Instinctual 2

by Amanda Mackey

  He longed to give her a big hug and sit around talking for hours while munching on her famous chocolate chip cookies, which were quite well-known in the area. His poor mother had to bake double the quantity each time because they’d get half-eaten as soon as they were ready. Warm with gooey chocolate. Those were golden times.

  He’d give his right arm to be sitting in that familiar kitchen drinking milk and eating cookies while his mom fussed over him again. He wondered if he’d ever get to do that again.

  The fire in him stirred as revenge fueled the flame. Retribution would come. Oh yes. A war was brewing. Bloodshed was coming.

  Chapter Eleven

  The hospital chapel was a regular room, carpeted with a pulpit, tables, and chairs and a large cross on the wall. Not very religious looking but a sacred room nonetheless.

  Bibles had been scattered at random on the tables for those wanting to study. Robert just needed somewhere to pray.

  He moved a chair away from one of the tables, putting it in front of the pulpit before sitting down and closing his eyes. He lowered his head, hands on his lap.

  Dear Lord,

  Please forgive me for not going to church more often. I realize it’s been a long while and there really is no good excuse apart from the fact that I’ve been working too hard. I come to you this evening to ask for a miracle. You see, my brave, sweet daughter has taken a near fatal fall and lies in a coma. She’s pretty banged up. I’m trying to be strong. You know I am but I don’t know how much longer I can be. It kills me to see her the way she is. I’m not ready for you to take her yet. Call me selfish but I can’t let her go regardless of how much I know you’ll take good care of her.

  She’s still got a lot of living to do. She’s all Jenny and I have. Please let her live. I’ll be good. I’ll start going to church every Sunday, I promise. Just pull some strings and bring her back to us. If anyone can, it’s you. Please, please Lord. Amen.

  An elderly man walked into the chapel and knelt down not far from Robert, crossing his heart before rising and moving to a table and chair. Robert didn’t acknowledge the man, lost in his own desperate pleas for help. Maybe God would be too busy to listen to Robert, but either way, the outcome was beyond his control.

  Letting his prayer sink in, hoping beyond hope that someone upstairs had heard him, he opened his eyes and stared at the cross for a while, using the calm from the room to help ease some of his distress, having just handed over the well-being of his child to the hands of God.

  He’d done what he’d come to the chapel to do. There was no point sitting there any longer. He walked back to a small waiting area in a hallway of ICU that was to be his permanent fixture until morning, shunning the larger waiting room in the hope that if there was any change to his daughter’s condition, he’d be closer to her.

  Chapter Twelve

  As Kate became aware of being aware, confusion set in. She was somewhere but at the same time she was nowhere. Blackness. A consuming void of dark. She didn’t know if she was vertical, sideways, or horizontal. There was no direction. She couldn’t see herself, she just knew that she was there, numb and invisible. Nothing moved, not even her eyes. Hell, she didn’t even know if she had eyes. But if she didn’t, how could she see the black? Where was she and how long was she going to be there?

  She tried to listen for any sounds to help determine her whereabouts but there was nothing other than awareness. Time vanished. She was just a floating blob of nothing. No before. No after. Just the present moment.

  She couldn’t embrace being in the nothing because deep in her subconscious she knew there was something else. Somewhere else. It wasn’t a memory or an image. Just something that seemed to teeter at the edge of the darkness, teasing her. Was she dead? Is this what everyone met when they crossed over? Awareness and nothing else? Or was she in hell? It seemed more appropriate but what had she done that was so horrible to end up with this as her afterlife?

  That something she knew was on the other side of the darkness seemed a million miles away and not being able to move had her suspended like a star in the sky, not moving forward, not moving backward. She thought that burning in a mighty uproar of flames would be a thousand times better than suspended in a gloomy, shadowless hiatus. The silence was deafening as she waited for a pinprick of light to manifest but nothing penetrated through the thick coffin of nothingness.

  Chapter Thirteen

  At the dawn of a new day Robert awoke, surprised to find that he’d actually slept. Not a restful sleep, but something that would tide him over and keep him going a while longer. His body must have been so wrecked that he’d had no choice. Everything ached from the curled up position he’d taken on the chair. He was alone. There were another four metal chairs sitting against the wall but they were all unoccupied. A change of shift was occurring, the night staff passing on necessary information about patients before making their weary way home. It had been a busy night for them.

  Today was the day he could see Kate and he could barely contain himself. Jenny would be arriving too, giving him a boost of joy and anticipation. It would be great to have her by his side again. To feel her in his arms. His anchor. His tether to sanity. It felt like weeks since he’d been back in Chicago, not days.

  As he stood up to stretch any kinks out of his aching legs and back, an orderly came towards him carrying something familiar. His bag. Gary must have had someone drop it off as promised, and for a second he wondered why they hadn’t delivered it to him personally, but looking at his watch and seeing it was only 6 a.m., they’d probably not been allowed through the double doors that led to ICU. In any case, Rob was glad to have at least a change of clothes and a hair brush.

  “Mr… er… how-a you say? Fitzpatricko?”

  Close enough, thought Robert. “Yes, that’s me.”

  “I get-a told to-a give you-a this, sir.” The orderly handed over the familiar case that had hopefully been packed with everything he’d left in Kate’s apartment, including the weapons bag. He realized he still had his weapons on him. Deciding that it really wasn’t necessary to be armed in such an establishment, he would need to visit the bathroom to disarm himself.

  “Thank you,” Robert offered with a nod and half smile, indicating that the conversation was over and the orderly could leave.

  As the worker walked away Robert called out, “Wait! Where is the bathroom, please?”

  “Come-a this way, Mr. Fitzpatricko.” Leading Robert in the direction he had just come, the orderly motioned with a sweeping movement of his arm, down another corridor towards the public restrooms to the left.

  Once inside, Robert entered a cubicle, dragging his suitcase into the confined space and locking the door. Relieving himself first, he opened his case, comforted to see that the weapons bag had neatly been placed on the top of his clothes and his toiletries put into an inside pocket.

  Taking out a new, freshly laundered shirt and pair of long pants, he quickly changed, removing his weapons in the process, making sure the safety was on before storing them in the bag. He felt lighter and more human without a gun strapped to him. It sent a message to his brain that he was no longer in cop mode. He was now back in father and husband mode. The fresh clothes made him feel somewhat cheerier, even without a shower to help liven him up more. There were no showers visible in the bathroom, so if he was going to be staying for days on end, he would need to find out where he could clean himself.

  Outside the stall, in front of the mirror above the basins, Robert was shocked at the reflection staring back. He’d aged in just a few days, a shadow of the man who’d been going about his daily life back in Chicago. Deeper lines had appeared in his forehead and the dark bags framing his bloodshot eyes had him looking like the vagrant he felt.

  “Jesus! I look like one of the many hobos I’ve pulled off the streets and taken to shelters in the past.”

  He ran a hand through his hair and splashed some cold water on his face to try and make himself look half-human before
heading out to find a liquid breakfast in the form of coffee.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jake was glad it was morning. The night had dragged out even though the kind nurse attending Kate had been in and out every hour on the hour. Her constant one-sided conversation had given Jake some comfort in the otherwise silent room.

  Even having clocked up twelve hours on her shift and due to go home any minute, Darla didn’t look like she was going anywhere as a trolley was wheeled in carrying a tub of warm water, face washer, towels and what resembled cosmetics. It was a beauty bar on wheels. True to her word, Darla was going to bathe Kate, even if her shift was officially over. She really did take her job seriously.

  As she walked over to where Jake sat on the bed, he moved to the chair in the corner to let the kind nurse care for Kate.

  “Now honey, I’m just going to remove your blanket here so I can get access to the rest of you. It’s time for you to be pampered a little.” The bedclothes were pulled down and off and thrown into a laundry bag for washing. Fresh sheets and blankets lay on the bottom shelf of the trolley.

  Jake’s eyebrows rose in shocked amusement as he quickly learned that Kate was naked beneath the layers of bedding. With a bag attached to collect waste, it was easier to leave her naked for now. Seeing her without a stitch of clothing on had him off his chair and over to the end of the bed to see just how badly she’d been injured. His face became a mask of horror to discover there was barely an inch of skin that wasn’t either bruised, cut, or grazed. And those were the parts that weren’t hidden behind bandages. His poor Kate. How she had suffered.

  Jake knew Darla was about to try and clean away all the dirt that clung to the raw skin that had scraped down the side of the rocky cliff along with Kate. Luckily for Kate she wouldn’t be able to feel the cleansing pain.

  Lifting both legs, Darla placed a waterproof sheet underneath to catch any drips. With such fresh wounds, the dried blood would liquefy in no time and drip down onto the bed when combined with water. Starting slowly, she began at the feet and gently dabbed and wiped as if working with broken glass.

  Another nurse walked in.

  “Hello, Darla!”

  “Hello, Maria. How are you?”

  “I am-a good. How-a was the night shift?”

  “Very busy last night. The time just flew by though, which was good.”

  “You-a need to go-a home and sleep. You-a look tired.”

  Darla kept on washing Kate, explaining that she wouldn’t be going anywhere until her patient was bathed and prettied up. The older Italian woman muttered something foreign, shook her head, and walked out.

  “Don’t you worry about Maria! She’s not really scary. She just doesn’t understand how some of us women always like to look our best. If I hear her giving you any problems, she’ll have me to deal with, okay?” A playful grin appeared on Darla’s upturned mouth.

  It didn’t take long for the tub of clear water to morph into red, affording Darla a trip outside to replace it with clean water. It was going to be a slow process but Jake could already see a difference in Kate’s feet and lower legs. With some of the muck cleared, there was some salvageable skin underneath. Not all was lost. Jake had to grab onto any small mercies.

  At any other time, he would be ogling Kate’s glorious body, but given the circumstances he was far from eyeing it that way. Instead he looked on with solicitous woe. It was hard to believe that only hours ago he’d had her unblemished, ethereal figure underneath him, screaming out desirable expletives as she’d found her release.

  That memory had him fighting with restraint to observe the task that was being carried out in the present and not drowning in some greedy, lecherous reverie now sitting firmly in the past.

  It took a good half hour of painstaking dabbing and rinsing to bathe Kate to Darla’s obvious high standards. The tender skin reddened even more with the gentle dabbing and wiping. Jake wondered if the doctors had cleaned under the leg bandage before they’d applied it.

  Darla hummed as she worked as she rinsed the sponge for the last time. “There. Doesn’t that look better? I’m sure it feels better. I’ll see about getting you some waterless shampoo that we can brush through your hair when the bandages come off. You’re so pretty!” Placing the sponge on the trolley, Darla grabbed some cosmetics, putting them on the bed as she pushed some of the head bandage higher to gain access to Kate’s eyebrows.

  “Now for the final touches.”

  Jake likened it to watching an artist at work as foundation was flawlessly applied before some blush and mascara and then some light strokes of eyebrow pencil was applied. Darla stood back and smiled, seemingly pleased with the end result. She clapped like an overexcited school girl.

  As Darla packed away her things onto the trolley, taking one last look at her transformed patient, she called out, “See you tomorrow, angel.”

  It was an apt moniker for the woman lying on the bed, not only appearance-wise but for the person she was. Too caring and too nice. Always willing to go the extra mile to help others.

  Jake kissed her cheek, wishing she’d offer him some kind of reaction to his presence but none came.

  At exactly eight o’clock, Jake caught movement and turned to see Robert Fitzpatrick enter carrying an arm full of flowers. The poor man’s face read like a horror story, grief and pain written all over it.

  As much as Jake didn’t want to leave and had promised Kate as such, he decided to give Robert some time alone with his daughter.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Robert faltered at the sight of his baby’s inert, heavily tranquilized body, kept alive by machines. He wondered if she was really in there at all or was it just a case of keeping her heart beating and lungs breathing until such a time where a decision needed to be made about turning off the life support. It wouldn’t happen on his watch. Even if he had to set up an ICU back home at his house in Chicago, he’d do whatever it took to keep his girl with him. There was always hope no matter what doctors said. Miracles did happen. He’d prayed for one, literally.

  Placing flowers in an empty vase beside the bed, he added water from the drinking jug that had been placed there, for whatever reason, Robert didn’t know. It’s not as if Kate would be needing any.

  Tentatively lowering his head to kiss Kate’s forehead, he lost all control as emotion overwhelmed him and tears flowed like a river. His hands shook as they framed her face, an outpouring of love leaving his heart as he sobbed words that no longer needed to be kept behind the wall of strength he’d erected as a coping mechanism.

  “Katie. I love you so much. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. If you can hear me, please come back. I can’t stand seeing you like this. You’ve got to fight with everything you have. It’s all up to you now, darling. The doctors have done everything they can.” His fingers shook as he thumbed her closed eyelids before pulling a chair to the edge of the bed and sitting down to hold Kate’s hand. “I swear to you, if someone is responsible for putting you in here, they will pay for it with their life.” It was a promise that he intended on keeping. No one messed with his family and got away with it. Not like this. His thumb rubbed circles on her knuckles as he continued, sniffing between words. “You mother is on her way. In fact, she’ll be here shortly. She’s looking forward to seeing you, Katie-bear, but is sick with worry. You’ve given us quite a scare.”

  “Good morning!” offered a voice from the doorway, causing Robert to jump.

  The attending nurse walked over to check Kate’s vitals, affording a small smile as she approached.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in,” said Robert as he moved himself and the chair out of the way to give the nurse access. He noted her name badge read, Maria.

  She spoke in broken English but was understandable. “You the girl’s father, yes?”

  “Yes, that’s right. How is my daughter doing?”

  Looking at the chart for the first time, the nurse didn’t reply straight away as she
studied it.

  Robert’s lack of patience had him almost ready to ask if the woman had heard him, but then she spoke. “She is very sick. Still no change. We just wait.”

  Well, that didn’t tell him much. He knew how ill she was. Couldn’t the nurse give him a bit more to go on?

  “How long do you think she’ll be in a coma?” It was really a silly question in all honesty, but he was grabbing at straws.

  “We-a keep her in an induced coma for-a two days. We-a turn off machines and see-a if she wake up.”

  It would be easier pulling teeth than getting something out of the woman that might resemble hope. Robert nodded, letting the woman do what she had to so he could be alone with his daughter again.

  More blood was taken, along with a pulse, and the urine bag was replaced. Robert walked over to the window and looked out while it was taking place, giving his daughter some privacy and leaving her some dignity intact.

  “Can I get-a you food or paper?” asked Maria.

  Was he hungry? Not really, but he needed something in his stomach even if it was pre-prepared hospital food.

  “Sure, a sandwich would be nice, thank you. And a New York Times if you have one.” He knew that would be a big ask but it was worth a shot. Preferably anything written in English. A distraction. Anything to try and take his mind off the worrying thoughts bombarding him.

  “I see about paper. Be back soon.” With that she was away again, leaving Robert in peace.

  Hearing different movement behind him, Rob turned. His eyes were irritated with dried tears staining his cheeks. Jenny dropped her case at the same time Robert rose and they almost ran to each other, embracing desperately, forgetting all else apart from what had brought them to the present moment.