“You love him?”
“Not the way I loved you.” And that’s the truth. I hardly know Roman at all, but I know Marcus, he’s where my heart lay for so long. However, I do love Roman, and I know that my heart sings when he’s near me, he makes me smile like no one ever has before. He makes me feel safe, invincible, and now I am so confused that I don’t know what to do.
Am I meant to choose between these two men who hold my heart?
How the hell would I even do that when I don’t know whom my heart beats for the most?
“He saved my life, Marcus. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but he made it so easy to do. God,” I lower my head and cry. What the hell am I supposed to do now? My heart is tearing in two different directions.
“Come here,” I didn’t even know he was now beside me, but his arm comes around my shoulder, pulling me to him. I want to push him away, but this is Marcus, my Marcus, and that’s why I lay my head on his shoulder and let him hold me. Maybe I should have put Romany down first, but I didn’t, I just hold her close to me.
I feel a little warm. I shouldn’t feel like this when I’ve just given birth, but as I look into Marcus’s eyes, I see the love swimming there, the love he promised would never die.
How is it possible for this man to be even more handsome than he was five years ago?
His blonde hair and dark eyes make his chiseled features more alluring. He’s not an overly built man, he never has been, but he’s been taking care of himself, I can tell without even seeing his body.
Marcus used to say how much he loved my body, but only when he was in a good mood. When he came home angry or annoyed, he would put me down and tell me how fat and ugly I was. I wasn’t fat, but I began to believe those hurtful things Marcus said about me. That doesn’t matter now because he wouldn’t be attracted to me in any way if he saw me without my clothes. Not with the mass of scars dominating my body now.
Not the way Roman still finds me sexy. Never once did Roman make me feel less than, and never once did he put me down or make mean comments about the way I look. He made me feel like a queen. His queen.
What the hell am I going to do?
“I have missed you so much, Marley.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” It’s a whisper, a whisper because I couldn’t make my voice any louder if I tried.
Then he does something I know could end his life. I’ve been around biker’s long enough to know what happens to any man who touches what’s theirs, and I belong to Roman now as much as Romany does. I allowed him to claim me when I walked into that clubhouse earlier today.
But why then am I kissing Marcus as if my life depends on it?
Every part of me aches for him. As crazy as that sounds when I gave birth today, but kissing him is like coming home. He’s my comfort blanket, my safe haven, my... Oh, my god, what am I doing? I can’t do this to Roman, he’s been nothing but good to me, and I do love him, but I love Marcus, too.
Oh, god, I’m so confused!
I push Marcus by his chest away from me. “Stop, Marcus. We can’t do this. I’m not yours anymore.”
“You will always be mine, Marley. I won’t leave you at the mercy of these bikers any longer. I don’t care who her father is, I know he’s twisted your mind, and brainwashed you. I love you, I never stopped, and I will love your little girl just as much.”
“You can’t say this stuff to me, Marcus. Do you honestly think Roman will just let me go?”
“Roman? Her father?” I nod with my lip nervously tucked between my teeth. “What’s he gonna do, Marley? He can’t force you to be with him.”
“Please leave, Marcus. Don’t do this to me, I just gave birth to my daughter, and I’ve already cheated on the man I owe everything to.”
“You don’t owe him anything!” He snaps, making me jump. I know this is hard for him, but he has no idea how hard it is for me being torn between the two men I love.
I sit up straighter and cross my legs; my arm still wrapped tightly around my daughter while my other hand finds my face. “You have no idea, Marcus,” I look up at him now standing at the side of my bed. “I don’t want to hurt you; you’ve been hurt enough by me. However, Roman is Romany’s father, and I owe it to her to try.”
“That’s the life you want for your little girl? You want her to know the hell you went through by going through it herself? And don’t tell me it will never happen because you and I both know she’ll never have a normal life growing up with those pigs!” He’s right she won’t have a normal life, but what the hell is normal anymore?
Fucked if I know.
“Please understand,”
“I will never understand this! I will not give up on you. Now that I know you’re alive, that you’re here with them, I won’t stop until you’re home with me where you belong. Moreover, if that biker scum thinks anything of you at all, he’ll see that I’m right and send you home to me.” With that, he storms out of the room, and all I can do is cry. This should never have happened, and I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over him.
Chapter Five
Roman
Thanks for this. It means a lot.”
“You don’t have to thank us, Roman. We’d do this for anyone of you in the MC. Hell, we have done it for most of you. You’re family, and we take care of family.”
“I know, Prez.”
Half the MC are helping me decorate the house I’ve managed to rent for my family. I’d sooner have bought a place, but I don’t have time to search for one suitable just yet. I want my girls in their own home sooner rather than later. I don’t want them staying at the clubhouse; it isn’t right.
My mother offered to let us stay with her for a while, well, use her house while she’s away. After I called her to tell her about the fact I’m now a father, she cried her fucking eyes out and told me she’d be home just as soon as she could be.
I took her up on the offer of using her house until mine is ready. It’s much nicer for Marley and Romany. However, our home is almost ready, and we’ll be moving in tomorrow. My brothers have worked their asses off to get this place ready in time. I just hope Marley likes it.
She’s been really quiet since I brought her home. I don’t know what changed the night Romany was born, but every time I so much as touch her hand, she flinches.
Willow told me that it’s just hormones, that some women don’t feel comfortable in their own skin after giving birth. She said that I should give Marley some time, and she’ll be fine.
I can give Marley time if that’s what she needs. She’s been alone for so long that she’s probably not used to human contact, or anyone giving a damn about her. In fact, I know she’s not. I may have gone to Marley’s cabin to see her as much as I could, but it took her a while to let me so much as touch her hand.
“This place is amazing, Roman.”
I wrap my arm around my aunt’s shoulder and kiss her head. Taylor has been decorating Romany’s room, all pinks, and lilac walls, a white crib, and a rocking chair for Marley to sit and nurse the baby. Taylor added little murals on the walls, pictures of teddy bears and butterflies. Taylor even went shopping to pick up some clothes for Romany.
Taylor has also picked up diapers, bottles, all the usual stuff babies need. Marley hadn’t gotten around to buying those things because she thought she had a few more weeks to pick them up. By the time Taylor had finished shopping for Romany, I was exhausted with it all, and I was only looking at the stuff! It all cost me a small fortune, but I didn’t care, I’d spend every last penny on my daughter if she needed it.
I borrowed the clubs truck and drove over to the place Marley had been living and picked up her belongings. She didn’t have much, just her clothes, and what she’d been slowly buying for the baby. I didn’t think much of the apartment she’d been living in, but it was clean, and she’d tried to make it nice.
Ace was with me, and while I packed up Marley’s shit, he went and let her boss at the restaurant she’d been wo
rking at know that Marley wouldn’t be coming back. Once the truck was packed, Ace went to speak to Marley’s landlord, who was not pleased that she’d taken off. I ended up pinning the fat fuck to the wall, son of a bitch pissed himself like a damn child. Ace laughed, and I threw some money at the piece of shit and told him to forget he ever knew Marley. He stared at me like I was insane, then nodded his head. What else could he do against the likes of us? That’s right, nothing.
“You’ve done an amazing job, Aunt Taylor.”
“It does look good, doesn’t it?” I nod, and she chuckles. “I am so proud of you, Roman.” Yeah, even my aunt calls me Roman. Ain’t many in this world that don’t. Only my mother and grandmother call me Tallon. My Dad also calls me by my road name, little sister, and both grandfather’s, too.
My grandfather on my Dad’s side calls both Ace and me, his eldest grandson’s, by our road names, maybe because he used to have one himself once upon a time.
Grandpa Brad went by the road name Caeser. He belonged to a small MC called The Demon Scavengers. Caeser road with them for over thirty years, only retiring when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer twelve years ago. He survived, of course, but he lives his life now traveling with my grandmother, bringing her dreams to life.
My father and Ace’s father never joined an MC. My father is a doctor, Ace’s father is a lawyer, and, of course, Ace and I joined Snakes Henchmen, not The Demon Scavengers.
I was in a bar one night, and Shepard was there with a couple of the other Snakes Henchmen. I was there with Ace, neither of us a member of the club yet. I’d been watching a young couple most of the night. The guy would grab the girl in ways no man should grab a woman. I lost my shit, and I ended up beating the crap out of the guy to the point Shepard had to physically drag me off the kid before I killed him with my bare fists.
I was seventeen and a prospect with the Snakes the next damn day, much to my uncle and grandfather’s pride. I was a full member by the time I was nineteen, twenty fucking years with my club and I’ve got no plans on leaving any time soon. The only way that would happen is if I end up in a pine box.
I’ve finally got a woman to call mine, and I fucking love that girl like you wouldn’t believe. We have my baby daughter, our own home, and I’m going to make Marley my wife before long, you mark my words.
“We’re all proud of you.” Taylor kisses my cheek, and I chuckle.
“You know what? I’m proud of me, too.”
* * *
Marley has been quiet all night. She hasn’t said a word to me, and as I watch her feeding Romany, humming a soft tune to her, I have to wonder if I’m what she really wants.
No man wants to admit that his woman might be having second thoughts, but what else am I supposed to think when Marley won’t look at me when I talk to her, won’t talk to me if she doesn’t have to?
It’s beyond fucking frustrating!
I have to wonder if Marley only said she wanted to be with me because she was scared of being alone. Perhaps she said it because she needed someone to be there for her. I’ll always be grateful to Marley for allowing me to be a father to my little girl, but I won’t force this relationship on her if it’s not what she wants.
I find Marley in the bedroom, putting Romany in her crib. I watch her for a moment as she hums softly to our daughter. Marley kisses Romany’s head, and her lips lingering on the baby’s head for a moment. “Dinner’s on the table when you’re done.” Marley doesn’t answer me; she just nods her head, much to my annoyance.
I make my way back to my mother’s kitchen and grab two glasses. Marley can’t drink wine, she’s breastfeeding, so I pour her a glass of orange juice and a beer for me.
I’m no cook, but I can throw steak and salad together. I don’t even know if Marley eats meat, I never asked. I guess I’ll soon find out; she’s just walked through the door.
I look up at her from the seat I’ve taken at my mother huge oak dining table in her even bigger dining room. She looks beautiful, tired, but beautiful. She’s only wearing a pair of long pajama bottom, gray in color, and a blue tank top, her boobs locked tight and high in her little bra. My lady doesn’t have massive boobs, but they’re plenty big enough for my hands. Marley is such a petite woman, short and beautiful in every way. I know she doesn’t see herself that way, but many women don’t. However, to me, Marley is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes upon. She’s mine, but she’s not at the same time. If she has changed her mind about being with me, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“Sit down. I hope you like steak?”
Marley nods with a smile and takes the seat opposite me where I placed her plate down. I watch her eating slowly, there’s no conversation between us, and I’m growing increasingly pissed off!
She takes a drink of her orange juice when I blow. “What the hell is going on with you, Marley? Why the fuck are you ignoring me like I don’t exist? Do you not want this, is that is?” She says nothing, and I can’t stop myself losing it. “Answer me!” I bellow while slamming my fists down on the table.
Fuck, I didn’t mean to scare her, but I’m not doing this shit with her. Either she wants to be here with me, or she doesn’t, but I need to know now before we get in too fucking deep.
“Tell me, Marley! Because I’m not doin’ this any longer!”
With shaky hands, Marley places her orange juice on the table and finally looks at me. Ah fuck, I’ve made her cry. “I’m sorry, Roman.” Her voice is low. She’s so damn scared of me. After everything, she’s been through, and I go and yell at her like that. I have to stifle a growl at myself.
“I’m not trying to upset you, Marley, but I can’t help being frustrated. I don’t think you really want to be here with me. I think when you told me that you loved me, it was just the spur of the moment. You didn’t know what else to say, in order to have me in the baby’s life, so you told me you loved me.” Her tear-filled eyes are firmly locked on me. I see so much turmoil in them.
I hang my head and rub my hands over my face. This is why I never wanted a relationship with a woman and why I never wanted to fall in love. I should have known she didn’t really want me. Christ, if it were protection she wanted or even just a friend, I would have been that. She didn’t have to go to these lengths.
A little hand strokes the back of my head. I look up to see Marley standing right beside me. I lean back, and she climbs onto my lap, arms around my waist, little hands clutching at my back.
I hold Marley tightly against me, I don’t know what’s going on inside of her head, but she needs me right now. I’m many things, but I’m not a cunt who’d turn a woman away when she needs a friend. She might not want me, but I love her, and I’ll make sure she’s happy and safe before I go.
“I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel like this, Roman. You are the last person I ever want to hurt. My mind isn’t all here right now, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to be thinking or feeling. Please don’t leave me.” She sobs so hard I have no choice but to hold her tight and rock her.
I kiss her head, smiling inwardly. Willow was right, Marley is just a little messed up after Romany’s birth. She needs a little time, and she’ll be fine.
“It’s okay, baby, I’m not goin’ anywhere. I’ve got you.”
I hold Marley close to me for a while. Until I realize she’s fallen asleep in my arm’s, that is. I carry her up to my childhood bedroom and lay her down on the bed. I pull the sheet over Marley and kiss her head. I check on Romany to make sure she’s sleeping soundly before making my way to the kitchen.
I clean up the mess. I can’t have my mother coming home to a mess. She likes her house clean and spotless. She worked hard for what she’s got, and I can’t blame her for being house proud.
Once everything is clean, I go back to the bedroom, strip my clothes, and climb into bed next to my woman. Wrapping my arms around Marley, I pull her against me. She turns in my arms, her head on her shoulder. “I love you.” She mumbles sleepily, drawing
a smile from my lips.
Tomorrow, we’ll be in our own home, and Marley will finally have a place to call home. She’ll be safe and happy, and our little girl will never know the horrors her mother has suffered. I can’t say she won’t see a few things no kid should see, but it’s unavoidable in MC life. That’s not to say Romany will ever be in the line of danger, and I’ll fucking kill any man who so much as thinks about hurting my daughter.
That fucking includes any dick who thinks he can claim her.
I kiss Marley’s blonde head and tell her, “I love you, too, beautiful. Sweet dreams.”
Chapter Six
Marley
She’s perfect.”
“She is that.” Roman smiles at his mother as she holds our daughter. Leona a beautiful woman, she really is. Her cocoa colored skin, long, curly dark hair that hits her shoulders and her green eyes just like her son’s, sparkling with tears make her even more beautiful.
She’s smitten with her granddaughter, just as Roman is.
Leona’s husband isn’t with her, although she’s told me twice already how much Romany looks like her grandfather. From the picture she showed me of Rob, I can see just how much Roman looks like him, and from the baby picture she showed me of Roman, it’s evident that Romany is his image. No one could say that little girl isn’t Roman’s. She’s beautiful just like him.
Although, I see Roman has his mother’s green eyes, not brown like his father. I wonder what color Romany’s will be. Green like her father, or blue like mine?
She’s two weeks old already, but this is the first time Leona has been able to visit. She’s been away with her husband and daughter for a while. Leah, Roman’s sister, is with her mother today, and I’ve loved meeting her. Leah is so sweet, and she’s always smiling. Roman told me how Leah has autism and a mental age of a child, and how she can sometimes have breakdowns and get upset. I find her so loving and kind, and she adores Romany.
Crucify Thy Demons: Snakes Henchmen MC Page 5