Alien in Chief

by Gini Koch

  “Working with the head of Club Fifty-One?” Chuckie added.

  “Yeah. They were working on a drug that would kill all the A-Cs. It would kill humans, too.”

  We were all quiet for a few long moments. “Well,” I said finally, “now we know what the catastrophic event is going to be.”

  CHAPTER 28

  WE GOT THE FULL details of Lizzie’s family history but it was pretty much what she’d told us, with one addition—her parents had been “Old World” Russian spies, which explained why the Dingo and Surly Vic were okay with adding her into the Family von Assassination. They were many things, but Old World they were not.

  Her father’s cover had been being a professor at ASU, meaning Dad knew him, but only tangentially since they weren’t in the same department. Her mother had supposedly been an author, but a quick perusal of the interwebs had shown that she’d never really published anything—her bibliography was as faked as her U.S. citizenship.

  “Mister Dash destroyed my father’s notes, and my parents are both dead,” Lizzie said, for what was probably the tenth time. “So they can’t really have created the drug, right?” Got the impression she was hoping that we’d give her a different answer than the last nine.

  “No,” Chuckie said for the tenth time, consistent to the core. “Because your father wasn’t working alone, I’m sure, and there are always backups.”

  “I’m more concerned about how you know about some of the worst assassins out there,” Mom said to me.

  “Seriously?” Jeff asked. “When you know who’s essentially adopted her?”

  Mom shook her head. “The Dingo is one thing. He has a code and a price. These two? They enjoy killing.”

  “Then I can guarantee they know Annette Dier and are probably on the Mastermind’s payroll. And we took them out in the other world. But where are they in this world, Mom? That’s my question.”

  “Cuba,” Chernobog replied before Mom could. “At least the last time I checked on them. And yes, I check on them because your mother is correct—they’re crazy in all the wrong ways.”

  “They won’t be coming up here,” Chuckie said. “We’re going to Florida. They’ll be there.”

  “I may never sleep again,” Vance muttered.

  “You get used to it,” Lizzie said reassuringly. We all looked at her and she shrugged. “There are different cartels. Peter says to think of them as guilds. These guys aren’t in the same guild as my dad and the uncles are. That could make them business rivals, but it can also make them enemies.”

  “The Dingo has a strict code, and I don’t think he’s a fan of any assassins who don’t follow it,” I pointed out.

  Mom rubbed her forehead. “Yes, yes, kitten. The Dingo and his cronies good, all other assassins bad. Got it.”

  “Hey, it works for us,” I indicated Lizzie and myself.

  “Until it doesn’t,” Mom said. But Dad shot her a look I recognized—his “not in front of the kids” look—and she dropped this discussion.

  We discussed things we had no answers to or plans for for a while longer, but finally everyone went to bed or, in Chernobog’s case, back to Movie Night with a new tub of hot popcorn courtesy of the Elves. Mom, Dad, Vance, Lizzie, Jeff, and I all had hot chocolates and then we sent Lizzie to bed, Jeff ordered Vance to go to his room and sleep, and Mom and Dad turned in, too.

  Once everyone had gone to their respective rooms I went to what I now called the Viewing Room—where the three-way mirror we’d had installed after Operation Bizarro World resided.

  In order to see the other universes you had to sit at the right spot, where you could see yourself clearly reflected in all three mirrors, look straight ahead at yourself, and then wait for the other universes to come into your peripheral vision. Looking to the right or left made you lose the images. I’d gotten good at this over the past year and a half, so I got into the zone quickly.

  I’d promised the Jamie in the other universe that I’d look into this mirror regularly to see what might be going wrong in the other universes where “we” existed. It was our bargain—I’d do the regular looking and she’d focus on her family in her world. She was allowed to look occasionally, but not all the time as she’d been doing before. As far as I’d seen, she’d kept her promise.

  Sometimes Bizarro World Jamie and I were looking into the mirrors at the same time, and this was one of those times. She waved to me and I blew her a kiss, both of us still looking forward into our personal mirrors.

  She left the mirror, but I could see her still, and she was drawing or writing something. I perused the other myriad universes—despite there being more universes than I could count, and what seemed like more forming every time I looked, I was able to take them all in quickly. Figured that the various Powers That Be out there on our side were giving me the assist and chose not to question or argue.

  Finished the Tour of Everything. Nothing stood out as being wrong for those worlds, which was nice, because we had enough going on in this one right now.

  Jamie came back and held up a piece of paper. It took some concentration, but I finally made out what she’d written: yek eht m’I.

  It didn’t take much to realize I was reading it backward and to translate to “I’m the key.” I had to figure she meant the Jamie in my world.

  But this wasn’t news, really. Since she’d been born Jamie had been the focus of all the bad guy plans. They wanted to get my daughter and use her in all the ways imaginable to further their own ends. And I’d never, ever let them.

  Jamie held up another piece of paper: niart eht no luferac eB. “Be careful on the train.” Okay, I was going to be anyway, but Jamie sometimes saw what was coming, and when she did it was always bad. So, forewarned was forearmed and all that. I hoped.

  One more piece of paper: swonk eH. “He knows.”

  There were a lot of he’s out there who could know a lot of things. A part of me wanted to ask for more information. But she was a little girl, and—all space-time continuum and such aside—my daughter. And I didn’t want her reverting back to watching the mirrors 24/7 and losing herself to the Jamie Channel.

  I nodded, blew her another kiss, and did a little pantomime that indicated it was time for her to go outside and play. She grinned at me, turned, picked up something, and turned back. It was Stripes, the kick-butt cat we’d adopted. She waved his paw at me, waved again herself, then she put the cat around her shoulders, got up, and left.

  “Jamie’s a lot more help than you are, my King of the Elves,” I said under my breath, while I allowed myself to miss everyone in that universe for a few moments.

  Algar appeared behind me in the mirror. “You know there’s that thing called free will still, right?”

  “Right. I’d like to ensure that our enemies’ free will doesn’t harm the people I care about, let alone a lot of other innocent people. Call me a demanding whiner.”

  “You’re asking for a lot of help.” He cocked his head at me. “That’s not like you. Are you alright?”

  Heaved a sigh. “I’m just trying to get ahead of all the bad things coming to ensure that we protect everyone we possibly can, my children in particular.”

  He shook his head. “You’re at war. Wars have casualties.”

  “I know that all too well. I don’t have to like the casualties, and I also don’t have to just blithely accept the casualties. I want to lose no one on my side. Sorry if that’s a bad leadership attitude to have.”

  “Your enemy doesn’t have that mindset. Remember that—it’s his strength. And he knows you don’t want to lose anyone, and that’s your weakness.”

  “And his weakness is that he doesn’t care. And I’ll never apologize for not considering anyone to be cannon fodder. Are you suddenly suggesting I need to become a heartless bitch in order to win whatever’s coming? Because I refuse to become like them. Any of the thems o
ut there who are against us.”

  Algar smiled. “No. It’s the right attitude to have. And you’re right—strengths can be weaknesses and vice versa. Just remember that you can be as prepared as possible and still not be ready for what’s coming.”

  “Thanks for the comforting pep talk.”

  He laughed. “Just remember that your real strengths are that you always think outside the box and nothing actually throws you. Metaphorically.”

  “Yeah, I’ve gotten thrown a lot literally.”

  The door opened and Algar disappeared, without even snapping his fingers. Jeff came in. “Viewing time’s over, baby. We need to get some sleep before our trip.”

  I let him help me up. “Well, I was hoping to relax before we slept.”

  Jeff grinned. “Sucks to be me as always, I see.”

  CHAPTER 29

  WE MADE SURE everyone was honestly asleep, Jamie and Charlie in particular. Then we zipped into the closet and got out of our clothes as fast as possible.

  In the good old days, we could have taken a while to get undressed, with Jeff having me at the edge of orgasm, or better, the entire time. Two children and an apartment full of people and animals meant that we needed to hurry up and get to the good stuff as fast as possible, before someone woke up.

  Jeff had finally adapted to having sexy times with a bunch of animals around, mostly because the majority of the animals didn’t sleep with us anymore and those who did had picked up that he preferred them to be discreet and at least pretend they were sleeping.

  I had a second iPod that mirrored my main one, and it was permanently in a dock in our bedroom. Jeff liked to create playlists to surprise me, usually in bed, and tonight was no exception.

  After listening at the baby monitor and ensuring that Charlie’s breathing was still rhythmic, Jeff hit play and the sounds of the Mamas and the Papas “Dedicated to the One I Love” hit our airwaves.

  “Aww, a new playlist?”

  He grinned. “Just for you, baby.” He pulled the covers back, picked me up, and placed me onto the bed.

  “Just like old times.”

  “Hopefully.” And with that, Jeff kissed me.

  He had been and remained the best kisser on any planet, and, as always, his lips owned mine and his tongue made my entire body shiver with anticipation. We kissed for a good long time, and then he moved his mouth to my main erogenous zone—my neck.

  Jeff knew all the spots to lick, nibble, and rub to get my hips shaking like I was Shakira. Whose “Hips Don’t Lie” came on right on cue. Found myself wondering if Jeff was timing himself to the musical selections, but then he nipped in the right spot in just the right way and I was too busy howling to worry about that anymore.

  Thankfully the soundproofing was great here, because while I’d managed to occasionally be silent during sex, it was a rarity and not something I could manage on any kind of a regular schedule. Especially because Jeff moved his mouth to my breasts next. He had a pattern, but I didn’t care because it was a great pattern that ensured my sexual happiness.

  He’d brought me to orgasm at second base the very first time we’d slept together, and tonight was no exception. As Big Mountain’s version of “Baby, I Love Your Way” came on, so did I. Loudly, as was my pattern.

  Felt Jeff smile against my skin. “Nice to know the old ways still work.”

  “Oh . . . yeah . . .” I managed to gasp out. “They do.”

  He slid down, tracing my skin with his tongue, until he was between my legs and I was on Auto-Purr and Constant Yowl Modes. Lit’s “Too Fast for a U-Turn” came on and Jeff kept time to the beat, proving once again that he was a sexual impresario for the ages. The song built and so did I, until I climaxed right along with the song.

  Jeff flipped me onto my stomach and stroked my back with his hands and mouth. “What’s this about you thinking other men are spicy?” he breathed into my ear.

  “I like . . . to keep you . . . on your . . . toes.” It took a lot of effort to talk since Jeff’s hands were stroking various parts of my already quivering body and he was back to nibbling my neck.

  “As to that . . .” He shifted me onto my hands and knees as “Sexy” by the Black Eyed Peas started up. “Let’s talk about what kind of spice I want to sprinkle all over you right now.”

  “Cinnamon and sugar?”

  He laughed as he slid into me and my head went back. “For starters. And honey.” He thrust deeply into me and I slammed my hips back to get him even deeper inside.

  “Love . . . honey . . .” My hands clenched the pillows. I’d already climaxed several times, so technically it should have taken me a while to be ready again. But Jeff’s technique ensured I was already at the edge by thrust number three, when the Aerosmith’s “Love XXX” hit the airwaves.

  As always, we were like this for longer than I could really comprehend. The beauty of being with an empathic man was that I didn’t have to spend a lot of focus or effort in screaming that he should keep on doing it longer, faster, and harder, because he already knew and was doing what I wanted literally the moment I wanted it.

  “Mmm, I think I’m going to pour honey on you and lick it all off,” he growled as I got closer and closer. “Three times a day. Just like the song says.”

  “Only if . . . I get . . . to do the same, ahhh, to you.”

  “I can arrange that.”

  “Promises, promises.” The last word ended in a wail as I crashed over the edge and Jeff erupted into me.

  I collapsed onto the bed, but he wasn’t done with me yet. Jeff flipped me over again and as Mötley Crüe’s “Sticky Sweet” came on he dove between my legs again. Conveniently, he was placed in such a way that I could reciprocate, which I did because, you know, I was a really great wife that way.

  Tommy Lee’s drumming was a great beat to work with and it didn’t take all that long before another rewarding dual orgasm hit.

  As our bodies finally quieted, “Love” by Elefant started and we shifted so I was snuggled up with Jeff’s arm around me and my head was on his chest. He stroked my arm and I ran my fingers through the hair on his chest.

  “Think we’re going to be able to fit in sex on the train?” I asked.

  Jeff laughed softly. “God, it just sucks to be me. No idea, baby. I’d love to say yes, but we’re not going to be alone.”

  “There’s always the bathroom.” Hey, they weren’t huge but they kept them really clean on the Presidential and Vice Presidential travel options. The perks of leadership and all that.

  “There is. As always I’ll keep your needs and requirements foremost in my mind.”

  “As it should be.”

  Jeff hugged me. “And, speaking of those needs, I sense that you’re not sleepy enough to actually go to sleep yet.”

  “Not quite.”

  He rolled on top of me as the Kinks’ “All Day and All of the Night” came on. “Then, let me do my best to exhaust you in the best ways possible.”

  “Darn. Well, if you insist and all.”

  “I do. In that really Vice Presidential way of mine.”

  “Oooh, sounds like it’s time for me to play Secretary to the Big Man.”

  Jeff grinned. “And it’s job review time.”

  I ran my hands over his chest, around to his back, and then down to his truly awesome butt. “And just wait until you see what I’ve added onto my resume. Some really impressive job advancement stuff.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that.”

  “Challenge accepted.”

  CHAPTER 30

  HOURS LATER AND promotions all the way up to Second Vice President secured for me, we fell asleep, wrapped around each other. I slept heavily and, thankfully, if I had dreams I didn’t remember any of them.

  The next day dawned without a lot of eventfulness, other than waking up to the Kinks’ “Sta
te of Confusion,” which either meant Algar was giving me a hint, Jeff’s playlist had some weird non-sexy songs on it, or neither one of us had paid any attention to my iPod after sexy times and it was now on some sort of random play option. Had to give not paying attention the edge.

  Algar might have been a jerk about many things, but when it came to being the Operations Team he was spot on. When we finished showering, and having some fast clean up sex, just because who knew when we’d get to do the deed next, our rolling bags were packed and ready and waiting for us in our large walk-in closet.

  Our clothes were also laid out. In Jeff’s case, this merely meant that one of his many black Armani suits, crisp white dress shirts, black ties, and shined black shoes were waiting for him. No fedora, which was a disappointment, but I decided not to argue with the Elves.

  For me, it was an iced blue suit with a cream blouse and cream pumps. I winced just looking at the outfit. The chances were so very high that I’d ruin it in some way, potentially before we even left the Embassy.

  However, there was also a small leather duffel bag I didn’t recognize next to my shoes. Checked inside. A pair of Converse, jeans, an Aerosmith shirt with all the boys pictured, and a Fall Out Boy hoodie were inside. “You are totally the best,” I said quietly. Put the duffel next to my purse on the way out of the closet.

  We had breakfast in our dining room, since we had Mom, Dad, Vance, and Lizzie added in, and Jeff had had me call Chuckie up to join us, too. Normally for this many we’d have gone downstairs and left it all to Pierre, but Jeff wanted to cook so I didn’t argue. He was great at it, I hated cooking, and the Elves provided whatever he needed for ingredients and performed all the cleanup, so why not let him enjoy himself?

  Jamie sat on Chuckie’s lap next to Lizzie and prattled on about all the pets with her during breakfast. Charlie did me a solid and didn’t try to float anything this morning, possibly because he was sitting with Dad and having fun getting fed by his Papa Sol while petting the dogs and cats, who were living it up having my parents around for a while.