A Dish of Stones
Page 11
He got out of the car and opened the boot, taking out a picnic basket and a thick tartan blanket.
“You think of everything,” she said grinning. “I was in the Boy Scouts when I was a kid,” he lied. “They teach you to prepare for any eventuality.” He handed the basket to her and locked the car door. “So you need never worry when you’re with me, Kate.” Taking the basket from her, he looked directly into her eyes and fixed them with his steady, unblinking gaze. “I’m always prepared for everything.”
He lifted his chin to indicate the hill in front of them. “We’ve a bit of climbing to do I’m afraid, but it’ll be well worth it.”
“Won't it get really dark up there?” Kate asked him.
“When we get to the top we’ll light a fire and you'll be able to see everything. And we’ve got the blanket so we can make ourselves really comfortable. Don’t worry, Kate, it'll be brilliant.”
She took his outstretched hand and followed him up the hill. The first few yards were not steep, just a gradual incline covered in short, tufted grass and small bushes here and there. Then the climb became abruptly sharper.
“How do you know where to go, Stephen? It’s getting really shadowy up here. There are so many trees I can hardly see the sky.”
“Like I told you Kate, I was a Boy Scout.”
Stephen helped her over the most difficult parts and showed her the best place to put her feet. After a steep ten-minute climb he stopped. “Here we are,” he said triumphantly. “We’ve made it.”
“Can I sit down for a minute? I’m really puffed.”
“Not before you’ve seen this,” he said, turning her around to face the opposite direction. She stood and stared, her hands clutched together under her chin. Far below them were thousands of lights, the lights of Willowbridge and beyond to London; small pinpoints of brilliance twinkling beneath a sky gradually darkening to a deep-blue velvet.
“It's beautiful,” she breathed. “Isn’t it fantastic?” I feel as if I could run and jump right into them.”
Stephen smiled knowingly. Taking her hand again, he led her into a deep hollow where there were more lights flickering in the light breeze. Kate looked at Stephen questioningly.
“It’s OK. People light fires up here and often bring candles. It makes the place really atmospheric. They won’t bother us because we’ll find our own place.” He put his face close to hers and looked deep into her eyes. “That is all right isn’t it,” he asked her softly.
“Yes,” she whispered. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips then led her deeper into the hollow. A small clump of evergreen bushes had grown into a leafy horseshoe and he put the basket inside. Then he laid the blanket on the ground and suggested she sat down while he prepared the fire. She watched him as he gathered small sticks and dry leaves and made a small pyramid at the entrance of the hollow. He stuffed the centre with bits of brush and fallen leaves then took a lighter from his pocket and put it to the kindling. It immediately set alight, the fire suddenly springing up and illuminating their faces with an orange-red glow.
“This is lovely,” she smiled. He reached back into the horseshoe of bushes and retrieved the basket. “Hungry?” he asked her.
“I’m really hungry,” she said. “I haven’t eaten since lunch-time.”
He set out various dishes taking the covers off as he went. It surprised and delighted her to see so many different things to eat – chicken drumsticks; potato salad; little rolls of smoked salmon – food she’d only ever seen in magazines. It was a feast she couldn’t resist.
He watched her as she ate ravenously. She behaves as though she’s almost starving, he thought. At least she’s got a healthy appetite. As they ate he tried to persuade her to have some wine, but she refused.
“It’s a very good year.”
“I don’t drink alcohol,” she said. Stephen shrugged, disappointed she wouldn’t agree. A bottle of wine had always worked so well in the past.
After they’d eaten they packed away the dishes and sat close by the glowing fire. Stephen pulled the blanket around them and threw bits of kindling on the fire to keep the flames going. Kate could hear music from a radio that someone had taken with them. Eddy Holman singing ‘Hey There, Lonely Girl’ floated on the air towards them. Stephen turned his face towards Kate and began to caress her cheek with his fingers. Then he kissed her gently. “Lie down, Kate” he said. “Make yourself more comfortable.” Kate hesitated.
“It’s all right,” he said in a hypnotic voice that gently reassured her. He stroked her cheek again and whispered to her. “It’s all right.”
She relaxed back into the blanket that was still folded around them. He leant over her and placed his mouth on hers, his lips moving rhythmically as his tongue explored every part of her mouth. She felt the stirring of something deep inside her, a longing for closeness, a need for love from someone she loved and admired and it felt right that he should be kissing her in this way. The nearness of him and the scent of his body melted her. At last she felt wanted. The softness of his touch and the soothing tones of his voice sent her into a trance-like state.
With an expert touch he slowly pushed his hand up inside her jumper and rubbed his thumb carefully along the line of her bra. Then he lifted her slightly and undid the hook at the back. Kate felt powerless to stop him, unsure how far she should go. His hands went to her breasts; a shock at first to Kate but they simultaneously took in a sharp breath of pleasure. Stephen’s breathing increased and Kate’s mind was in utter turmoil. She wanted him she was certain of it, but there was a doubt in her mind.
A niggling feeling that something was happening out of her control wormed it’s way into her thoughts. What was it saying? She tried to put her thoughts in order and all the time Stephen was touching her, caressing her, saying things to her that didn’t quite ring true. She shook her head impatiently then suddenly her mind and body separated. It was as though the two most important parts of her, her mind and her physical body had severed all connection. However hard she tried she could not get them to reconnect.
The smell of the fire and Stephen’s strong cologne began to nauseate her and she knew it was all wrong. Still kissing her he slowly brought his hand down, stroking her midriff, heading towards the top of her jeans. He deftly undid the button then roughly pushed his hand to the very centre of her. She cried out, horrified that he was touching her without her permission.
“No, Stephen I don’t want you to do that.”
“Of course you do,” he said, his breath catching in his throat. “It’ll be all right, Kate. I told you it’ll be all right.” She pushed him away from her. “No. I said no and I meant no.” There was a cheer from a group of teenagers sitting behind them. “Keep your bloody voice down, you silly cow. They can hear us.”
“If you’d stopped when I asked you to they wouldn’t have heard would they?” Stephen was incredulous. “But I thought...” He swallowed hard, his exasperation and frustration almost choking him. “Don’t come that crap with me, Kate. You wanted it as much as I did. I thought you wanted us to get closer. That’s what all this has been about isn’t it? I thought you realised… Kate it's the middle of the seventies. We can make love with anyone we want. We don’t have to answer to anyone. We’re mature enough to make up our own minds. I want you. I always get what I want.”
His voice took on a petulant tone that startled her. Then he began to cajole, taking another tack. Stroking her hair away from her face, he whispered in her ear. “I want you, Kate. I need you. Pretty please, beautiful girl,” he whined. Kate defiantly shook her head. “I’m not ready to go that far. I’ve enjoyed this evening. Don’t spoil it. I just can’t make love with you yet. I’m just not ready.” Stephen fixed her with a stare. Seconds ticked by. Then he began to kiss her gently again. “I’m sorry, Kate. You’ll love it, I promise.”
With a movement that caught her off guard, he pushed her back onto the ground. Pinning her wrists over her head with one hand, he quickly unzipped his jea
ns and straddling her awkwardly, forced his mouth on top of hers to stop her screaming. He pushed her jumper up to her neck, exposing her body to the cool night air, bringing his mouth down to her breasts, nipping with his teeth. Kate tried to scream but again Stephen brought his mouth down over hers and in one swift movement, yanked her jeans passed her thighs and began to force her legs apart with his knees. Hampered by her jeans, he reached down to push them away and tried to ram himself inside her. He kissed her roughly, forcing his tongue into her mouth. Kate saw her chance. She sank her teeth deep into his tongue. Stephen screamed in pain and rolled off her. “You bitch,” he yelled at her, forgetting the other people around them. “You fucking bitch.”
Kate scrambled to her feet, the blanket winding round her ankles as she tried to put space between them. She pulled up her jeans to cover herself, not bothering to fasten the zip, then stumbled forward towards the smouldering fire. As she fell she twisted away from the flames. The blanket binding them together ignited as it fell across the embers and Kate kicked and kicked for all she was worth, freeing herself before the flames reached her. Stephen began to scream as the flames licked up towards him, his arms flailing as he tried desperately to push away the burning cloth.
Kate ran, unconcerned as to the direction she was taking as long as it was away from Stephen. After a few minutes of stumbling through the foliage she looked around her, frantically searching for the right direction in the pitch black darkness. All she could see were other small bonfires. She knew she had to get to the top of the hollow. From there she would see the twinkling lights that came from the town and it would be this line she would have to follow to get back down the hill.
Concentrating on her flight away from Stephen stopped her thinking about his attempt to rape her. She ran blindly to the top, sometimes sliding on damp leaves and running into bushes dotted all over the hillside. She stopped to vomit; shock and fear ripping through her stomach, her desperation to get away from him getting the better of her. Then she ran again.
The glow from the other fires gave her heart and finally the twinkling lights from the town came into view. Relief flooded over her. Now she had to get down the hill. Again she stumbled on, running too fast in her urgency to get away. Her breath left her in short sharp bursts and she could feel her side knotting up in a stitch. Tears coursed down her face as she ran into the branches of trees that were lower than she thought and they scratched her face and tangled in her hair. Her face stung from the scratches and twice she slipped on the mud and landed flat on her back which knocked the breath out of her. The bottom of the hill was close and it was where she was desperate to be before she could feel safe again.
When she finally reached the bottom of the hill she collapsed to her knees, throwing her head forward to relieve the rasping pain in her chest. Exhaustion and trembling fear racked her body and nausea overwhelmed her, but after a few moments rest she was able to raise her head and look across to where Stephen had parked the car. To her horror he was sitting in the driver’s seat. Raw terror engulfed her. She heard the engine start and watched helplessly as he drove slowly towards her. He pulled up beside her as she dragged herself to her feet. “Get in,” he ordered.
“No”, she cried, still panting. “I don’t want to be in a car with you...or anywhere with you.” He looked irritated. “Don’t be stupid, Kate. You’ll never make it back to town from here.” He lost his temper. “Look, you can get in the back. I don’t want you now.” He waited. “Get in the fucking car, damn it,” he screamed.
Kate knew he was right. She had no idea of how she was going to make it home. Reluctantly she climbed into the back-seat of the car. He leaned over the driver’s seat and sighed crossly as she flinched away from him, fearful that he might lash out at her. “I’m just getting the other blanket, stupid,” he said scathingly. “Make sure you sit on it. You’re covered in muck and I don’t want it on the leather upholstery.”
Again Kate watched him as he drove them back to town but she didn’t think him beautiful. He was a spoilt little rich boy who expected to get anything he wanted no matter what the price was. She meant nothing to him, nothing at all.
“I’ll drop you in the centre,” he said, his voice emotionless. “I don’t want my car seen in the area of town where you live. It would never do and it would upset my family. Still it’s probably ideal for you and your kind.” Kate didn’t answer. He pulled up outside the Town Hall and she opened the door. He stopped her before she got out. “There are names for girls like you. Scrubber and prick-teaser come to mind. Most girls of your type are usually eternally grateful to have the attentions of someone like me. Show them a good time and they’re ready to drop their knickers. There’s obviously something wrong with you. I hope I never see your face again. Now get out.”
Kate slammed the door and walked up the High Street towards her home. She saw the blue Mercedes out of the corner of her eye as it moved along the street. Stephen wound the window down and pulled up alongside. “Give my regards to your father, the rocket scientist.” He laughed then accelerated and drove into the dark. She headed towards home, comforted as never before when she saw the shabby front door of number fifty-three.
***
“What the hell’s up with you?” Angie stood next to Kate as she made the lunches for school.
“There’s nothing up with me,” replied Kate quietly.
“Watch your tone with me, lady. You expect me to believe that. You’ve been like it all weekend and you’re no better this morning. You’ll have to buck up, my girl. What about your O levels? You don’t want to mess that up, do you?”
Kate looked at Angie in amazement. The very fact she had even known she was taking her exams was nothing short of a miracle. Kate shook her head as her mother headed back to her bedroom. If only she could tell Angie what was really upsetting her. She needed to tell someone. It should have been Angie; could have been if she was more like a proper mum. Stop torturing yourself, she thought. She can’t help you. No one can.
The weekend had gone by painfully for Kate. She’d buried herself in a turbulent sea of tears and remorse, trying to dissolve her most recent memories of Stephen. In the back of her mind was the glimmer of a thought; a niggling doubt that the events of Friday night had somehow been her fault, yet she knew that Stephen had manipulated her because he always had the control. She was at the mercy of her circumstances at home; her low self-esteem and lack of confidence pushing her blindly towards him because she knew no different.
She’d believed him when he said she was special to him because she wanted to. He must have wondered why she could only meet him at certain times but he’d never questioned it. This could only have been because it wasn't important to him. Why should he care what her life was like, his own was so much better than hers. He didn’t need to know because he'd wanted her for sex and nothing else. Like his latest hobby, she thought. How long will it take to get Kate McGuire to have sex with me?
While she had cried herself to sleep each night since, insidious thoughts, jumbled and incomprehensible ran through her mind as if she had no command over them. At some point during Sunday she realised he’d planned it from the very beginning. It devastated her that their Saturday lunch dates that had meant so much to her had meant so little to him. She loathed him more than she would ever have thought possible. She didn’t know how she was going to come to terms with what had happened between them. Attempted rape was serious she knew that, but who on earth would believe her; a girl from the worst part of The Smithy against someone like Stephen Barton? Her eyes filled with tears again but she brushed them away. She went to the foot of the stairs and called Emma for the third time and was answered only by Angie banging loudly on her bedroom floor.
Chapter 13
“If I ever get married, I want to make sure he’s ‘the one’. I want my husband to be kind and warm, and to love the things that I love, like poetry, and walking in the meadow on a beautiful day...and music. Then I'll be happy.”
Gradually the days went by. The warmth of the summer sun helped to raise Kate’s spirits, lifting the melancholy weighing her down during the past few weeks. Emma’s anger with her resulting in her not speaking to Kate was not enough to dampen the faint stirrings of hope she felt in side. Time was healing her.
Emma had persisted in asking her about Stephen after discovering Kate was no longer seeing him. Eventually she’d given in to Emma’s determination to find out what had happened between them and her sister's reaction had shocked and hurt her. Emma had been angry and disappointed. Not with Stephen but with Kate.
“You stupid cow, fancy treating him like that. He could have been our ticket out of here and you let him go. Honestly, you and your precious morals. I mean, who the hell do you think you are, Princess Anne?”
“He tried to rape me, for God’s sake,” she'd shouted back.
“Only because you wouldn’t let him have what he wanted. And it’s nothing y’know, sleeping with someone. It doesn’t have to mean anything if your mind’s not involved. It’s just bodies.”
Kate was mortified Emma viewed something meant to be so wonderful in such a detached and cold way. She realised she and Emma were surviving their life with Angie in very different ways. Kate knew that Angie’s problem was threatening to destroy them, but what else could they do but weather the storm until things got better. There were times when she found the problems they faced on a daily basis almost unbearable, but it was the way it was. Instinctively she felt it was up to her to make the best of it and not give in when things got difficult. Her mother’s life and the demons she wrestled with had infiltrated all their lives, but to give in now after holding on for so long just wasn’t an option.