Changing Stiles

by Elaine Allen

  Running my hands over her calf, I squeeze. “Aww. You want me to get you a pair of the Fisher-Price jawns she has on?”

  I follow her gaze over to where Bug is skating and stepping with Nesha and lil' Gray. “Aahhhh… no.”

  “You scared of busting your ass in front all these people?” I taunt, reaching out to tug on to a loose tendril of hair.

  Lieas smiles and quickly nips my finger. “I ain't never scared,” she asserts, shaking the hair of her side bang out of her eyes.

  The wicked gleam in her eyes quickly turns me on. “You wish. And if my behind did fall on the floor, you gonna have to carry me up out this piece.”

  Damn if she doesn’t just hit the nail on its head. I'd love to see her ass all bent in the air. And I’d throw her over my shoulder like a caveman and take her ass back to my cave. Tonight, it’s beautifully clad in some rust pink-colored jeans. The tight Express t-shirt got her titties popping; they even look a little bit larger than I remember. My dick instantly comes awake and aware. And even though I want to think with that head, I think better of it and let out a long sigh of regret instead. “You ain't getting out of skating that easy. Now, come on.”

  Standing up, I pull Lieas with me. She wobbles and then places a steadying hand on my forearm. “If I fall—”

  I lightly grip her elbow. “Trust me. I got you,” I pledge and then add, “I promise” when she gives me an unsure glance. Linking our fingers, I slowly skate backward toward the rink with Lieas taking precautionary strides.

  We're still approaching the sexual aspect of our relationship in baby steps, much like the ones she is taking now. I figure the reason is as much for her as it is for me. There are things I want to explore with her that goes beyond the physical. The jury is still out on determining if she's ready emotionally.

  It seems as if so many niggas have left their mark on her that she doesn’t know how to be intimate without it involving the sex. Since I had suggested it, I gotta stand by it. With every passing day, I want to peel away the armor she's protecting her heart with. Demand that she let me in, so she can realize I'm not interested in being one of the dudes that require her to armor up.

  “Ms. Thang scared to skate, baby?” my mom cheerfully cackles as she swirls on by us.

  “I got her, Mom. She gonna learn today,” I laugh back.

  “Your mom gon' clown me too, though?” Lieas jokes as she nervously follows my lead onto the skate floor.

  “Skating is like riding a bike.” Like riding dick. “You can't forget. It'll come back to you.” I catch her off guard by quickly pulling her close, tucking her along the side of me. “Right… left… right.” She follows my guidance, laughing as she stumbles around the rink.

  After two laps around the rink, Lieas is more comfortable, her strides confident. So confident that when I loosen my hold on her she doesn't scream but just skates on her own. Excited, she calls out for Nesha who is skating rings around the kids, making them giggle as they attempt to copy her moves.

  My heart shifts when I see Bug reach out for her hand and swells even more when Lieas captures it. I laugh to myself when Lieas leads her closer to the edge of the rink so she can hold on to the wall for support.

  My little sister, Autumn, slides up alongside of me. “Mommy said you was bringing a date. I figured I had to show up just to see this with my own eyes,” she chats. Autumn circles me with quick footwork.

  It’s funny that my entire family finds dating life as ‘major family news’. Even knowing that, I’m surprised that Autumn would spend her Friday night with us. “You here with somebody?”

  She signals over to a group of people that include her two best friends and three other guys. “Riah, Maya, and some guys.”

  “How cute,” I tease. “Y'all on a triple date.”

  “Of course. I go nowhere without my hittas. Where is your nut behind brother?”

  Shrugging, I turn my attention to Alieas for a moment. “Dunno. Think he ducking Mommy ‘cause he stuck her with them fish fry tickets.”

  Autumn shakes her head. “Vince be tripping. I’ma battle you when the electric slide come on. So, be ready,” she challenges me.

  “Sis, you and your girl squad ain’t no match for me.”

  The DJ announces that’s it time for couples skate. I wave Autumn off and find myself skating over to where Lieas is exiting the floor. “Hold up, princess.” I capture her hand in mine as the first chords of Next's Butta Love fills the room.

  “Check this out.” I spin around her. “You're like my homey… My shorty…” Skating backward, I lead her into a competent and consistent rhythm. “… And you're so special to me. We been kicking it for a while…” Pulling her close, I'm intoxicated by her scent.

  Face–to-face, I stare down at her, singing the words to “Butta Love”. As I hold her back for support, we sway through a verse. Then I make a show of my sensual skate skills. Totally into it, Lieas chuckles and surprisingly does not lose pace.

  Her smile, brilliant and beautiful, spreads as she points over to my parents. They are hugged up, slow-skating the rink.

  “They're so cute,” she coos.

  In a quick motion, I maneuver our bodies so that we mimic theirs. “We’re cute too,” I let her know, whispering her ear. “Just trust me. I'll never hurt you.”

  The look she gives has my lips devouring her in two easy gulps. The heat consumes me as our tongues twist and duel for supremacy. There's a hint of frustration on my part because I wanted to do this all evening. So, I hold on to her as I take it depths deeper until we're both drowning. When we finally break apart, needing air, we eye one another. A knowing smile graces those luscious lips, and I take one more kiss. And as if on cue, I pick the song right back up at “…And I liiiiiike it aaalllll.”

  Alieas giggles as I serenade her. Our relationship is headed in the right direction. And that makes me happy.

  Maybe love does still exist.

  Nine

  Alieas

  Needless to say, I’m in over my head. I have been dating both Carter and Justin. I’m always wondering if it’s possible to feel just as strongly for two different people. I would have always testified that it wasn’t. I’m not saying that I’m in love with either one of them, but I feel for both of them. They couldn’t be more opposite. And yet the differences in them are what attracts me to them. Carter is fiercely dedicated to his daughter, and I love that about him. But Justin doesn’t have any kids and is free of the responsibility. Justin used to be a block hugger and to my distaste does think he can rap. His flow is tight. If your girl wasn't on lock, he could've rapped these panties off. Carter, on the other hand, is a straight-laced, working man and may have never hugged a block in his life. Carter represents the future that I want to have, and Justin represents the freedom I wish to hold onto.

  When did the lines in my life get so crossed? Two months ago, I was focused. I knew what I wanted: a man… some goooood dick... marriage... maybe some babies. And them fuckin’ dollars.

  I know karma is a bitch, so I’m trying to stay balanced and by balanced I mean continuing to date them both without getting caught. This shit is trifling. Justin knows about Carter, but I haven’t uttered one fuckin’ sideways ass word to Carter about Justin.

  The thought of having to fess up makes me sick. I know that he wouldn’t go for it— at all.

  I already know what I need to do.

  “Yo, Lieas,” Tyree calls out to me, and my head pops up from the book I’m reading. “Aunt Nic told me that you’re dating two guys now,” he adds as he sits on the arm of the recliner I’m relaxing in. I swear Tyree stays on some protective big brother shit when it comes to me and men.

  “So?”

  “You vicious. You know we all cool with Carter, right?”

  “We all” meant his circle of friends with whom I share friendships with as well. “I am friends with your female friends.”

  “Ooookay. I thought you liked dude?” he asked.

  “I do. Don
’t tell me that you’re concerned with whether or not I’m dogging out your friend?”

  “You too grown,” he chides me. “So, who is the other dude?”

  “Why? You’n know him.” I roll my eyes. “He ain’t from around here.”

  Tyree shakes his head. “When you bringing him over for dinner? We want to meet boah.”. His dark eyes are serious. He plays no games when it comes to me, his sister, or his future wife and baby girl.

  As if she knows that I was thinking of them, Bri comes over with their bright-eyed one-year-old perched on her hip. Smiling wide and showing those tiny white chiclets for teeth, Nia reaches her chubby arms my way.

  I love her, and my heart melts with longing every time I am within ten feet of her. She reminds me of a black cherub, all chocolaty, covered in rolls. Her cap of black curls is always adorned with a flashy or flowered headband. She has the cutest lil’ gold bracelet circling her wrist, and the sparkle of her diamond stud earnings matches the twinkle in her beautiful eyes.

  I take her in my arms and nuzzle the side of her neck. The light fragrance of baby lotion and Dreft sink in. I hug and tickle her until she erupts into a bale of laughter.

  Bri is eyeing me suspiciously. “Someone has the baby touch,” she teases, nudging Tyree’s shoulder.

  “Moo ain’t thinking about no babies. She out here running the streets,” Tyree blurts out before I could object.

  I narrow my eyes at his ass. “She’s single,” Bri butts in. She must have caught his meaning too. “She can do whatever she want.”

  Tyree rubs his chiseled jawline. “Cart got a kid. He a good dude. You can’t be—”

  I roll my eyes. “I can’t what?” Be a hoe? Be fucking them both?

  Tyree sighs and shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have to say it. You should already know.”

  He’s right but I’m not about to admit it to him. I look at Bri instead. “Get your man.”

  Bri is giving him the, ‘Now, you know you should keep your mouth shut’ look with a slight tilt of her head and narrowing of her eyes.

  My dad must have heard him; he chimes in, “Leave that girl alone, boy. She’s too young to be serious with either one of them.” He and my mother are on different vibes when it comes to marriage, children, and having a family. My dad has been kind of distant since I decided not to go to grad school last year after graduation. A college degree and a real estate license aren’t good enough for him. “She just got out of all that messy shit with Tony.” His voice is dripping with disgust and disdain. I think some of the sparkle in my princess tiara dimmed in his eyes. Could be the knowledge of me burning Tony's shit or being accused of vandalizing his car that had him pissed.

  “Darien, watch your mouth!” my mom exclaims with a disapproving grimace.

  For the first time in my life, I witness my father’s irritation with my mom’s preoccupation of seeing me married off and settled down with kids. “Nicole, please stop filling the damn girl head up with fantasies of marital bliss. There’s time for all that later!” he snaps out, his words harsh. Then he looks at me. “Moo, there is still time to register for spring semester.”

  My mom’s hand flies her mouth quick and dramatic as if my father has slapped her or something.

  “Oh shucks,” Bri mouths, reaching out for Nia. Once she has the baby, she slips away.

  Tyree watches silently, nodding his head in agreement with my dad.

  “Daddy, we agreed I’d take a break for a year,” I stubbornly remind him, even though that year was technically up in May.

  “It has been a damn year. The longer you wait, the less likely you’ll actually go back,” he declares.

  Now, my mom is mad, standing here giving my dad the wounded bird look. I throw my hand up at both of them and get up. I walk off in the direction Bri went with the baby.

  “What?!” my mom yells.

  “Nic, baby, you gotta stop this shit. You’re gonna drive the girl crazy. And these young niggas out here cutting up ain’t ‘bout shit!”

  I walk back to where my parents are now debating my future and announce, “Mom, I'm not getting married no time soon, and Dad, I'll keep my end of the bargain and register for classes like I said I would. I did well on my GMAT, so I won’t have to worry about retesting. Will that make you happy?”

  “Don't act like you got no damn attitude wit' me, girl.” My dad’s tone is firm and unwavering. He looks me dead in my eyes. “Your word is your bond, baby. If you don't keep your word, no one will trust or respect you. In business or in your personal life,” he adds. To even out his harshness, he kisses my cheek.

  I suck my teeth but don’t say anything in response. Your word is your bond. That’s what he'd taught us. There is no refuting the truth. Though we try. People twist and turn it to bend it to their will. They wrap lies up in pretty lines with colorful language to disguise the truth. I was becoming good at that.

  Annoyed, I stomp off to the kitchen. My dad is right. I’ve been putting it off long enough. I could’ve been halfway done with my master’s by now. I needed a break, though. I wanted a taste of the real world. I had lived in Baltimore last year working at a realty management company there while finishing up my last couple of credits. Because I only had class on Tuesdays and Thursday I had also volunteered at a homeless and women against abuse shelter. I was trying to immerse myself in the culture and make a difference there after seeing the miniseries, The Corner on HBO. That wasn't enough freedom school but that was enough of Baltimore. I had enough of D.C. at that point too so grad school got put in the back burner. Plus, Tony had lucked up big time by securing a full-time position at a tech firm, a hookup from one of his line brother’s uncle back here in Philly. I was so insecure; I couldn’t fathom letting him come home and me staying at Howard for another two years while he was here fucking any and everything.

  Hell to the nawl. Not the brightest idea.

  In retrospect, it was an idiotic and immature decision, considering that we’re no longer a couple. Now, that the thought of freedom has me wide open, I want more. While I want to further my education, at this point I really don’t see the need. I already have a solid career.

  My dad wants the MBA to add to the company’s credentials. We went back and forth about it. One of the stipulations for the “free” year was that I had to get my realtor’s license and be willing to either go back to Howard or to Temple for my master's. My parents are helping to pay my rent because I wheedled my way out of living in one of their properties. And they’re also paying my car note, so, maybe, I will chill on the rebelling shit and check out Temple’s program.

  I lean against the counter and I dial Carter's number. Even though my dad is right, I'm still annoyed. The line just rings, but I disconnect before his voicemail picks up.

  I thought maybe we could hang out. Shoot the breeze. I should've taken him up on his offer for dinner with his family, and it is apparently a big deal with aunts, uncles, and all his siblings and some cousins. I was a lil' bit afraid. I'm not even sure why I enjoyed their company the last time I went. His older sister Savonn was extra about my intentions with her brother. I had laughed but big sister was serious. She was giving me the ice all that night. The guilt over also being with Justin ate at me for a moment and I was uncomfortable. The other sister Savannah is extra bubbly, very pregnant, and newly married to one of the cutest regular white guys I've ever seen. Me and his little sister Autumn had hit it off immediately and swapped numbers. She writes and goes to poetry slams and readings, too, and invited me to one she was hosting. Now, she has two best friends with her, and one best friend has a crush on Carter's brother Vince. The other friend is sending dove eyes at Cart. I give her the evil eye and am like, Nah, not him sis. That's me. I'm gon have to keep my eyes on that heffa.

  I try him again but there’s still no answer.

  “You good?” Tyree questions from behind. He leans on the counter beside me with an apologetic glance my way. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes.

  I
shrug my shoulders. “It's cool. I'm about to leave anyway,” I tell him.

  “Lieas, don’t leave. You know Unc only concerned with your future. And Aunt Nic gon' always gon' be Aunt Nic.”

  “You the one who started it,” I pout, poking my bottom lip out.

  He holds up his hands. “Don’t want no parts in that.” Like the annoying older cousin, he tugs my braids. “But ain't nothing wrong with going back to school. If you don’t wanna go back to DC, don’t go. But you do need to do something ‘cause Cpt. Stiles is on that ass,” he declares with a laugh.

  “Yea. How did you go through six years of school straight?”

  Tyree sighs, putting both of his hands on top of his head. “When I got out of the Mills, your dad was like, you can be like Gray out here doing any and every illegal thing in the book or like my mom— dead before she even had a chance to live. Or I could be honest and do right. I could go to school, get a good job, or make a job. Walk the straight and narrow, you know? The street shit was dying. D and Dave were both getting accepted to colleges and shit. So, I was like fuck it; why not? Tommy was straight wildin’. It was a lot; writing essay after essay, getting recommendations after CCP to get transferred to Temple. After Tommy got killed, I knew that I was making the right decision. It was school and money moves for me ‘cause it wasn’t nothing else out here. And I’m sure if I was just some hood nigga, Bri would have neva talked to me.”

  My phone rings; hoping it was Carter, I hold up a finger to Tyree and answer.

  “Hey, beautiful.” The deep voice that greets me belongs to Justin. I can't lie; I’m a little disappointed that it’s not Carter because seeing him would have made me feel better, but Justin will have to do.