by Ryan Michele
“Angel…” he broke. I broke.
We were both falling apart.
Screaming came from another room as my brother ran out, “Help! She’s having the baby.”
The anger rode high as I looked once more at the door then rushed off to help my brother. I couldn’t help Paxton, I couldn’t help myself, but I could help Riley. History had a fucked up way of repeating itself, and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Damn, I must be the stupidest person on this planet. Getting played once then twice by Paxton.
There would never be a third.
Melanie screamed from the bed that was covered in a huge wet spot along with some blood. She looked at me for help. While I’d never been around babies, I had to help her someway. This could be my niece or nephew in there.
Moving to her side, I grabbed her hand. “Breathe in and out.” At least that’s what they said in the movies. I didn’t know a single thing about having a baby, but breathing sounded like the right thing to do.
She looked at me like I had two heads. “You breathe in and out when you’re in this much pain!” she screamed, clenching my hand so hard I was afraid she’d break it.
Onyx and Garrett came barreling into the room and to my utter surprise got to work quickly. They moved around like seasoned professionals instead of the panicked people my brother, Melanie, and I were.
“Doc’s on his way back, let me look.” Onyx moved down to Melanie’s legs as she screamed once more. He gripped her knees and spread her legs apart.
“I told you drugs!” She lost her mind, and I had to pull my hand away from her. Fuck, she was strong. “This wasn’t supposed to be a natural birth!”
“Calm your shit,” Onyx ordered, opening her legs wider. Reaching down, he pulled her panties off and studied her girly parts like he knew what he was doing. While it was uncomfortable for all the parties involved, I was simply thankful he knew what he was doing or he faked it well. He shook his head at Garrett. “Fuck, this one dropped quick.” Onyx looked at Melanie and asked, “You been in pain?”
She nodded. “In my hips and back,” she panted as she screamed.
Onyx looked back at Garrett. “Head’s coming out. Garrett, get the emergency shit out now. This baby’s comin’. She’s crowning, and we can’t wait for the doc.”
“What!” Melanie panicked.
“This happens sometimes. You made it full-term,” Garrett explained to her, moving around as Onyx settled in to deliver the baby. “How long you been in pain? That pain in your back, describe it.”
“My back’s been hurting, but not like this. I thought I needed to drink more water and it was the weight. It’s been coming and going but staying longer the last two days,” she sobbed.
“Days!” Riley shrieked.
“Well, we were taken and tied up. I was too scared to think about my back,” she tried to explain between pants.
“My guess, baby’s sunny side up so you got back labor.” Onyx placed pillows under her feet. “When the baby dropped, your water broke, and well, Melanie it’s time to have a baby,” Onyx told her calmly. “I’m no doctor, but seen enough babies born to know this kid’s comin’ now. Next contraction you gotta push. Then you hold it so we can get ready. At the shoulders you’re gonna push and don’t you stop till I say so; that second push is gonna be a bitch.”
If I hadn’t been so wound up in emotions over the baby, I might have laughed at Onyx’s verbiage. Butterflies filled my stomach at the anticipation of watching my new little one enter the world. I never knew how much I wanted that until this moment. I hoped with everything inside of me that this baby was Riley’s. I’d be the best fucking aunt possible.
“Hold it,” Onyx ordered as Garrett left and came back in a flash, tossing down several things next to Onyx on the bed. Onyx grabbed gloves and put a towel underneath Melanie’s legs. He moved the pillows under her hips and positioned Riley holding one of her legs at the knee and foot with me doing the same on the other. Garrett started gathering things as well, but all I could stare at was the little human wanting to come out of Melanie’s body.
“Push, Mel,” Onyx said, looking as though he was going to catch a football. She followed his command, but was unable to budge the little one.
“Shouldn’t Paxton be here?” I asked the room.
Garrett looked up at me. I read his face. He knew. He knew Pax dumped me. “He’s down for a while. Once we get this sorted, you’ll be able to leave.” The words knocked me over as the reality of what was happening in my life was really kicking into gear. Paxton wanted me gone. For good this time. He had Garrett ready to make that happen for him. Tears sprung to my eyes just as Melanie screamed once again, my focus going to her. In a few pushes with some ugly screams, the baby’s head came out.
Shaking my head, I let go of Melanie’s leg while she took a moment to catch her breath. Garrett moved in to my spot as I felt the room spin a bit from what I was witnessing. I moved to my brother’s side who had the widest smile on his face. He was hoping without doubt that this baby would be his, I could read it in his eyes. I was right there with him. What a joy it would be for our little family. I let the excitement fill me.
“Get this thing out of me!” Melanie yelled again and truth be told, I was getting tired of the screaming. I got that it hurt and I wasn’t sure what I’d do in her situation, but the screaming was giving me a headache. Or maybe that was just Paxton. Asshole.
In a matter of moments and Onyx telling her to push, push, push, the baby came out covered in blood and fluids. Suddenly sounds of cries came through the room. “It’s a boy,” I whispered to my brother as I examined the baby. Onyx took no time at all cutting the umbilical cord and handing the baby over to Garrett who rushed from the room with the now crying, slightly bluish colored, squirmy baby.
I made a move to go with the baby, but Onyx glared at me. “No. No one goes with the baby.”
“But…” I had to swallow back my emotions. Everything was falling apart around me. This new life was something good to hold onto, but I was being stopped from even touching it.
“No, Laurel. None of you will have contact with it. The baby belongs to someone else.”
My heart fell to the floor, and the tears I was trying to keep at bay sprung open. But it was nothing compared to Onyx’s next words. “Pax has a room set up for you with all your stuff being delivered soon. Once we get this shit handled, we’ll take you home.”
I felt my knees grow weak as everything that had just happened laid heavily on my shoulders, weighing me down. He had it all worked out. There would be no discussion. Dammit. I allowed it to happen again. Allowed him in.
I felt like everything was being taken from me. Garrett took the baby that could be my nephew. I couldn’t look in his innocent eyes, hold him close, and tell him everything would be okay. Pax was kicking me out, expecting me to go on like he didn’t rush in and turn my entire world upside down. In less than an hour, I lost everything I allowed myself to see in my future. I had been down this road before and barely survived.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There would be no other fool again.
24
Paxton
One Week Later
In solitude there was no comfort, no peace, no calm. I stood out on the porch taking a long drag from the cigarette, letting the nicotine fill my lungs and taste cover my tongue.
Immediately, I tossed it to the ground and put it out, watching it crumble beneath my shoe. Smoking wasn’t giving me the relief it once did. For so long, it was my way of coping and allowing myself to have the drug it needed, or at least I thought it needed. In fact, now it made me want to puke. The taste wasn’t as appetizing as it once was.
I lifted the Zippo lighter and flicked it open. Striking the flint, I watched the flame dance. Once upon a time, the flames from this lighter danced in front of us as it released Onyx, Dane, Garrett, and me from our hell. It would be of no use getting me out of mine. I was living in a hell of my own
making. My heart twisted and turned, making it hard to breathe. It’d been that way since I locked myself in my room.
Ellen Sue came out from the house and stood behind me. “Paxton, I don’t think you need to be here alone.”
“I’m not stayin’ here,” I explained, looking out at the woods in front of the house.
This property was serene. When it came on the market, it was the perfect place to recreate Grandma Nadine’s cabin. When Laurel and I first met, she and I talked about how important our grandmothers were. We bonded over the loss because Grandma Nadine passed a few years before. Her mother was a mess who was never there for her kids. Losing the one place she felt free was hard, but Laurel had the memories.
Using my resources, I found the original plans from Grandma Nadine’s cabin and with the memories Laurel had shared with me, I recreated the safe haven with all the updates.
The project was something to put my head into that kept me from rushing to Laurel’s house and refusing to leave until I made her mine. It worked for a while. I knew the moment I broke up with her before college I was making a mistake. I also knew she needed to be free from me, and it was the only way I could see giving her a life away from what I knew I was going to be tied to.
She was my obsession because she was my safe haven. Now that haven was gone.
Laurel never judged me.
She always looked at me with respect no matter what I did. She saw beyond the surface with me. Something most people didn’t.
When you came from an orphanage, everyone looked at you different. I was trash. Tossed aside by my biological family. It was how everyone viewed all of us. Laurel, though, she saw me. She saw potential in me to go into life and make something of myself.
“You should talk to her,” Ellen Sue said from beside me. “You’re miserable without her and, Pax, honey, she was a mess before she left here being away from you.”
“In time, she’ll be fine.” She was so strong, there was no doubt in my mind she would bounce back and be able to live her life. Free—without me.
“Known you since you came to the farm at twelve, almost thirteen-years-old. You were a skinny boy with these soft eyes the color of the trees. No matter what was said to you or about you, Paxton Williams, you stood tall.”
I found myself standing up straight at her words, letting them penetrate my thick skull, and putting me back in time.
“You never ran from anything. Not Levi, not Amos. Why are you runnin’ from Laurel?”
Because I’m not good enough. “You ever had something so good you just knew you would mess it up?”
Her wrinkled hand squeezed my shoulder. “Yeah, I had four boys come into my life when I knew everything was a mess. These four precious boys that God put in my life, under my care at times, deserved love, happiness, and freedom. Instead, you boys got sent to a place that worked more than they loved. You were surrounded by men who believed in harsh punishments and free labor. It broke my heart to watch the way Amos and Levi treated you boys. I’ve told you before, that’s where I messed up. I didn’t do enough to help you boys earlier.”
I looked over at Ellen Sue. Moving, I wiped the tears from her eyes. “You were what kept us going. If you hadn’t picked us up when we were down, I for one wouldn’t be where I am today.”
She sucked in a breath trying to control her emotions. “Loved you boys then, love you now. And I love you enough to tell you, you’re messing up with Laurel. She’s an angel, your angel. You ever think she’s a gift from your own grandma?”
I paused, taking in her words. I shook my head because I did see Laurel as my angel, but I never thought about the timing and that she came into my life on the heels of losing my grandmother.
“Maybe that’s why it’s been so hard for you to let her go? Ya know, you should never return a gift.” Ellen Sue smiled, and I found my heart filling in a way it hadn’t in so long because I refused to think of what I lost with my grandmother.
“What’s done is done.”
“There’s always time to fix it.”
I sighed, knowing Ellen Sue wasn’t about to let this go. She didn’t understand the full lengths I’d gone to bring Laurel back. How I’d watch her from so many place. She’d have a royal conniption if she knew. Laurel was my addiction, obsession, and I needed to let her live her life and not influence her decisions like I’d done for so long.
She’s a hell of a woman and had a great head on her shoulders. Pushing her to be with me would only make her eventually resent me. Then I would resent myself even more than I did at this moment.
Dane pulled up, saving me, and I was thankful as Ellen Sue gave me a short hug and retreated to the cabin.
“Hey, slick,” Dane greeted as he climbed out of his Jeep. He approached the porch as I reached out and shook his hand. He felt the lighter between us and smirked. “Can’t believe you got that thing from Onyx.”
I put the lighter away and let it settle in my pocket. “He was ready to let go I guess.”
“Love does that I suppose.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I said as I stared out to the wood-line again, feeling my entire world crumbling and crashing to the ground.
“That’s your own damn fault from what I understand.”
It was necessary. “Yeah, yeah, anyway. Why the fuck are you out here?”
“Paternity test came back—Petrov’s kid. Garrett delivered the healthy baby boy this morning. Ivan and all of his associates were wiped out. Garrett said we can call this one done.”
I nodded. “Good to know. I’ll be heading back to the city tomorrow. Ellen Sue’ll be transitioned back to her rotation.”
“Garrett said Riley and Laurel will keep quiet about what we do.”
I nodded. “Riley got fucked by Melanie. She’s taken her money and ran. With the wife gone, it’s only a matter of time ‘til Petrov eliminates her. Laurel may hate me, but she won’t betray me. We got nothing to worry about with the Conrads. I wouldn’t have sent them away if I thought it would put any of us at risk.”
“Read that all over her expression.”
I raised an eyebrow at Dane. “When did you see Laurel?”
“Mine line of work, I find it best to visually check a target before I make any moves.”
I stood up eye-to-eye with him. “You touch one hair on her head and I’ll end you myself, Dane Anderson.”
He laughed. “So much for letting go.”
“You’re a hired hitman, you refer to her as a target again and friendship, family, or God himself won’t save you.”
“Damn, you got it bad,” he said. “Relax, man. I checked her out to see things for myself. My job is to protect our business and all of our interests, not just yours. She’s in love with you. Anyone with half a brain cell can see it in her eyes. I’m not here for your love life. I sought her out to cover all our asses. That’s it.”
“Fair enough,” I told him, understanding where he was coming from, but knowing I meant what I said. I wouldn’t stand down for him or anyone trying to hurt Laurel.
“You’re going back to the city and back to work?” he asked, genuinely concerned. “You healed enough for all that, man?”
“Yeah,” I told him on a sigh. Physically, I was moving easier and healing on track. Emotionally, I would never be okay. Laurel was this huge piece of me that I would never get back. I’d live every day of my life though, knowing that I did the right thing for her. No matter how much it cost me.
Everything I did was for her, but it still didn’t mean it felt good.
25
Laurel
The house felt empty, smelled musty, and the laughter or signs of life were nowhere in sight. It was my home, but it suddenly didn’t feel like, well, home. Riley moved past me to the guest bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Both he and I lost more in that cabin than we ever thought imaginable. Everything that Paxton said to me was a lie. He didn’t want me for anything but to get laid and get me out of his system, fuckin
g me over in the process. I never understood how people felt like one more kiss or one more fuck would bring closure. All he did was rip me open, lay me bare, and leave me in pieces.
Not once did he come out of his room, but I saw Ellen Sue go in there with food several times. I’d thought about barging into his room and demanding answers, but decided against it. He wasn’t worth my time or energy to yell at or order around. Really, what would arguing do? Was I going to change his mind? Even if I did, would I ever feel confident in where things were? No, I wouldn’t, so it was better that I let him shut me out. He wanted to be a pussy ass piece of shit, so be it.
It didn’t mean my heart wasn’t breaking into a million pieces over and over again. I refused to take anything from Paxton’s home because it wasn’t mine. Even the shoes I had left in a drunken stupor from Scooners that night, I left behind. They cost me a pretty penny, but they were shoes, and I could get new ones one day that wouldn’t remind me of him. All the stuff would be there for whomever he had in his bed next, and wasn’t that just a shit thing.
It was my own fault. I shouldn’t have fallen for his charms once again. I shouldn’t have let myself go there. I definitely shouldn’t have let myself feel for him again. It hurt, I wouldn’t lie about that, but it was one more stepping stone of life I would deal with. Yet again. While some might think it wouldn’t hurt as much the second time around since I had been through it before, I couldn’t say it was worse or easier. It was painful, simple.
I ordered in Chinese and called Riley out of his room. He was in a shit mood, but so was I; therefore, we had each other to lean on. Misery loved company, and we were both there together.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Riley said, lifting come chicken and string beans into his mouth. “She said she loved me. That we were going to be a family even if the baby wasn’t mine; she was going to get out of the contract, and we’d move on.” He was struggling to come to terms with losing not only Melanie but the baby as well. I think he had wrapped his head and heart around being a dad so much he couldn’t figure out how to pick up the pieces.