I sigh to myself and look down at my hand. Thinking about what might have been, where I would be now if my father hadn’t done what he did, hurts. It hurts more when I think about the fact I wouldn’t have my little girl had my father not given me to Bulldog, because I would never have met Roman.
“When I met you, I was at such a low point in my life that I didn’t see it getting any better. However, you made things better for me. You made me smile again, and you made me believe that life wasn’t all that bad, that men weren’t all that bad.” I turn my eyes to him. He’s still looking at me; he hasn’t looked away once. I could feel his eyes on me the whole time. “You made me love you.”
“What’s this about, baby?”
“I’m getting to it, I promise.” He nods his head, so I continue. “I left you after that night because I was messed up after everything that happened and I didn’t think I was good enough for you. I stayed away because I was scared and didn’t know what to do. Then I told myself that our baby needed you as much as I did, and I was tired of being alone. When I told you that I loved you, I meant it, Roman, you have to know that.”
“I do, and you know that I love you, don’t you?”
I nod my head. I do know that he loves me; I don’t doubt it. I doubt myself.
“The day I gave birth to Romany, and after you left, I was on the bed cradling her because I didn’t want to put her down. A doctor came into the room, and the moment he spoke, without me even looking at him, I knew who he was.”
By the look on Roman’s face, he does too. However, he doesn’t say anything.
“He thought I was dead, Roman. Over five years he’s grieved for me. He had no clue what happened to me. I just disappeared. I still don’t know what my dad must have told Marcus as to why I’d gone, but I felt his pain when he spoke.”
“You have unfinished business.” It wasn’t a question.
“I don’t see it as business. We were in love for a long time, Roman, and I never got to say goodbye to him. For the first year, I was gone, I did nothing but think about Marcus until the day came where it was just too hard to think about him anymore. I can’t lie to you and say that I don’t still have feelings for Marcus, but I just don’t know how deep those feelings go.”
“You don’t belong to me, do you? You never did.”
“Don’t say that, please. I’m just so confused, Roman. I am so very confused.”
He pulls me into his arms and holds me while I cry. “I can’t compete with your first love, Marley. I can’t make you stay with me when you don’t know what you want.”
“I just need to meet with him. I need to talk to him about the past and what happened. I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t lie to you either. I have to find out for myself if there is anything still between us. I’ll understand if you don’t want to wait for me.”
“Look at me, Marley.”
I lift to look at the handsome man who fast became my best friend before he became my lover and the father of my child. His eyes and the pain shining in them is proof enough that this is cutting him up, and I hate myself for it.
“You need time to deal with this. You need to spend time with this guy, figure out which one of us you want. I’m not going to push you into anything, nor demand that you hurry with your decision. I want you to be one hundred percent sure, and I will be waiting for you when that time comes.”
Could he be any more perfect?
“I’m gonna move out.”
“What?”
Oh, come on, Marley. Why the hell are you panicking? Like he’d live here with you while you’re off on dates with your ex!
I know, but I don’t want him to go!
And doesn’t that tell you something already?
I guess.
“Sweetheart, you can’t make a decision like this with me here. I’ll want you all to myself, and I’ll get possessive over you. I won’t want you even talking to him because, in my heart, you are mine, and I love you like I ain’t never loved anyone in my life. The thought of losin’ you now...”
“I’m so sorry, Roman. I just have to know if there’s anything still between us. I won’t let Marcus touch me in any way. I promise you.”
“You can’t promise that Marley, you said yourself that you have a history. I can’t compete with that. I’m not even going to try because I know I’ll lose. Just let me see my daughter every day; that’s all I ask.”
All I can do is nod. I’m dumbstruck with how calm he is. He’s also sad, I see it in his eyes, and that kills me inside.
“Let me grab a bag, and I’ll be out of your hair. Make sure you call me if you need me, anytime, okay?” Again, I nod dumbly. “I’ll collect Romany Thursday, give you tomorrow to sort things with that guy. Just don’t let him round her, Marley, that would be a step too far. That’s when I’ll blow. She’s my daughter.”
“I know,” I whisper as he kisses my head.
I then sit on that dumb couch and watch him leave me here all alone. I’m not sure I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life.
Chapter Seven
Roman
I can’t believe you just walked away like that, brother. How could you not fight for her?”
“I won’t be the man who forces the woman he loves to be with him when she doesn’t even know where her fuckin’ heart lies, Ace.”
I left Marley at the house a couple of days ago and came here to the clubhouse to drown my sorrows in as much whiskey as I could stomach. I had the club whores swarming around me like flies around shit. It’s like they have radar and know when a man is suddenly single. I could have taken one or two to my room here, but my heart just wasn’t in it. I won’t be the man who cheats on his woman no matter where the fuck she is right now and with whom.
Actually, she’s at our house waiting for me to collect Romany, that’s why I’m sober right now. I won’t let my daughter down for anything in this world, and me stinking of booze when I pick her up would be letting her down. Romany is my world, even if her mother is thinking about fucking off with another man. He won’t be anything to my little girl. Ain’t nobody taking another kid from me.
I’ll kill and die for that little girl. She is mine, just as much as her mother is, she just doesn’t know it yet.
“Back off, Ace. Roman is doing the only thing he knows how right now.” Red clasps my shoulder and squeezes. These two men are my best friends. I don’t know what the fuck I’d do without them.
“I’m not trying to get on your case, Roman, I’m just worried about you.”
“We both are.”
I close my eyes for a second. How did I end up in this situation? I’ve always made fun of every brother who ever fell in love, and here I am feeling my heart break in my chest. Thirty-nine years and a few months of life, and never once have I fallen for a woman. I’ve always treated women right but never has one stolen my heart. Then there was Marley, and she’s about to crush me.
“Don’t give up on her, Roman. Marley has been through so much in her life. She was engaged to this guy, and then ripped away from him through no fault of her own. There’s bound to be feelings still there. Don’t mean she doesn’t love you. She just needs to figure out how to let him down gently.”
“You really think she’s gonna choose me over a man she spent years with, Ace? A man she was going to marry and have kids with?”
“But Marley didn’t marry him, Roman, and she didn’t have kids with him, she had your kid,” Red tells me.
“She might not have if Bulldog hadn’t got his hands on her.”
My cousin scratches his head and tells me, “But he did have his hands on her, Roman. He fucked her up in ways no man should ever fuck a woman up. You found her, saved her, and brought Marley back to life. Those things count in matters of the heart.”
“Marley is in love with you, man, she just needs a little time to put old feelings to rest. You mark my words; she’ll come back to you sooner than you think.”
I raise my ey
ebrow at Red. “Fuckin’ him while she’s tryin’ to figure it out?”
“You really believe that, man?” I shrug my big shoulders and knock back the rest of my water. “Marley can’t even bear it when one of us shakes her hand. She might have a history with him, Roman, but she changed because of what happened to her. She’s not gonna so much as let him hold her hand.”
I know what Red’s saying is true, but I can’t help thinking that this guy knows Marley better than I ever will. She’s comfortable with him, and I can’t compete with him, but, boy, do I fucking want to!
Yeah, I’ll fight for her, I’m not stupid, but I’m going to do it with kindness. That’s what Marley needs right now. She doesn’t need me going all caveman on her ass. It works with many women, but damaged women like Marley need kindness, compassion. I’ll give it to her.
I leave my cousin and Red at the clubhouse and make my way over to Marley’s place. I’ve borrowed Ace’s car for the day. The man has kids and knows how vital having a practical vehicle is. Not that Ace drives it often, his wife does, but I asked him last night to loan it to me, and as he never says no to me, here, we are.
It doesn’t take me long to get to the house I lived in with my girls. Fuck, I never even got to settle in before I left. I throw the car into park and climb out, the whole time telling myself to be calm, to treat Marley like she’s my best friend rather than the woman who wants to fuck off to her ex and leave me for good. This love thing makes a man fucking crazy!
I knock on the front door and wait for Marley to answer. She does seconds later holding my two-week-old daughter in her arms. The smile Marley throws my way isn’t the smile of a woman who wants to leave me. It gives me confidence that she really is just confused and she’ll come back to me soon.
“Mornin’, beautiful.”
Marley’s smile brightens, and I fucking can’t help falling in love with her even more. “Morning, handsome. Romany is all ready for her Daddy. Will you come in while I grab her stuff?” I nod and follow Marley inside the house we shared.
She looks beautiful today. Her figure is almost back and is emphasized by the tight jeans, and long-sleeved shirt she’s wearing. Her golden hair is tied up in a high ponytail, and she’s not wearing any makeup, but I don’t believe she needs any. Marley has not dressed to impress the cunt she’s going to see today, but fuck if she doesn’t look amazing.
I watch Marley as she places Romany in her baby car seat with a smile on her face. My pretty little girl is wearing a little pink dress, and a white cardigan so fucking small it melts my heart.
“Now, you be a good girl for Daddy, Romany. He’s going to take real good care of you because you’re his little princess. You love your Daddy, don’t you, baby girl?” I’m standing here with a smirk on my face, arms folded around my big body as I listen to Marley talking to Romany as if she can answer back. “Your Daddy loves you, Romany. Mommy loves you, too.” She takes baby girls tiny hands and kisses them softly. “I’ll see you tonight, my pretty princess.”
Marley locks the car seat, grabs Romany’s diaper bag, and turns to look at me. Those beautiful blue eyes of hers draw me in, and I have to remind myself that she’s not entirely mine yet. “You’ll call me if you need anything?”
“Of course, I will,” I tell Marley with a smile. “And you remember, if you need me for anythin’ at all, all you have to do is call me, and I’ll be there.” She nods. “I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”
“Why are you so nice to me?”
“Because no matter what happens, I love you. It’s okay if you choose him, Marley. You have to do what’s right for you, sweetheart. Plus we kinda need to get on for Romany’s sake.” That makes us both laugh.
“Thank you, Roman. For everything.”
I tip my head and reach for my daughter’s baby chair. I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop myself from kissing Marley’s cheek before I leave. This shit is going to be the death of me.
What does a man like me do with a newborn? I can’t take her to the park she’s not old enough to enjoy it. The zoo is out of the question because I don’t want to expose her to anything that could make her ill.
I’m starving, so I end up taking her to get something to eat at May’s Diner. It’s an old place that probably should have shut down years ago, but it’s got character, and I like character. May, the old woman who’s owned the place for fifty years and refuses to close down, treat us bikers like her own son’s. Anyone comes in here and causes trouble, and they’ll have the Snakes to deal with.
May ponders over to the booth I’m sitting at, my baby girl next to me fast asleep in her chair. “Well, now, who do we have here?” May is in her early seventies, but you wouldn’t know it to look at her.
“May, this is my little girl, Romany.”
“Oh my, she is just darlin’! Where’s her momma?”
“She’s takin’ a nap. The little one kept her up all night.” It’s a lie, but this old lady doesn’t need to know my business.
“Son, I remember it well, even forty-five years later. You never forget.” She pulls a pad and pencil from her apron, still like she’s in the fifties. It’s always been the same, May waitressing while Earl cooks in the kitchen, and young Dolly, their daughter, pouring drinks with a smile on her face. “What can I get you, handsome?”
“Bacon, eggs, sweet potat’a pancakes, and some of those fried pickles Earl makes.”
“You got it. Anythin’ to drink?”
“Coke. Ice. Lemon.”
“Be back with your order soon, sweet boy.”
This place reminds me of an old barn. God knows how it’s survived all the harsh weather over the years. There aren’t many tables in this place, it probably sits thirty at a push, but the atmosphere the three people working here let off is out of this world. They’re a family and treat every customer as such.
I eat my food with gusto. Fuck, I was starving, but that might have something to do with the fact I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon. I’m done eating just as my baby girl starts crying. “Good timin’, princess.”
I grab the ready-made bottle from Romany’s diaper bag and then lift her into my arms, resting her tiny head on the crook of my arm, my other hand holding her tiny butt. Romany’s little mouth opens wide to welcome the nipple, and I smile down at her as she eats as fast as her Daddy.
Romany stares right at me, eyes wide, little hand clutching my finger as if to say, don’t let me go, Daddy. “I will never let you go, Romany,” I tell her with more honesty than I’ve ever meant in my whole life.
“Oh, she is the image of you!” I don’t look up at Dolly. I’m not in the mood for her flirting with me while I’ve got my little girl, whom I’ve only got eyes for right now.
Dolly isn’t a bad-looking woman, and she’s around my age, maybe a little older. Ain’t never tapped it, in any case. Something always stopped me.
“She is, isn’t she?” Everyone keeps telling me how much Romany looks like me. Poor baby.
“She adores you already. Just look at the way she’s looking at you like you’re her hero.”
“Don’t all little girls hero worship their daddies?”
“I suppose they do.” Dolly chuckles. “Can I get you anythin’ else?”
“Just the bill.”
Dolly slams the check down next to me and walks away.
Romany has finished with her bottle, so I strap her back in her car seat. It’s time for me to get out of here. I’ve got a couple of hours with my daughter, and I want to take her everywhere and anywhere. I’ll do it every damn day until she’s old enough to know I’m the only man who’ll always be there for her till the very end. I will never abandon or hurt my daughter.
I just hope her mother realizes it’s me that she loves. I don’t want to be one of those dad’s who hardly sees his child because her stepfather doesn’t like him coming around. The thought alone makes the hairs on my neck stand on end.
I stifle a growl. Fucker only has to t
ry once to push me out of Romany’s life, and I’ll end his. You mark my words!
“Going somewhere?”
“What do you want, VJ?”
He slams himself down in the seat opposite me. I’ve known VJ since the day he was born, and I knew from the age of five that he’d be a smug prick. He’s now a member of the club, and at the age of nineteen, he’s a big motherfucker. VJ is also playing with fire working for Vidal behind Shepard’s back.
I’ve done the odd job for the Mafia cunt without Shepard’s knowledge, and that in itself could lose me my balls. This fucker, however, is going behind his father’s back, and that could be very dangerous for him.
“Who says I want anythin’?”
“Because I know you, VJ.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “Naw, I don’t want nothin’. Not this time, at least. Came in for breakfast with Bones and saw you sitting here.” First time I noticed the new kid walking toward us.
Bone takes a seat next to VJ and tips his head at me. VJ and Bones have been friends most of their lives, they went to school together, joined Snakes Henchmen together. I honestly believe Bones is the only person aside from Max, who understands VJ. I sure as shit don’t understand him.
“Where’s Marley? Not dumped you already, has she?” VJ laughs, and I’m fighting every instinct I have not to smash his cocky face into the damn table.
“None of your business, VJ.”
“Man, she’s so cute.” Bones strokes his finger down Romany’s cheek with a smile on his face. Bones is nineteen and has fourteen siblings. Fourteen! Two older brothers, ten younger, and two little sisters – one just a few months older than Romany. So, the man loves kids.
“Poor kid looks like you.”
I roll my eyes at VJ and get out of my seat. “If there’s nothing you want, I’m out of here. For the love of God, you two stay out of trouble.”
Crucify Thy Demons: Snakes Henchmen MC Page 7