Castle Juliet

by Brandon Berntson

  “How cool is that?” Jack said, hopping up and down on the fence.

  Fred laughed out loud again.

  “Jack likes the black one, the one that’s too good for the rest, it seems,” Alice said.

  Fred bit his lip. “Well, that’s about the way the old bugger thinks. Buckby isn’t much of a riding horse. He’s disagreeable and liable to make an unpleasant ride. He’s got a stiff upper lip.”

  “Buckby?” Jack asked.

  Fred nodded. “Used to be Buck-bye. Because he would buck you off, and that meant bye-bye for you. But that didn’t sound right, so I just named him Buckby. Better you try Sue there, Miss Alice. She’s sweet and shy. She’s a gentle ride, and she likes to get out. You can try Christmas there, Jack, the painted one that just walked away.”

  “Christmas?” Jack asked.

  “Because he was born on Christmas. Would have named him Santa, I suppose, or Frosty the Snowman, but those don’t seem proper names for horses. You agree?”

  “Whole heartedly, sir.”

  “Got manners, boy. I like that. You must do your parents proud.”

  “Whattaya say, Jack?” Alice said.

  “Gee,” Jack suddenly said, as if changing his mind. “I don’t know. I ain’t never ridden no gal-darn horse a’fore.”

  “Taint nothin’ to it, Jacky-boy,” Fred said. “Why, it’s easier than riding a car, and safer, too.”

  “Well, I don’t know how to ride no car, neither,” Jack said, slipping into some cowboy lingo he couldn’t shed suddenly.

  Fred smiled at him again. “I like you, Jack. You got character. There’s nothing to worry about. Honest Injun. You’re parents know you’re here?”

  Alice and Jack nodded at the same time.

  “We told them we were going to Old MacDonald’s on account of we didn’t know your name,” Jack said. “So we said the ole Heathrow place, which they know well enough.”

  “That eases my mind a bit,” Fred said. “We’ll saddle up Christmas and Sue, and I’ll take Shockwave.”

  “Shockwave!” Alice and Jack both said at once, and giggled.

  “Of my own creation, because there was nothing fancy about him, so I gave him something fancy. How’s that? He’s what’s called a Rocky Mountain Horse. Seems you might have more fun with the names than the actual ride.”

  “Yee-haw!” Jack said, throwing his hat into the air, where, luckily, it came down on his side of the coral. He was feeling the cowboy character. “Gitty-up, Alice!”

  Jack hopped off the fence, clearly excited.

  “We’ll take him into the barn, saddle ’em up, and skin outta here, kids,” Fred said. “Why I think the law might be upon us, and we’ll have to run for cover!”

  “Yippee!” Alice exclaimed, hopping up and down, and clapping her hands in delight.

  *

  Fred led the three horses from the coral to the barn, while the other horses looked on with jealousy. “Do me a favor, will you, Jacky-boy?” Fred asked.

  “Sure thing, sir.”

  “Go into the house and give your parents a jingle. The phone’s in the kitchen. Call Alice’s, too, if that’s okay. You know her number, I guess? Just let your parents know where you are and what we plan on doing. That will ease my mind, and theirs, too, no doubt. If they want to talk to me, just can give me a holler. Sound okay to you?”

  “I’m off like a shot, sir,” Jack said, and bolted toward the house.

  In the meantime, Fred and Alice, in the barn, got the horses ready. In less than five minutes, Jack returned, beaming.

  “All good to go, Mr. Fred!” he said.

  “They don’t mind?”

  “I think they were quite excited, especially Alice’s mom. She was flattered and said this was nice of you to take us out. I think she’s gonna bake you a pie.”

  “Well, a little kindness has its rewards, it looks like. Lucky me.”

  “Yippee!” Alice exclaimed, hopping up and down and clapping her hands again, which seemed the only thing she was capable of doing.

  “You know how to ride?” Fred asked, strapping the saddle on Sue.

  “Yep-pers!” Alice said.

  “Do you have horses at home, Miss Alice?”

  “No,” Alice said. “But my mom sometimes take me to Mr. Fellerton’s. He lives just outside of town on the opposite side. He and Mrs. Fellerton have been raising horses for a very long time, and they have been friends with Mom and Dad for as long as I can remember. They’re all pretty groovy Tuesday about it.”

  “Splendid,” Fred said. “What about you, Jacky-boy?”

  “Never done ridden no horse before, no sir. Ain’t never done it. Haven’t the foggiest inc-lo-nation as to how to do it, sir, and might never get no opp-ro-tunity to never done do it again, sir.”

  “You just said a mouthful, my boy,” Fred said, smiling at Jack. “None to worry, no sir. It’s as easy peasy as a lemon squeezy, and you might just get yourself some punch afterwards. So, never you fear about nothing. We’re all gonna have a splendid time. Why, in fact, I must thank you for coming out, on account of these horses in particular need their legs stretched, and it’s hard to do it by my lonesome.”

  “Ain’t you got no wife, sir?” Jack said.

  “No, Jacky-boy.”

  “No kids, neither?”

  “None that I’m aware of, son.”

  “Well, that’s just the pits in the po-doodle. You are a fine, upstanding man—”

  “And handsome, too,” Alice said, blushing and smiling.

  “Well, little Alice dear,” Jack said, looking at her, then at Fred. “I think she has a crush on you, Fred.”

  “I’m flattered Miss Alice,” Fred said.

  “I’m jealous,” Jack said.

  “I’m excited,” Alice said. “Yippee!” She jumped up and down and clapped her hands together again.

  Fred laughed and finished saddling up the horses. He led them out of the barn—which had been converted into a stable—and into the warm, August sunlight.

  “You need help getting up on Sue?” Fred asked.

  “Maybe a little,” Alice said.

  She put her foot in the stirrup, and Fred lifted her up onto the saddle, where she took the reigns.

  “You seem to have dressed for the occasion, little lady,” Fred said. “You musta had a premonition.”

  “Or Jack did.”

  “Getting to know, Jack, I wouldn’t doubt it,” Fred said. “What do you say, Jack? Is she a born cowgirl or what?”

  “Yes, sir. And pretty, too.”

  “I think I’m jealous,” Fred said, then blushed madly. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

  Alice beamed, blushed, and looked completely smitten. Her face glowed with a bright, wide, beaming smile. Merriment danced in her eyes. Jack looked at her on the horse, shook his head proudly, and felt an outpouring of love for her. She seemed to sense it and smiled at him.

  “Yes, sir,” Jack said. “I reckon she looks fit for the part and born to play it. Them there cowboy boots look like they came with the rest of the merchandise, and the hat finishes the bill, puts her all up smashing-like.”

  “Couldn’t have said it better myself, son,” Fred said. “Where did you guys get them there hats anyway?”

  “Buy one get one for a penny down at the market,” Jack said. “Only joshing. Dad had a couple in the attic. I think that one was made for Alice, so I wanted her to have it.”

  “You’re a good man, Jacky-boy. You’re parents must be proud.”

  “Dad’s proud, yessir, and I suppose Momma must be, too.”

  “Did I just say something I shouldn’t have?”

  “Mom’s in Heaven, sir, but she is smiling down upon us, and she thinks you are a fine, upstanding gentleman for taking us on a ride, sir. So, it’s okay. You didn’t say nothing out of line, sir.”

  “Jacky-boy,” Fred said. “You are going to bring tears to my eyes. Let’s get going before we cry ourselves to death. So, whattay say, Tex? Ready t
o go save the ladies and ride off, victorious-like, into the sunset?”

  “Couldn’t have said it better myself, sir!”

  “That’s my boy,” Fred said, and helped Jack mount Christmas.

  Jack grabbed the reigns, and Fred bent down, adjusting the stirrups so Jack could reach them with his short legs. He’d already done the same with Alice.

  “Go easy on him, Christmas,” Fred told the horse. “This here’s Jacky-boy’s first ride, and we want it to be a memorable one in all the right ways. In fact, we want him to keep coming back for more. You hearing me right, Christmas?”

  Christmas looked at Fred and seemed to raise his eyebrows, as if he knew all about this long before Fred told him and was slightly offended. Jack, making Fred smile, tipped his hat in the man’s direction

  “Thank you, sir,” Jack said.

  Fred mounted Shockwave, and before they began, he instructed Jack on what to do. “It’s real easy, Jacky-boy,” he said. “Kick a little with your heels like this.” Fred kicked a little, and Shockwave trotted off. He steered the horse back toward Jack pulling firmly to the right, and Shockwave turned her head hard to the right, doing what Fred wanted. Fred continued: “Just a little nudge in the flanks and off Christmas will go at a trot. Slap the reigns a little to get him to go a little faster. Pull on one reign, say to the right, and Christmas will turn right. To the left, and he’ll turn left. Pull back on the reigns and call: ‘Whoa!’ and he’ll stop on a dime. Christmas isn’t all that broken yet, so you have to steer him hard. Pull strong to the right, and pull strong to the left. A little nudge from Christmas on either side, and he won’t turn at all. Just the way he is. All’s well?”

  “I think I got it lickety-split, Mr. Fred, sir,” Jack said.

  “Alice, you ready?”

  “Dying with an-tisho-pation, sir!”

  “You guys are a treat,” Fred said. “Well, I guess that’s about it. You have a little trouble there, Jack, my boy, and Alice and I will instruct you along the way. Nothing to it. Never fear. Now, then…I believe we must capture the Holy Grail on account of King Arthur told us to. Seems some evil knights have stolen it from a sacred place, and we have to get the Grail back into the right hands before the sun goes down. At home, a splendid goose is waiting to restore—what will certainly be—our tired bones upon our return. It’s going to be an adventure.”

  Jack beamed at all this, smiling so wide all his teeth were showing. He liked Fred more by the minute.

  Off they went. The Holy Grail somewhere up ahead horded by nasty scavengers and villains, the three of them trotted off, determined to return to Camelot with their prize in hand and make King Arthur proud.

  *

  Jack got the hang of Christmas easily, though he was a stubborn horse. He had to pull more forcefully then he’d thought to get him to turn where he wanted.

  “A little more pull and tug there, Jacky-boy,” Fred would say, and Jack would use a little more strength. His arms were getting tired.

  “I didn’t want Christmas to think I was being too forceful, Mr. Fred.”

  Fred smiled. “Very kind of you, Jack, but he doesn’t mind. Trust me.”

  They galloped a ways into the fields outside of Fred’s house. Jack had, by this time, a solid command over Christmas, and he was developing a unique relationship with the horse.

  The sun was high and warm in a cloudless blue sky. A gentle breeze from the northwest made for a cooler adventure. The lands around Storyville were bucolic with trees, rivers, streams, slight hillocks of tall swaying grass, bushes, and other farmlands. The mountains added a sense of wonder and open wilderness.

  They crested a small hill and Fred stopped ahead of Alice and Jack after topping the rise.

  “Whoa! Big fella, Christmas!” Jack said, and Christmas came to a stop.

  Storyville lay stretched out below, a small town of thriving businesses, busy streets, and townsfolk shambling idly here and there. Main Street ran directly down the center. Various shops lined both sides of the road. Beyond all this, the neighborhood and tightly packed streets spread wide.

  “Wow,” Alice said. “I’ve never seen town from here before. How cool is that?”

  “I thought you’d like it,” Fred said. “So, I decided to make this our first stop. Makes you feel on top of the world, doesn’t it?”

  Alice nodded.

  “Look, Alice…” Jack said. “You can see the market, and Dad’s shop, and your dad’s shop, the newspaper press. The Storyville Gazette. No pun intended, of course, but I think Alice’s father was quite smitten with the town name.”

  “You can see everything,” Alice agreed.

  “Yes, quite a sight,” Fred said, with a smile. “Like a postcard. Maybe we can come up here when it snows, around Christmas—with Christmas—and see it when it’s all decorated. You’ll like that, too, I’m sure.”

  “Oh, that would be more than groovy Tuesday,” Alice said. “That would be Fantastic Friday.”

  “Or splendid Saturday,” Jack said. “Or Whoppin’ Wednesday. I’m not sure what day Christmas falls on this year.”

  “It falls on Merry Monday, of course,” Fred said. “What about the Holy Grail, kids? I think Arthur is expecting an early return.”

  “Sounds fab to me, man,” Alice said.

  Jack, feeling daring, opened his eyes wide and shouted, “Yee-haw!” He steered Christmas around, nudged his flanks, and slapped at the reigns. Christmas launched off at a gallop back they way they’d come and picked up speed, Jack shouting the whole way. The boy, after some difficulty earlier, looked like a born jockey now. Christmas’ mane rippled, his flanks and coat glistening with strong muscle. His tail whipped behind him as Jack and Christmas picked up speed.

  “We’d better follow Miss Alice,” Fred said.

  “Yes, sir,” Alice said. “Knowing Jack, he’ll return to Camelot with the Holy Grail and take all the credit.”

  “All the more reason to chase the lad down. Let’s go!”

  *

  Jack said the Holy Grail was falling from the sky. And though he was dressed more like a cowboy, he feigned a battle with several knights using an imaginary sword, every now and then mixing the genres together and pulling out imaginary pistols, then firing six-shooters through their armor.

  “I think Christmas is a magical horse, Fred!” Jack shouted, who’d slain the last of the villainous knights.

  “You might be right at that, Jacky-boy,” Fred said. “But why did the Holy Grail fall from the sky?”

  “God let us have it after we destroyed the knights.”

  “Well, that was awfully nice of the Old Man, wasn’t it? Always imagined Him as a groovy Old Chap.”

  Earlier, Fred and Alice had both joined in Jack’s imaginary escapades, and Jack seemed equally pleased. At one point, while battling three knights, Fred had shouted, “Watch out, Jack! There’s one in the trees behind you!”

  Jack turned, felled the knight, who dove down on top of him, and pinned him to the ground. “Thanks, Fred,” Jack said, out of breath.

  “He’s very brave,” Alice said to Fred. “But he gets injured a lot.”

  Jack continued with his adventures, and they rode the horses for some time through thick trees, trotting along. All the while, Jack would slay magical creatures or gun down outlaws. Alice and Fred had more fun watching Jack than riding the horses. The boy was careful not to go bolting off as he’d done earlier, but remained close, and didn’t overwork Christmas.

  “Well, it might be time we got back to Camelot, kids,” Fred said, after a couple of hours. “I’ve worked up an appetite, and I think King Arthur is expecting us.”

  “A job, well done,” Jack said. “We even have a princess, right Alice?”

  Alice smiled and blushed madly.

  “You are quite the sweet talker, Jacky-boy,” Fred said. “A real ladies’ man.”

  “I think there’s enough of me to go around, yes sir,” Jack said.

  Fred’s eyes bugged out of his h
ead, and he roared with laughter. “Boy, you kill me.”

  They rode back to Fred’s ranch, all of them quite thirsty and hungry. They rode the horses into the barn and dismounted. Fred unhooked the saddles and led the horses back to the coral with the others.

  “You guys hungry?” Fred said.

  “Yes!” Alice said.

  “My butt hurts,” Jack said, rubbing his back side.

  “Might get blisters if you’re not used to it,” Fred said. “Have to take a bath in Baking Soda.”

  “Baking Soda?”

  “Works every time, boy.”

  “Man, you’d think capturing the Holy Grail would have better results.”

  Fred and Alice both laughed.

  “That’s what the goose is for,” Fred said.

  This changed Jack’s attitude instantly, and he perked right up.

  “Do you really have a goose?” Alice said.

  “Sure, I promised you one, didn’t I?” Fred said.

  “I didn’t think you were serious. I thought you were just playing with us.”

  “Nope,” Fred said. “On that part, I was quite serious.”

  Jack and Alice raised their eyebrows at each other and shrugged.

  “I ain’t never had no goose before, Mr. Fred, sir,” Jack said.

  “Well, looks like today’s a first for many things,” Fred said. “Come on, kids. Let’s see what Arthur has put out on the table. After you give him the Holy Grail, I’m sure he’ll offer you some dessert.”

  *

  Jack had smelled it earlier when he’d made the phone calls, but it seemed even more tantalizing now: the goose Fred had prepared still cooking in the oven. Rolls, too, he placed on the table with corn on the cob and mashed potatoes. It was plenty hot in the kitchen with all this, but after getting everything prepared, they all sat down to eat, and the meal was delicious. Jack and Alice both loved the goose. They laughed at Fred because he was such a domestic, clean man despite being a bachelor and living alone. They had Neopolitan Ice Cream for dessert with several Oreo Cookies smashed up and sprinkled on top. Alice and Jack helped clear the table, washed and put the dishes away, and it was around this time Jack mentioned they should probably be getting home.