“Trouble is my middle name, Roman.”
“Along with psycho, lunatic, weirdo.” VJ punches Bones in the shoulder, making him wince and laugh.
“I’m serious. Any more trouble and Shepard will have your balls. That includes messing around with Mafia shit.”
“Likewise, Roman.” VJ sneers at me with a glint of hell in his eyes. One of these days, I’m going to wipe the smirk off that little shits face!
Chapter Eight
Marley
I’m so glad you called, Marley.” I can do nothing but nod at Marcus with a slight smile on my face. I really don’t feel like I should be here.
I called Marcus last night and asked him to meet me here at Sanders Park. I figured meeting in a public place was best. I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to be alone right now.
Roman collected Romany at midday, plenty of time for me to get ready to meet Marcus at 1: PM. Roman was polite, even smiling at me, talking to me like a friend would another. Before he left he told me that should I need him, all I have to do is call. I appreciate him so much for that.
The minute Roman drove away with our baby girl; I wanted to call him back. I wanted him to hold me and demand that I drop this silly idea of spending time with Marcus. I don’t even know him any longer. However, I know Roman is right; I have to do this for my own piece of mind. I have to know if there’s anything between Marcus and me. I won’t be able to have a life with Roman otherwise.
I’m not wearing anything special. I didn’t want to give Marcus the wrong idea, so I’m wearing jeans and a gray pullover. My hair is tied in a high ponytail, and I’m wearing no makeup.
Marcus is wearing a blue suit with a white shirt and a gray tie. He looks like a businessman.
“You look beautiful, by the way.”
“Thank you.” I nervously wrap my arms around myself. I wasn’t expecting him to say something like that to me. He never used to compliment me so quickly. My stomach tightens because being here with Marcus feels awkward. It’s never felt awkward before, but then it’s been years since I saw him last. I don’t know who he is any longer, and he certainly doesn’t know me. I have changed so much, but yet not at all at the same time.
“Come sit down.” I nod and follow Marcus to the bench beneath the large oak tree. He sits close to me, his thigh against mine. “I can’t believe you’re here, baby. I’ve missed you so much.” His hand is on my face, thumb stroking my cheek, and I know he’s about to kiss me.
I’ve been here for five minutes! There is no way I’m going to let him kiss me. I’m just not ready for this; I don’t even know how I feel about him. I understand that he’s missed me, and all of this is a little surreal. I know how badly he wants to kiss me, hold me, have me go home with him. However, I can’t, not yet.
I pull away from him. “How have you been, aside from...”
“I’ve been fine, working hard. Didn’t have much to think about other than work. Thinking about you hurt too much.”
That hurts my heart. It wasn’t Marcus’ fault that my father was a selfish cunt and sold me to pay his debts to a monster. It wasn’t Marcus’ fault that he suffered so much over the past five years. It wasn’t mine either. It was my father’s.
“Have there been any special women in your life?”
He grunts, “Not special, no. Won’t lie, I haven’t been a saint in the time you’ve been gone, but I doubt you have either.”
Wow. Marcus said that so harshly it felt like a slap to the face. That’s how I know the Marcus, I remember, is still inside of him. He hasn’t changed, and I’d only be kidding myself to think he had.
“I haven’t been a willing slut either, Marcus!” I jump to my feet. I don’t need this!
Marcus grabs my arm, stopping me from walking away.
I sigh and turn to face him.
He has no idea what I’ve been through in the time I’ve been gone, so I know he’s talking Roman. I won’t let Marcus make me feel guilty about being with Roman, nor for having Romany. That just isn’t fair.
I don’t stop Marcus when he pulls me into his arms and kisses my head. The familiarity of it makes my head spin. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Seeing you, knowing you’re alive, it doesn’t seem real somehow.”
“I am alive, Marcus, but I won’t have you guilting me for being with someone else. It was so lonely out there. You have no idea how lonely. You saying stuff like that to me makes me feel like you’re bashing me for having my child, and I won’t feel guilty about that.”
Taking my face in his hands, Marcus lifts my head. He’s so much taller than I am, not as tall as Roman, but he’s six foot.
“I would never make you feel guilty about that sweet baby. Especially as I want to adopt her, Marley.” What the actual fuck? “As soon as you come home to me, we can leave this place. I’ve been offered a position in one of the most prestigious hospitals in Paris. We can get married, I’ll adopt Romany, and we can get the hell out of here.”
I pull away from him. I can’t even believe he’s saying this stuff to me.
What the hell is he talking about?
Get married?
Adopt Romany?
Move to Paris?
Is he crazy?
We’ve only just reconnected, I’ve been here ten minutes, and he’s already planned out our future. I don’t even know if I want to be with him. I cannot make decisions of this magnitude on a whim. Besides, I can’t take Romany away from Roman. I couldn’t be that cruel.
“Roman would never allow that, Marcus, and I couldn’t blame him. Romany is his daughter, and he loves her.”
“Roman.” He chuckles menacingly, raking his fingers through his blonde hair. “Fuckin’, Roman!”
I jump, startled by the way Marcus just yelled.
What the hell is that all about?
He really hasn’t changed. He’s still quick to his temper, and he wants me to subject Romany to that?
Roman might be a monster in his own right, but I know he’d never yell at me in front of our daughter.
“I don’t wanna hear about that biker piece of shit, Marley! The sooner I get you away from him, the better.”
I don’t know what the hell to think.
Was I really so blind to his temper in the past?
Because I have to be honest, when I was with him, I didn’t notice how manipulative and angry he could be. I loved him, so it was all normal to me. Even when it was pointed out to me, I didn’t see it. Marcus made me believe that my friends were just trying to split us up. I ended up with hardly any friends because of it.
I won’t be pushed around like this, however. It’s unfair, dammit!
“This isn’t helping, Marcus! Why are you acting like this?”
His mouth drops open, eyes wide. “Oh, baby.” He comes toward me, but I back up with my hands held up. Not in surrender, but to make sure he doesn’t touch me right now.
“Marley, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get angry, but you have to understand, I have spent five years of my life grieving the only woman, I have ever loved. The woman who should have been my wife and the mother of my children, but you went and had someone else’s child when it should have been me! Now suddenly here you are, and I’m terrified that I’ll never get to hold you again, to kiss you, to spend my life with you the way we’d planned.”
“Getting angry about my daughter’s father won’t help things, Marcus. I cannot just shut him out of her life! He would never let me walk away with Romany, and you know that! Christ, I wouldn’t even want to.”
I rub my forehead with my fingertips. I’m getting a headache. God knows what I thought would happen here today, but I didn’t expect this.
“I love him, Marcus.” His nostrils flare, but I won’t let him blow up at me. I don’t want to hurt him, but I need him to understand that Roman means something to me. I won’t lie to either of them. “But I don’t know if I’m still in love with you, and that scares me. I need time to figure it out in my head. Pressuri
ng me won’t help me make the right decision.”
“Baby, I’m sorry.”
“Please just leave me alone right now, Marcus. I need a little time to get my head around this.”
“I’m not giving up on you, Marley. Yeah, I’ll go right now, but I’ll be back, and I’ll keep on coming back until you realize that you belong with me.”
I don’t say anything; I just look at him. I’m suddenly freezing. This didn’t go the way I wanted it to. Not at all. I thought I could come here, and we’d talk about old times, get to know each other again, but he just jumped right in there with all that crap about adopting Romany and us moving countries.
How the hell could I ever take Romany away from Roman?
I’m not going to be the kind of mother who takes her child away from its father. It’s cruel, and I won’t do it!
I startle when Marcus grabs my face, and a gasp escapes me. I’m not ready for him to be touching me like this. I know he loves me, that he’s missed me because what we had was special. However, I have changed so much in the time I’ve been gone. I wish he could see that.
However, as he presses his forehead against mine, eyes closed, chest heaving with emotion, my heart breaks a little for him. “Please don’t cut me off, baby. I can’t bear being this close to you knowing you’re not mine. You promised you would always be mine. I know it’s been years, and that you have a child with someone else, but I love you as much now as I ever did. I want you to come home.”
“That’s what I need to figure out, Marcus. I don’t want to hurt you, but I never thought I’d see you again. I let myself love someone else because I knew I could never come home to you. Too much had happened to me, and I had changed in ways you can never understand.”
“Then, tell me. I want to understand, Marley, please.”
“I can’t,” I whisper. I can never tell this man what I went through thanks to my father, the man he looked up to. I doubt Marcus would believe me if I did. “Just give me some time to figure out what I want.”
“Are you going back to him right now?”
I pull away from Marcus just to put a little distance between us. I can’t breathe with him that close to me. “Roman moved out of our house, Marcus. I explained everything to him the other night, and he understands. He doesn’t want to influence my decision. I have to figure out what exactly I’m feeling for the both of you because I am so confused. However, I can’t do that with him in the house, and I can’t do it with you pressuring me. I need time.”
“Okay.” Marcus nods as if he understands, but somehow, I don’t think he even heard half of what I just said. He leans over and kisses my cheek. “I’ll be waiting. Don’t take too long.” Fucking pointless!
I watch Marcus walk away from me, and I wonder how I could have so blinded by love and the promise of our future together.
Why couldn’t Marcus have been like Roman and told me he’d give me some space to figure this out?
Because no one is like Roman, Marley.
Yes, I know that.
I need to figure out which man I miss the most each night I go to bed. I’ve had five years of miss-you-nights where Marcus is concerned. I only had eight months worth when it came to Roman. Every day and night missing both of them was hell.
Girl, you really need to give your head a shake, and your heart if it’s up to it. Pros and cons, girl, pros, and cons.
Chapter Nine
Roman
What the hell am I doing here?
I told Marley that I’d give her time, yet here I am, right outside her front door, wanting nothing more than to knock and have her open the damn thing so I can hold her.
It’s only been three hours since I dropped Romany off. We’ve been spending a lot of time together these past few weeks. That’s how long this shit has been going on for, three weeks, but I’ve fucking loved every minute of my time with my little girl. She smiled at me today for the first time. Looked right into my eyes and smiled.
She knows her daddy, and fuck do I love that baby girl.
I shouldn’t be here. This isn’t right. However, as I turn to walk away, the door opens slowly. “Roman?”
How the hell did she know I was out here?
I turn to face Marley, planting a big smile on my face. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Is something wrong?” Her face is full of confusion as she opens the door wider. She’s in her pajamas. Little shorts and a cami top, baby pink in color, and her hair is piled on top of her head. She’s just showered, I can smell her body wash. God help me!
“No, darlin’. I just came by to check on you. I didn’t realize the time. That’s why I was just about to leave.”
“You don’t have to leave.” She says quickly. “Come in.” Marley waves me in, and I don’t hesitate to follow her. I close the door behind me and take a deep breath.
I can do this; I can be her friend. I can be someone she can lean on.
“I heard you out there. Kinda wondered who’d be outside the front door at this hour.”
“Hopin’ it was him?” Her face drops. Fuck, why did I say that?
“No, I wasn’t hoping it was Marcus.” Marcus. Cunt! “I hoped it was you.”
“Oh, yeah?” I stalk toward her. I can’t stop myself. Marley doesn’t move; she looks up at me as I rest my hands on her hips. “Why’s that?”
Hands on my shoulders, she tells me, “I don’t know. Whenever the door knocks, I hope it’s you.”
My mouth is against hers before I even know what I’m doing. She moans into my mouth, and I swallow them gladly as our tongues entwine fiercely. Marley’s hands are in my hair, pulling me close as I pull her lower half flush against my aching erection.
I know it’s too soon after Romany’s birth to fuck Marley, but God, do I want to right now. I fucking ache for this woman, it’s killing me not being here with her every night. I want to hold her while she sleeps. I want to be here to chase away her nightmares. Because I know they haven’t stopped.
However, I know it won’t happen, especially as she’s pushing me away from her, confusion written all over her beautiful face.
“Stop, Roman! Oh, god.” Marley hangs her head; hands clasped over her face for a second.
“I’m sorry.” Is all I can offer up.
“Why did you do that? My head is so messed up, and you just made it worse.”
“I wasn’t tryin’ to mess with your head, Marley. I couldn’t help myself. I fuckin’ miss you.” I rake my fingers through my long hair.
I don’t know how much more of this I’m meant to take. She’s my girl, and I miss her every fucking second I’m not with her. I know I can’t push her to make her choice, that wouldn’t be fair to her, but this is killing me. I don’t fucking know how to handle it!
“I’m so sorry, Roman. I’m trying to figure this out, but I can’t handle both of you pushing me like this.”
My eyes narrow. “What do you mean both of us? Marley, if he’s forcin’ you to choose before you’re ready...”
“Just; stop!”
I will not fucking stop! That motherfucker is getting inside Marley’s head and messing it up even more than it already is! And I’m helping by doing what I’ve done here tonight.
“Please just stop. I need you to leave. I need to be alone right now.”
I take her face in my hands and force her to look at me. “Listen to me. Nothin’ like this will ever happen again unless you want it to, but you cannot let him or me rush you into anythin’, Marley. This has to be your decision, no one else’s. If he loves you at all, he’ll give you the time and space you need, just as I will.”
“Thank you. I just need a little more time.”
“I know.” I kiss her head and hold her for a moment. I won’t do this to her again. I fucked up. “Call me if you need anythin’ at all.”
“I will.”
Then I’m gone.
I have to get the fuck out of here. I need the gym because I need to pound something. This isn’t
Marley’s fault. She’s not ready to choose. I can’t force her to pick me because she’ll resent me in the end. I don’t want that. I want her to want me because she loves me and can’t live without me.
However, I don’t want Marley to choose him just because he’s the safe bet. I don’t want her to pick him just because he’s pushed her into it either.
I could find the fucker and make him back off, but where will that leave me if he goes running to Marley? She’ll hate me and end up choosing him anyway.
I could end the bastard and show him why they call me Roman, but again, Marley would only be with me because he’s gone.
I’m so fucking frustrated I don’t know what to do with myself!
Keep calm, Roman. Breathe deeply; this will be over soon. Maybe not soon enough, but soon.
* * *
You’ll punch a hole in that bag if you hit it any harder.” I ignore Ace and continue pounding the punch bag in front of me.
After leaving Marley, I needed to let off some steam, so made my way to our in-house gym. Ace was already here lifting weights. Ace is a few months away from becoming a father for the fourth time. He already has two little girls and a little boy, and he and Tessa just found out they’re expecting their second son.
I like Tessa. She’s around ten years Ace’s junior, but they belong together. I remember how hard he fought what he felt for Tessa. From the moment she turned eighteen, she chased after him. Tessa was Willow’s friend from school, and she made sure to stick close to Willow so that she could be near Ace.
It took Ace a couple of years before he gave in and claimed Tessa for his one. The whole damn time, Tessa acted as though Ace was her man, and she stayed faithful to him. They’ve been happy ever since. Three kids and one on the way later, and they’re still growing strong.
“Red thought you and I, Tessa and Marley, of course, might join him and Tammy for dinner Friday night.”
Crucify Thy Demons: Snakes Henchmen MC Page 8