Changing Stiles

by Elaine Allen

  There's a sultry and throaty laugh at my proposal. “I gotta check on a project near Temple around two. When that’s done, you in there,” she sang the last couple of words.

  That’s what I’m talking about. Shit, if I suggested that she shut her door and play with herself, Lieas would. The webcam on her laptop is broken, so it’s cool. I can wait. “All up in there.”

  I don’t know how I survived without having someone to satisfy all my appetites. I am sexually, emotionally, and intellectually fulfilled by her. And she loves Bug. Before Alieas, I was closed off to relationships and had never allowed anyone to get close to me, and they damn sure couldn't be nowhere near Bug. But she came through and made herself at home in our hearts.

  Alieas could be ‘the one'. I think. Who am I fooling? Every day, I’m becoming increasingly more aware that maybe she is. Now, I'm compelled to spill my heart out to her.

  “I wasn't looking for love. Ain’t want nothing to do with it, but you managed to change my mind. I love you, Lieas.”

  “Awww, Carter,” she sighs. “I love you, too, babe,”she finishes.

  “Aight. I'ma call you,” I tell her.

  “Oook.” And just as I click the line off, I hear her say, “Tony, what are you doing here?”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Alieas

  I fumble, replacing the phone back onto its cradle. “What the hell are you doing here?" I demand, getting up from my desk to stop him at the door.

  Tony steps inside my office door and reaches out to grab my hand once he’s close enough to me. “Listen up,” he starts. He's dressed for work in gray slacks and a white oxford button-up that’s opened at the collar. I haven't seen him in a couple months, and I'm not pressed.

  Snatching my hand away from his, my immediate thought is who the hell let him in here? And who the fuck does he think he’s talkin' to?

  “No! You listen. You have no right coming to my place of business! God! Why would you just show up here unannounced and uninvited?”

  “If you would have fuckin' answered my calls, I wouldn't have had to show up here. You've been dodging my calls all day.”

  Tony hasn't called in over a month and then out of the blue, he texts that his cousin saw me out with Carter and Bug and that I looked happy. Just like a nigga to show up and wreck any chance at your happiness. Flagging him, I turn to walk away. I don’t want to sit on the couch; it would make him feel welcome. And the last thing I want for him to feel is welcome.

  My desk phone rings, but I ignore it. I want this muthasucka to be uncomfortable. Before I can even get three steps away from him, he puts his damn hands on me. It is just a light hold, but still, I don’t want his damn hands on me.

  “Alieas, don't walk away from me.”

  I stop and look down to where he is holding me. I can feel the storm within my heart brewing. There are things that I’ve been keeping to myself that just have to be vocalized. Things that the muthafucka needs to know.

  “No, Anthony, walking away is what you're good at. And frankly, I was tired of being the one who got walked out on. And get your damn hands off me. I let you walk in and out of my life too many times, and I can't do it any longer. I don't love you anymore.”

  Tony's eyes widen in utter shock at my bold declaration. We've been broken up for almost a year. What the hell is there to be surprised about?

  “In fact, I'm in a relationship.”

  “With boah with the kid? You might as well break that shit up then,” he snidely remarks.

  Because his eyes and voice leave no doubt that he’s serious, I assume it to be an order. Instead of being a computer programmer, he should have been a comedian. I want to laugh in his face but refrain. I know he isn’t that funny.

  “Lieas, I'm serious.”

  The fact that he believes what he'd come here to say only makes the situation funnier. I have only thought of one question. Am I supposed to care?

  “I'm ready to get married. I'm ready to marry you."

  For the two years we had been together, I don't think a moment went by that I didn't want to hear those words from his lips. I’m not even trippin’, though. But I do come to the conclusion that he is. To the dumbness that came from his mouth, I reply, "You must be the fuck out of your mind."

  "Isn't that what you want? For me to marry you?"

  Months ago. I can see the anger rising and can’t wait for it to erupt in 5, 4, 3, 2…

  And like clockwork, Tony explodes. "I'M FUCKIN' ASKIN' YOU!"

  This fool is actually yelling at me at inside of my parents’ place of business. I can't believe the sheer arrogance. Then, I see him reach into his pocket. Lately, I've been watching entirely too many Lifetime movies because for a split second, I swear that Tony is pulling a gun out to shoot my ass down with.

  I scream.

  Dramatic? Yes, I know, but I scream anyway. It helped with the full effect of things. That's when I see the ring box.

  I’m speechless. He isn’t just talking out of his ass after all.

  A group of realtors and my mom rush to the door to see if I’m okay. My mom steps into the room. “Is everything okay?” Her expression reads no real concern, though. There's more annoyance than anything as she gives us the death stare.

  I'm not. Of course, I’m not, to say the least, but not for the reasons she seems to have thought. Finally, I was brought out of my reverie when I hear Tony mutter something I consider completely ignorant.

  "I'm sorry,” I apologize to my mom. “He’s leaving; Mom, give us a moment, please?” I ask. I know that she is pissed and embarrassed. She walks out and dismisses the rest of the staff. This nigga lucky my dad isn't here.

  My cell begins to ring before Tony could start talking to me again. I glance at the caller ID and answer by giving a polite, “Hey.”

  “I just called your desk phone,” Carter's deep voice greets me. “You didn't answer. I swear I heard you say, Tony,” he states.

  Taking a deep breath, I admit that I did. “He just stopped by out of the blue. I'm not sure why,” I let out, hopeful that he’ll believe the actual truth. I’m not trying to argue with him over something that is beyond my control. The minute my desk phone started ringing, I knew he'd heard me say Tony's name.

  He cuts me off and asks, “As in your old boyfriend Tony?”

  I huff at hearing the edge in his voice. Any female could predict what he is thinking. So, I have to clear it up. "Yes, babe, listen…” I use ‘babe’ purposely to let Carter know that I have made his presence known to the other man. “It's not like that at all. Let me deal with him, and I'll call you right back.”

  “Aight, I trust you, Alieas, but make sure you call me back.”

  The fact that he lets me know that he's placed his trust in me is kind of a warning. He may as well have said, Don’t break my trust. But it's also a reminder of the faith he has in me. And I realize that I would never do anything to jeopardize what I have with him.

  “You know I will, Carter,” I agree and put the phone away.

  “You need to leave.” I turn on Tony. “And you must be outta of your damn mind if you thinkin' that I'd marry you."

  Tony sighs heavily. “What the fuck do you want from me?!” he shouts.

  Oh, I forgot that this whole conversation revolves around what I want.

  Riiiight.

  “I want you to leave me alone. There is nothing between us. Even when there was, you were never around. And you didn't want me.”

  That's what bothers me the most. I'm mad that I let it out that I still care that he wasn't there for me when he needed to be.

  “I'm sorry, Lieas, for not being there when I should've been. I didn't know how much you meant to me until I didn't have you anymore. Being without you is driving me crazy. There is no doubt that I fucked up. I know.”

  It's so sad but true that you don't know a good thing until it’s gone. And that's just where I am, just like that boy band N'Sync's song, Gone. He is still tal
king when I tune back in somewhere around, “I've changed. I'm different now.”

  I bet. “I can't take you back, Tony, because I'm different. These past months have changed me too.”

  “So, you lost a lot of weight, Lieas, but that doesn't make you different."

  So? I think that is where I get stuck. This man has the nerve to say, 'so' about something I consider a monumental moment in my life. Along with the excess pounds went the lost, lovesick puppy that used to be me. I’m burning up. So?

  “Understand this: I don't need you in my life. I don't want you in my life. It is over,” I stress.

  “We can't even be friends?” he mutters as a last resort. Friendship. And I wasn't even going to give him that.

  I decline. He sucks his teeth and hisses, “Come on, Lieas, you'on even want to be friends?”

  I shake my head. “No. I'm in love with my boyfriend, for one, and secondly, I just don't want to have anything else to do with you.”

  That reaches him. I don't love him anymore but am admitting to being in love with someone else. The news isn’t sitting well with him. It has to hurt. But I know with him, it is more about his arrogance than anything he feels for me.

  Without another word, Tony takes a few steps away from me after a moment of just staring at me then he turns and walks away.

  The only thing I could think is how happy I am he hadn't done what he did today six months ago when he came to my apartment to "see" me. I'm pretty sure that I would have taken him back with all the preliminaries. But now, at this moment, I'm sure that there isn't a better thing he could've done than walk away.

  Taking a moment, I sit down on my couch and inhale a deep breath. “Whew.”

  After exhaling that breath, I place a call to my man. “Hey, babe. He's gone.”

  “What did he want?”

  “To proclaim his undying love,” I summarize.

  “And how did that work out for him?”

  “He'll live.” I wanted to let him know that there's nothing to be up in arms about. “Thank you,” I say.

  “For what?”

  “For not spazzing out.” I laugh it off as I say it, but I'm more grateful that this hasn't turned into a shouting match. “For trusting me to begin with.”

  “Alieas, I love you and I'm not worried about no nigga who didn’t know what he had when he had it so long as you know what you have in me.”

  Disaster averted, I smile. “Oh, I know what I have.”

  Sixteen

  December 2002

  Alieas

  Today I’m a bridesmaid. Who knows? Tomorrow, I could be a bride. As usual, Trina has outdone herself with the planning of this wedding. Ever since last year’s hugely successful wedding, she’s blown up in the event planning business. This is truly one of those not-to-be-missed events of the winter season. I can almost predict tomorrow's headline of the Black Street: 'Up-and-coming Fashion Phenom to the African American Elite Weds Ex-thug Turned Bonafide Businessman in an extravagant ceremony.'

  This nineteen-person wedding party is striking, all of us in varying shades of beautiful brown. There are the bride and groom, the maid of honor and best man, the flower girl and the ring bearer, six bridesmaids and groomsmen and of course, the baby. The sheer elegance and simplicity of the event has enraptured all the guests and promises to leave them breathless. Me, Case, Trina, and Lon are looking beyond beautiful. Even my little cousin Zah has emerged as a beauty queen. The more time she spends with Bri, the softer she becomes. The wedding plans have gotten her all excited that she now wants to be a wedding planner.

  To start off they are marrying in Bri's church, The Temple of Divine Love Church in North Philadelphia. Upon their arrival, guests are led into the sanctuary and down the side aisles to their seats by the ushers. The side aisles are used so that the middle aisle is left untouched by anyone who isn't in the wedding party.

  Pink roses cover the floor of the middle aisle. The entire bridal party, with the exception of the bride, is wearing floor-length, strapless gowns with sweetheart necklines in a universally flattering shade of sparkling silver.

  I feel like a fairytale princess, and all I need is a tiara. I didn’t wear one today because well, it’s not my wedding. I sway from side-to-side, pretending my dress is a giant bell. Yes, I am still a kid at heart. I can’t wait to dance. I can’t wait to see their first kiss. I can’t wait until Carter peels me out of this dress. The black lace undergarments gonna have him wanting to pull out the handcuffs, whips, and chains tonight. Hard work and determination really pays off, I consider, as I run my hands over the curve of my hip.

  I look spectacular. I’ve never been this fit in my life. Never felt more beautiful than I do right now.

  “Yeah, you look fabulous.” The comment startles me from behind. Rich, confident, sensual, and forbidden. I take a deep breath and turn to the man who matches the voice.

  “Don't I always?” I flippantly reply. Justin nods and reaches for my hand.

  Nervously, I stare at him. “What are you doing here?”

  “I told you I was covering a fancy behind wedding for a magazine,” he reminded me. “This is that wedding.”

  I recall him asking me to be his date for a wedding he had to do a story on. I had laughed it off because bringing a date while you’re on the clock would have been akin to crashing it. My mouth drops open in sheer terror. Immediately, my eyes scan the area for Carter.

  “I miss you, talking to you, hanging. When we gonna get that back, Lieas?”

  He steps closer to me, and I stumble back a step to keep him from touching me. “I can’t do this. This is my family’s wedding, Justin and I’m… I’m here with Carter.”

  He throws his head back and snickers. Then he says, “Oh, right! Your dude. Are you going to introduce us?”

  I look at him like he’s lost his damn mind. “Negro, please.”

  “I would love to meet the boah you dropped me for.”

  “Why you drawling? And your ryder has definitely called my phone, getting all fly. Playing on my stuff. You and your half lying behind self.” What did I expect? He told me what it was, and in all honesty, I felt no type of way that he was dating someone. I knew that we were just passing time til I got my shit together. I had no problem and had let it go.

  I’m not into arguing with broads over their dude. Ever.

  Damn it; Carter spots me and his facial expression changes as he takes in Justin’s proximity to my personal space. The look on his face reads everything except understanding as he approaches us.

  “Not at all. I took care of that. Have lunch with me?”

  I shake my head. “I can’t.”

  “You know what I want,” he whispers.

  Me grinding my pussy on his lips. And the flood waters break. Why I’m prone to trips down memory lane I will never understand, but I snap out of it quick enough when I see Carter approaching us. I shake my head and start to walk away before Carter can reach us.

  Unaware that Carter is who he is, Justin says, “Save a dance for me.” Just as Carter reaches us.

  “Her dance card is full,” Carter informs him, slipping his arm around my waist possessively.

  Carter reaches his hand out, waiting for an introduction.

  “Carter, this is Justin. He's writing an article about the wedding.”

  Justin takes his outstretched hand and shakes it. “Nice to meet you.”

  Carter is giving him the death stare. “Y'all know one another?”

  That was quick and before I had the chance to get my story straight, Justin shakes his head and answers, “No. I simply saw a pretty lady in a beautiful dress, and I couldn’t resist.” He holds up his hands in mock surrender. “No harm, no foul.” And with that, Justin walks away.

  I hate that he lied. I was contemplating kind-of-sorta telling the truth. He did save my ass ‘cause Carter would want details and now is not the time or place. I seriously doubt that he'll be able to handle being in the same room with guys who've seen me n
aked, let alone confess to Carter that Justin is the other guy I was dating before we became exclusive. Colliding thoughts and emotions quickly wreaked havoc on my ability to finesse the situation, and the only thing I could do is go along with the lie.

  “Trina asked me to come find you for pics,” Carter announces.

  He’s talking to me yet his eyes are watching Justin, who elicits a sneer from Carter when he looks back at me and smiles.

  My eyebrows lift at his audacity, but I am just going to act like I ain't see him. My heartbeat accelerates when Carter leans closer to my ear. “Stay away from that boah. He definitely look like he wan' fuck that dress off you. That’s my job.”

  Surprised at his bold declaration, not sure if I can breathe, I laugh nervously instead, lightly hitting his shoulder. I have to be regular and make sure that Justin isn’t gonna be extra. “Watch your mouth,” I chastise him, walking towards where Trina is.

  “Make sure yours don't spend too much time talking to that boah,” he warns.

  “Really, Carter?” I’m irritated now. I don’t like being told what to do.

  “Yes, really, babe,” he laughs. Carter kisses my cheek, and I just shake my head, grateful he doesn’t suspect anything more between Justin and me. All I want to find Trina, so we can take the wedding photos and then dance the night away.

  *****

  Later, I revel in the fact that two of my favorite people are married to one another. I had butterflies in my stomach as I watched them exchange their wedding vows. This has to be the single most important moment in their lives next to the birth of their children. Their sacred bond represents the union of four lives and their extended family and friends.

  It’s one thing to watch people get married and hope that their relationship is able to withstand the constant trials and tribulations that they are up against and another to know that no matter what, they’ll always work out. I have that gut feeling about Bri and Tyree. Shit, I think everyone who knows them would agree. They have truly been blessed.

  Mmmmmm, must be wonderful. I can’t imagine what I would feel like after having said, ‘I Do’ to the man I’m destined to spend my entire life with, to the man who is my spiritual partner as well as my soul mate. I got that from Bri, who just said it as part of her vows. It’s something that will stick with me until it happens.