careful with your money. There’s this evil empire that you owe a shitload of money to right now and you don’t even know it. They’re called the IRS. And they are the most incompetent bastards on the planet. And if you don’t plan to pay them from the wicked sum you’ve made so far, you’ll be in the same place as me.”

  “You don’t have a credit card because of… taxes?”

  “Apparently, you can’t get any credit if you have unpaid tax liens. What’s your sad story about why you don’t have a card?”

  “I don’t trust myself. And until I turned eighteen a month ago, my mom was on my account, so I couldn’t have her monitoring everything I bought.”

  April got up from the bed. “Welcome to sad realities.”

  Kandace managed a laugh. “So, we lie by the pool all day while we wait on Teddy?”

  “That sounds alluring and repulsive at the same time,” April said.

  19

  “So, how old do you think he is?” Kandace asked April without looking away from the water. Four guys had just left their company for different fish.

  “Maybe twenty-seven, twenty-eight? His friend was cute,” she said, turning to her side, pool water gently lapping against her. She sipped her piña colada, watching Kandace through her new Ray Bans.

  “You were so right. This is amazing. I could stay here all week.”

  “Told ya. Keep on listening to me, you’ll go far in life,” April said, watching people walk around the pool toward them.

  “I can’t stop worrying about my dad, though. This is so unlike him. Something must be up. When’s Teddy gonna call back?”

  “We’ll go, Small Town. Let’s not piss in this pool. I’m enjoying the current temp.”

  “I think we’re in the way. Should we move?”

  “Nah. This is the beach area. We are grand right here. If you haven’t noticed, the guys ain’t complaining when they walk by.”

  Kandace returned a smile to a passerby, stepping around her. “I’ve noticed, but I’m worried I’ll burn.”

  “You’re caramelizing, just like me. This is way cheaper than getting a spray tan every week.”

  Kandace lifted her hair from the water, pushing the soaked mop on her shoulder. “Do you think he really meant what he said? The guy, I mean.”

  “Who? The blonde dude? I wouldn’t count much on what a man you just met tells you. He bought us drinks—those are real. What he said is just like sperm—hot, potent and velvety at release, then cold and dead.”

  Kandace laughed hard, shifted her legs in shallow water. “So how can you know if he’s telling the truth?”

  April rolled over on her stomach and put her face into the water, then let it run down her back as she submerged. The sun flickered and danced on the rippling water. “You really can’t. See what his friends say about him behind his back? The trouble is, for you and me, beauty is cursed.”

  “Oh yeah, like, we’ll become frogs or something?”

  “Cursed, meaning that guys will want you for your looks, your body, so if he likes you for you, he won’t know how to act. And worse yet—like you were telling me about Kyle—he’s jealous of all your guy friends. That’s why he keeps you to himself.”

  “I think he makes me a priority.”

  “Maybe, but don’t you think he’s a little controlling? The way I see it, he wants to keep you, and the only way to do that is to hide you. It’s why he drove you to St. Louis in his car. He’s afraid to lose control.”

  “Yeah, but how can you know? I don’t think he should feel that way.”

  “K, if you were my girl I’d have a vagina lock on you. Shit, if it didn’t exist I’d invent it and get the patent.”

  Kandace laughed and snapped her fingers. “That’s it. Kyle said he didn’t want me out of his sight, right before we split at the gas station.”

  “See? It’s innate. Small head does all the thinking. I’m telling you. He’s gonna have a mold made of your vagina and make doughnuts with it.”

  “No. Stop.”

  April cracked up, hitting the water. “Pussy pillows for breakfast. Whipped cream anyone?”

  Kandace tittered and watched the water, people sunning themselves or swimming. “He left me a voicemail.”

  April turned her neck, faced Kandace. “Oh. So, you’re holding back on me? After all we’ve been through.”

  “I’m still working through it,” Kandace said and waved a hand at April. “He went on and on, apologizing for leaving me in St. Louis and that he should have stayed. In a way, he kinda admitted that his mother holds his balls.”

  “Oooh. Goodbye, good girl. Here comes the bitch. Fine. So, he knows he fucked up, but what about his heartless mother?”

  “It means the world to me that he can recognize a huge mistake and is admitting that. I’m not worried about his mother.”

  April made a face. “I’m no relationship expert, but I’m calling bullshit.”

  “What?”

  “He left you when you needed him, girl. He might be sorry, but shit… he’s gone. You needed him to grow a pair and stand up for you and he didn’t. You don’t—and probably won’t ever—have a fix for his mom and you’ve already said she’s calling the shots. Women don’t like it when another woman steals from her, even if he ain’t hers to claim. You feel me?”

  Kandace was quiet, studying April’s expression. “I don’t know that I could live with his mother interfering in his life all the time. Maybe we can’t work because of his mother… and saying that feels so stupid. I really don’t want to be stuck being single.”

  “Oh, singleness isn’t stuck. It’s liberation!”

  “Yeah, yeah. Do they put a ton of alcohol in these coconut drinks on purpose?”

  “I think the bartender went overboard, for sure. I’m nursing this one.”

  “I’m with you. So… what time is it?”

  “Time to flip, that’s what. Ass up time, boys,” April said, rotating over in the water, elbows to the shallow pool floor.

  “No, for real. As sweet as this is, I need to get to California.”

  “It’s barely one o’cl
ock. Teddy will call me back. Until then, chill.”

  “What if Teddy can’t?” Kandace said, adjusting her sunglasses as she flipped over. “I’m so close. So close! This feels nice, but I can’t help thinking I need to go and get on a bus for LA.”

  April twisted her lips. “Why didn’t I think of this before? Just buy one. You’ve probably got enough money.”

  “Buy one? I can’t do that. I’d have to drive the thing home,” Kandace said. “And I can’t get credit.”

  “Pay cash. Teddy lends money all the time for dancers. You need twenty percent down, then the payment terms get expensive after thirty days, if you don’t pay him off.”

  “That seems insane. Don’t girls just take off? Not pay?”

  “Not that I’ve seen. Dancers are credit-ruined and penniless, and he knows that, so he’s ready to bail girls out to keep them dancing.”

  “So it’s a way to keep dancers working for him.”

  “Yeah. Teddy lent Mona a ton of cash and she still owes. Teddy calls it his dancer retention program.”

  “I’ve got over nineteen thousand in the bank. Isn’t that enough?”

  “Depends on what you want. Teddy pays the dealer directly.”

  “So, I’d still have to wait on Teddy.”

  April paused a moment. “Yeah, I guess. But hey, let’s relax. Let the boys buy us drinks. Get a massage. Make some money tonight, blow town in the morning. That way we make good on our promise.”

  Kandace submerged her face in the cold pool and screamed with her eyes shut. When she surfaced, she wiped off her glasses she said, “I love this place. This sun. This warm weather. And this bikini. And my new best friend.”

  “Cheers to us,” April said, clinking her mostly empty glass with Kandace’s.

  “Heck yeah.”

  Laying out for a little longer, they retreated to a cabana for most of the afternoon, then an hour-long massage at the spa, side by side, complete with stones and aromatherapy. Kandace coaxed April into walking the Mandalay Bay shops, and scored a semi-reasonably priced dress for seeing her father. It met all her criteria: a contouring fit while still modest and fashionable, appropriate for a nice dinner out but not too formal, flirty colors to express her personality without going wild, and a sensible fabric that wasn’t see-through.

  Kandace paid cash and felt surprised at how she felt passing over that much money for one dress—she’d never spent that much for clothing before. After the shops, they returned to the hotel for a poolside dinner.

  Setting her fork aside, Kandace said, “Amazing salmon, great view, but I don’t think I can stomach spending like that again.”

  “You’re on a roll. New purse, new watch. New dress. You’re moving up!”

  Kandace smiled and sighed. “I need to be smart with money. I can finally buy stuff I’ve always wanted, but… I need a new car, which is a super expensive purchase even if I get a cheap one and that doesn’t leave me much for school savings. So… about taxes. How much could I owe?”

  “It’s more than you think. When you get your 1099 from the club at the end of the year, don’t throw it out like I did.”

  “That’s why you save all your money.”

  April shook her head, solemn as though someone had died. “I don’t save it. Whatever comes in, it goes out real fast.”

  “But that’s crazy. I mean, most dancers make way more than anyone I know back at home. How can dancers really ever go broke?”

  April chortled. “Because we think dancing money never ends and we always want more shit. And speaking of money, are you ready to jiggle that ass?”

  Kandace smiled and nudged April under the table. “Get us a ride.”

  Ten minutes later a forgettable Buick pulled into the hotel’s welcome area and whisked the girls to the club. On arriving, Kandace changed and stood at the long backstage mirror next to four other dancers sharing the outlet, curling her hair, retouching makeup.

  April swore, hovering over her locker.

  “What’s wrong?” Kandace asked.

  “Fuck. I can’t believe it.”

  Kandace stopped and watched April dig through her purse over and over again, going faster each time. “What did you forget?”

  “I can’t do it. No way,” April said and sat on a pink nylon chair beside the counter. Dancers were oblivious, tittering and stretching, fixing hair and makeup while gossiping.

  “Oh, no. Don’t tell me… you’re missing…”

  “The bottle. Fucking… people.”

  “Who would have taken it?”

  April threw her hands around, as though boxing the air. “Could have been another dancer. But I bet it was management.”

  “How?”

  “Security video. Thing is, they typically don’t care, as long as you’re not dealing or giving it away to other dancers.”

  “They’d steal stuff?”

  “Some things. And you can’t exactly report that kind of theft, you know?”

  “They were in the locker, right?”

  “Always in the locker. But then I thought maybe I had kept them in my purse by accident. I’m so pissed.”

  “That sucks,” Kandace said. “For both of us.”

  “Yeah. Now we gotta take a shift without pharmaceutical assistance.”

  “Did you get on the schedule?”

  April was quiet a moment. “I’ll work the floor. Maybe I can find a guy who is into humiliation. Or bondage. I’m great company right now.”

  Kandace felt about the same, brushing her hair then setting a curling iron on the counter. Another dancer cut in and picked up the iron and started on her own hair, as though Kandace weren’t there. Kandace looked at her sideways, then sat next to April without saying another word.

  April stayed quiet, staring at nothing. Kandace knew those pills had to come at a steep cost. They watched dancers come and go, killing time until one of them felt like moving. April went to the floor after ten minutes.

  The club felt different. Kandace missed the familiar euphoria hitting right about now, seeing everyone as beautiful and wonderful, the beat an intoxicating pulse of pleasure. Alone with her thoughts, she couldn’t help thinking she should be in California and got mad at herself for not just leaving. She should be with her father. But then, if he is stateside, why hasn’t he called or at least texted back? And why the hell was his voicemail still full?

  Maybe trouble found him and she was already too late?

  Interrupted from her worries, Kandace was called to stage two, which she shared with three other dancers. The beat was good, the club’s vibe was living high in the moment. Her crowd loved her moves and said the right things. She liked teasing them, taunting them to throw their money. But the guys weren’t as good looking as they had been the night before. She wasn’t feeling the same excitement and her energy lacked compared to before.

  She felt human. Mortal. Like she had in competition, when she’d gotten tired, sweaty and fatigued.

  I can do this without E.

  The DJ played R. Kelly too loud. She had forgotten to request her music. The other dancers were jiggling and grinding, making sexual expressions and sounds. Money came, but the raining bills felt fewer and lacked familiar passion.

  After her set she helped sweep tips off the stage. The other girls told her how beautiful she was, how amazing she danced, but Kandace didn’t feel it.

  She couldn’t get California off her mind. She kept thinking she was doing the wrong thing by staying in Vegas, waiting on Teddy.

  She sat with other dancers, whose names she couldn’t remember, and counted money. Kandace’s share was three hundred sixty-eight and the other dancers were excited and conversational.

  This is fun. It’s dancing.

  Kandace returned to Curt and got stuck with a time slot on stage number one in a half hour, which didn’t leave her enough time to really work the floor. The set wasn’t fabulous, though she had her music and got into her pole moves. She romped the floor for lap dances and tho
ugh she had several takers, she couldn’t lure anyone into a private room.

  She felt tired, returning backstage for water and rest. Her third set on stage number three felt good with the crowd loving her moves and tipping well, a take of six hundred eighteen, but she felt drained when she finished.

  She sat on a pink fabric chair and tried not to worry about her parents, to not feel like she was disappointing them. She thought about friends and her sisters and wondered where everyone was and if they were thinking about her at all.

  Where had April gone? Kandace considered searching the floor.

  Optimism brought her from backstage. The floor was densely packed around the stages and the bars. Kandace passed table after table, as though she had a destination. Men noticed as she walked by and she smiled back.

  Damn, I miss those pills.

  A younger group of five tech conference looking guys had no company, and Kandace had caught their attention. Feeling obliged and curious, she went to their table and sat with them. Did they want a dance? Not yet. But before long one customer couldn’t contain himself watching Kandace sip a drink, and invited her to a private room.

  They waited for three minutes to get into one of the semi-private rooms, the lower end of the scale, rendered private only by a curtain.

  A black leather sofa, charcoal carpet, and mirrors made up the ten by ten space. It had conventional lights like an apartment, a dimmer on the wall near the exit. The man sat on the sofa and studied Kandace as though he were appraising fine art.

  Kandace made herself smile. “Thank you, that’s very sweet,” though she wondered how many times he had watched her online. And how did he know she was at this club? She couldn’t stomach becoming known as a stripper. Not in Vegas. Not anywhere, and suddenly hearing a customer bring up her YouTube videos made her realize she had made a name for herself as an exotic dancer seemingly overnight.

  “So, what do you like?” she asked him as he ogled her, realizing that she had to role play. “Can I dance for you?”

  “A dance. Sure. I’d like that.”

  When a 2 On by Tinashe started, Kandace told herself to tease, flirt with him. Make it worth it. She didn’t have to like him. She didn’t have to want him. He would pay to watch.