by Kailin Gow
I quickly find myself learning the basics of knife throwing from Michael Nelson. His skills are stunning, so that he can throw almost any kind of knife any distance and hit the target point first. All that, without really looking like he’s even trying. I quickly find that it isn’t quite as easy as it looks.
“The trick is to throw with your whole body,” Michael Nelson explains. “You want a consistent throwing action so that it goes the same place each time, and you need to get a feel for the way a knife will behave in the air.”
It’s a lot to take in, and what it comes down to is throwing knife after knife at a target outside, working until I can hit it consistently from one distance, then moving back a little. One of the hardest parts is getting used to the way the knife tumbles in the air, turning end over end so that a lot of my early attempts hit the target hilt first and bounce off. Gradually though, I start to get exactly the kind of feel for the knife Michael Nelson was talking about. I can guess how much it will turn in the air, so that I know how I have to release it.
“You’re doing better than most people do,” he says after a while with a kind of bluff, grudging admiration. I guess, with how dangerous the Circus of Curiosities can be, the circus folk don’t get close to new performers quickly. “We might make a knife thrower out of you yet.”
There are other lessons. With a full day, I make my way around all the instructors in turn, and with their one to one lessons, I find myself going over details of skills that I missed the first time I tried them. The Svenkos have me walking the high wire like Sandy did earlier. T. Bone teaches me how to take higher and higher falls. Cecil has me breathing fire again, working on my technique.
The time passes so quickly that I’m surprised when it’s time for another big feast at lunch, though I’m starving by that point too. I’m even more surprised when it finally comes to the time to stop training. I start at the feel of a hand on my shoulder, whirling in surprise to see Zachary standing there. He looks the way I feel, sweat drenched but strangely satisfied. His shirt is clingy to his chest, outlining his impressive toned and muscular body. He is ripped with hard muscles everywhere from his chest down to the v above his waist. It’s hard not to stare at him, especially when I do, all I can think about is running my hands along his chest, feeling that hard and smooth skin. I gulp. He’s even hotter sweat-drenched than not. It’s a good look for him but then, so is just about anything.
“Hi Leela,” he says, his grey eyes burning into mine, “did your training go okay today?”
I nod. “I feel like I’m learning so much.”
“That’s good,” Zachary says. He frowns slightly. “Earlier, when the other team left, did you want to talk to me?”
I nod, thinking back.
“You were going to ask me if I knew where they’d gone, right?” Zachary asks.
I find myself blushing at the fact Zachary seems to be able to read me so easily. Mostly because if he can guess that, maybe he can guess a few of the things I’ve been thinking about him too, and that would be so embarrassing.
“That’s right,” I say. “I… I thought you might have a better idea than the rest of us.”
Zachary looks at me for a second or two, like he’s trying to decide something. “Why do you think I would know?”
That’s kind of hard to put into words, but I try anyway. “I just… I kind of get the feeling that you know a bit about the Circus of Curiosities for some reason. Like the way you seemed to recognize Dr. Dex that first night.”
“That’s nothing,” Zachary says. “Nothing important, anyway.”
“Plus, I think I remember you said that your grandfather had told you about the circus,” I say. “I thought that he might have said something about the kind of thing that happens here that would tell us more about what has happened.”
Zachary laughs. “It’s nice to know someone is paying me that much attention.”
If only he knew.
“Honestly though,” Zachary continues, “I don’t know that much about the Circus of Curiosities. Just what I’ve been able to work out by observing what goes on here. Did you see the other team coming back?”
I shake my head.
“They came back about a half-hour ago,” Zachary says. “Four of them did, anyway. There was one of them, I think his name was Neil, the guy from the next town over…”
“What about him?” I ask, a sudden feeling of dread cramping in my stomach. What is Zachary about to tell me?
“He didn’t come back with the others,” Zachary says. “I haven’t seen him since they left, either.”
“So what are you saying?” I ask. “That he’s…”
“We don’t know for sure,” Zachary points out.
“Well, what happened to him?” I insist. “Someone must know.”
Zachary shakes his head. “I guess they know on the other team, but they aren’t saying much right now. Whatever it was, it has them pretty quiet. Banford’s pretty friendly with Ginny, the smaller girl and she hasn’t told him anything yet.”
It’s hard to imagine Banford being genuine friends with anyone, let alone someone so much younger than him. Maybe it’s just that she’s one person he doesn’t think of as a threat.
“She’ll probably tell him more eventually though,” Zachary says, “and when she does, he’ll tell me. I’ll pass on whatever I find out. I promise.”
He looks at me then in a way that is completely serious, his grey eyes seeming to burn through me. Serious about what he’s saying, but also seriously interested in me. It’s a look that says that, when it comes to me, he isn’t playing games. It’s a look that I would have killed for…a month ago, and I can’t afford now. Even though it sends shivers racing up and down my spine. Even though it makes me wish he’d look at me that way again.
I swallow, forcing myself to look back at him. I can’t let him see just how much one simple look has shaken me up. “Why would you tell me,” I ask. “Why would you do anything to help me? I mean, you want to win, don’t you?”
That does earn me another of those looks, one that lasts and lasts, until finally Zachary shrugs. “I guess I must want you to succeed more than that. Or maybe I just want to give you a reason to like me.”
Between that and the look, I feel like I’m about to melt and puddle into a pool of water. The trouble is, I know I can’t. I might have a crush on Zachary Niles. In fact there’s no might about it. Even so, I have to squash that crush. I have to push it down until it doesn’t count for anything, or I will never make it to the Center.
The trouble is, with him standing there looking at me like that, I don’t want to squash how I feel about him. I want to rush forward and kiss him, to feel those incredible sexy lips on mine. I want to tell him exactly what it is that I feel every time I look at him. Only the fact that I know I’ll never be able to get the words out around him stops me from actually doing it. Maybe that’s the best thing. Not to get close to him, not to feel what I feel for him. Maybe it’s even the thing that will let me help my mother, but if so, why does it hurt so much?
Chapter 11
Zachary
Obviously, there’s no school for us the next day either, so I go down to the circus early like everyone else. Dr. Dex is there to meet us though, and he shakes his head when Banford asks what we’ll be doing today while grabbing food from the big table laid out on the grass.
“For today, there won’t be training until the evening, the way that there would be during the week,” Dr. Dex says. He recovers pretty well, with the kind of smile that he normally reserves for his circus audiences. “After all, you should have some time to spend with your family and friends.”
It’s not quite convincing. Not quite perfect. Or maybe it’s just that he won’t tell us why he suddenly wants us to spend more time with our families. Maybe he just doesn’t want to say that part out loud. We could die, so we should see as much as we can of them before the performances start.
It’s a surprise though. I’d
have thought that so soon before the performances, Dr. Dex would have wanted us training harder, not easing off for a day. I’d have thought that he wouldn’t care too much about us and our families, except that now it seems that he does. I wonder if it has anything to do with the kid from the other team who didn’t come back from wherever he took them all. Maybe.
Thinking about that, I catch up to Banford as we leave the site of the Circus of Curiosities.
“Hey, man,” I say, “did Ginny tell you anything about what happened yet?”
He nods, not looking happy about it. “She told me.”
He explains, and it’s about what I expected. There aren’t that many surprises here after all.
“Thanks, Banford.”
He nods. “You know once this starts, I’m not doing you any more favors?”
I shrug. The big guy has always had that hard edge to him. “I guessed that part. Thanks anyway.”
I head for home, thinking about everything that has happened so far. Everything I have to do. Everything Banford has just told me. And about Leela Sinclair. I promised that I would tell her what happened, and I’m going to keep my promise. Maybe, if I’m lucky, it will be enough to get her to walk away from the circus. Then again, given how ill her mother is, maybe it won’t.
And maybe it won’t work because of the way Leela is. She’s a mystery to me at the moment. I thought, I really thought, that she’d quit after the first day of training. I thought that after how long it took her to sign up, she’d only done it to fit in with everyone else. I thought that once she saw what the Circus of Curiosities was really like, she’d go back to her life and leave it alone.
Yet she hasn’t. If anything, she seems to have thrived on the hard work of the circus. That doesn’t seem typical for a girl like her. One who’s so pretty, no make that gorgeous. Most of the other girls in school like her wouldn’t have done this. Not that there are any other girls in school quite like her. I think… I think she might even make it through to the final rounds of the “performance”. If determination were all it took to win, she’d definitely do it.
Dr. Dex might have been making an excuse when he started talking about making quality time with friends and family, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong. The Circus of Curiosities is dangerous. What I’m doing there is dangerous. I should spend as much time as I can with my family. So I head back to my parents store.
It’s the largest store in town, but it still isn’t as large as they say places used to be. I’ve seen pictures of stores that seemed to house everything anyone could ever need. Stores where they had hundreds, even thousands, of shoppers every day. For a store like that though, you need more technology than the Invaders and the war have left us. You need regular deliveries and supply chains, freezer facilities to store food and warehouses to store everything else. I know that part because my parents spend a lot of their time trying to work out all that kind of thing. Where is Sea Cliff going to get its food from? How can they keep what they have to sell fresh? Simple questions that wouldn’t have been a challenge once are tricky ones now.
But my parents have made it work. They’ve encouraged local farms to sell to them. They’ve managed to rig up basic freezers and industrial ovens, letting them have a bakery on site and also letting them sell small luxuries like ice cream and soda. Tiny things, really, but ones that mean everyone in Sea Cliff wants to shop there.
Everyone except Leela and her family. I guess they don’t have the money for luxuries. For most things. Yet it’s Leela I see walking through the door when I get back there. She looks amazing, in a simple white and blue dress against her golden tanned skin that flows around her as she moves. Like her hair, which she’s worn down today, so that it spills down her back in waves. It seems like she’s dressed up a little too much for just shopping, but then I see her little brother Mason is with her. I guess this is kind of a treat for both of them, Leela using some of the money she’s already made from the circus.
I’m about to go over there when my mother taps me on the shoulder. Mom doesn’t look old enough to be my mother, and she has the same dark hair and greyish-blue eyes as me. Ordinarily, she looks very beautiful and happy, especially around me or Dad, but she’s frowning now.
“Come with me, Zachary. Your father and I want to have a talk with you in the office.”
That doesn’t sound good, but I follow her upstairs, to where they keep an office that looks out over the main shopping area. It’s a large office, with a few desks piled high with papers and plenty of room for both of them to work. My father is there, and he doesn’t look happy either. Mom says I look just like he did when he was younger, so I guess when I’m older that means that I’ll look like him, with rapidly receding hair, a frown that seems to be semi-permanent, and a strong, defined face. He’s always smartly dressed, in a suit today. Dad believes in being disciplined about his work.
“Come sit down, Zachary,” he says, gesturing to a chair in front of his desk. I sit. Mom goes around to stand with him, and Dad continues.
“Your mother and I have been discussing your involvement in this ‘Circus of Curiosities’.”
“You want me to quit,” I guess.
“We know you have your heart set on doing this,” Mom says, “and we know that you must have your reasons for it. It’s just…”
“It’s just that it is extremely dangerous,” Dad continues for her. “If the opportunity arises, we want you to pull out, before you find yourself pushed into a ‘performance’ that will result in someone’s death. Even if it isn’t yours, then it will be someone else’s.”
I can’t help flinching slightly at that, and I nod. “I understand, Dad.”
“Do you?” Dad asks. “You understand that you’ll be performing to the death?”
“It’s barbaric,” Mom adds.
“I know that it’s dangerous,” I say. “I know that people can be killed.”
Mom looks away. “I remember going to see it when I was young. It was… horrible. I know you’re old enough to make your own choices, and I know you think that your dreams are telling you to go there, but you have to be careful, Zachary.”
“I’m going to be careful, Mom,” I promise her, taking her hand. “I have to do this though.”
Even Dad nods. “I can see that we aren’t going to convince you to give this up.” He sighs. “You might as well enjoy your day off from training.”
I nod. Honestly though, I’m not paying much attention by then. I’m looking out through the windows, staring down at the shop floor where Leela and Mason are still making their way around. Mason tosses a cantaloupe to his sister, and Leela catches it expertly.
Mom looks out with me and smiles. “So, Leela Sinclair?”
“What?” I say. I shake my head. “No.”
“No? We wouldn’t mind, Zachary. She and her brother are good kids. It’s a shame, their father going missing like that, their brother going off to war. It’s a pity about their mother, too. That poor girl has to take so much onto her shoulders.”
I want to protest more, but there’s no point. Mom will see through it. The fact is that I am interested in Leela. There’s something about her that’s different to any other girl I know, and that’s without the note that Dr. Dex slipped me the night I first arrived at the circus…
“Go, have fun with them,” Mom insists. I look at Dad and he nods. I head downstairs, moving to catch an orange just as Mason throws it.
“Hi,” I say. I’m saying it to both of them, but I’ll admit, my eyes are on Leela.
“Hi,” she says, looking surprised that I’ve come over to talk to her.
I turn to Mason then. “How about we go get some ice cream? My treat.”
“Can we?” Mason asks his sister.
Leela looks slightly uncomfortable. “You don’t need to, Zachary. I can pay…”
I hold up a hand. “I know, but I want to. Come on.”
This is one of Mom and Dad’s better ideas. Since they’re selling ice
cream, they’ve rigged up a corner of the store as an old fashioned ice cream parlor, complete with stools at a low counter and Jeff, a middle aged server who does a good job with ice cream, sodas, French fries and burgers. Leela orders a burger and fries. Mason orders ice cream. I just have a shake, though I quickly snag some of Leela’s fries.
We don’t talk about the circus. That’s kind of a surprise, but I find that there are actually plenty of other things to talk about. What’s happening in school, how Leela’s work is going, how I’m doing on the football team, that kind of thing. She tells me about the garden she tends around her house, too, and Mason chimes in, telling me how he helps. Leela obviously loves her little brother.
“Are you going to any graduation parties this year?” I ask. That’s one tradition that has survived through the years, maybe because of all the things that can happen to people around Sea Cliff once they have graduated.
Leela shakes her head. “I haven’t been invited to any.”
“Mine is coming up soon,” I say. “Mom and Dad want to make it a big one.”
The next part is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I’m never usually nervous around girls, but there’s something about Leela that makes it hard for me to get the next words out. “Would you like to come to mine with me?”
Leela looks shocked, but then she smiles. “I’d love that.”
It would be so easy to lean in and kiss her. I want to do it. I want to do it so badly, but her brother is there, and she’s only just agreed to go to the party, and a dozen other things. So I watch her go instead, staring at her lovely back and taking all of her in. I can’t seem to take my eyes off of her, and I don’t. I’ve asked plenty of girls out before, and they’ve said ‘yes’, but none of those have made me feel as light-headed as I do now, with Leela’s ‘yes’ to go with me to my graduation party. She doesn’t know it, and I can’t tell her, but somehow, she’s come to mean more to me than just a girl. Like Dr. Dex, there’s something about her that makes me feel as though I’ve known her before. The question is… where?