The Ex

by Freida McFadden

  And then she can’t look for it any longer. Her airway is closing off and her vision is going black. The purse falls from her fingers, and she sinks down to the floor as Joel stands over her, telling her to hang in there. As if she could…

  Chapter 43: The New Girl

  “Cassie…” Joel’s voice is clearer all of a sudden. “Cassie, please open your eyes. Please…”

  The tightness in Cassie’s throat is still there, but it’s not as bad as it was when she blacked out. She gulps for air and it’s the best feeling in the world. She blinks her eyes and sees Joel’s face over hers, his eyes filled with concern.

  “Joel,” she gasps.

  His shoulders sag with relief. “Hang in there. I called 911. The ambulance is on its way.”

  A minute ago, “hanging in there” felt impossible. But now she is able to get in air again with each breath. Something has changed. “You found my Epi-pen,” she manages.

  He shakes his head. “No, I didn’t.”

  “But…” She coughs. “Then how…?”

  He hesitates. “I used my own Epi-pen.”

  “You need an Epi-pen?”

  His hesitation is longer this time. “Well, no. But when you told me you stopped carrying one, I got nervous and I wrote myself for one so I could have it… just in case.”

  She could be angry with him for not trusting her, but she isn’t. The fact of the matter is this man just saved her life. He’s been carrying that pen around just in case because he was worried about this exact situation, and if not for that, he’d probably be attending her funeral in a few days. He saved her life.

  It is the most romantic thing she can imagine. It’s more romantic than Wuthering Heights. It’s more romantic than Marv and Bea.

  “I love you,” she whispers.

  “I love you too,” he whispers back.

  Chapter 44: The Ex

  Joel has turned off the WhereAmI app, just as he promised he would. When I open it up, the app reports his location as not found. I wonder if Olive has access to the app now.

  He’s head over heels for her. I can see it in his eyes. He can’t listen to one negative thing about her. It goes in one ear and out the other.

  She is going to get him killed.

  The lock turns in the door to the apartment. Nonna is home. She shuffles into the living room, the wrinkles in her face even deeper than they were this morning. In the last few months, she’s slowed down a lot. It occurs to me that maybe she should be using a cane. Joel used to tell me about all the elderly women he’d get who came in with hip fractures. And how a large percentage of those women went on to die.

  “How are you feeling, Nonna?” I ask her.

  “I just had an appointment with Dr. Dino,” she tells me.

  My stomach sinks the way it always does when I think of Dean. For three days after our date, he was texting and calling me. I answered a few texts and none of his calls. Since then, the communications from him gradually tapered, and now I haven’t heard from him in two days. I know I’m royally screwing this up, but all I can think of right now is Joel and Olive.

  Dean deserves someone better than me. Someone who isn’t obsessed with another man. He’s a great guy, and I’m a train wreck. Can’t he see that?

  “I told him he needs to call you,” Nonna says. “But he says you do not return his calls. Is this true?”

  I don’t know what to say. “It’s complicated…”

  “Not complicated!” She looks so furious, I want to duck. “What are you looking for? Why do you want Jo-el so much? He doesn’t want you! Dr. Dino—he wants you! He’s in love with you!”

  “No, he’s not,” I mumble. “I hardly know him, Nonna.”

  “It doesn’t take long to know, patatina.” My grandmother’s voice softens. “With Nonno, I knew the moment I saw him. I knew we would get married and have children and spend our lives together. And we did.”

  “I don’t feel that way about Dean.”

  “Maybe not.” Her dark eyes look sharply at me. “But he feels that way about you. So if you do not want that wonderful man, you tell him the truth.”

  She’s right. I owe Dean that much.

  Chapter 45: The New Girl

  “I can’t believe you’re back at work.” Zoe gazes into her compact as she applies a fresh layer of lipstick, even though there was absolutely nothing wrong with her last layer of lipstick. “You were just in the hospital yesterday, for God’s sake.”

  “I’m fine,” Cassie insists.

  And she is fine. Thanks to Joel’s quick thinking, at least. They whisked her to the hospital and kept her overnight, but the swelling in her face and throat has gone away completely. But the whole incident served as a scary reminder that her peanut allergy isn’t gone after all, and she can’t go anywhere without her Epi-pen. She can’t count on Joel to save her life at all times.

  After all, what if he hadn’t been there? What if she had decided to have her leftover Chinese without him? It’s a terrifying thought.

  He was wonderful at the hospital. She was impressed and a little turned on by the way he took charge when the paramedics arrived. He never left her side through the whole thing. He traded his ER shift the next day so he could be with her.

  Cassie’s phone rings within her purse. She reaches for it, expecting it to be a call from Joel. He’s picking her up for a quick lunch and should be here any minute. Cassie doesn’t want to spend much time away from the store today because it was closed half the day yesterday because of her hospitalization. She can’t afford for the store to ever be closed.

  But it’s not Joel. It’s a blocked number.

  She picks up the phone and hears only silence on the other line. And then the female voice that hisses: “Slut.”

  Something inside her snaps. Isn’t she dealing with enough without Francesca harassing her? Joel broke up with her—doesn’t she get it? What is wrong with that woman?

  “Listen to me, Francesca,” Cassie barks into the phone. “Joel is not your boyfriend anymore. You need to get that through your thick skull. He does not want you. And if you don’t leave me alone, I’m calling the police and telling them exactly what you’re doing to me.”

  As she hangs up the phone, Zoe whistles and applauds. “Wow, Cassie. Bravo, my friend. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

  She shrugs, although she does feel sort of proud of herself. She’s never snapped at anyone like that in her whole life. “I’m going to tell Joel about this. He needs to know what she’s been up to.”

  In the past, she’s been scared that if Joel went to talk to Francesca, it might rekindle old feelings. But she doesn’t feel that way anymore. She feels secure about Joel’s feelings for her. He loves her. He’s not getting back together with Francesca. He broke up with her for a reason.

  An hour later, Joel walks into the store to pick her up for lunch, his cheeks pink from the cold. He rips off his black wool hat and grins at Cassie. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

  “Perfect,” she says. Better than ever.

  “Are you ready to go out to lunch?”

  She nods. “Yes, but…” She glances at Zoe, then nods at the back of the store. “Could we talk a minute first? In private?”

  His brow furrows. “Of course.”

  He follows her to the back of the store. They go to the classics section, where Grandma Bea died years ago. Joel turns to face her, his eyebrows still bunched together. “Is everything all right?”

  “Sort of.” She takes a deep breath. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

  He takes a step back. “Uh oh. Should I be worried?”

  “No, not at all, it’s just…” Why is this so hard? She’s not the one at fault. Francesca is. That woman is out of her mind, and Joel should know the truth. “I think you should know that… that…”

  He raises his eyebrows.

  “Your ex-girlfriend Francesca has been harassing me.”

  Joel’s mouth falls open as all the color drain
s from his face. “What?”

  “I think she’s the one who broke into my store,” Cassie says, before she loses her nerve. “She threw paint on the door. She wrote ‘slut’ on the door to my apartment. And… she’s been calling me on the phone and hanging up. Or worse.”

  Joel’s mouth is still hanging open. “Cassie…”

  “I can’t take it anymore, Joel.” Tears spring to her eyes. “I’ve been through so much lately. She needs to stop. You’ve got to talk to her.”

  “Cassie, listen to me,” he says. “Francesca didn’t do this.”

  Cassie’s cheeks burn. After everything that happened in the last few days, she didn’t expect this response from him. She expected at least a little support. He doesn’t even give her a reason. Francesca didn’t do this. Case closed. No room for argument. Of course, the perfect Francesca could never be responsible for such a thing.

  “I know you still have feelings for her,” she says, trying to keep her voice even. “But believe me, she did this. She’s… unstable.”

  “I’m telling you.” His voice is louder now, almost angry. “She didn’t do those things to you.”

  “Why not? Because she’s too perfect?”

  “No.” He shuts his eyes for a moment before opening them again. “Because she’s dead.”

  Chapter 46: The New Girl

  Francesca is… dead?

  How could that be?

  Francesca is beautiful, she’s perfect, she’s young, she’s a great chef. She’s not dead. She can’t be. People like that don’t die.

  “Are you sure?” Cassie blurts out.

  Joel’s eyes darken. “Am I sure? Yeah, I’m pretty damn sure.”

  “But…” Her mouth feels very dry all of a sudden. “Was she sick?”

  “No,” he says simply.

  Cassie’s head is spinning. All the time they were dating, she had a picture in her head of Francesca as the beautiful but jealous ex. She can’t wrap her head around this new revelation. “I thought you broke up with her.”

  “I did.” He lowers his eyes. “I mean, I had. It… it was complicated, Cassie.”

  She frowns at him. “Complicated how?”

  He shakes his head. “I… I didn’t realize…” He takes a shaky breath. “I broke up with her, yes. And then two weeks later, she… she killed herself.”

  She clasps her hand over her mouth. “Oh my God.”

  “I found her.” He swallows and his Adam’s apple bobs. “She was in her bathtub, her wrists slit and… she was cold by then.”

  He squeezes his eyes shut again. He sways slightly, and for a moment, Cassie is scared she’s going to have to catch him. But then his eyes open again.

  “It messed me up for a long time,” he sighs. “I had to take time off from work. I had some awful thoughts after that. I felt responsible because I…” He rubs his fingers into his temples. “Yes, I broke up with her, but I was angry at her. I didn’t expect it was over forever. I was coming to see her because I’d been hoping…”

  “Oh God,” Cassie whispers. “I’m so sorry, Joel.”

  “I should have told you the whole story,” he mumbles. “But I didn’t realize you didn’t even know Francesca was dead. I thought for sure…”

  He rubs at his face. This explains a lot. It explains why Joel always looks so sad and distant whenever Francesca’s name comes up. He isn’t still in love with her—he blames himself for her death.

  And maybe he’s a little bit still in love with her too.

  “I’m sorry, Cassie.” He’s looking behind her instead of at her. “I don’t really feel like eating right now. Maybe… I’ll call you later, okay?”

  But for the first time, she isn’t entirely sure he will.

  She watches him walk out of the store, his shoulders hunched. She looks down at her own hands and sees they’re trembling. Francesca is dead.

  Francesca is dead.

  This changes everything.

  The good news is this means she doesn’t have to worry about this Italian beauty stealing back her man. The bad news is now Cassie has no clue who has been harassing her. Or how to make them stop.

  Chapter 47: The Ex

  When I’m coming out of work and I see Dean standing there on the sidewalk like he was that day when we first met, my heart leaps with automatic pleasure before I notice the look on his face. He isn’t smiling.

  “Well, well, well,” Dean says, “if it isn’t Miss Loren.”

  “Dean,” I gasp. “I…”

  I don’t know what to say. I have been horrible to him. I haven’t returned any of his calls. He deserves so much better.

  He holds up a hand. “I’ll keep this quick.”

  “Dean, I’m so sorry…”

  “Stop.” He shakes his head. “I’m not going to stalk you. If you don’t want me—fine. I get it.”

  “It’s not… that’s not…”

  He shakes his head. When he’s not smiling, there’s no trace of that dimple, but he’s still so handsome. “I had a great time with you the other night. I feel like there’s something between us—something real. I just wanted to tell you that. But you won’t return my calls, so here I am. Telling you.”

  I want to cry. That night we had together was one of the best nights I’ve ever had. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m such a mess. Dean is better off without me.

  “I told you, I don’t play games,” he says. “I like you, and I’m telling you so. I like you. A lot.” He pauses. “Even if that makes me an idiot.”

  “You’re not an idiot.”

  He smiles crookedly. “I’m not so sure.”

  “You have to understand that I—”

  He holds his hand up again. “Save it. I don’t want the excuses. If you’re interested, give me a call. If not, well, I hope you have a good life.”

  He means it. Even as awful as I’ve been to him, he doesn’t wish me any ill will. It makes me think of the things I’ve done to Olive. I was petty and horrible. I hate myself.

  But things are different now. After what Nick told me, I have to take action. This isn’t a matter of getting revenge for having been wronged.

  I don’t promise Dean I’ll call him. He doesn’t want an empty promise and I won’t do that to him. I watch him walk away with a sinking feeling in my stomach that I’m making the worst mistake of my life.

  Chapter 48: The New Girl

  Joel doesn’t contact Cassie at all after he leaves the bookstore.

  It’s unusual to not even get one text from him in an entire afternoon when he’s not working. She tries to push away the sick feeling in her stomach, but it’s hard. He’s obviously gutted over what happened to Francesca.

  When Cassie gets out her phone for the tenth time to check for a missed text, Zoe gives her a look. “Quit being needy. He’ll call you soon.”

  “He was really upset…”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” Zoe says.

  “I accused his dead girlfriend of stalking me.”

  She lets out a huff. “It’s his fault for not telling you she’s dead. What the hell is wrong with him?”

  Cassie wracks her brain for missed cues that Francesca was gone. She always seemed so present in their lives, even when she wasn’t actually there. Even her restaurant is still open. How could a woman like that be dead?

  “Go home,” Zoe says. “You’re hurting our sales with your bad attitude.”

  Cassie snorts. They’ve only had two people come into the store all afternoon, both of them looking for medical books. It’s time for Bookland to close its doors. She can’t keep this up—not if she wants to avoid serious repercussions.

  It’s already dark out, even though it’s barely dinnertime. They won’t have many more customers tonight, if any. So Cassie decides to take Zoe’s advice and head home early.

  Despite her warm coat and hat, Cassie shivers the second she steps outside. The cold air is like a slap in the face, although she’s not certain if that’s the reason a c
hill went through her body. Somebody’s been following her. Someone’s been writing slurs about her at both her store and her apartment. And that someone isn’t the person she’d believed it to be.

  “Cold, ain’t it?”

  Cassie looks up and sees Maureen the Homeless Lady grinning at her from her usual spot on the sidewalk. Maureen’s bundled up in her thick winter coat, paired with a scarf and hat, but to be fair, she wears all that year round. Even on the hottest day of August, Maureen’s got that coat on.

  Cassie glares at Maureen, a bubble of frustration rising in her chest. “What did you see?” she rasps at the woman sitting on the sidewalk. “You must have seen something!”

  Maureen throws back her head and lets out that familiar cackle that makes Cassie’s skin crawl. “I ain’t seen nothing!”

  “But you must have!” Cassie cries. “You must! You were right here!”

  The smile abruptly drops off of Maureen’s face. And then she’s just staring, her jaw slack, her eyes empty. Cassie remembers when she saw Maureen at the window to the hardware store—it had really freaked her out. She never figured out what Maureen had been doing there.

  “Maureen?” Cassie’s voice wavers on the name.

  Maureen the Homeless Lady doesn’t say a word.

  I’ve got to get out of here.

  Cassie turns away from Maureen, who is still in that catatonic state. She hugs her coat tighter to her chest and hurries in the direction of the subway.

  Except Cassie somehow finds herself going to a different station than her usual. She doesn’t make the decision exactly—her feet take her there on their own accord. But she recognizes she’s at the train station that will take her in the direction of Francesca’s restaurant.

  She doesn’t know why she’s doing it. She just knows she has to go there.

  Cassie rides the subway until she reaches the stop for Angela’s Ristorante. The sun has vanished from the sky and her footsteps crunch against bits of snow in the pavement as she makes her way to the tiny restaurant with the red, white, and green awning.