The Emperor's Concubine

by Killarney Sheffield

  When it is over the midwife summons me. “You’re Ocean, the emperor’s concubine, right?”

  What does she want? She’s as evil as the rest of them. I’m in no mood to chat, so I simply nod.

  She smiles. “You are the role model for the young girls of Imram and the other concubines.” When I press my lips into a straight line and don’t comment, she pauses and then continues. “Well, I thought it would be nice if you girls all got together and had a celebratory tea.”

  My resolve of silence is shattered. “A what?” I’m taken aback. Seriously? We are supposed to celebrate our torture and rape?

  After clearing her throat, she leans closer and lowers her voice. “You know, a chance to talk to each other without fear of being heard.” She raises her eyes toward the ceiling.

  Suspicion comes too readily to my mind. If there is one thing I’ve learned from all this and growing up in Imram, it’s not to trust anyone, except a chosen few. “What would we need to talk about?”

  “The truth of what’s going on.”

  Perhaps she can be confided in. I survey the room. “I’m not sure who of the girls are to be trusted.”

  “They all will have faith in you when we tell them what is going to happen to them. I suspect many of them already have guessed, as you have.”

  Alarm stiffens my limbs. I study her through narrowed eyes. “What do you know of my thoughts?”

  “Dr. White said you were smart, Ocean, and I’ve seen your grades. You are too smart not to know what the future holds.”

  There is nothing to say. The woman has called my bluff. “How do I make this private tea happen?”

  The midwife smiles. “You sweet talk the Emperor into it.” With that she pats my hand and then moves away to speak with one of the other girls.

  Sweet talking the Emperor seems like a momentous task. How do you sweet talk someone you hate enough to drive a dull knife into their black heart? Turning, I head for the door back into the official’s courtyard.

  Sol falls into step with me. “I missed you on the roof top, Ocean.”

  Words escape me, so I just keep walking.

  “Ocean? Talk to me, please?”

  “I don’t know what to say, Sol.”

  “Why?” Grabbing my hand, he yanks me behind a clump of bushes. “Talk to me.”

  “Not here, not now.” The pleading in his eyes laced with hurt needles me. I don’t want to cause him pain or shut him out, but I am afraid to tell him anything about the bedding. What if he sees me in a different light? What if he stops loving me?

  He squeezes my hand. “Then come to the roof tonight, please.”

  Giving him a weak smile, I nod. He releases me and we continue on to the emperor’s mansion. I want to talk to him, to confide in him, but then again, I don’t. Will he understand the turmoil of emotions I am drowning under when I can’t make sense of it myself? There is nothing I want more than to cry in my mother’s arms as I did as a small child, but that is impossible, for my ma is out of reach and I am no longer a child. By force, I am now a woman, no rite of passage, no sense of honor upon reaching such a momentous milestone, just an empty feeling in my breast. A cold empty feeling...

  Chapter Twenty

  The Emperor strolls into my suite without so much as a knock that evening after dinner. “I am told you wish to speak with me, Ocean.”

  Danika and I freeze in the midst of haggling over the score. Taken off guard, I scramble to my feet almost scattering the checkerboard pieces to the floor. “Yes, sir, Emperor...”

  His brows wrinkle into a frown. “Sir, will suffice.”

  I clear my throat as Danika flees to her own room. “I... I have given great thought to my... position as head concubine.”

  He crosses to sit in the chair vacated by the maid and then leans back. “And?”

  “Well, it seems to me I am a leader of sorts.” At his scowl I re-chose my words. “That is, the other girls look up to me.”

  He waits for me to continue.

  “Well, I thought maybe... you see some of the girls are a little down, depressed... The whole situation has been a lot to adjust to. I thought maybe you would permit me to host a small tea, a bit of a celebration to uplift their spirits.”

  “You think this tea will cheer the concubines up?” His thin lips twist into a sneer. “Have I not honored them enough to be happy?”

  Sensing I’m treading on dangerous ground where his pride is concerned, I hurry to assure him. “You have given us honor, sir, and a great one at that, it’s just, everything happened so fast and was so unexpected. The girls are missing their families and friends.”

  “And you want me to invite the riff raff of Imram here, into my compound?”

  The riff raff? Really? Is he so much more a person than the rest of us? I bite my lip. Of course he is, he’s the emperor. Untouchable. “I thought just for a little tea.”

  “Absolutely not!” He rises and heads for the door.

  Ignoring the little voice in my head whispering let it be, I try again. “Sir, please, it is just a small tea, and hour or two at most.”

  “I said no.” He swings around. “Remember to whom you are speaking, girl.”

  It is on the tip of my tongue to tell him just what I think of him, but I still my urge and lower my gaze lest he sees my hatred there. “Forgive me, sir, perhaps you would allow me to host just a small tea for the girls then, kind of our own celebration party for the honor of being chosen as Imram’s first concubines?”

  When he grips my chin, titling my head up to look him in the eye, I can’t help flinching. “I am not a foolish man, Ocean. I see your loathing. I know how smart you are. Do you think to trick me into allowing you to start a revolt?”

  My hopes sink. Still I give him a feigned wide-eyed stare, hoping he will believe it sincere. “No, sir, I—”

  His fingers squeeze my chin in warning. “You had better cast the thought from your head. I control Imram, not you. I am the Emperor.”

  “Yes...sir.” Swallowing, I stare into his ruthless gaze. He’s dangerous. And he’ll kill me if he wants to. A slow smile spreads his lips. He knows I fear him, and it pleases him.

  “You may have a tea, here in the garden, under the watchful eyes of my enforcers.” He lets go of my chin. “I will suggest a tea to my wife. She would be much more accommodating if she believes it my idea, and of course the wives of my officials will come too.”

  My hopes are dashed when he walks out. The Emperor is far too smart not to recognize a threat to his position. I can’t very well take back my request, or he will know for sure my intent. Like it, or not I’ll have to go through with a tea, no matter how uncomfortable it might be.

  * * *

  When I step onto the roof my eyes are drawn to the mused bed of silken sheets Sol and I made love on. If only I could rewind the days to that night and stop them from rolling ahead. At the click of the door latch, I pivot. My eyes met Sol’s as he leans against the door. He must read the anguish in them because he steps forward and enfolds me in his arms.

  “It’s okay, Ocean. I love you. It’s okay.”

  “Oh Sol, it was horrible. I was so ashamed and humiliated...” Despite my vow to be strong, tears streak down my face. I’m so broken I don’t know how to pick up the pieces.

  “I can only imagine what it was like for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t prevent it. I did all I could.”

  He strokes my hair in a comforting gesture that makes me cry even harder. “I know.” Inhaling a deep breath of his scent, I straighten to look him in the eye. “I shouldn’t have been short with you. I’m not angry with you. I am filled with hate for the Emperor. I just didn’t know how to deal with it.”

  He brushes a stray lock of hair from my face. “I know. I understand. I meant what I said, Ocean. I still love you and always will, no matter what.”

  As if to prove it, he cradles my face in his hands and tilts my head to press upon me a kiss, so warm and sensual it makes my toes curl in my shoes.
Leaning into him, I allow my arms to wind of their own accord around his neck, clinging to him like a drowning sailor in a storm. By the time he releases me, our breathing is ragged.

  It’s silly I know, but I’m suddenly shy around him. “Thank you.”

  He leads me to sit on the rumpled bed. “For what?”

  “For still loving me.”

  His chuckle makes me smile. “Ocean, I could never stop loving you.” His expression grows serious. “Dr. White gave me this.” He hands me a small, soft, skin colored disk. A short, thin string dangles from it.

  Curious, I turn it around in my hands. “What is it?”

  “It is to keep you from getting pregnant.”

  I raise an eyebrow in skepticism at him. “How?”

  Two spots of color grace Sol’s cheeks. “I’m to put it inside you before the emperor visits your bed. Dr. White’s wife showed me how. She’s a nurse.”

  Heat flushes my cheeks. “It seems... wrong to talk like this to you, Sol. I mean after all we... and even after all I have been through already... it shouldn’t...”

  “I know.” He cracks the barest of smiles. “When is the Emperor supposed to visit you next?”

  The word barely escapes as a whisper, “Tonight... So, how do we... you, do it?”

  “Will you let me make love to you first?”

  “I’d like that.” This time I catch his face in my hands and kiss him long and deep.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  This isn’t good. I cast a fleeting glimpse at the clock and dry myself faster with the towel. I’ve tarried too long with Sol and will be hard pressed to be ready when the Emperor arrives. If truth be told I’m half tempted to make the Emperor wait, even deny his visit by claiming illness, but I’m afraid he’ll see through my guise and inflict punishment upon me, or my family in retaliation. Petie, my ma and pa are never far from my thoughts.

  My stomach twists into a knot and for a moment I fear I’m going to be physically sick at the idea of lying with the emperor again. Pushing the bile to the back of my throat, I focus on my reflection in the mirror. A drawn face with eyes too large stares back at me. Dark circles under them give evidence of a lack of sleep, while the slight flush to my cheeks reminds me of my secret tryst on the roof top. Will the Emperor be able to tell I’ve slept with Sol? He hadn’t been able to the last time, surely I can fool him again. Will he be able to detect the birth control device? Will the distasteful bedding be as bad as it was before?

  In disgust I tug a clean robe over my head. It will be worse, I fear. This time there is no little blue pill to allow my mind to become fuzzy and slippery. This time there will be no Empress to cast an accusing stare upon me, no priest to witness my humiliation. It will be just me and the Emperor. Can I do it? Can I force myself to endure his touch? The sound of the outer door opening cuts off my thoughts. I pick up the brush with shaking hands, run it through my hair and then set it back on the counter. It is time. How good an actress can I be tonight?

  Footsteps approach the bathing room door. “Ocean, the Emperor is here.”

  “Thank you, Danika. You may go now.” The last words clog my throat and come out in the barest squeak.

  Danika meets my gaze in the mirror before she looks away and leaves the room. It torments my best friend that she can do nothing to ease my burden. Worse is the fact I can’t erase her fears and guilt. It hurts me to see her reflecting my pain because I’m helpless to aid either of us.

  Taking a deep breath, I square my shoulders and turn from the mirror. Upon entering the sitting room, I find the emperor studying the chess board where the remains of my unfinished game with Danika is displayed.

  “Are you a good chess player, Ocean?”

  Stiff with dread I bow my head and pause by the door. “I am passable, sir.”

  He grunts as if he doesn’t believe my claim. “Sit then and play a game with me.”

  “Sit?” I’m taken completely off guard. “But, that is not what... I mean, aren’t we supposed to...” Biting my tongue I cross to sit in the chair beside his before he can change his mind.

  “I am the Emperor, I do as I please, Ocean, and it pleases me to play chess with you.”

  “So you’re not going to...” trailing off, I occupy my shaking fingers by arranging the chess pieces on the board.

  “Bed you? Of course I am. I thought we could take a little time to get to know each other first.”

  My startled gaze meets his. “Why?”

  He snickers. “Why not? You will bear my children, be part of my home for the next few years. Why shouldn’t I get to know you? Besides, if you strive to please me, then I shall be inclined to please you. One hand washes the other, or so the saying goes.”

  An icy shiver of distaste slides down my spine. No doubt he is referring to the bed more so than anything else and it leaves me feeling nauseous. The idea of playing into his sick agenda is insulting, but I cover it with a weak smile. “As you wish.”

  “Indeed.” He pierces me with a sharp stare. “As I wish.”

  Sanctimonious bastard. Biting my lip to keep from saying it out loud, I set the last chess piece in its place.

  “Ladies first, Ocean.”

  Choosing the white pieces, I move the first pawn.

  His sharpe eyed gaze doesn’t miss my obvious slight in my color choice and he smirks before picking up a pawn. “So, I am at liberty to give you anything you desire should you become pregnant.” He pauses to move his own pawn. “What is it you want?”

  I meet his stare with a level one of my own. There is only one thing I desire. The word tumbles off my tongue before I can stop it, “Freedom.”

  His eyes narrow and his jaw tightens. “You are free here. You may come and go as you please, but for the few hours each week that are required of you.”

  “Yet I can’t see my family, I can’t leave this hub and I must let you use my body against my will. That is not freedom, sir.” I move my pawn.

  He reaches out, knocks my pawn from the board with his with so much force it bounces across the table and falls to the floor. “That is more freedom than most have.”

  “I want more, we deserve more than this existence in Imram.”

  Clenching the arm of the chair he scowls. “I am trying to be your friend, Ocean, but if you insist on fighting me, we can do this the hard way.” He stands and crosses to the bedroom door. “Your duty awaits.”

  Left with little choice I rise and eyes downcast force my feet to carry me to the bedroom. Why have I been so confrontational? If I played his game at least I would have been able to put off the inevitable for a little while longer. “As you wish, Emperor.”

  “Yes,” he steps aside so I can precede him into the room. “As I wish, Ocean, never forget that.”

  Stumbling to the bedside I crawl in, assuming the position on my knees with my face smothered in the pillow and my butt in the air.

  * * *

  After I’ve washed away the evidence of the Emperor’s lust I lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling. His forceful rutting is crude and demeaning compared to Sol’s gentle love making. A tear trickles down my cheek and I swipe it away, both angry for letting it get to me and for being powerless to stop it.

  “Ocean?”

  There is no need to look at the doorway to see my friend’s despair. “Danika, come lay with me... please,” I whisper, “I can’t sleep in this bed.”

  Danika slips in beside me. She pulls me close, wrapping her arms around in a gesture of protection and comfort that I need right now. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know.” My sigh lingers between us. “Everyone is sorry, except the man responsible. I want to die.”

  “Don’t say that!”

  I should cry, and I want to, but my eyes are dry, my emotions spent. All I can feel is despair. “I haven’t really slept since the pageant. Every time I close my eyes I see the Empress’s face, sneering at me, so full of hate. If I stay here I’ll cease to exist. I die inside every time I must endure the Em
peror’s assault.”

  “Have you told Sol?”

  “No. How can I tell him? He tries so hard to comfort me. It is tearing him apart not to be able to do anything. He wants to kill the Emperor. If I tell him it would be heaping more misery on him and I’m afraid he will try.”

  “We would be better off if he killed the Emperor.”

  “Maybe, but Sol would be put to death.”

  “You must stay strong, Ocean, any day now we will be able to escape. Dr. White is working on it.”

  I close my eyes. “I will try, but I don’t know how long I can take it, Danika.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  The next morning the door to my suite flies open. The Empress enters.

  As I get to my feet, Danika scrambles from the other chair in the room to stand by my side. Poor, ever loyal Danika, doing her part to defend me, ready to fight to protect me.

  The Empress fixes me with a stiff look, completely ignoring my maid. “I have decided to have a gathering for luncheon this afternoon. I am inviting all the official’s wives and their concubines. You will be at my side at all times unless dismissed. You will smile, pretend you adore me and my husband, and you will be attentive to my every whim, do I make myself clear?”

  “Yes.”

  She arches a heavily drawn brow. “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, Empress.”

  Her frown deepens. “Yes, my dearest Empress.” She looks away and takes a ginger seat on the edge of the vacated chair. “It seems there is dissent among the ranks, both with the wives and the concubines. I expect you to show them how well our little arrangement works.”